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View Full Version : A Brief History of Thanksgiving......



paladin
11-29-2002, 10:01 AM
1492 - Christopher Columbus discovers America, unless you
count the native peoples already living there. Columbus
doesn't. Columbus and crew celebrate by holding a dinner,
giving thanks for their safe arrival. Embarrassment ensues
when every Indian brings maize, and nobody brings pumpkin
pie.

1620 - Pilgrim men invent sport of football to avoid
helping clean up after Thanksgiving dinner.

1671 - First embarrassing drunken relatives at Thanksgiving
dinner, as Captain John Smith's parents tell Pocahontas the
"hilarious" old "I got lost in the maize" joke for the
hundredth time.

1701 - At a historic Thanksgiving dinner, Dutch settlers
unveil historic "Indians Give Us All Of Their Land Treaty."
Due to an unfortunate oversight, the Indians are left off
of the invite list, and the treaty is signed without them.

1776 - Excited that his British in-laws finally agreed to
meet him for Thanksgiving dinner, silversmith Paul Revere
rides through Boston announcing the news. Unfortunately,
many colonists misinterpret his cry "the British are
coming!" as a warning, leading to the Revolutionary War.

1812 - At an international Thanksgiving dinner, King George
of England, still hurting from losing the Revolutionary War,
challenges United States President James Madison to "best
2
out of 3."

1860 - At a Senate Thanksgiving dinner, the seven-year-old
son of Alabama's Senator Richard Applebee insults the
Senators from Massachusetts, New York, and Pennsylvania,
sparking the Civil War. The tradition of the "children's
table" is instituted in 1861.

1903 - Canada steals idea of Thanksgiving holiday, placing
it in October, so they can say it was their idea first.

1928 - To commemorate "our nation's greatest era of
prosperity that will last forever and ever," President
Herbert Hoover dumps ceremonial ten thousand turkeys into
the Potomac River.

1929 - Following the Great Stock Market Crash, thousands of
men go Turkey Diving in the Potomac River.

1957 - Declaring her spicy stuffing "a communist threat to
undermine my health via heartburn," Senator Joe McCarthy
has his wife placed under arrest as a Soviet saboteur.

1969 - The world's largest Eat-In event goes sour. Thousands
of hippies start having bad trips when bad "brown gravy"
gets passed around.

1991 - When Dan Quayle takes ill on Thanksgiving; a turkey
is sworn as Vice President for three days. No change is
noticed.

1997 - Strong natural tranquilizer tryptophane is discovered
in turkey. A Colombian cartel immediately starts selling
"pure" turkey on the streets for $500 an ounce. Turkey
farmers get involved in drive-by shootings, and the U.S.
government declares a national fowl emergency.

2002 - America is on a terrorist alert. It is now against the
law to stuff a turkey since anyone is suspicious of hiding
explosives. George W. signs this law into Congress, during
a patriotic speech he defends this decision claiming "the
evil doers are just looking for any opportunity to show up
at your dinner table." This Thanksgiving take a real good
look at your relatives...and report any suspicious behavior
to the CIA, FBI or your local police...who cares if it's
grandma...it's your duty as an American...

Bayboat
12-01-2002, 11:32 AM
2005: PETA becomes politically dominant and the traditional Thanksgiving fare becomes potato-leek soup.

jack grebe
11-24-2014, 06:16 PM
Only Chuck.............

skuthorp
11-24-2014, 07:10 PM
Yeah, I miss that fella…………...

Peter Malcolm Jardine
11-24-2014, 07:23 PM
An amazing guy.

Old Dryfoot
11-24-2014, 07:35 PM
Nice find Jack.

Hwyl
11-25-2014, 06:09 AM
Brilliant

jack grebe
11-25-2014, 05:32 PM
Nice find Jack.
Thanks, I do like to reminisce from time to time.

Garret
11-25-2014, 05:54 PM
I'll add my thanks as well.

jack grebe
11-25-2014, 07:38 PM
I am thankful myself to have known him, at least that small part he revealed,
to have met him, to have sailed with him.......thanks Dave......



I think, sometimes, I would give anything to see that light lit again.


For those that never met him, virtual or otherwise, ..............
for those that did, you know exactly what I mean.



sigh......I have been around here a long time, it saddens my at times to make
friends and lose them way too soon, but such is life.

S.V. Airlie
11-25-2014, 08:00 PM
Yup!

Robbie 2
11-25-2014, 08:51 PM
Classic......thanks for bringing Chuck back into the front of my memory.