PDA

View Full Version : the big nursing home question



jack grebe
01-23-2006, 07:20 PM
when.
I posted about a month ago that we were starting a new job caring for a woman with alheimers.She also suffers diabeties, depression and is somewhat bipolar. most of the time is fine,but she can and does get very confrontational. tonite she went after my wife and physicly try to take the keys to the med's away from her. is this the shape of things to come or a once and done this? we had to take med's away cause she would forget she took them and double dose! she cannot be alone,but she refuses to accept that. is it time? Her family (we are freinds of the family) feel that if things don't work with us, thats direction they need to take. Talk about a guilt trip! any thoughts while I'm still sane enough?

ishmael
01-23-2006, 07:27 PM
Tough one, Jack. It depends, mostly, on you, what you and your wife can put up with. When I was working mental health I drew the line at working with people who were violent. Others can handle that. I couldn't.

My experience is that once someone goes into the nursing home it's a pretty fast slide, mentally.

Figment
01-23-2006, 07:30 PM
One could argue that by the time the nursing home comes along, the slide is already well underway.

Memphis Mike
01-23-2006, 07:32 PM
Originally posted by jack grebe:
when.
I posted about a month ago that we were starting a new job caring for a woman with alheimers.She also suffers diabeties, depression and is somewhat bipolar. most of the time is fine,but she can and does get very confrontational. tonite she went after my wife and physicly try to take the keys to the med's away from her. is this the shape of things to come or a once and done this? we had to take med's away cause she would forget she took them and double dose! she cannot be alone,but she refuses to accept that. is it time? Her family (we are freinds of the family) feel that if things don't work with us, thats direction they need to take. Talk about a guilt trip! any thoughts while I'm still sane enough?:rolleyes:

Concordia..41
01-23-2006, 07:38 PM
First - what is in the patient's best interest?

Sounds like a host of medical problems. I'm sure you've already thought it through, but are you and your wife capable of the 24/7 care (medical and personal) that the person needs?

I caught the first of your other thread, but didn't follow it all the way through, so I'm assuming you or your wife has the medical background to monitor medications, BP, blood sugar, urinary output, etc. and know warning signs as they appear.

Second, what is the patient and/or her family capable of financially? Some assisted living facilities are top notch and some even have separate sections and/or specialize in Alzheimer patient care. If the person would be going into a state-run facility (still staffed for the most part by caring and trained folks) vs. one of the high-dollar places that earns its living keeping patients healthy and their families happy, that would be a factor.

Is the patient's family close by? Would they/you be able to check on the person and visit regularly in an assisted living facility? We're looking at places down here for my mother and no matter the standard of care, I'd want to know that I was close enough to pop in on a moment's notice.

So... no one perfect answer.

[ 01-23-2006, 07:43 PM: Message edited by: Concordia..41 ]

Donn
01-23-2006, 07:38 PM
Who led you to believe that you are "sane enough" to care for another?

[ 01-23-2006, 07:40 PM: Message edited by: Donn ]

jack grebe
01-23-2006, 07:53 PM
ok donn, concidering some of my comments directed your way, I had that comming :D
Margo, my wife is the one with the healthcare background and we feel that an assisted living would not be feasable in this case. she should have someone with her 24/7. nursing care costs are not a problem.she does have family in the area but she continues to call with the same things over and over at 10 min. intervals,she forgets that fast.

Donn
01-23-2006, 07:56 PM
I forget faster than that, but I would never consult the bilge for advice on my care.

jack grebe
01-23-2006, 07:59 PM
we have a dr.'s appoint with her tomorrow and I'm getting his take on things...tonite I just need a support group :rolleyes:

Concordia..41
01-23-2006, 08:15 PM
We have at least 3 places here that specialize in Alzheimer's care. It's a tough roe to hoe. There must be some places available in your area.

I'm not "in the trenches" so to speak, but a staffed care facility has to be better able to meet the patient's needs and relieve family/friends from the tremendous emotional and physical demands. Again, only speaking from the outside, but it seems like if I knew someone's medical and personal hygiene needs were being met, I would be better able to give emotional support and companionship than if I were trying to do all of the above.

Difficult choices all the way around. Good luck isn't the best choice of words, but good wishes to you all in making difficult decisions.

[ 01-23-2006, 08:19 PM: Message edited by: Concordia..41 ]

bukuboy
01-23-2006, 08:25 PM
Didya get a room full of Depends like I told ya? You're in way over ya head. Was the money worth the gig? Shoulda listened to Bukuboy. Hurry, turf her off to someone else or someplace else before ya go insane! ---Bukuboy

Ed Harrow
01-23-2006, 09:08 PM
I see the usual's are as usual; what a bunch of children.

Alz is tough, watched our neighbor go that way. Nothing else that I can add, other than that if you are wondering what to do, you'd best consider alternatives.

Peter Malcolm Jardine
01-23-2006, 09:28 PM
I think when the patient gets to the point where it's possible for some harm to come to them without a restricted environment, then it's time.

The job you took on, while admirable, is not one I would want, especially in a home setting.

Meerkat
01-23-2006, 09:39 PM
FWIW, such a person would not be permitted to stay at the boarding house where I live. They can not be here if they are a danger to themselves or others. They need a facility with a higher level of care.

[ 01-23-2006, 09:40 PM: Message edited by: Meerkat ]

bukuboy
01-23-2006, 09:42 PM
Alzheimer's and Florida go hand in hand. Nearly every wek ya hear stories: They escape from their ACLFs or nursing homes and run around the neighborhoods stark naked. They fall in ditches, creeks and larger bodies of water usually that alligators frequent, drive the wrong way down one way streets and hit living and non-living things without knowing they hit them, appear miles from where they live not knowing how they got there. Do Not let your bodies out live your brains--- should be the 11th commandment. ---Bukuboy

Meerkat
01-23-2006, 09:45 PM
I have to wonder: is bukuboy Dolly, the Cucumber Buttfish or Mountain Momma? :D

bukuboy
01-23-2006, 10:16 PM
Ah Jack, ya gonna sleep with one eye open tonight?... ---Bukuboy

cs
01-24-2006, 12:17 PM
Sounds a lot like the situation I was in with my Mom. It is a long and bumpy ride.

I found as a general rule there are three levels of homes. You have your retirment home where the elderly can go live in apartments and meals are furnished. A step up is assisted living where they still live in an apartment like enviroment, but the meds and nurses are available. Last is the nursing home. The ones I've been in are like a hospital where the old go to die.

With a little bit of legwork you can find homes that fit in the gaps. We moved mom into an elevated assisted living enviroment. She had her own room similar to a motel room. The did her meds and provided around the clock care. They took great care of Mom until a stroke ended her life.

We started at the retirement home level and had to move to more advance care and than to even more advance care. Never would my family have survived if we would have had to keep her at our house. AS it was it was tough, but brought us more together as a family.

Do some reserch and find the home that fits your needs. I refused to put Mom in a nursing home after seeing the conditions there and I hope my daughter does the same thing for me if I reach that stage.

Chad

Katherine
01-24-2006, 12:21 PM
Many facilities have different levels of care. My mother works at one where many of the residents start out in independent living town houses or apartments and as their need for care progresses, they move to a different part of the complex. Maybe this lady needs something like that.

editted for Meer.

[ 01-24-2006, 05:00 PM: Message edited by: Katherine ]

Meerkat
01-24-2006, 03:51 PM
Originally posted by Katherine:
... as their need for car progresses, they move to a different part of the complex.You and cars... Nissan, no doubt! ;)

Different part of the complex - the garage? :D