View Full Version : Don't fart in bed

Tar Devil
01-24-2006, 09:08 AM
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.
The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out!
Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.
He said, "Honey, you were right." "All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you."
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."

Dolly Varden
01-24-2006, 09:12 AM
:rolleyes: youve been talking to joe again havent you phil? redface.gif


[ 01-24-2006, 09:13 AM: Message edited by: Dolly Varden ]

01-24-2006, 09:19 AM
I just hope the giblets weren't followed by this..


01-24-2006, 07:05 PM
Ever noticed that if you do it you're a filthy pig, and if she did it, it just slipped out?

jack grebe
01-24-2006, 07:18 PM
A good fart, one that waters your eyes 20 min. after it's freed :rolleyes:

Memphis Mike
01-24-2006, 07:38 PM
Originally posted by Donn:
The quality of a fart is most properly determined by the color of the flame when you light it.So, how many holes do you have in your pajama bottoms?

01-24-2006, 07:47 PM
Thanks for sharing, Donn. Sharing time is now over. tongue.gif


Kevin G
01-24-2006, 08:12 PM
Fart Proudly_

Ben Franklin

01-24-2006, 08:30 PM
Dont fart and smoke in bed.........!! :eek:

jack grebe
01-24-2006, 08:52 PM
damn donn, I haven't light a fart since about age twelve.....haven't even thought about it :eek:

jack grebe
01-24-2006, 09:01 PM
ok... I haven't LIT a fart.....that better :rolleyes:

jack grebe
01-24-2006, 09:09 PM
I don't think it's correct to light them either.....could burn the hair on your a$$

01-24-2006, 09:26 PM
Ahhh so many possible jokes for the scatalogically inclined.

Protor !! Being one of the best, and the thought of Meerkat's tail being in proximity of Donn's pyjama less incendiary posterior.

This is what it must have felt like in the Klondyke.

Lit light loot wonderful stuff.

Wild Dingo
01-25-2006, 03:48 AM
Definantly FIVE :D :D :D :D :D smile quality Phil :cool:

Bloody brilliant! laughed my head off... as did Jo!! :D