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BrianW
12-06-2004, 12:04 AM
1. NAMES
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will
call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.

If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to
each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

2. EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in
$20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything
smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

3. MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

4. BATHROOMS
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor,
a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A
man would not be able to identify most of these items.

5. ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

6. CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

7. FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

8. SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

9. MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

10. DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the
garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

11. NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

12. OFFSPRING
Ah, children.

A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist
appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret
fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

13. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two
people remembering the same thing.

Bob Adams
12-06-2004, 12:27 AM
Yep. That's 'bout right!

MJC
12-06-2004, 07:30 AM
Dunno why, but I seem to be in trouble, having problems with my "guyness" lately. Made quiche lorraine for breakfast. Dressed up to take sweetie to the movies. Convinced the cat that my lap was more comfortable than hers. There's now at least 9 items of mine in the bathroom, and none of them are dirty underwear. Made helpful (as opposed to sarcastic) comments about the placement of various items during the decorating for Christmas frenzy, during which time I actually stayed home, and didn't even watch football. Don't seem to care all that much that the NHL is locked out. Bought tickets to a musical instead of the GLI college hockey tournament.

Will I need professional assistance? Or is this just a temporary problem?

LeeG
12-06-2004, 08:26 AM
Sensitive Guy Syndrome,,,it'll pass.

km gresham
12-06-2004, 08:33 AM
smile.gif Y'all don't know the half of it! Be grateful. :D Feminists have it all wrong - men don't need to be more like women - women need to be more like men! But then who would clean the bathroom? ;)

One of the boys asked me what I was doing one Saturday - I gave him the list. Laundry, groceries, clean bathrooms,clean the kitchen, sweep, mop, vacuum, dust, change bedding, ... He said it sounded like I was Cinderella (before the Prince). I didn't tell him that after the fancy wedding she'd be doing the same things, just in a bigger house! :eek: :eek: I hope she took some of those helpful mice with her. ;)

alteran
12-06-2004, 08:34 AM
Originally posted by MJC:
Will I need professional assistance? Or is this just a temporary problem?You will feel better if you admit the truth and come out of the closet. smile.gif

Gresham CA
12-06-2004, 08:35 AM
MJC,
Drink a beer, scratch yourself in public and fart somewhere besides the bathroom and you'll feel better tomorrow.

Boomkin Joe
12-06-2004, 12:08 PM
Drang it, now I know why Karen is out at the mall so often.

km gresham
12-06-2004, 12:21 PM
You will NEVER find me in a mall! I hate them. I can count on one hand the number of times I have seen the inside of a mall in the last 15 years. smile.gif