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Wild Dingo
08-31-2001, 11:14 AM
Hey Mike
As Im still tossing around which design best suits my needs, (Grey Seal is winning at present) Ive decided to start from the end job through so... with the "pig sticker" I think you called it, for the flag of the transom what are the dimensions you use? I have some great snake wood that a mate sent down to me from Carnarvon and wouldnt mind making one out of it.

Snake wood is my preferred timber for something like this as its different, has nice curves and colours that make it special, hopefully I can come up with other things to use it for as he has sent me a tailor full of the stuff!! http://media5.hypernet.com/~dick/ubb/biggrin.gif

Was thinking of cutting some of it into thin lengths and making inserts on the table or around the hatch coamings, would add some good colour and texture. What do you think?

Simple, easy and a finally a real begining to inspire me to make up my flamin mind! I make the pig sticker I just gotta have a boat to stick it on dont I? SWMBO cant argue with that logic can she? (so thinks this male mind!)

Take it easy
Shane

Mike Field
08-31-2001, 12:19 PM
Have a look at this page, Dingo --

http://www.woodenboatfittings.com.au./jack.htm

The first one is a jackstaff. This is what you'd put on your transom (normally, though Serenity flies a very short one right on the prow.) This would be up to, say, 3' long, maybe 1 1/2" dia. and tapered. If you want to do a fancy job, you put a little sheave up inside the truck (you can just about see it on the drawing if you zoom in,) but most of the ones I've ever seen just bore two holes right through the truck and run the halyard through them.

But the pigsticker is the next one, for the masthead. Also up to 3' long, but no more than 3/4" dia. and not tapered. The bronze rod is free to swing right round, and that's what carries the pennant, burgee, whatever. (We put a shallow groove halfway down and another at the bottom to have something for the halyard to grip on, but they're not essential.)

It's a horrible admission to have to make, mate, but I'm afraid I don't know snakewood. Is it a teatree, a eucalypt, a wattle? You don't happen to know its botanic name do you? (Or Tony, if you're reading?)

Are your bits seasoned, is what I'd be thinking. (I've used ballart that I've cut myself for a few bits and pieces -- it's got the most wonderful warm, figured patterns in pinks and yellows and browns and greys and blues -- but it's very hard to get a bit of any size that doesn't split as it dries.)

By the way, I like your logic. I'm just not quite so sure that your wife's going to be able to follow it -- you know how illogical most women are.

Wild Dingo
08-31-2001, 09:51 PM
Thanks Mike
It was the Jackstaff I was thinking of.

As for the botanical name for Snakewood Im damned if I could ever get a handle on those latin words mate, someone once told me what it was but I cant for the life of me remember, I'll try to look it up for you.

Discription: In the raw bush state its looks very twisted (much like the monkey tree around Broome if you know it?) and is an exceptionally hard wood, but vey light, low growth from about 3-7mts max. If memory serves grows most prolifically although sparcely around the Pilbara and Gascoyne.

After working: Still retains some twisting shape but has great colors from pure white to yellow through to deep red, the white and yellow traces through the red. Absolutely stunning.

While working: Simply put... Its a bitch! Has an easy to remove outer layer of thin bark, similar to stringy bark, but underneath it has fine hair like inner bark that sticks into you like that F****** stuff only worse! hurts like hell if it gets into the wrong places so masks and ventelation is definantly a pre-requisite. Takes some serious sanding to get the colours to really present but worth the effort and pain!

I made a walking stick when I first became disabled that I spent about 50 hours on over a couple of weeks and its glorious, dont use it much any more now have an elbow crutch (more support) and she sits on a shelf in the living room.

I will try to get a photo and post it somewhere... maybe better yet I'll go find the camera and take a pic??? that could be an idea!!

Take it easy
Shane

Okay I did a search with Coppernic and came up with quite a few some useless but others not to bad

It appears to be an acacia (acacia xiphophylla) go here for more info:

http://www.fpc.wa.gov.au/arid_snakewood.html

Shane

Wild Dingo
09-01-2001, 01:10 AM
Mike I dont know whats happening here but I responded over an hour ago and nothing! mmmmmmm anyway Snakewood

go here: http://www.fpc.wa.gov.au/timbers_arid.html

As for SWAMBO..... http://media5.hypernet.com/~dick/ubb/biggrin.gif her mind sort of works like mine, gotta wander about a bit to get to where your going... no use taking the direct route you dont get to see the trees http://media5.hypernet.com/~dick/ubb/smile.gif... so I send for plans, check them out stick to the walls with blue tack and glare with a weather eye at them for a week or so, then guage costs = budget while she smiles and waits for something to happen... then some buggar on this thing throws me a wobbly and Im off again... http://media5.hypernet.com/~dick/ubb/biggrin.gif If it doesnt happen within a certain period of time she makes it happen or not depending on mood swing at the time... starting the boat from the Jack Staff or arse end if you like, and then steadily moveing forward can to her sometimes make sence in a weird way... sort of starting with little bits and working upwards, shes like that but then so am I, so no worries.

There are simply too many choices out there I think it would have been better if I had begun this back when there was no internet at least then the choices would have been minimal... sigh

Take it easy
Shane

And you flamin watch now that other buggar will show up!! http://media5.hypernet.com/~dick/ubb/mad.gif

Mike Field
09-01-2001, 01:33 AM
A wattle, eh? Well, it sounds very attractive, Shane. I'd like to see a photo or two, that's for sure.

I've made a couple of walking sticks at different times, too. One really solid one, a eucalypt branch with a fork that I cut off short and attached a cross-piece to, helped me get around for several weeks when I broke an ankle once. (They used to call me Harry Lauder at work.) The borer got into it eventually, though, so it went on the fire. I couldn't actually hear the borers sizzle, but I would have liked to -- it was a bloody good stick.

But the nicer one I still have. It was a eucalypt sapling (dunno what sort) that I got up in the high country behind Eden. There was a little grove of them which some sort of tough creeper had got into. As it grew up round the saplings, this creeper choked a spiral groove into them. So the whole sapling came out, I cut away the roots, and the stump became a nicely-shaped handle. (It even angled away fronm the stem at about 45 degrees.) And the shaft had this nice Jacobean sort of spiral moulded into it.

Properly seasoned, debarked, sanded, steel-wooled, and oiled, and with a rubber tip fitted, it came up really well.

I'll have to try and get a photo for you.

Mike Field
09-01-2001, 02:27 AM
Yep, it did. And so did my reply (although this one probably won't for a while.) It's a bummer, isn't it? I think it's the little guy they employ over their in the States who actually receives your post and sticks it up on the board -- they give him a couple of hours off to get some shut-eye in the middle of the day. Because they're so perverse, of course, they insist in calling it "night" when they do it. I'm sure that's why you see these double postings, though, when you do -- people don't think the first one's gone through, and they send it again. And it makes the threads a little bit hard to follow sometimes, because the postings are not in the order they were written. And if you've hit Send, and then decide you want to edit your post, you can't until the little guy wakes up.

It's still the best board around, though.

Wild Dingo
09-01-2001, 04:55 AM
Your right there mate... although I had heard it was someone called "lag" but I dont believe them... I mean who the heck ever heard of someone called lag? I mean even them fellers over in that there US of A aint that silly are they? rofl http://media5.hypernet.com/~dick/ubb/biggrin.gif

Why the buggar cant get his timing right is beyond me! I mean sleeping while we over here wide awake and active really is damned inconsiderate.

You are pretty right there Mike this would have to be the best board Ive seen, so flamin informative... brilliant! And I dont just mean the Misc postings either http://media5.hypernet.com/~dick/ubb/biggrin.gif

Take it easy
Shane

Mike Field
09-01-2001, 05:38 AM
You know Custom Skiffs is behind all this, don't you Shane? I tried to sort him out a while ago on another site, but the perverse, obstinate creature flatly refused to conform to the new world time standard.

So all his countrymen have to sleep all day and work all night, poor devils. How selfish can you get?

I think he might be on the CIA payroll.

Mike Field
09-01-2001, 07:14 AM
Okay, Mike, you asked for it. Shane, check this out, and than follow down the thread --

http://www.everythingboats.com/boatbuildersforum/forum/bbs.pl?read=1402

and you'll see what a nefarious character this bloke really is. (He'll give you a laugh, too, I hope -- I mean, for a CIA agent he's not such a bad type, really.)

--------------
Going back to your snakewood for a minute, it's probably quite a good wood for burning. Absolutely the best timber we've got over here for a backlog -- even better than red gum -- is Blackwood wattle, and it's as hard as old nails. (It's the only timber that's ever succeeded in producing sparks from my chain saw when I've cut it -- no nails, no staples, no fencing wire, just solid, dried-right-out wattle.) I guess that jells with what you were saying about its being hard to work.

Wild Dingo
09-01-2001, 10:56 AM
ROFLMAO!! Excellent reading Mike... your a right pair of galahs arent you?! http://media5.hypernet.com/~dick/ubb/biggrin.gif

You sure this Custom Skiffs fella aint an Aussie? Maybe he immigrated before he knew it and as age catches up with him so his mind is retracting back to being one?

You seem to be on the same wave length... soul mates eh?..... or maybe its a CIA - ASIO conspiracy?????? http://media5.hypernet.com/~dick/ubb/eek.gif

To the snakewood... its hard alright mate and bloody good firewood to... something simple lite the JackStaff should be okay, month or so and she be done.... maybe?

Take it easy
Shane

Mike Field
09-02-2001, 07:22 AM
Hi, Tony. I thought that Shane thought the growth was light, not necessarily the timber itself. Anyway, I'm glad to have someone along to give me a handle on all this French stuff -- 1200 kg/cubm is heavy, huh? What's that in real terms, 70pcf or thereabouts?

Can't help with the kadjebut, I'm afraid. The only timbers that I know are from WA are blackbutt, salmon gum, jarrah, karri, marri, and tuart.

I don't suppose you mean cadaga (E. torrelliana) by any chance, do you? As far as I know it's only harvested in Queensland, but it might also grow in the north-west. It certainly fits your uses quite well, anyway.

-----------
Dingo, I think Mike's probably too polite for an Aussie. But his mind works the right way.

A month for the jackstaff? Hell's bells, what are you going to shape it with, your teeth? I reckon half a day ought to be plenty. Unless your lathe is one of those foot-operated ones, of course -- that could take a little longer, I guess (depends how much footy you've been playing recently.) http://media5.hypernet.com/~dick/ubb/smile.gif

By the way, starting with the jackstaff mightn't be such a bad idea necessarily. Back in my structural design days, auld lang syne, I was taught to start just like that. When you designed a bridge you started with the handrail across the top; or if you were designing a building you'd start with the roof. Once you knew what was necessary there, you'd know how much additional strength to allow in the supporting member underneath. Once you knew that you could down to the next level again and design it. So you'd work down bit by bit till you got to the footings.

So don't make your jackstaff 20' long, or you'll wind up having to build a Queen Mary underneath to support it. Right?

Photos, mate, photos.



[This message has been edited by Mike Field (edited 09-02-2001).]

Mike Field
09-02-2001, 08:51 AM
Well, get over here, Mike. (Get the CIA to give you a reference letter to ASIO.)

Trouble is, there's plenty of resinglass over here, too. But the nice thing is that much of it is confined to marinas (where it rightly belongs, in my opinion -- rubbish in rubbish tips.)

I suppose we have been here for a while, haven't we?

Dale Harvey
09-02-2001, 09:23 AM
Timber with a wild twisted grain is about the last thing you'd want to use in a boat! Except for crotches and knees, where the grain runs with the shape of the timber, you want straight grain or long sweeps. You better check with some oldtimers on your continent. The "snake" may well refer to what the wood does during alternating wet/dry cycles!

Wild Dingo
09-03-2001, 04:32 AM
Snake wood refers firstly, to the twisting nature of the wood, and secondly to the color movement on the finished clean wood ie the white wood/yellow bands through the red.

The timber is ready twisted for ease of working http://media5.hypernet.com/~dick/ubb/biggrin.gif I sure wouldnt use it for anything structural!!

As for weight well Im no expert but I figure as its pretty light to pick up and for manuverin when working then to me its light... maybe Im wrong but for me thats weight, unlike Jarrah or karri which no matter how you lift it is flamin heavy!!

It does have a light habit of growth very sparce branching and light leaf growth, not the best for shade although the roos like it at midday when any shade is better than none!

Ive heard of the Kadjebut timber Tony but its not something that Ive seen, wouldnt have a clue what the latin name is but will see what I can find on it for you as I get time.

A month Mike... a month... week one take of the outer bark... scrubb scrubb scrubb... week two take of the inner fine needle bark... SCRUB SCRUB SCRUB and then SCRUB even more!... week four sand, sand and more sand (no lathe around here mate, everything
by hand) final sand should be done by the last Sunday then as many coats of varnish or poxy stuff and bobs your uncle! http://media5.hypernet.com/~dick/ubb/biggrin.gif

**note the frantic and maniacal "scrubbing* referred to above has nothing to do with what I am doing with the wood, its me getting the fine f****** type hairs this plant has in its outer and inner bark out of my skin**

I didnt realise I was gonna be doing it the RIGHT way by going ass about face! maybe I should do a structural design or engineering course eh? http://media5.hypernet.com/~dick/ubb/biggrin.gif But no it wont be the Queen Mary mate will keep the figures close to those youve quoted... that should keep the overall size down me thinks.

I dont see no problems getting the CIA to give him a release from duty Mike, hes always on here anyway!!! http://media5.hypernet.com/~dick/ubb/biggrin.gif and ASIO would love another US hexpert on their books! But if he does he has to bring along a big tub of that there purple jesus stuff for us mad Aussies!! You can be the designated capn while me do a taster session on board your boat what do you reckon? http://media5.hypernet.com/~dick/ubb/biggrin.gif

Over this way there are far more f****** things than wooden boats, seems to me all the wooden ones escaped and headed east and the influx caused the plastic ones to head over here! http://media5.hypernet.com/~dick/ubb/mad.gif Mostly park themselves all shiney like in the marinas and people sit on them on the weekends trying hard to look like sailors and boaters, but very few it would seem to me actually sail anywhere... maybe if they are daring enough they sail out into the estuary, but a nice good fresh good sailing wind will pick up and the mad race back into the marina is on! Rich posers most of them at least around this way.

And that brings me full circle to the wooden boats who seem never to be in any marina or boatyard but out sailing!!!

Take it easy
Shane

Mike Field
09-17-2001, 09:57 AM
,,,,or sitting in a mud-berth outside somebody's back gate, while he tries to get his act together for the coming season,,,,

Welcome back, sport.

Wild Dingo
09-17-2001, 10:32 AM
Good to be back mate ~!

stuck in the mud? at least when the waters right and the wind rises you can move her gently out of her mud birth and go sailin now cant you? me? I still gotta decide which then build this thing!

Take it easy
Shane

ken mcclure
09-17-2001, 01:41 PM
Okay. After reading through this, the portions that keep popping up to me are the issues about "upside-downness" and the like. And it seemed to me that it is patently unfair that just because of an accident of birth (not to be confused at all with an unwanted pregnancy) half of the world must spend their lives upside down.

So I decided to try a more or less scientific experiment to judge for myself whether there were actually any physical discomfort involved in this "bum over teacups" way of life, and to determine whether it would be beneficial for me to try in some small way to effect a change.

Not being exactly flush with cash, and there being restrictions on international travel at this time anyway, I recollected the fact that mirrors reverse images side-to-side but not top-to-bottom. The left side of my brain immediately suggested to me that perhaps I could achieve some level of empathy with my south-of-the-equator friends by simply standing in front of a mirror which had been turned on its side and viewing the result.

To say that this experiment was a resounding success would be not only a huge overstatement (in fact it would be so large as to be the measure for all future overstating) it would also be a pun of the grossest proportions.

As the only large piece of mirror that I have happens to be in the shop in my back yard, I performed this misguided bit of experimentation out in back of the house. In order to minimize the glare from the sun, as there were no clouds and the morning sun was quite bright, I propped the mirror up against a small maple tree that stands on the border between my yard and the neighbor's in a place where I usually store my garden tools.

If you have read my earlier post in the "Smell the Roses" thread, you will already be aware of my state of mind this day as well as the state of my relations with this neighbor. Needless to say, the wife over there knows me to be a noisome beast and, not being from either West Virginia or Canberra, already finds me to be not a little bit disgusting. (It is a widely known fact that women from those two areas of the world view male flatulence as something closely akin to a mating call. Since my earlier outburst I have seen at least two women from West Virginia cruising my neighborhood in pickup trucks.)

At any rate I settled myself, took a calming breath, stepped up and turned to look in the mirror. All was as it should be. Up was up, and the Australians were somewhere beneath my feet. So far so good. I then closed my eyes (in order to avoid achieving a state of vertigo and causing the effect of the experiment to be diminished), stepped forward and turned the mirror ninety degrees to the right.

As I set it down, however, I unfortunately put one corner of it on the business end of a rake that had been carelessly laid there by some miscreant. The handle of the rake immediately jumped up, as the mirror was rather heavy and I probably let go of it sooner than I should, and rendered me such a blow to the testicles as to bring a scream of agony and render me insensible for a few seconds.

Upon regaining consciousness I saw the neighbor bending over me (a VERY comely woman as I may have mentioned before) and asking me if she could be of assistance. I believe that I mumbled some sort of refusal to her kind offer, rolled onto my left side and brought my knees up to ease my discomfort.

Unfortunately, the gaseous effects of yesterday's gorging on beans had not worn off and immediately upon bringing up my knees I began to play a rectal fugue that as I moved sounded much like Vivaldi but which smelled much more like the camels in "Songs of the Desert."

Mortified beyond human comprehension, I made my way back into the house on hands and knees secure in the knowledge that I will now have to move AND have plastic surgery so that noone will be able to recognize me.

The result of the experiment is still unknown, but I am now willing to stipulate that it is only fair that the Southern half of the globe be declared "UP" for one year and then the honors returned to the Northern. Or perhaps we could tie the honors to the Americas Cup race - winner take all.

At least I had the presence of mind not to ask her, as was my first thought, to "kiss it and make it better."

[This message has been edited by kwmcclure (edited 09-17-2001).]

Dale H
09-17-2001, 04:57 PM
Ken,

You are a very odd man. Don't let the world change you!

-Dale
http://media5.hypernet.com/~dick/ubb/wink.gif

doorstop
09-17-2001, 07:01 PM
Strange, odd, perverted person!!! You MUST be an Aussie.... http://media5.hypernet.com/~dick/ubb/biggrin.gif

Bateau Boy
09-17-2001, 07:17 PM
Sorry lets just face it. They are just upside and will never be any other way. We really should not pick on these people. Dingo and Field has backed us. We should work through this.
Here in the U.S. simular people are called dizzy broads and we like them don't we?? We love you jolly ol fellos.

Mike Field
09-17-2001, 07:38 PM
Ah, Ken. Thanks for trying. But it wouldn't have worked anyway. There's something in the makeup of mirrors that makes them constitutionally incapable of turning a Yank into an Aussie. That's so, even on reflection.

Anyway, it would have been the wrong time of day. Even prisms can only do that at 0000 hrs CCMT, and Mike at Custom Skiffs and some folks at By-The-Sea are the only Northern Hemisphericals who we've educated about CCMT yet.

But we appreciate the thought. And tell us when you're going to visit next, so someone can have a little head-trolley ready for you, to make getting around a bit easier.

I'm designing one at the moment, as a matter of fact that has proper bearing-races in the wheels, instead of just the chair-castors that the hire ones have at the airports. And with any luck, I'll have worked out a way of using gronicles to supersede the bearings altogether by then.

Bring some of those beans with you and you'll have your own built-in fuel supply for it, too.

ken mcclure
09-18-2001, 09:15 AM
Aha. Hmmm. Seems that the experiment was doomed to failure right from the git-go then.

I'm intrigued with the "head-trolley" concept. This could be the greatest invention since Ron Popiel came out with the spray-paint to mask baldness.

One note to your designers - since we here in the US would be either on our right ears (Republicans) or left ears (Democrats and followers of LaRouche) it occurs to me that we could simply lay down upon debarking the airplane and be upright.

I can't think of a better way to be able to have a pleasing visit than to be able to recline the whole time while yet seeming to stand up!

This could also be a key to finding bin Laden. I notice that in many of the pictures we see he is reclining on a mat of some sort. Perhaps if we locate his place of birth and start looking at all those areas on the planet where he'd have to lay down to be upright we could come closer to pinpointing him.

By the way, where IS Cannon Creek?

Mike Field
09-18-2001, 11:02 AM
Find Tasmania on a map. Bass Strait is the strip of water separating it from the mainland. Western Port's on the north side of the Strait, and Cannons Creek (Lat 000', Long 000') is on the northern edge of Western Port. Cannons Creek's largest satellite town is Melbourne, to the north-west.

Here you are --

http://albums.photopoint.com/j/View?u=1231924&a=11035110&p=54261421


And you can see what a bustling metropolis Cannons Creek is indeed from this photo --

http://albums.photopoint.com/j/View?u=1231924&a=9316678&p=54261910


Now, that "mat" you've referred to, Ken, that Bin Laden reclines on, is actually a rug. Your job (should you choose to accept it) is to pull it out from under him.

Wild Dingo
09-18-2001, 01:17 PM
This posting is turning into a riot of unconsionable upsidedowness totally devoid of any rightwayupus http://media5.hypernet.com/~dick/ubb/biggrin.gif

Ken I truely cant for the life of me understand how you could have denied that poor lady neighbor of yours the opportunity to make all well... this may well be the proving point of your acceptance into Aussieness mate and may indeed be your fatal mistake... she was offering to assist you in your moment of greatest need you had no right to refuse her that task it is a truism that Aussieness entails the inordinate rule whereby one must allow women the opportunity to do a good deed... Now the poor good hearted woman that she is is probably laying in her bed suffering and sighing at how the beastly neighbor refused her help... and after putting up with the explosive eminations of your nether regions on no less than 2 occasions!! Some form of compensation was indeed necessary shirking your duty in this instance is not one of them.

Of course there is one mitigating factor not discussed and that is what effect this allowing the offered good deed of the neighbor may have on SWAMBO were she to come out to the garden to find out what the heck you were doing with the mirror in the first place and find... As this could of course prove fatal to your life in the truest fatal sence of the word... this is probably the only mitigating circumstances and is therefore probably in the long term for the better good that you denied her the opportunity to do her good deed... on the other hand...

Am I here promoting some depraved sence of promiscurity? of course not I as an Aussie would never condone that course of action what I am promoting is the good heartedness of allowing someone to do a good deed and to help the healing process of someone injured is all.

As for mirrors dont you yet realise that its not a physical thing! We stand on our heads because its the way we are! You see the blood rushes to the head all day long and so the intelligence levels raise until we find we must lay down... this not only allows our over worked and over exercised brains the opportunity to cool down but also its an opportunity to give you northerners rightwayupus brains a chance to catch up and so this is what night is for!

So standing trying to get a mirror to show you how it is to live with extreme upsidedownus will not work as it is a matter of scientific logic that one must LIVE like this to acquaint ones brain to be able to perform at peak levels all day not just for some minutes or some hours at work but all day..... of course it must be a given that sales of headache pills are always high in the southern hemisphere.

Great map there Mike.... I dont think they need the new fangled dodad that your creating as it would incite them to laziness, a carefree attitude and a penchant to mondayitis and cometherawprawnitis and this as you know is the complete and sole perogative of Aussies given at birth due to their being born rightwayupus and having to revert to the correct upsidedownus state immediately to avoid hemisherical confusion

Although New Zealanders can also be affected by this condition New Zealanders have another separate quirk of their nature that sort of puts them on another level totally but thats another thread and should not be discussed in public due to the dire HAKA responses quite often elicited upon discussion of their specific condition.

Take it easy
Shane

dasboat
09-18-2001, 01:22 PM
This is great stuff.
I also wondered why KW refused help.BUT I'll bet it wasn't as spontaneous as he lets on.Fact is,I'll bet he had to think reeeal hard about it. http://media5.hypernet.com/~dick/ubb/biggrin.gif
Darryl

[This message has been edited by dasboat (edited 09-18-2001).]

ken mcclure
09-18-2001, 03:30 PM
I have to admit, the baser side of me was sorely tempted. But the physical side being just plain sore coupled with the fact that I had, only an hour before, launched a noxious cloud which denuded the surrounding vegetation, cracked two windows and caused the neighbor's dog on the other side to go into convulsions (the vet had to be called to attend to the poor pup - when she arrived, she couldn't find a parking spot in front because there were now seven pickup trucks from West Virginia taking up all but one of the parking spots, and there was a chair with a placard reading "RESERVED FOR MINNIE FROM CANBERRA" on the last one so she had to leave her van around the corner in a "No Parking" zone where it was ticketed and then towed away) caused me to indeed pass up what may have been a golden opportunity.

To the extent that I may have jeapordized honorary Aussiness, I submit also the fact that her husband is 6 feet 5 inches tall, weighs around 270lbs (none of it that I can see is fat) and is 15 years younger than I am.

I've been standing on my head for the past hour to get the feel for it. It's different, but bearable. The only problem has been that when I blew my nose, I inadvertently left the tissue right side up and caused a rather frightful mess. I think, however, that my economic curtailment plan has received a windfall since it looks like I can cut hair gel out of the budget in favor of a more "natural" product.

By the way, Das, what's your boat's fuel capacity? Think we could get her to Oz on a single fill up?

[This message has been edited by kwmcclure (edited 09-18-2001).]

Tom Dugan
09-18-2001, 03:38 PM
Methinks it's more than your economic curtailment plan which has received a "windfall".

So. Are beans on the menu tonight too? Or should I send a message to my Pgh cousins to evacuate? In the usual sense of the word, that is.

-T

dasboat
09-18-2001, 03:49 PM
KW,I don't think 500 gal. is enough,but why woory about fuel?
From the sound of things http://media5.hypernet.com/~dick/ubb/biggrin.gifwe can hook you up and make it there and back again. http://media5.hypernet.com/~dick/ubb/smile.gif
Darryl

ken mcclure
09-18-2001, 03:50 PM
LOL!

Tom, you can tell your relatives to rest easy. Because of the disturbing consequences, the one bright spot in the day is that immediately after the early morning episode I gave the rest of the beans to my sister-in-law.

In a conversation with her a short while ago, though, I received a little sad news. She apparently decided to serve up the beans immediately this morning, having been told by some unscrupulous lout that they were a "good source of protein and would make a handsome breakfast."

Unfortunately her son, my nephew, in a fit of pique after finding out he was going to have beans instead of Smashed Crunchberry Cereal for breakfast, snuck into the kitchen and put BB's in the beans.

About an hour ago my sister-in-law bent over to feed the dog and shot the canary. The funeral service will be attended only by immediate family members.

Bateau Boy
09-18-2001, 04:48 PM
Well I can see that now is the proper time for a good suggestion. After further review, I will investigate a possibilty that a treatment center along the equator can be found to accomodate all the deranged poster boys from this forum. Maybe in that area the spinning is neutralized and with proper medication, purple mama, swamp grass, and a good dose of prime meridian medium rare will allow for recovery. I vote for Mr. Field as the Quartermaster of the day. But then again the down side of that would be his watch would not allow a proper post in the log book. And Dingo's pacemaker would make his watch run faster.

Wild Dingo
09-19-2001, 02:05 AM
That idea of the

Wild Dingo
09-19-2001, 03:32 AM
I tend to think that perhaps the equatorial idea has some merit... why then while sunning our highly polished (with those natural enhancers that KW has found with such success we Aussies of course are quite knowledgable about this natural cleanser polisher paint striper... comes with life time upsidownness) chrome domes in some tropical idyllic paradise drinking Purple Jesus's... that wonderous concoction of redoubtable Sir Custom Skiffs who I know would not... NAY... could not stay away from such a gathering... and gourging ourselves on KWs bean mixture and my goanna, emu and roo chillie morning revivor... see below... we can quite adequately change the course of the planetary axis if timed right...

The ever overly verbose Daryl is as always right again the need for gasoline petrol of any other oil based product is totally defunct now due to KWs potent and cheeply refined source of power... it is however my belief that he would need to be placed aboard some form of decking at the far aft of the vessel and fed from time to time by way of casting a bucket of beans on a rope aft... the reason for this being that the wind being what it is may well turn during one potent eruption and this in turn may of course lead to the fatal problem of the helmsman breathing at the same time... whereupon KW would be in breach of contract and having no way of stearing would be sent sailing to regions unknown under the extreme power ratio of the exertions... over time of course his body would cease to function and then the captured gasses would make for a final surge of speed...

But then on the other hand...

I must for a moment return to the matter of the poor good woman neighbor and of course to the cruel and unjust nature of KWs nephew to whit... Has that same uncouth youth not heard of the gastronomic excellence of beans? not to mention the cleansing properties of them and their byproducts?... The budgie none the less paid with its life and unfortunately was simply in the wrong vacity at the time of your sister in laws duties of keeping other pets fed... if however the said budgy was flying freely it would not have been in the vacinity at all... to wit... the budgy died due in the main to its own negligence in being captured and imprisoned in a small cage... the said nephew behaved totally without regard to his own cleanliness or gastronomic needs and also with callous disregard to the gastronomic potentialities when inserting the BBs into the said bean mixture...this also leading to the said budgys demise... The mother is also to be blamed in some degree ergo she bent to feed the said pet instead of placing the pet container on the bench or table and putting the said food into it at a greater height... although on reflection this would entail two instances of bending by said woman and this would then have resulted in possibly far more that just the said budgys demise... of course the nephew should as we all know have had the beans and the smashed crunchberry cereal at the same time as the fibre content is manifestly increased providing him as a youth with some quite momentous times of laughter during those uncouth times when youths get together for such frivolous exercises such as farting competitions in the hall getting even with the school bully or if he is in fact the school bully the increased amount of lunch money funds from gassing the geeks.

Now as to the poor neighbor in this story... The fact that she has a monsterous man mountain of a husband is of little consequence... although it is noted that these megasaurous type people do in fact have a tendency to some degree of over violation of peacefull relations particularily when faced with said condition of wife offering... OFFERING mind... to ease the said pain of KW... it can be said that with the gastric contents of the said person to whit Mr KW he has little to worry in that regard even if at the time laying curled on the ground with knees drawn... as it is well known and documented elsewhere that in this position one can move increadibly rapidly over land or sea... albeit in a crabbing like movement... and given said KWs statement that the fences had indeed been blown over by his last gastric reflex movement there would be no impediment to his escape from said man mountain.

It must of course be pointed out that Aunt Minnie from Canberra will not be attending as she is getting a bit long in the tooth and has now gotten to the point of being unable to experience any rightsideupus at all even photographs now cause a major brain leakage so she now sends her apologise.

Of course all this leads us totally and utterly no where closer to the ultimate objective that being ???????? geeeeeeezz Ive forgotten what heck I was on about!!! http://media5.hypernet.com/~dick/ubb/confused.gif

Ahhhhhh the pacemaker and my watch!! well considering I long ago gave up wearing a watch as the electricity generated by being a person from the southern hemisphere to wit a person afflicted throughout life with that extraudinary upsidedownus continuum and the subsequent large amount of energy produced from the continual information process of that organ the subsequent expense of purchasing watches that continuously exploded due to an overload of energy and static electricity meant that the wearing of said device was begining to pale and so on advice from the "keeper of the finances" no further watches have been bought... hence this does no longer cause a problem... of course as is well known time is only relevent when its needed... and as one must surely realise by this time those afflicted with upsidedownus do not need to know time... this is of course based on the upsidedownus methodology that when the sun is up in the sky it is daylight and when it is not it is night ergo a watch is no longer required... as a foot note to this as the people inhabiting the islands of Korea, Japan, Tiawan and also those of China have devised a method of keeping time which is I believe known as a "wall clock" although one hesitates to ask the reason for this name... as it is well known that a "wall" as we all know is an inanimate object designed solely to keep a roof up and a "clock" is known at least in the southern hemisphere in Australia where upsidedownus is endemic... a "clock" is known as when someone belts someone over the head this is known as "clocking" someone or to "clock" someone hence a "wall clock" should not be able to tell anyone the time indeed it cannot tell the time... but rather should be a warning that the wall is about to fall down and clock someone on the dial... the "dial" of course is the face as you well know.

I believe that the indubitable Mike Field could indeed be the quatermaster in this caper as he has stated elsewhere that all time peices must shortly be changed to CCMT the meanings and implications of which I will leave to Mr Field to regale you with.

Sufficed to say and of course to cut a long story short I being of a very short worded personality as are most who experience extreme upsidedownus... I will eludicate once more that with the power of KWs bean mixture, Custom Skiffs Purple Jesus and my to date undescribed goanna, emu and roo chillie... and who can describe the indescribale? We should all be able to do at least one circumnavigation without the need for either oil based power or wind and thus we can all be partners in the guiness book of reckords as the first circumnavigators under fart power alone... this I believe would stand for many years not to mention the potential for sponsorships, film rights, literary rights and all future earnings that come from this great adventure in harnessing a new power source for the new mellinium.

On a final note... just to keep this short of course http://media5.hypernet.com/~dick/ubb/biggrin.gif ... regarding the earlier referred to indescribale goanna, emu and roo chillie which I know to have changed the course of Cyclone Tracy in the early 70s this of course was initially headed toward Cairns but due to many friends deciding they did not intend to invite or have gatecrash their christmas they indeed made and ate an extremely large batch of the wonderous concoction and all 20 said friends then... after lowering their dacks bent at the knees and let go one of earths most shattering of noises that clearly drowned out the sound of a passing concorde jet... of course this event changed the course of the cyclone and it decided to have christmas in Darwin... it also led to a denuding of all land between Cairns and Darwin with the subsequent loss of animal and marine life over the region...

Mind you the resultant problems faced by 20 friends who suddenly and unaccountably found themselves landing in Vanawatoo (sp?) took some weeks to resolve. The difficulty being that they arrived from out of nowhere with no visas no passports no money and no shorts (dacks)

But I digress and dont wish to make a lengthy discourse but only... as I have now realise that I have done.. wanted to have a very minimalist converse... The topics and discourse could of course as we well know evibribrate and congeal into a sintillating and very wording verbose and textually lengthy regailing of all manner of things but as we all know we of the upsidedownus continuum have but a short word count as our brain capacity runs far faster than our fingers can type remembering of course that we also type upside down and our computers must upon arrival in the country be converted to take this condition into account... but I feel that now is the time for other perhaps more verbose and wordy souls to have their say.

But then again.........

Take it easy
Shane

Wild Dingo
09-19-2001, 03:37 AM
But then again... upon revision of said KWs posting it would appear that the information regarding the fences was at the time incorrect and as such consideration with regards his crab like motions and the said fence to escape the man monolith from next door should be taken into consideration

Take it easy
Shane

Wild Dingo
09-19-2001, 07:02 AM
Ggggeeeeeeeeehosifat!! Did I say all that? Better question: what did I just say? http://media5.hypernet.com/~dick/ubb/confused.gif Man this is some sort of medication!!!!!!!! whhhhhhoooooooooeeeee

Take it wheeezzy.. oops... sneeezy.... buggar..breezy... slowly now... t a k e i t ... easy

whew! http://media5.hypernet.com/~dick/ubb/biggrin.gif
Shane

doorstop
09-19-2001, 07:03 AM
Shane, I have just realised that due to our extremities of invertedness, our 'upsidedownus', that the term "Up Yours" is actually a complimentary to offer to those of a different verticality! You are a veritable God of inverseness!
Enahs, we etulas you!!!!

[This message has been edited by doorstop (edited 09-19-2001).]

Mike Field
09-19-2001, 07:14 AM
Dingo, the trip's off mate. Faulty premise -- it wasn't a budgie, it was a canary.

ken mcclure
09-19-2001, 08:27 AM
!!!!!!!

I read that upside down, and it says over and over, "John is dead, John is dead..."

ken mcclure
09-19-2001, 08:41 AM
And you have made a great point, there, doorstop. Now I think that that when that Aussie in the bar said "Down the hatch" it was actually an instruction to use my drink as a VERY personal cleanser!

Andrew
09-19-2001, 09:24 AM
I think we should consider KW's offer to let aussiedom hold the Upside Up Cup for a year. They are obviously suffering. Every picture of Mike's boat shows it high and dry. Apparently after being upside down for so long, all the water's run out.

Wild Dingo
09-19-2001, 09:30 AM
aaaaahhhhhh... Now you see there is the conundrum Mike my friend... what difference be there betwinx a canary and a budgy? both are small... both are featherd... both are colorful and last but not least they are both captives of their human masters left to there designs and demands.

Example here a canary if in its cage or a budgy if in its cage in the instance refered to by our esteemed cohort KW and his sister in law.... if said canary gets hit by the BB enhanced beans the said canary is dead is it not?... and it also follows that a budgy being in its cage in the instance referred to by KW and his sister in law is again dead is it not if hit by the byproduct of the bb enhanced beens? ergo... canary... budgy... cockatoo... galah... maccaw or kookaburra either way... bye bye birdy bye bye...

I for one am further interested to know what other damage was done by said sister in law as a result of the gastranomic explosion surely a sole captive budgy/canary was not the only casuality of his nephews cruel deed?

Now KW... as for the message you read saying "John is dead John is dead" I think I missed that posting or was it the magic green stuff you have been smoking between bouts of bean gastranomic expression and your reading of posts? perchance methinks thee are takeingeth and overembibeth of the magic potents of the gods of epoxyeth doth thou not?

Doorstop my esteemed compatriot you are indeed a wise and astute person as you say "up yours" is indeed a compliment... it is even more so if used in conjunction with what our American freinds call "the finger" which you as I are aware is for them some form of insult which truely escapes reason does it not?... thank you for eludicating these fellow forumites they are surely endebted.

KW my friend "down the hatch" when used in the manner intrinsic to upsidedowners is indeed a method of cleansing and personal hygene but let us not be too hasty in put forward that information... at least not to our English cousins for they may well become rather upset considering the amount of times they say "down the hatch" and indeed have said to them in bar room "rounds"... if it were to become known that we were in fact alluding to some hygenic need surely this could be cause for some form of unsettling water restrictions in that great country... and also an unprecedented rush on pyschiatric hospitals as they try to come to terms with the fact that few others actually agree with only one bath per week is actually sufficient...

This information is indeed somewhat necessary to remain hidden from generalities much the same as that that pertains to our New Zealander cousins and their penchant for wool but forsooth I shall not further that particular topic for fear of the almighty HAKA being performed and thus causing some of our formerly furocious land of the long white cloud cousings becoming upset to the point of crossing over to become rightsideupusians this of course is to be avoided at all costs.

Now the other expression used by us upsidedowners is that of "YOUR BLOODY SHOUT MATE" which is often precipitated by a "friendly" arm around the shoulder a firm but gentle nudge toward the bar and a smile that is belied by the hard cold glare in the eye... this is actually a very serious threat to the precious "family jewels" of the recipient if it is not conformed to by said recipient in very short order... this is often followed by the satisfactory sigh of "bloodybewdymate" this as we all know is on a par with what sex therapists call "climax" which indeed is similar in its prayerfull homage paid to the glistening brew.

I truely consider this new natural form of propulsion is worth exploring further before it is refined and sold to make us all wealthier than all opec nations combined.

I do believe that some time soon I will have to let it be known the recipe for the goanna, emu and roo chillie if only to allow others to perform experimentations... and in the case of our rightsideupian forumites lamentations due to their not having these fine eating animals available to them...

This however will enable us upsidedowners to do a bit of serious laughing at their attempts at changing the creatures used to perfect that which is impossible to perfect unless of course goanna, emu and roo are used which of course for them is impossible to do unless they raid a zoo!

Take it easy
Shane

Tom Dugan
09-19-2001, 09:51 AM
Shane,

You beast! You killed my browser! Died of exhaustion, it did.

And it was the only one I've got. http://media5.hypernet.com/~dick/ubb/frown.gif

Sniff.

-T

ken mcclure
09-19-2001, 12:02 PM
Crikey! The man types faster than I can read!

As to the sister-in-law, it seems that justice was in fact done. The quiet funeral ceremony turned out not to be as sedate as was initially intended, and the little bird had a bit of a "sing off" as it were.

The entire family, I assume because of genetic disposition, look to have very similarly configured "musical instruments." As they bent to lower the little coffin (which, by the way, was made by me from some offcuts of mahogany found on the shop floor) into its final place, each of them emitted a perfect B-flat, albeit separated by octaves ranging from lowest (brother-in-law) to highest (neice).

Since the five of them were arranged in a sort of loose "star" pattern around the gravesite, they also loosed a general barrage on the neighborhood which broke one window (their own), shattered a bird-feeder hanging from a neighbor's porch roof and slightly injured one squirrel who was on a lower branch laughing at the whole situation right up until the time he got hit. The other two shots are unaccounted for and are assumed to have done no notable damage.

Because of my earlier incident (which you may have shared in the "Smell the Roses" thread) there were still a few West Virginian women taking a last cruise through the neighborhood who, hearing this note resounding, immediately converged on the sister-in-law's street and caused a traffic accident of sizeable proportions.

The local constabulary having been called already because of the volley from the in-laws' back yard were able to sort it out fairly quickly, though, and no arrests were necessary.

But I digress.

As noted above, the neighbor's bird-feeder shattered and spilled its contents over a sizeable area. Within minutes, their back yard was literally covered by a mob of birds who were not at all well behaved since quite a number of them got involved in a fracas that left thirteen pigeons, seven sparrows, two robins, a bluejay and a crow dead and bleeding on the lawn.

Upon seeing and hearing the pandemonium caused by the simple act of interment of a small bird, the brother-in-law and the sister-in-law hurriedly covered the grave and mumbling an appropriate prayer ushered the children back into the house.

The neices apparently got great enjoyment from the whole exercise, and the justice of which I spoke when I started this was the moment when the nephew assumed an expression of amazement and disgust, saying "Nuts. I thought that was just gas."

As to the EnZed people, I must admit to a certain disposition of fondness towards them. A number of years ago a New Zealander moved to West Virginia and became a VERY wealthy and popular man by showing the people there a new use for sheep which was financially very lucrative and of which they had never thought - wool!

[This message has been edited by kwmcclure (edited 09-20-2001).]

John B
09-19-2001, 04:28 PM
The sheeps are gone or going. There's the odd chappy making hay out of mixing sheeps wool with possum fur.( side note.... Our Possum, a pest what is shot on sight and trapped when unseen is actually the native Aussie possum. Shoot one there and they lock you up)
Dairy is where it's at here.You can tell the Dairy farmers by their laptops and expensive cars.Milk.
Another growth industry ( and to hark back to KW's recent experience,) is captivating the emmissions from the aforesaid Cows, for fuel.
One can't help but wonder at the day in the not too distant future,when one is driving down the road in his methane powered vehicle, sipping on a milkshake whilst resisting the advances of the fairer sex because of the extremely soft woolly/possum jumper one is wearing.

Alan D. Hyde
09-19-2001, 04:39 PM
I have been told by a Virginian that WEST Virginian Virgin Wool comes from sheep that can run faster than West Virginians.

Doubtless this may be some sort of scurrilous rumor.

Alan

ken mcclure
09-19-2001, 05:01 PM
LOL John! Lends a whole new meaning to the phrase "playing possum."

And I think I'm gonna institute a "snort rating" to make things easier. Movies are rated by stars, I think laughs are gonna be rated by snorts - whereby coffee gets snorted through the nose because of an ill-timed laugh. One through four snorts, four being the best.

Alan gets four snorts. http://www.contrabandent.com/pez1/otn/animals/oink.gif http://www.contrabandent.com/pez1/otn/animals/oink.gif http://www.contrabandent.com/pez1/otn/animals/oink.gif http://www.contrabandent.com/pez1/otn/animals/oink.gif

You will be happy to note that West Virginians, in keeping with the current state of health issues, are now practicing safe sex. They tag the sheep that kick.

NormMessinger
09-19-2001, 07:54 PM
Yes, Alan it is indeed some sort of scurrilous rumor. According to U. Utah Philips, the first man to wire a head for a reservation (he helped get electrictiy to Navajo out houses), it is in Utah where the men are Republicans and the sheep are nervous.

--Norm

Ed Harrow
09-19-2001, 09:03 PM
Utah Philips! The best rendition of "It's Good Though" that I've ever heard! If you ever get the chance, he is a worthwhile take. He may no longer be touring though, I don't know.

NormMessinger
09-19-2001, 09:07 PM
Philips has a radio show Lynn has told me about. I wish we could get it here. Now I know better than to complain but prairie steamers do not come from moose . Either is good though.

--Norm

Wild Dingo
09-20-2001, 02:46 AM
My but we have come a long way!!!!

I tenacitly avoided discussing our NZ compatriots penchant for wooly lovers for fear of the almighty HAKA being performed... and here I find that this particular penchant is now inclusive of possums! Is nothing furry sacred??

And seemingly it is not solely reserved for people of NZ extraction but it now seems those miscreants from West Virginia also imbibe of the wooly critters? Do I understand you right Norm that Utah are also of like tastes?

My word!! At this rate I shall be ridding myself of all woollen objects for fear of being mistaken for a large wooly sheep and having to prove that it is not only Kathy Freeman who can run like a goanna on steroids! It is amazing what seeing a NZ and now apparently a WV or Ut can induce such speeeeeed in a man wearing a long woolen jumper on a dark night!

Aaaaaahhhhhhh! KW my friend it is as I thought... you were attempting to spare us the gory details!... such a refined gentleman you are!

I will now eludicate thee on the wonderous culinary delights of the magical conotations of goanna, emu and roo chillie... but firstly it must be noted that one can if one desires alternate the use of goanna being the first ingredient to the last and vise versa for the roo but under no conditions move the emu from its secondary position!... reasons for this will at some time in the future be eludicated upon... Another note is that if goanna is unavailable then of course one can use a platypus or at last option a brace of bandicoot the emu however is incomparible in taste to any other winged bird a roo as a last resort be exchanged with a wombat or for a more nautical taste dugong can be used...

Now the methodology used must be followed exactly any deviation will cause dire consequences for all creatures for some miles distant..

Please remember safety first!
Steel meshed gloves and eye protection must be worn at all times.

All ingrediants must be fresh no road kill or dead ingreadiants at all otherwise the taste of this delight is understated.

Firstly the goanna must be persuaded to form into a ball ie the tail inserted into the mouth legs tied together this is keep the buggar still while moving to the next step.

Prepare a large bath with the following marinade:

3 gals of kerosene
1 gal of deisel
half a quart of sugar
a dash of av gas
3 cartons of tabasco sause
6 bottles of open op rum placed strategically around the rim so the neck faces inward

mix thouroughly till bright glowing texture is attained then add to the marinade 6 gum leaves from a ghost gum... you may if you wish a more local flavor add elm leaves or maple or whatever is the local plant... and a gallon of the best sump oil.

This must be allowed to stand for no less than 2 hours!

Add the goanna to the mix cover tightly to foil his attempts at escape. leave for 2 days in a hot place. This is necessary to raise the gastronomic juices of the goanna and to soften its outer skin. It is also necessary as goannas do not fare well in cold spaces.

While waiting for goanna marinade to set prepare the Emu

Emu must be defeathered while running this is to keep the juices of the bird flowing until the last minute... of course this can be best achieved by sitting on its back... once defeathered the bird can be made to sit quietly while the stuffing is made.

Stuffing
8 loaves of 4 day old bread
7 pinapples whole
16 mangoes green
5 mangoes ripe
7 bottles of op rum
2 bottles of op whisky
a half gal of av gas

Combine all ingreadiants

hold Emus head fast with beak open and force feed the stuffing till all is inside the bird... the bird will try to object but you will win it over as you are a man after all and as we all know men are superior to birds... the best method of keeping the stuffing from sliding straight back out is to sew its lower orifice together whilst it is shyly trying to hide its defeathered body. Emus are of course easily embarrassed.

Sew the Emus legs together and truss as a one would a very large chicken or turkey by this time the Emu will be sedate as the Rum and whisky will be taking effect it may well be starting to whistle "waltsing matilda" and you may of course join the refrain.

Put to one side

Prepareing the roo:
Roos being fairly fiesty creatures it is necessary to subdue them considerably first so the following is the most affective method devised by a fella from Marble Bar after a long night of inbibing... first corner the roo and as he gets up on his hind legs to "have a go" you will know this as he will be looking for all the world like a furry Mahamid Ali... have an associate armed with a large heavy sledge hammer at the ready... moving slowly swaying gently at the hips toward the roo quietly singing "waltzing matilda"... this hypnotic movement and sound will placate the roo into a false sence of patriotic pride... as the roo begins to beat his chest and repeating the phrase "dance like a butterfly and sting like a bee"... your associate can now move slowly forward and with the most accurate of blows clock the said roo on the dial... caution here this associate must score a direct hit else all hell will break loose and fighting with a full grown male red or grey roo is not a thing to be taken lightly... you only get one chance.

Now having rendered the roo insensible rapidly render it imobile... upside down by the legs is the best method tie back his fore paws with baling wire... prepare marinade.

Roo marinade
6 parts best sump oil preferrably from a very old and disused tractor.
5 parts av gas
3 gals of rum and raisin ice cream
10 flagons best op Rum
5 large bottles whisky
10 gallons of port - known as woobly

Due to the intrinsicly nasty attitude of roos when tied upside down with baling wire it is best to marinate the roo from the inside out rather than outside in... now as its head is upside down the other end should be used... tie his jaw shut with more baling wire and begin.

After second day

The noise from the bath should be quietening down considerably and there should only be a rapid shwoooshing sound this will tell you the goanna is ready.

Prepare the chillie mix as follows:

80 small birdseye chillie
6 large banana chillie
100 medium red chillie
carton of tabasco sause
10 bottles of op Rum
10 bottles of op Whisky
6 bottles of whorsteshire sause
16 large fish any sort will do scaled and boned
30 kilos of fresh prawns cooked and shelled
50 kilos of fresh lobster or crayfish cooked and shelled
10 kilo mud crabs cooked and shelled

mix together leave for half an hour


Now raise the top of the bath very slowly the shwooshing sound will prove to be the rapid circular movement of the goanna circling the bath tub quickly lift the goanna out of the bath tub and put into large pot 20 quart will do... bring the Emu to the fire and put it in another pot this will need to be larger.... get the roo to the fire and lay it on the coals...

now look at your handiwork...

The goanna is going in circles at the speed of sound the Emu is farting from its beak while making love to the pot and the roo is totally pissed and singing the roo national anthem "tie me kangaroo down sport" somewhere between E flat and B minor so... after purusing the scene for a few moments

Eat the chillie mix drop your daks and allow the gastronomic expulsions to begin!!!

This will of course make the goanna straighten out and fly to the bush faster than the speed of light the Emu to sprout feathers and bolt for the far desert and the Roo to bound headlong under the power of its own gastronomic exertions and flying baling wire to the cover of the far bush...

Think about it... who wants to eat that tucker anyway? beans are better!

The resulting byproducts are seen to actually enhance mans standing in the eyes of the Australian animal kingdom

1 we have given the goanna more speed and shown it that alchol combined with av gas while inbibing of oil does indeed make them the faster animal in the animal kingdom surpassing the cheetah by several previously held records. We have further clensed his system totally thus he will be healthier and fitter.

2 We have shown the Emu that it does regrow its feathers and the fact that we enhanced its speed is shown in its repidity of leaving the site. Again we have clensed the Emu system totally given him abrand new coat of feathers and hopefully if done correctly given it the impetus to fly!

3 The roo gains the knowledge that a sledge hammer can only do it minimal damage which is over ruled by the alcohol which in itself gives the roo voice to that other wonderful song of Australia "Tie me Kangaroo down sport" sang in any key you like. The roo has also enjoyed the tastes of alcohol and had its system is also clensed totally. An offshoot of this will be that roos will be easier to capture in future as it will simply be a matter of putting a large vat of alcohol in the bush for a few days then coming and picking the inebriated roo up.

No animal products are used in the production of goanna emu and roo chillie

Final note goanna actually tastes rather like chicken Emu tastes much the same as duck only drier and stringier and tougher... and Roo is much like buffalo or brahman cattle....

It is not recommended that prepareing the dish is done in civilised company as some people just cannot understand the need some have to see drunken animals moving at the speed of sound while singing ditties at the top of their voices... strange that.

The author does not accept any responsibility whatever if you so choose to attempt goanna emu and roo chillie... be it on your own head said he!

Take it easy
Shane

I love the pig face idea KW if only I knew how to do it!!! http://media5.hypernet.com/~dick/ubb/frown.gif

Wild Dingo
09-20-2001, 03:27 AM
Andrew! I just noticed your posting regarding poor Mikes lovely boat.

My friend this matter of the water leaking out from downunder is presently under investigation by the government.

It has been mentioned by government sources that this present situation has been caused exactly as you say from being upside down for so long it is now ebbing away... this though is now under investigation.

Some expect that it is due to the rising of the water tables in the northern hemisphere and their constant over use of water... for such frivolous things as gardens, showering, farming and other superfolous things... and that they have been suremptuously taking the water by way of midnight swarays over many years... How true this may be is yet to be decided by those peculiar creatures known as public servants and beaurocrats these are known for their dedication and dilligence to work so the answer will no doubt be known in around the year 3001.

Another expert has mentioned that it may infact be due to the invasion of aliens but has not yet determined which aliens he is thinking of those from outer space or those from other countries... this will remain unknown until more evidence is gathered

An media expert has indicated that it is simply caused by too many people from Aussie have been enjoying the culinary delights of the goanna, emu and roo chillie and the resultant need for liquid revivors... however as the actual creator of that particular culinary delight it is my view that beer in copious quantities is the most favored revivor.

One expert was recently heard to say that the missing water from under Mikes boat is simply due to Mike failing to notice the outgoing tide... this I take issue with... as Mike is not known for missing any tide ingoing or outgoing and is known to be an astute person of upsidedowness who always berths his boat in water...

Mike being the expert he indubitably is... would no doubt favor the view that Customs Skiffs has indeed something to do with the missing water... and indeed it may well be as it is known that he has this particular penchant of attempting to portray himself as an unremittant upsidedowner but this is often seen through by all because he tends to show that pecular quality only found in rightsideupers of confusing which is better when all evidence points clearly to upsidedowners being clearly the better... this of course is in no way uncomplimentary to those of the rightsideupus persuasion they are simply unable to view life from our perspective... a rediculous foible caused no doubt from a lifetime of standing rightwayup and the resultant loss of brain power due to the intrinsic nature of down flow and gravitational drift.

Personally I believe that it is a simple matter of geography... Mike lives on the eastern seaboard of Australia and this as everyone knows is the wrong side of the nation other wise known as upsidedownitis... it is also a well known fact that those of us who live rightly on the western seaboard do not experience the said problem of keel in mud syndrome... it is also a well proven fact that far more people live or at least attempt to live on the eastern seaboard of this nation of upsidedowness and this as well proven has shown that the eastern seaboard is suffering a loss of water... it being moved by gravity and ebb of tide to the western seaboard as it indeed well should... this of course being the better side of this confusing nation of contradictions.

I shall however leave the matter of Mikes poor mud encrusted keel to that final arbitrator in this matter KW who as we all know has some knowledge of this peculiarity... or if he is unable to do so for some reason perhaps related to his resent gastranomic misnomers... then perhaps those doyens of all things water Norm, Ed or even Mr Cleek could enlighten us... but I err in my evaluation as they are rightsideupians and therefore can have no idea so perchance he is reading this missive Sir doorstop may wish to eludicate on this troubling matter of consequence? I hope forsooth that I am not the only poster here from the western seaboard of upsidedownitis?

I am remiss... there are others who I may have failed to mention please feel free to jump right in and put forth your views as to why Mike persists in laying his lovely wooden boats keel in the mud... why the waters of the eastern seaboard of this nation are receading... and why Custom Skiffs has remained so silent on the matter of late...

Perhaps it is true that he has some darstardly plan regarding the waters of upsidedownus... I leave it to you to discuss.

Take it easy
Shane

Mike Field
09-20-2001, 07:59 AM
Don't forget, Shane, that Mike's a secret CIA agent. This might explain a great deal about our water loss over here.

One thing about that heart attack, mate -- it sure seems to have cured your Hacker's Cramp.

ken mcclure
09-20-2001, 08:41 AM
First time I've ever had eye cramps!

The chili sounds lovely, indeed! And I think that it may, as Shane has surmised, be the key to the missing water. Ask your wife, Shane, whether to use the goannas with tits or without 'em. I know that in the case of the platypus it can make a Serious Difference.

We all know that a stiff land breeze will pull the water out of the bay. 'Nuff said.

ken mcclure
09-20-2001, 09:43 AM
Originally posted by NormMessinger:
...the first man to wire a head for a reservation (he helped get electrictiy to Navajo out houses)...
--Norm

http://www.contrabandent.com/pez1/otn/animals/oink.gif http://www.contrabandent.com/pez1/otn/animals/oink.gif http://www.contrabandent.com/pez1/otn/animals/oink.gif http://www.contrabandent.com/pez1/otn/animals/oink.gif

<<wiping a tear>> I missed that the first time.

NormMessinger
09-20-2001, 10:29 AM
Shane?

What was it you said you were recuperating from?

Nothin' a psychiatrist can't cure, one hopes.

--Norm

Wild Dingo
09-20-2001, 10:42 AM
psychiatrist Norm? mmmmm I seem to remember a soup my grandpapy used to make with them critters... let me find that recipe......

eye cramps?????? geeez you oughta try the finger cramps here!!

The wife has no knowledge of the wonderful properties or ingrediants of this dish my freind as it comes under the heading of secret mens business... the female goanna is the sweetest tasting but for the purposes of the dish the tough resiliance of the male goanna is required.

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by NormMessinger:
...the first man to wire a head for a reservation (he helped get electrictiy to Navajo out houses)...
--Norm
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now I can see KW getting a hell of a giggle out of that but the secret is still hidden from me I am afraid... http://media5.hypernet.com/~dick/ubb/frown.gif Knowing absolutely nothing about Nahvahos or their outhouses the nahvahos would be of great interest the outhouses mmmmmm I would have to consider their value over a long period of time...

See short and sweet is me... I am not a verbose talkative person by nature and extremely shy and introverted actually so I have done

Take it easy
Shane

John Coolahan
09-20-2001, 12:32 PM
[QUOTE]Originally posted by kwmcclure:
[B]!!!!!!!

As a first timer on this forum I just hope I get this right.I would suggest a shift from boats to hot air balooning. With a good supply of beans you should be able to get to Oz simply and at little cost.
A word of warning, though.Build the gondola boat-shaped,rigged with a squaresail and with a quick release system (bean supply firmly lashed in)so that when the baloon is upended as it crosses the Equator and you are dropped into the Pacific you will be able to continue your voyage.Rig the sail,point the bow at Oz and your bum in the same direction and sail on with your beany zephyrs.
John C.

ken mcclure
09-20-2001, 02:06 PM
John - http://media5.hypernet.com/~dick/ubb/smile.gif - great idea! It has also been suggested that since I've spent the last 30 years of my life in sales and marketing, if I run short of bean power I'm STILL full of hot air!

Shane, pay attention now - <tap,tap,tap> - there will be a quiz later:

Navajo (pron. Na'-va-hoe) is one of the tribes of Native Americans. In years past the US Govt set aside lands (and I WILL not go into the injustice or societal ramifications here) for the native tribes, and the lands so marked were called "reservations."

Need I go into explanations of wiring ahead (as in telegraph)?

Hee-hee, Norm! A most complete pun there.


[This message has been edited by kwmcclure (edited 09-20-2001).]

ken mcclure
09-20-2001, 02:09 PM
Oops, by the way John, welcome to the forum! You need to know that not everyone here is nuts.

Wild Dingo
09-20-2001, 03:07 PM
John... gidday mate and welcome!!! http://media5.hypernet.com/~dick/ubb/biggrin.gif <<< that would have been some comic type smilie face but no one wants to share how to do it so you will have to suffice with the cheezy grin okay? no worries!! pull up a chair and have a beer while we get into this matter before us...

KW my friend if I seem increadibly slow this morning its probably due to the sudden and inexplicable pains in my fingers from posting the above recipe... or perchance it is due to too much of the goanna, emu and roo chillie itself over the years... then again it my just be that I have spent too many long early morning hours of late conversing with you who are so adversly affected by rightsideupitis that my upsidedownitis has become confused within itself which is causeing a minor malfunction of the brain corpusles leading to this present dilema...to wit... I still have no flamin idea what the heck your on about!!!

Okay the Indians or rather the Native Americans (peace) I got that no worries... the spelling has always been a minor hiccup for moi and something you are going to have to come to terms with I am afraid... but the flamin outhouses mate!! and now you attempt to confuse me even further in my hour of need with talk about reservations and wireing ahead and telegraphs... my god man!! where is your compassion? where is your heart? oh cruel woodenboat forumite what has happened to thee???

Personally though I fail to see any relavance to telegraphs which as we know are pieces of paper and wires which I know I intend to use holding my mast up once my lovely boat is decided upon and built of course until then it remains on the clothes line for safety as for reservations... what has reservations have to do with wire and telegraph paper or telegraph poles??? you confuse me!!! on purpose no doubt!

aaaaaaaahhhhh its a conspiricy no doubt Custom Skiffs is lurking behind this somewhere and is laughing his CIA enhanced maniacal giggle!!! Maybe its Norm and he is an agent of the dreaded anti chillie directorate... then again that KW seems to have the sounds of an agent of the missing link beaurough... then again maybe Im just being paronoid... or then again perchance the medication is wearing off????

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

ooops where were we?

take it easy
Shane

Wild Dingo
09-20-2001, 03:13 PM
Nuts????? whos nuts..... I refuse to speak about any ones nuts but my own and they are not up for discussion!!!

John you need to know that not everyone here is totally insane nor are they weirdly unbalanced nor even can they be said to be remotely cerabally unbalanced... there are only one or two who actually have that particular problem and they reside in the land of rightsideupus and if they try to persuade you differently my friend they tell huge porkys!!!

Take it easy
Shane

Now I really must take my medication and zombie out for a few hours!! http://media5.hypernet.com/~dick/ubb/biggrin.gif ohhhhhh yes!!!

ken mcclure
09-20-2001, 03:25 PM
Shane - http://www.contrabandent.com/pez1/otn/animals/oink.gif http://www.contrabandent.com/pez1/otn/animals/oink.gif http://www.contrabandent.com/pez1/otn/animals/oink.gif - just because.

Wire ahead for a reservation = book a room from a distance.

Wire a head for a reservation = put electricity to the outdoor bathroom for the Navajo's.

Take a look at www.smilecwm.com (http://www.smilecwm.com) for an example of a "smiley bank" that you can use to put up little pictures. http://www.data-techniques.net/cwm/cwm/cwm/eyemouth.gif

And do an edit of anyone's post to see how the picture is actually placed into the text.

NormMessinger
09-20-2001, 05:25 PM
Confession, KW. "Wire a head for a reservation" is stollen directly from Utah Phillips.

--Norm

ken mcclure
09-20-2001, 06:44 PM
That's ok, Norm. You get full credit for remembering and using it. Puns are like money. They get their best value when they're passed along.

Wild Dingo
09-20-2001, 09:22 PM
http://www.freakygamers.com/smilies/s/cwm/big/disgust.gif

testing testing 1 2 3 4......

Wild Dingo
09-20-2001, 10:37 PM
http://www.contrabandent.com/pez1/cwm/3dlil/lurk.gif
Awesome!!!!!

Now just watch out if that there verbal http://www.freakygamers.com/smilies/s/cwm/3dlil/puke.gif starts up!!! http://www.themelee.com/smilies/s/cwm/3dlil/mad.gif

KW my friend you have just http://www.data-techniques.net/cwm/cwm/kodama/11.gif and now we walk http://www.freakygamers.com/smilies/s/cwm/kodama/13.gif

Mind you Ive just begun to wander around in there and as yet havent fount the shoooter or the bomb thrower!! oh well no doubt I will as I learn.....

Take it easy and thanks mate!!
Shane

Wild Dingo
09-20-2001, 11:01 PM
ooohhhhhh geeeez just like a kid in a candy store!!!!! wwoooeeeee!!

Hey KW mate found one that pictures you and your beans perfectly!!
http://www.freakygamers.com/smilies/s/contrib/edoom/fart.gif

but then who cares about the little bitty machine guns and pistols? I GOTS THIS!! http://www.duhspot.com/users/smiley/s/contrib/sarge/Tomcat.gif and when combined with this http://www.freakygamers.com/smilies/s/contrib/sarge/BoomSmilie_anim.gif I become one of these http://www.data-techniques.net/cwm/contrib/sarge/Kassie.gif cool huh?

Mind you thats just in case but we all know that were just a big old happy mob eh? http://www.data-techniques.net/cwm/contrib/owen/council.gif

oh god am I gonna have some fun with this!!!
gives a whole new meaning to the written word

Take it easy
Shane

dasboat
09-20-2001, 11:17 PM
The force shane,the force!Never give in to the force!
Take the dark side. http://www.contrabandent.com/pez/contrib/owen/vader1.gif

Wild Dingo
09-21-2001, 05:20 AM
http://www.freakygamers.com/smilies/s/contrib/dvv/cwmstone2.gif sheeeeeeee forsh ish wif me.... hichttp://www.themelee.com/smilies/s/contrib/blackeye/all_coholic.gif

So lets http://www.data-techniques.net/cwm/contrib/navigator/band.gif

Take it easy
Shane

Hey aint this one perfect for what has been happening... http://www.data-techniques.net/cwm/contrib/lilly/sten1pinkgreen.gif ... friends supporting friends

ken mcclure
09-21-2001, 09:18 AM
Uh-oh.....

Tom Dugan
09-21-2001, 10:37 AM
OK Shane. Put down the keyboard and back away s-l-o-w-l-y. http://www.freakygamers.com/smilies/s/cwm/cwm/silly.gif

-T

Will
09-21-2001, 11:24 AM
Getting back to the technical stuff...I've been intrigued by the mention of the many exotic tree species you have down there . Might these be the exposed root systems of our own forests ? Bill

Wild Dingo
09-22-2001, 03:08 AM
Bill my friend I will be pleased to eludicate you on this troubling matter regarding the trees of this wonderous country of upsidedownus but first their is need for an explaination for Tom..

Tom I did as you suggested but prior to your suggestion in fact I had to cut short my playing with the doodads due to the smoke eminating from the said keyboard and the subsquest melding together of the keys into a steaming glutinous glump of plastic yuk which was endeavoring to pursuade my fingers to remain till the mixture hardened... this morning I did the right thing and bought a new whiz bang keyboard which I was assured byt the increadibly young acne covered geek in the local KMart would adequately serve my needs although I must be skeptical with this chappy as his nappy still appeared to be under his pretension at being an adult... the pins still being clearly visible sticking out from the material at his waistband...

Now back to thee friend Bill and trees...

Exotic they indeed are they are after all exquisite examples of life in upsidedownus... exquisite, peacefull and wonderous... but you dear friend again prove the point I made earlier or on another post I cannot Im afraid be sure of which at this time... that people from the northern hemisphere... forever henceforth known as rightsideupians... have a distinct and sad confused state of mind regarding this and other matters this I beleive can be traced directly back to the fact of their very rightsideup nature as we all well know causes them severe brain drain due to gravitational downdraft...

The trees of the rightsideupus cannot be the origin of the trees from upsidedownus... quite asside from the differences in their latin titles which is a totally incomprehensible and linguistically impossible language hence why we in upsidedownus actually outlawed the latin terms some years past...

I will eludeicate why this is so... in short it is a simple matter of logistical geographical impossibility which is well known...

To make this clear I shall set it forth for all people in rightsideupus to read and know... the earth... yes this small round globe of stuff we live upon being some many many thousands of miles in diameter across makes it rather ludicrous to imagine the presupposition that you suggest.

In my readings I have heard it suggested that tree roots can infact grow to many many miles in length... however this growth as you well should know is of a more lateral nature than a downward nature as many a cities and homes sewer system is sad testiment to.

Now let us look at the possibility for a moment and conjecture that perhaps tree roots could in fact grow directly downward... supposing for a moment this to be true it would in fact be see for what it is due to the scentific relativity that those doyens of science in the 60s who for reasons of the times had to disguise their work as music and themselves as the American band the Beach Boys in that they presupposed that "we all live for the sun" most outside of the scientific community believed the simple lie put out by the CIA of the time that this song relates to surfing and other such frivolous nonscence when in actual fact it was the culmination of the greatest scientific discovery of the century...

Now lest I loose you here... the song "we all live for the sun" alluded to in the only way these great scientific minds could... given this was the strange days of the 60s... it alluded to everything lives for the sun... no it wasnt meant just for surfers and their need for the sun as we are all well aware surfers generally are rather moronic people surfing in black wetsuits at dusk is not inicative of brain activity is it?... But it was rather the need for all creatures "live for the sun" now not only does this mean creatures such as human animal but also the creatures of the earth such as... well trees...

So now the other facet that was finally realised by the scientific community although those dred locked feral types who have extreme cases of "neverworkedadayintheirlivesitus" still maintain what is now common knowledge by most people of understanding and intellegence in that tree roots do not have any directional reasoning in fact it has almost conclusively been proven that tree roots do not in fact have brains which will when it becomes more common knowledge make these people completely and utterly without reason and therefore with the knowledge that their lives to date have been somewhat of a waste they will have what some other musician alluded to in a song ergo: "get a hair cut and get a real job"

Now having said the above ie: that trees have no brain nor directional reasoning and that they have a need to live for the sun... we come to the connundrum with this presupposition of our trees being the roots of your trees... that of distance versus directional dysfunction...

Now let us look at the suppostion you suggest in the light of information to date.

Say for instance you have a Red Wood somwhere in the USA one of those big old ones that cars drive through should be big enough... now imagine if you will that old ancient trees roots going down down down and then in its search remembering of course it needs the sun AND light to survive the old roots would come to a point whereby the other previously unmentioned problem occurs....

To wit the sandbox!.... now the said sandbox has a turn to the left or right depending on your hemispherical location... remembering of course the root has no directional reasoning... the said root upon hitting the said sandbox would of course consider that the sun would be located somewhere near... sandboxes as we all know containing all sorts of human waste products eg: plastic toys disused and disguarded hats and nappies etc it would be fair to assume that the root would feel at home... the said root would begin to sprout and begin sending up branches but there being no sun in the middle of the earth the branches would no doubt wither and die while the root becomes confused and distressed leading to the lateral roots taking over what small thought process the plant has would turn back upon itself and head from whence it came... but and again this is a part of the problem with the theory you presuppose... there being so many thousands of trees in the land of rightsideupus all seeking to illegally immigrate to the wonderous land of upsidedownus the root system alluded to from the great old Red Wood tree would become lost amidst the copious amounts of confused and blind roots that follow him.....

Thus the trees of upsidedownus are exotic yes they are exquisite definantly but they are also unique and this is as it should be...

Now the information is in we must now clarify the whys of this anomoly the trees of upsidedownus are not the roots of the trees of rightsideupus due to:

1) ITS TOO BLOODY FAR!!
2) Roots have no directional radar or gps system
3) roots need the sun and light to survive
4) the trees of the land of rightsideupus are unable to take root in the land of upsidedownus simply because of......


THE SANDBOX!!! http://www.freakygamers.com/smilies/s/otn/realhappy/luxhello.gif

If this information is not enough to satisfy the inquisitive minds of our cousins in rightsideupus it is simply a matter of saying so... we in upsidedownus are not cruel or unjust we do realise the sad predicument you are in due to brain drain caused by gravitational downdrift.

If however it has simply whetted your appetite then seek and ye shall find..... the answer is out there... http://www.data-techniques.net/cwm/contrib/tweetz/hump.gif

If however you feel that this information is inacurate and the author has in someway used a condescending tone then... http://www.contrabandent.com/pez1/contrib/tweetz/moon.gif http://www.contrabandent.com/pez1/contrib/tweetz/bootyshake.gif

Geeeeezzzzz I love these critters!!! http://www.contrabandent.com/pez1/otn/realhappy/bigok.gif

Take it easy
Shane

http://www.freakygamers.com/smilies/s/otn/realhappy/jump.gif

Ron Williamson
09-22-2001, 06:48 AM
Uh,Shane,
I think it's time for your meds.
Who showed him the damn smiley website!
R

ken mcclure
09-22-2001, 08:32 AM
Um, sorry Ron. That would be me. http://www.freakygamers.com/smilies/s/otn/sad/loki1.gif

As to the issue of trees, I can tell you that as long as anyone anywhere on the globe has a sewer line made from terra cotta pipe, the silver maple tree in my front yard will find it. The roots of this @#$@ thing find sewer water like a heat-seeker locked on an afterburner. If it would make good boat wood I'd have cut it down awhile ago.

I'm off for today to do a couple things around the house to pacify SWMBO, and then install (finally) the first actual pieces of the boat! Inner stem and sternpost are laminated and shaped, keelson is formed and ready to be dressed out and I'll be fastening them in by tomorrow. Also hope to get the laminating strips ripped out for the ribs and start getting them onto forms.

You may not hear much from me for a day or two.

Not that that's a bad thing!

Wild Dingo
09-22-2001, 10:13 AM
You shoulda see the one that the thing rejected!!! http://www.freakygamers.com/smilies/s/otn/shocked/smilygifs436.gif awesome... mind you this thing reckoned it couldnt handle more than 8 smilies in one post... imagine!! mind you the post only had 24 so whussup?... as the kids would say http://www.freakygamers.com/smilies/s/otn/confused/shrug03.gif

mmmmmm.... so your getting into the boat finally? ahuh bout time to... sittin here arguin the point and having an educational session with mates around the beer barrel and sharing a pizza... when you could be out there doing what I should be doing... good on ya son! http://www.contrabandent.com/pez1/otn/realhappy/bigok.gif

Mind you one just has to pacify them SWWBO peoples they can get to be the most cantancorous critters..... mmmmmm jest reealised Ihm gettin a real accent here... maybe I better get out and do somfin too??... http://www.themelee.com/smilies/s/otn/happy/auto.gif

Take it easy
Shane

Wild Dingo
09-25-2001, 02:27 AM
Having noticed that the forums are being rather quiet of late and having recently recieved an email from an "old timer" on here I figured I would revive this thread...

It seems... gasp... that there are "lurkers" out there reading our missives and getting... shock horror... JOY and LAUGHTER from all our serious scientific discussions.

This is as you all know just not on!... http://www.contrabandent.com/pez1/otn/sad/mdisa.gif

So..... I just want to say here and now to all the younguns and "lurkers" that Im now aware of you!... I know your here!... Im onto you!... I now know that you are out there!... http://www.freakygamers.com/smilies/s/otn/angry/nono.gif

In the case of the younguns I will only say what my old granpappy told me when I wanted to go sailing and he didnt, couldnt or had simply drunk the weeks supply of OP Bundaburg Rum in one sitting... "GET BACK TO YOUR STUDIES!" http://www.freakygamers.com/smilies/s/otn/glasses/1book.gif ... Its okay believe me its really okay... Someday you too could be here giving voice to your thoughts and scientifically proven theories... http://www.contrabandent.com/pez1/otn/glasses/ylsuper.gif

To the "lurkers"... mmmmmm dont actually like that title a great deal I believe I will take the initiative and will change it...

"Lurkers" will from henceforth and forever more be known as: Those Whos Fingers Fear The Keyboard... or TWFTK which for expedience shall be shortened to TWIT... meaning: Toward Wordiness I Train... and so shall be required as part of their training... to stand tall in the forums of Miscellani and speak their views on all subjects they so desire keeping in mind always that the moderator.... RULZ! and to always keep a clear head and fair winds between the ears... http://www.freakygamers.com/smilies/s/otn/funny/ear.gif

I do believe that at this stage the voice of reason has departed from this posting and all eludication of the veracity and accuracy of all referrences to either the land of rightsideupus or the land of upsidedownus and the relevance of the importance of being either or one or the other is now being debated at the highest levels of both lands.

The matter of the newly devised propulsion sources devised by both myself and my lernered Kwmclure are both now being placed under copyright and will be available within the forseeable future as an alternative to all present fossil fuels... the price is presently being discussed.

It should be noted that those men in black are presently monotoring all bbs and so we must now desist from speaking about these and any other scientificly important.....

whats that knocking?? damn they're persistant!... hang on a tic...

oh sorry people but theres these here big men in black suits with black sunnies on their dials and strange twangy accents who say they're Custom Skiffs mates http://www.freakygamers.com/smilies/s/contrib/sarge/happyAgentSmith.gif http://www.freakygamers.com/smilies/s/contrib/sarge/J.gif and they reckon I gotta to go on little a trip to the land of rightsideupus and wont be available for a while.....

aaahhhhhhh the light.....

Whats that? where am I?????????

Take it easy... I think... maybe... http://www.duhspot.com/users/smiley/s/contrib/edoom/sad2.gif
Shane

Wild Dingo
09-25-2001, 03:18 AM
mmmmm having a small flashback here... I know them fellas said I wouldnt have any memory of nothing but for some reason I think Ive got to say to some younguns out there that they have to have some desire to own build or restore wooden boats..... now why did I just do that for???

Take it easy
Shane

As the other post seems lost somewhere maybe Custom Skiffs hyjacked it maybe them men in black I seem to recall flashin some bright light at me maybe theyve tooken it?? sigh.....

Mike Field
09-25-2001, 06:58 AM
Uh, tell me, Shane, just as between two old Aussie mates, what exactly did the doctors prescribe for you in the way of drugs?

And have you by any chance upped the dosage by an order of magnitude or thereabouts, so as to get better quicker?

I think perhaps you and I should have a little chat, old buddy, about Medication And What It Can Do To People.

ken mcclure
09-25-2001, 07:25 AM
http://www.contrabandent.com/pez1/otn/animals/oink.gif http://www.contrabandent.com/pez1/otn/animals/oink.gif http://www.contrabandent.com/pez1/otn/animals/oink.gif

Greg H
09-25-2001, 07:41 AM
http://www.arcadia-animations.com/gif/zhomerb.gif ...whu????
hmmm, ok then

[This message has been edited by Greg H. (edited 09-25-2001).]
Dho
[This message has been edited by Greg H. (edited 09-25-2001).]
oh man

[This message has been edited by Greg H. (edited 09-25-2001).]

JDD
09-25-2001, 07:36 PM
Capt. Kirk, we have found them downunder. Full speed ahead. Warp Five. Go where no man has gone before. Black hole or bust.

Wild Dingo
09-26-2001, 01:20 PM
This day was a wonderous day was it not?

Today I met with the esteemed scientist Sir Didly Dagsly Whatsit head of genetic studies at the Mukinbudin Univerity of Heredity Invertedness... that great facility dedicated to the glutinus maximus expedentialism... the challeneges of the devising of new and perfect mechanisms of the space mobility challenge and the sourcing and remedying of the upsidedownus challenged gravitational downdraft continuum.

Sir Whatsit has today offered proof... as yet unpublished of course... that not only are our trees not the root system of the trees of rightsideupus... but he has in fact irrifutable factual and indisputable proof that.....

I hessitate to say it for fear of being the causal effector of the collapse of the rightsideupians into chaos and extreme shock... that will possibly last for the next millenium... or at least until the arrival of the starship enterprise aluded to by our esteemed fellow forumite JJD which will arrive in approxim.......

zzzzziiiiiippppp hahahahaha told ya to fix the brakes on the warp drive Pickard you galah!! Now... that will give us a little breathing space as he turns around somewhere about the galaxy of eniffexial 44.7TA... them klingons are smart little buggars eh? YA WARF!!

Okay... So... Sir Whatsit has proof possitive that..... the rightsideupians are in fact... decendants of upsidedownians!...

Please rightsideupians!!.... Take a deep breathe and count to 110 before reaching for your phones to ring your collective "shrinks"... whatever they may be, this will I think have to be another thing we change when we come to help these wonderous and once blissfully ignorant but now totally agast, shocked and absolutely gobsmacked rightsideupians through this crisis of the mind that my words have just created for them...

The reasons... as yet to be published... as cited by the honorable Sir Whatsit to your esteemed fellow formite... to wit: yours flamin truely... were as follows... it must be noted that the following discourse occured in what is Sir Whatsit and my favorite watering hole the "Wombat Poop and Bungarra Arms" where we can often be found proping up the bar and discussing all manner of subjects....

Oh the reasons?... well now this was a very interesting and timely discourse as it was this very subject I had only recently been discussing with the wonderous SWWBO... well she calls herself that... I tend to call her SWWBO and that is of course totally different... but I digress...

The reasons for the... yet to be published... scientifically proven proof that rightsideupians are direct decendants of the upsidedownians and not as rightsideupians are wont to believe in total error the other way round... are really rather simple as they are in fact brilliant.

The reasons are simplicity itself... totally without precedence and aforethought... Brilliant beyond comprehension and as a flashing star so fleetingly seen that it is an absolute miracle that Sir Whatsit actually saw them in the first place... but that again is another facet of being a true blue upsidedownian bought up on goanna, emu and roo chillie as he in fact was... the brilliance of this emminent scientists speed of thought to be able to capture the very essance of the nature of the question at hand is quintesentially an upsidedownian way of being... being on his head all his 138 years as he has has given this emminent and well respected person extraordinary abilities that are not only uncommon among his fellow upsidedownians but extemely rare for rightsideupians... that of continued brain activity undisturbed by brain drain caused by gravitational dysfuntion and downdraft...

To his hypothosis and proof ... as yet unpublished... But... First let me say this information has to be kept in the strictest secrecy which is why I am only telling you few of my woodenboat forum friends who read this... due to the legal ramifications if it becomes common knowledge that I have as we say "shut the gate after the horse has bolted" and the fact that my gonads would be dangling around in a dugongs rib cage while my eyes would be bouncing around the simpson desert on a camels hump... to say nothing of the fact that its his shout next time... or the fact that SWWBO would be frightfully upset to know that my gonads were floating about in some dugongs rib cage as these are the family jewels that she owns and as such would sorely miss them... mind you I would in all probability miss them far more... if it were to get back to him that I told thee about his greatest scientific find... So I must beseech thee all to the strictest secrecy in this matter...

You agree?... Excellent now KW my friend I must first ask thee to put your hands over friend Custom Skiffs eyes as he is not in this instance to be trusted as he is CIA remember and we all know what they do!! They spend all their days and nights watching these BBS for secrets just like this... so please if you will cover his eyes so he cannot hear and friend Dasboat if you could cover his ears so he cannot see...

It is done isnt it?

Excellent....

The reason that rightsideupians are direct decendants of upsidedownians is because..........

Wild Dingo
09-26-2001, 01:31 PM
I knew you couldnt be trusted!! You CIA people is all the same!! You told them younguns and lurkers to keep awatchout on here.

So now just for that Im not tellin ya!

Whats that dear??

The men with white jackets are here? who for dear?

For me? where am I going dear? A where? A farm? oh how wonderfull

errrr dear what is this strange backward jacket they are putting on me for? oh thats okay then if its for me to wear for safety... you are such a wonderful SWWBO remembering how particular I am about safety... just one more question dear before they put me in that strange padded looking van... what sort of farm is this theyre taking me too?

THE FUNNY FARM!!! YEEEHA.......

"theyre coming to take me away ah ha to the funny farm where life is beautiful all the time.... theyre coming to take me away"

Take it easy
Shane

Keith Wilson
09-26-2001, 01:35 PM
http://www.freakygamers.com/smilies/s/cwm/cwm3d/3dtard3.gif

Wild Dingo
09-26-2001, 01:37 PM
oh before I go.....

You will of course have noticed that there was a distinct lack of them colorfull smilie critters on them posts... well I felt like a bit of a drongo sitting here going through ALL the flamin smilie things looking for that special one... "I just knew I had seen that would be just perfect for that paragraph"... so I will resort to using them for special times when I have nothing better to do than waste some time looking for smilies... But for now Ive got a van to catch up with!!! http://media5.hypernet.com/~dick/ubb/biggrin.gif

Take it easy
Shane

JDD
09-26-2001, 02:34 PM
Capt. we are entering the black hole. It appears someone has gotten to him before us. prepare for decent .%&%$##*()*)(*)%$$ Capt. we have been hit. Shall I set a navigational control beam for establishing stable thruster control? Put out a call to Starship Federation headquarters for orders! Mr. Spock, reprogram the board to backup systems to retreive SWWBO to enable us to locate the missing.

Greg H
09-26-2001, 03:08 PM
Continental drift could account for some of it. A huge isolated land mass thats been seperated from the rest of us, for who knows how many millions of years. Dang, the bloody trees don't even loose their leaves, in stead they drop bark all over the place. Unless you head north (?) where it's warmer(???) the trees aren't even green, instead they're kinda silvery grey. Giant spiders that jump outa the ground that can kill ya in a couple mins, possums covered with hair, Roos in the city, huge walking birds that will steal the steak off you plate, not to mention night ducks and drop bears. All this has got to drive y'all a bit wacky.

JDD
09-26-2001, 07:18 PM
Code received http://media5.hypernet.com/~dick/ubb/biggrin.gifingodong has had lost his thong and kangaroo came running after it.

Mike Field
11-26-2004, 09:05 AM
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We were writing some very funny stuff here a few years ago, weren't we?

Do beans still form a staple part of your diet, Ken?
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ken mcclure
11-26-2004, 09:51 AM
:D :D

I'd forgotten this.

Interesting to note that there were no political possum droppings in this thread!

And yep - I still like my beans every so often. Now that the baby is 7 yrs. old, she has discovered the joys of bodily function humor (humour) and, in a spirit of sharing, runs to me to have me "pull her finger."

Soon, now, I will be initiating her into the community of bean lovers - I've been holding off because she's still working diligently on perfecting her "armpit farts" and I don't want to destroy her concentration.

Wild Dingo
11-26-2004, 10:08 AM
GAWD STEWTH! It was you who bought this buggar up from the depths Mike?

Gawd I havent seen a yarn like that in ages! What a riot! But that bloody Ken can type or what? long winded yobbo aint he!

Sorry Ken ol fella didnt notice you typin away there... so your teachin the youngun the finer arts eh? As our pommy mates would say jolly good show ol boy jolly good show :cool: :D

[ 11-26-2004, 11:11 AM: Message edited by: Wild Dingo ]

Mike Field
11-26-2004, 05:00 PM
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Yep, we expended a good deal of energy enjoying ourselves there Mike, didn't we?

Glad to see you're training up a little child in the way it should go, Ken. Tell me, where's the thread that had your earlier story in it?
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ken mcclure
11-26-2004, 07:10 PM
If I recall correctly, it was the "Smell the Roses" thread, posted by Shane.

(sigh) Some of my best work.

ken mcclure
11-26-2004, 07:33 PM
Yep. Here it is.

Smell the roses just once every day (http://media5.hypernet.com/cgi-bin/UBB/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=5&t=002764&p=)

[ 11-26-2004, 08:36 PM: Message edited by: ken mcclure ]

Mike Field
11-26-2004, 07:39 PM
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Thanks mate. Well, we're all three years older and the world is a different and a gloomier place, but it's nice to see some rays of sunshine still, isn't it?
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