View Full Version : Hunting

stan v
04-17-2004, 07:37 AM
Bill to Regulate the Hunting and Harvesting of Attorneys PC 370.00

370.01 Any person with a valid in-state rodent or snake hunting license may also hunt and harvest attorneys for recreational and sport (non-commercial) purposes.

370.02 Taking of attorneys with traps or dead-falls is permitted. The use of United States
currency as bait, however, is prohibited.

370.03 The willful killing of attorneys with a motor vehicle is prohibited, unless such vehicle is an ambulance being driven in reverse. If an attorney is accidentally struck by a motor vehicle, the dead attorney should be removed to the roadside, and the vehicle should proceed immediately to the nearest car wash.

370.04 It is unlawful to chase, herd or harvest attorneys from a power boat, helicopter or aircraft.

370.05 It is unlawful to shout, "WHIPLASH", "AMBULANCE", or "FREE SCOTCH" for the
purposes of trapping attorneys.

370.06 It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW, Mercedes or Porsche dealerships, except on Wednesday afternoon.

370.07 It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, health clubs, country clubs, hospitals or brothels.

370.08 If an attorney gains elective office, it is not necessary to have a license to hunt, trap
or possess the same.

370.09 It is unlawful for a hunter to wear a disguise as a reporter, accident victim, physician,
chiropractor or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.

370.10 Bag and Possession Limits per day:
Yellow-bellied sidewinders, 2;
Two-faced tortfeasors, 1;
Back-stabbing divorce litigators, 3;
Horn-rimmed cut-throats, 2;
Minutiae-advocating dirtbags, 4.
Honest attorneys protected (Endangered Species Act).

370.11 It is illegal to take attorneys with a moving vehicle unless there are no measurable
skid marks at the kill site.

04-17-2004, 07:51 AM
I'd vote for it! :D :D

Jack Heinlen
04-17-2004, 08:15 AM
We're currently missing one of our more esteemed collegues, Scott Rosen. He gives me hope for lawyers.

The last time I dealt with one I felt raped. My aunt, my father's sister, died and left my two brothers and me a small house. Her husband of five years decided it belonged to him and filed papers to that effect. He hadn't a leg to stand on, but I had to counter-file. I went to my lawyer at the time, spent fifteen minutes in his office while his secretary ran off some boiler plate, and he and I signed it. It cost me five hundred dollars! :eek:

Everyone has to have their pound of flesh, but com'on! :rolleyes:

[ 04-17-2004, 09:16 AM: Message edited by: Jack Heinlen ]

04-17-2004, 08:34 AM
I really can't fault a profession that works to interpret the law. We're supposed to be a nation of laws,,that's what is supposed to differentiate us from dictatorships.
The problem is when we need/expect lawyers to do what we refuse/aren't able to do in conflict resolution that I find the cost embarassing. Think of it this way,,her husband probably spent more than $500 and if you and the rest of your family got together maybe the cost isn't too bad.
Imagine spending $20,000 over five years to "mediate" a divorce and custody dispute.
I don't fault lawyers anymore than plumbers or painters,,they have customers.

Jack Heinlen
04-17-2004, 08:38 AM
Sorry Lee, but 2000 dollars an hour, for something pulled from a computer file, is excessive. Come to think of it, it's excessive for anything I can imagine. Even really good things I can imagine. tongue.gif smile.gif

04-17-2004, 10:48 AM
I had the bad judgement to ask my lawyer how much it cost to read my letter,,,on pricing,,$500 retainer to do anything is pretty typical. You are counting 15minutes but not his overhead. That's like going to a hardware store and saying "but you only paid $5 for this and you're selling it for $9.98?!"
I have no animosity for lawyers,,it's the people who expect lawyers to do their dirty work.

04-17-2004, 12:00 PM
One program in Alberta for feeding ravinous bears that have just come out of hibernation that has been very successful here. Park rangers have been saving up all the winter road killed deer and elk and dropping the carcasses deep into bear country rather than leaving them by the side of the road. The bears get a good meal to start off the year without having to scavage along the hiways were they could get run over themselves. No reason this couldn't work for road killed attorneys as well :D