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Ian McColgin
02-25-2004, 08:37 AM
"Hawke" by Ted Bell (Atria, NY, 2003) is aweful.

I took it from the library with some misgivings. The cover art is silly but the back jacket shows a fellow by the helm of what's plainly a classic wooden yawl.

It got so that reading was like watching a really bad lower than B adventure movie. Great fun spotting the continuity gaps like a jet contrail in the sky behind the Indains attacking the cavalry.

For example, by page 220 we have hero and heroine on a 26' sloop. "Kestrel's boom was solid spruce and nearly as thick as a teleophe pole. And in this strong breeze, it was going to some screaming over the deck when he tacked the boat."

The hero also has Nighthawk. "The jet black seventy foot oceangong speed, two-time winnder of the Miami-Nassau race, was capable of speeds in excess of one hundred knots per hour."

In another place the hero arcs his back to move his belly away from the viscious machete swing.

In the end they rescue the girl, save Fidel Castro, kill all the bad guys, destroy the russian sub, slaughter a lot of Chinese soldiers, and find the gold.

Actually, the ultra bad guy might be alive for a sequal.

Pernicious Atavist
02-25-2004, 08:43 AM
ian...the cigers...what about the cigars?

Harry Miller
02-25-2004, 08:45 AM
Being told what not to read is a refreshing change eh?

Ian McColgin
02-25-2004, 09:01 AM
"He still had is big black Cohiba stuck between his teeth, but had never gotten around to lighting the trademark cigar."

Guess Bell forgot that Castro stopped smoking sometime back in the '80's.

John Bell
02-25-2004, 09:04 AM
Similarities in writing styles aside, Ted Bell is no relation. ;)

Popeye
02-25-2004, 09:11 AM
Suddenly Dave reached up .. and
pushed a button or something
and blew up the marauding submarine.

"Whew, thanks Dave". said the Captain.

johnw
02-25-2004, 10:19 PM
My bookstore has a shelf of 'books so bad they're good.' My favorite was 'A Dog Trainer's Guide to Child Rearing.' A college student bought it for his mom.

Any other nominations?

[ 02-25-2004, 10:23 PM: Message edited by: johnw ]

Ken Hall
02-25-2004, 11:24 PM
We really foiled them that time, didn't we, Popeye...I mean, Dave? ;)

ken mcclure
02-26-2004, 06:20 AM
Kind of like a train wreck, eh Ian? It's disgusting but you just can't look away.

Otter
02-26-2004, 06:59 AM
On a somewhat related note. A friend of mine loaned me a book once and said it was "brilliant". He raved about it and loaned it to me. I read it and it sticks out in my mind as one of the worst books I've ever read.

After I read it I said to my friend, "That book was terrible!" He replied laughing, "Yeah, I know. I just didn't want to be the only idiot that read that book."

[ 02-26-2004, 06:59 AM: Message edited by: Otter ]