View Full Version : A Femur's Tale

09-09-2002, 09:57 AM
Twas the hours before surgery
and all through the cutter
Not a halyard was clapping
Not even a sheet.
The Sails have been folded with care
in the hopes that come spring no mice will have been there.
The wife was unsettled....

(I give up. Anybody wanna finish it while I'm gone be my guest)



Wayne Jeffers
09-09-2002, 11:07 AM

Sorry, it slipped my mind that today was the day for your orthopedic procedure.

Hope all goes well. Best wishes for a speedy recovery.

As for poetry, you're on your own.


Ed Harrow
09-09-2002, 11:33 AM
... and my femur did twang
In fear of Ed letting fly with a bang
But he's too far away, and tied down with Zach
You need have no fear of him behind your back

But Stan, you know, is trouble for certain
So you'd best keep down your iron curtain
He'll bang on your door, he'll yell from the roof
"The one legged guy here's a LIBERAL, I've PROOF!"

Mr. Know It All
09-09-2002, 11:42 AM
The sky is red
the sea is blue
while you're away
we'll be thinking of you :D
Good Luck to you Norm!
Peace---> Kevin in Ohio

09-09-2002, 11:50 AM
Good luck Norm! Let us know how things work out.

09-09-2002, 03:39 PM
...So as long as you're laying there, all stove up, Norm; this'd probably be a good time to tell you all about my femur!
"...There I wuz, skiing down Spring Dipper at Keystone (well, only half of it is a Green Run, the other half is really neat Blue), well, sir, then all of a sudden.... Blaugh, blaugh, blaugh, blaugh, blaugh, blaugh, blaugh, blaugh, blaugh, blaugh, blaugh, blaugh, blaugh...
...And when I woke up they'd drilled holes in my leg and bolted my femur back together... Here, I can probably find the x-rays if you'd like to see them..."

Norm? Norm? ...Anybody?

(Hang in there, Norm! And we'll listen if you'll tell us all about it.)

Rich VanValkenburg
09-09-2002, 03:55 PM
I'm almost 50 and memory is failing, but is this the hip replacement that Norm was talking about?

If so, or even if not, hang in there, Norm. I hope all goes well.


Scott Rosen
09-09-2002, 04:02 PM
Good luck Norm.

Ed Harrow
09-09-2002, 04:44 PM
Yes, indeed, hip replacement.

Shang, wanna compare notes?

Tar Devil
09-09-2002, 05:35 PM
Best to you, Norm!! Keep us posted.



09-09-2002, 06:17 PM
Yes, indeed, hip replacement.
Shang, wanna compare notes?

We could form a marching band:
"Around the Block in Eighty Days."

(Norm, that's a joke, okay? ...You're going to be fine afterward. I still climb, backpack and pump iron [well, not quite as much iron...]. )

09-10-2002, 07:35 AM
Thanks, people. I'll print the messages and take them in to him.


Wayne Jeffers
09-10-2002, 03:54 PM

I hope you'll give us an update when you can.

How soon do you expect to have Norm take you dancing again? ;)


Ian McColgin
09-10-2002, 04:04 PM
Just make sure the bonewright uses CPES first. . .

Dave R
09-11-2002, 06:03 AM
I dunno, Donn. When I'm up in surgery and those ortho cutters are doing hips and knees, I think "Bonewright" might be a good term. Or perhaps maybe "Bone Mason". The chisels just ring. You can hear them up and down the hall. Especially when they've got all 9 Ortho ORs going. (We've got 44 ORs in my hospital)

Norm, I hope you get a good joint out of this. Best wishes for a speedy recovery.

John R Smith
09-11-2002, 06:13 AM
Good luck with it N smile.gif R M

I'm sure you'll be fine.

Very best wishes from John, Kate, and Lulu of course.

Ian G Wright
09-11-2002, 06:25 AM

Norm,or Missis Norm.
Waste no time, book a few secondhand hip replacements to be taken home,( you may need to speak nicely to your surgeon),they make GREAT pivot points for yuloes,,,,,,

Dave R
09-11-2002, 07:18 AM
Doonn, when I was interviewing for the job, my boss took me on a tour of surgery. After walking down one of the ortho halls and hearing the chisels on bone, he asked if I still wanted the job.

It's really not that bad.

09-13-2002, 05:19 PM
I'm back! Feels a bit like I got hit on the rump with a calkers hammer but otherwise no big deal. And, speaking of no big deal, can you imagine scrambled egg substitue, make airline food taste like haute cousine. And the saddists put me, no intelectual I but I get a lot more pleasure from books and CD's in with a deaf old coot who forgot there was something more in the world than Jeopardy--That dude had to have the vol. up full to sleep. I got them to spring me a couple of days early. Now, I have 6 weeks to relearn knitting or...?

Thanks all for you responses. Now if I can get a used joint, Prairie Islander needs a yuloe.

Sorry no pictures.



Mike H.
09-13-2002, 05:49 PM
Posted by Norm:
"Thanks all for you responses. Now if I can get a used joint,........."

Norm, are you requesting second hand marijuana? smile.gif

Glad you made it through ok! I love the bit about the roomie, just your luck!
Ok, you asked for it, so here goes:

"Away from the roomie, he hobbled in a flash,
Tore open the exit, and made a mad dash.
But I heard him exclaim, as he was wheeled out of sight,
"Alex Trebec really does BITE!"

Best to you and Phyllis!

[ 09-13-2002, 06:56 PM: Message edited by: SueH ]

stan v
09-13-2002, 05:57 PM
Glad you're home. Sure beats that hospital.

Andrew Craig-Bennett
09-13-2002, 06:07 PM
Good. Well done.

Chris Coose
09-13-2002, 06:15 PM
Glad you are back Norm. The bastards almost bridged the moat.

Wayne Jeffers
09-13-2002, 09:12 PM
Good to have you back Norm!

If you're anything like the others I've known who had this surgery, you'll soon be wondering why you didn't have it done sooner. Six weeks? I bet Phyllis will be ready to run you out of the house in four! ;)



09-13-2002, 09:52 PM
Wanna buy a nice pair of hardly-used downhill skis?

Tar Devil
09-13-2002, 11:52 PM
Welcome back, my friend. Missed ya!



Tom Dugan
09-14-2002, 08:58 AM
Wow! Take a few weeks away from the forum and look what happens!

Glad I was able to first read of it and find the outcome all within 15 minutes.

I guess the best therapy is to do whatever the doc orders, but if you feel like having to do something, better round up the neighborhood kids for a bit of boatbuilding. :^)

Happy to see that all came out (and went in) fine!

Memphis Mike
09-14-2002, 10:23 AM
Glad you're back and OK Norm!
Hey, I got an idea. Instead
of knittin, why don't you
build a boat model. Dynamite
Payson has the kits for em. smile.gif

09-14-2002, 11:22 AM
Hospitals wouldn't be so bad if they weren't full of sick people. :rolleyes:

So glad you're back! Take care & stay close to the computer. smile.gif

Roger Stouff
09-14-2002, 06:53 PM
I always knew you were a hippie at heart. ;)

Glad you're back!

Ed Harrow
09-14-2002, 06:59 PM
Hi Norm, we're glad you're home! smile.gif


09-14-2002, 07:33 PM
Congrats on a sucessful surgery. Now just follow the doctors' orders and you will be back on the boat in no time. That bruise looks like a doozy


ken mcclure
09-14-2002, 10:55 PM
Norm limped into the soda fountain and ordered a hot fudge sundae. Girl asked, "Crushed nuts?" Norm replied, "Nope. Hip surgery."


It's old, but it still works.

Dave R
09-15-2002, 06:42 AM
Glad you're back Norm. You'll be ship shape in no time. Just don't sit around too much or that hip might stiffen up.

Ken, I didn't think the splash shield would be required for this thread. :D

Ed Harrow
09-18-2002, 11:18 AM
I came up with this intersting site:


I know one of our customers uses ion implanters for joint bits.

Cecil Nickerson
09-18-2002, 01:07 PM
Nice bit of stitchery there Norm, did the orthopod sterilize the sailmaker's palm and tarred marline first or are you going to have to put up with a puffy bum and antibiotics for a while? Glad to see you made it back and not too much the worse for wear.


Ian McColgin
09-18-2002, 01:24 PM
Ah, the hip.

I'd learned a lot from friends of my mother about how much better it felt and I also knew Mother's sometimes terrifying indifference to pain, so when she got her first hip replacement at the age of 74 I mentioned around the office that she'd be walking out within a week. That's not odd. One person bet a $20 that it would be longer.

Actually Mother walked out of the hospital in 3 days and was walking the hounds 2 days after getting home.

In reality, the walking the hounds was a little excessive and Mother had to take it a bit easy for a while after that. Also, it was about 5 weeks before she could climb stairs and 7 weeks before she could sit her horse.

Still, Norm, you probably already feel better than you did before going under the knife. Just don't stand too near the compass!!

09-18-2002, 02:01 PM
Interesting stuff, that Ion transplant method. Now if they could just figure out how to do it within the original joint.

I gather the younger one is when the transplant is made the longer it takes to heal. Those that are glued in require less convolesence but don't last as long.

I don't want to dwell on this too much, this is after all bait-the-liberals forum but once the Doc got his hands in my butt he discovered the onset of a rather dread, and ultimately fatal disease. Seems the iron in my blood is beginning to turn to lead and is settleing in my butt. Phyllis was not surprised. She's suspected the onset for some time.

Keep the faith....


09-18-2002, 02:20 PM
Never think of these things until it's too late, but consider, Norm--this is the WOODEN Boat Forum!
What were we thinking of! You should have considered a peg-leg !
You could have stumped around on deck growling, "Arrgh! Avast there you scurvy dogs!" And everyone would know that you're the toughest pirate on the seven seas!

...Oh well, there's still the other leg...

09-18-2002, 04:09 PM
Yeah, let's wait on the peg leg. "Crew" does not like me even to look impatient let alone snarl aaarg. If refered to her as a scurvy dog I'd walk the marital bed plank for sure.


Memphis Mike
09-18-2002, 04:19 PM
Hey Norm! Along with vending machine
mechanics, one of my specialties is
orthopedic surgery. Can I do the
honors on the next un?

09-18-2002, 06:52 PM
Um, I guess. But from what I hear I don't think I could afford the labor rate. You are unionized, arn't you?


09-19-2002, 01:42 AM
Local wooden boat builder down here had the same op. Norm. The surgeon showed him the stapler, big stainless steel ones. "That's just what I need" he said and enquired about cost and availability while lying on the table. Surgeon left a contact with a second hand supplier after he finished! Didn't offer to sublet the machine on off weeks!

ken mcclure
09-19-2002, 08:22 AM
No worries, Norm. A little lead in your keel will help you stay upright longer!

Mr. Know It All
09-19-2002, 08:32 AM
Yeah Norm.....be glad it's lead and not lard. :D

On Vacation
02-12-2004, 07:05 AM
From femar bones to boobs now. smile.gif

stan v
02-12-2004, 07:08 AM
Anyone else see a joke there?