View Full Version : I sense that it's time for a story... (reader participation)

ken mcclure
11-09-2001, 12:56 AM
Jack seems to like these. Maybe we can drag him out of lurkdom with a story ...
After being out on the boat all day, tieing up was the usual letdown. As I stepped onto the dock I savored those fleeting moments. the motion that lingers - the speed that hangs on, even when you're standing still. And as I turned toward the marina I saw ...

11-09-2001, 01:27 AM
the dock drifting away while I apparently seemed to twist and dawdle in mid air for a moment just before....

11-09-2001, 01:41 AM
I was struck by the certainty that there wasn't going to be any chance of.....

Art Read
11-09-2001, 02:05 AM
of my setting my drink down safely before I fell into the "drink" myself...

11-09-2001, 03:52 AM
...when I espied one of those mooring whips dangling overhead. Grabbing it with one hand I was catapulted onto...

Mike Field
11-09-2001, 04:30 AM
...the rusting after-turret of that mighty monitor HMVS Cerberus, now doing duty as....

11-09-2001, 07:20 AM
Lulu's Clam House & Bait Shop. Landing in a huddled lump squarely at the feet of that paragon of waterfront decorum, Lulu herself, I looked up and said ...

11-09-2001, 07:50 AM
"Martha, Martha is that you? It's me, Bob you know, the one who...

[This message has been edited by Concordia41 (edited 11-10-2001).]

11-09-2001, 08:25 AM
...plants orchids in the scuppers, and pays her crew to polish the propeller every day. Well, I've come to set you straight about CPES. You see if you add some boiled rhubarb just before it kicks off it will forever prevent your need for gronicles, and we all know that is a good thing! Oh wait, here comes...

[This message has been edited by nedL (edited 11-09-2001).]

Ronald Rosen
11-09-2001, 08:38 AM
that fellow who claims that a dollar is as good as.......

charles carini
11-09-2001, 09:29 AM
but alas, it was just a dream of better days ta come when that fine craft is restored and heading out to open waters for real....

Greg H
11-09-2001, 10:18 AM
...in the mean time there was the stem, the bloody outer stem that needed to be redone, again. Having been left in the hands of an amature to complete, it had become to thin at the forefoot while being fitted to the curve...

Wild Dingo
11-09-2001, 12:24 PM
of someones frozen gronicles absently left on the bar "Now look at that...

Ed Harrow
11-09-2001, 12:46 PM
damn fine Akubra hat" on...

11-09-2001, 01:39 PM
"Damn!" I said to Lulu. "Do you have any gronicle grease? It seems that the short flight I took to get here has shifted my baggywrinkle causing it to chafe against my mizzen pole and if I don't do something about it right away it'll wear a hole in my ...

garland reese
11-09-2001, 02:36 PM
leathers..........oohhh!, that's much better. Lulu, you're quite the.........

11-09-2001, 02:36 PM
fibreglass mast step. Regaining my senses, I let out a mighty yell to all within earshot.
"You can take your two bit.....

11-09-2001, 02:44 PM
Atlas Imperial and use it for a...

11-09-2001, 02:56 PM
hard-boiled egg, slathered with a special wax to keep fresh while

Roger Stouff
11-09-2001, 03:34 PM
...I try to get that damn burqa off of Lulu...

Greg H
11-09-2001, 03:38 PM
..but my suplication pants have...

Ed Harrow
11-09-2001, 03:56 PM
Yikes, Do YOU see that! He's got on supplication pants. Do you KNOW what that MEANS!!!!

11-09-2001, 03:57 PM
started to leak badly at the chines, so I told her, "grab a bucket and...

Greg H
11-09-2001, 04:04 PM
...stand back!" We've got to make it to Our Lady of the Pheonix before..

11-09-2001, 04:09 PM
... the Reverend Ed cries fowl and makes off with ...

Greg H
11-09-2001, 04:14 PM
The Magic Bush.

11-09-2001, 04:26 PM
Meanwhile, at the undersea cavern of the cruel and murderous...

11-09-2001, 04:45 PM
subturanean Admirable Cleek....

11-09-2001, 04:53 PM
he rises to his feet from the turquoise throne, having finished reading this month's WB...

Greg H
11-09-2001, 04:59 PM
He stared vacantly into the mirror. Something peculiar had happened to him recently. Whether the cause was a posting by an actual builder of gondolas or the rumor of Martha Stewart appearing neked in a tv commercial, he had lost a bit of his crustyness.....
Turning to straighten the matching rose embroiderd hand towels....

Ed Harrow
11-09-2001, 05:05 PM
He paused, examining his handsome face in the mirror, "Mirror, mirror, on the wall", he began...

11-09-2001, 05:22 PM
Is a Dyarchy a "true" Pilot Cutter, or a mere representation of one?"
"I need to know because...

Bob Cleek
11-09-2001, 06:48 PM
...I sure wouldn't want to be criticized by the "real" pilot cutter owners when I pose her for some boat porn in the next WB!" said he, purposefully ripping a page from the copy of Ruel Parker's "Backyard Boatbuilding" that was hanging from a string next to his throne...

Thus fortified, he exited his royal stall and headed for the door, whereupon he spied his friend Rick Prose cradling a nicely done new half model under one arm while standing before one of the row of busy Martha Stewart color-coordinated urinals. "Nice, Dick..." was all he managed to say before being trampled as all present dashed for the throne room door...

Collecting himself and his thoughts up off of the floor, he thought, "Supplication pants, my ass...

[This message has been edited by Bob Cleek (edited 11-09-2001).]

11-09-2001, 07:00 PM
itches like hell. I wonder? CPES? linseed oil? or perhaps...

11-09-2001, 08:31 PM
...antifreeze. He stretches and yawns and scratches his ...

11-09-2001, 08:31 PM
an allergic reaction to epoxy. He knew he should have stuck with...

Church of the Holey Wooden Boat
11-09-2001, 08:39 PM
...perhaps clamps..hmm..that should do it.
(Absently sings "...Looking for clamps in allll the wrong places....)

Bateau Boy
11-09-2001, 08:41 PM
Another forum since this one censors or slows all but about ten or twelve left wing fanatics.

11-09-2001, 09:41 PM
...and so upon finally exiting that royal throne room the less crusty Cleek spies down by the water's edge no other than the normally gentile John R. Smith. Only today John is toting the biggest old clampoon cleek had ever seen. When asked what he was planning on doing with that 'ol clampoon, john responded with .......

11-09-2001, 09:42 PM
yes... another forum. But where could he turn to? He contemplated for a brief moment and decided that it was time to make a return to the forum he knew he could always be welcome at , and that was....

11-09-2001, 09:44 PM

Wild Dingo
11-10-2001, 03:25 AM
after quicky purusing the rather unwooden boat like jayjay site he figures in his totally wooden epoxy varnished CPES saturated mind "aaarrr me hearties none of that there ayrcrafty pilot type trainin fer me I gotta get back to me maties aboard the good ship....

11-10-2001, 04:02 AM
Faux-Teak, when suddenly his attention is captured like a stray dockline between counter rotating prop shafts by the gentle undulation of two large...

Mike Field
11-10-2001, 06:05 AM
...not to say, gross, buttocks, apparently belonging to a ...

11-10-2001, 06:24 AM
member of the Fat Women Who Watch Jerry Springer Forum, who stopped by to see why Lulu hadn't been on line in a while. "You haven't made a post on the FWWWJSF since October 24th. Where oh where have you been?" Lulu replies, ..."

[This message has been edited by Concordia41 (edited 11-10-2001).]

Greg H
11-10-2001, 09:30 AM
"Wallowin me buttocks in the Cornwall mud my sweety, and trying to keep my starboard to my betters." Dreaming of Carrick Roads and the beckoning freedom beyond, she.....

11-10-2001, 05:12 PM
...writhed luxuriously under the tender ministrations of John and Kate, scraping, cleaning and repainting a few places that had been itching intolerably the last few years.

He looked back, saw that the picture of Martha on the outside of the Throne Room still hung fashionably askew, and returned to his thoughts.

Other forums? He pondered, decided the mystery of of the missing Jack commanded attention in this one, and decided to begin an investigation. Returning to his office, he placed a phone call to.....

11-10-2001, 05:23 PM
at the very heart of the Roman Empire, where Spartacus marches his army of slaves against the might of...

Greg H
11-10-2001, 06:15 PM
"Turn that station back" came a screach from the other room,"doncha go messin with the tv just 'cause im in the dunny"the voice cackled. Cleek fumed, but controlled himself, returning to the phone when suddenly.....

[This message has been edited by Greg H. (edited 11-10-2001).]

Ed Harrow
11-10-2001, 06:38 PM

11-10-2001, 08:31 PM
{Hoo, boy.....Bob's in trouble now.}

As the smoke dissipated, ......

11-10-2001, 09:04 PM
“Damn”...he mumbles. It seems someone found The Dreaded Burning Bush! Elusive, but not all that hard to catch…

Mike Field
11-11-2001, 01:59 AM
-cans its way off centre-stage, though, and this early religious icon is replaced by a,,,,

11-11-2001, 02:18 AM
a harsh dose of reality as, the sum of his life's experiences having flashed before his eyes, the author's butt finally hits the water, sinking ever lower into...

Ronald Rosen
11-11-2001, 05:18 AM
the depths of satanic evil, exceeded only by...

Church of the Holey Wooden Boat
11-11-2001, 05:59 AM
...his desire to remain in good standing with Martha, whose good opinion was achingly close to his heart, unbeknownst to...

Mike Field
11-11-2001, 06:47 AM
,,,,his alter ego, Dorian Gray, who at that very moment was going wilde over Oscar's portrait of him, which had recently been hung at The Loo,,,,

Church of the Holey Wooden Boat
11-11-2001, 06:54 AM
...ard side of the bilge, and was in danger of becomming beslimed with...

jack grebe
11-11-2001, 07:48 AM
the byproduct from the back of the loo that martha was planing to use for some craft when .....

Roger Cumming
11-11-2001, 11:37 AM
Martha herself appears, really pissed. "Where's that bald-headed chicken-****** Cleek?

Roger Cumming
11-11-2001, 11:39 AM
Martha herself appears, really pissed. "Where's that bald-headed chicken-****** Cleek?

11-11-2001, 03:11 PM
Martha's starboard head turned to her port head and said , "I said that!"

The port head churfled a reply. Meanwhile, ..........

11-11-2001, 05:00 PM
back at the ranch....

11-11-2001, 05:23 PM
Cleek was working the phones, trying to...

Greg H
11-11-2001, 05:54 PM
...get an audition for a part in the P. O'brien movie or at least on retainer as a consultant....

ken mcclure
11-11-2001, 06:01 PM
... since he could call himself an expert, living as he did more than 100 miles away and wearing a suit. Although his necktie, which was ...

[This message has been edited by kwmcclure (edited 11-11-2001).]

jack grebe
11-11-2001, 06:10 PM
made with potatoes skins and other veggies scraps by martha and a look of.......

John B
11-11-2001, 06:26 PM
utter contentment crossed his craggy phisog, as he contemplated the possibility of reusing the discarded paint pots as pontoons.
"If only I could.......

Ronald Rosen
11-11-2001, 07:48 PM
I could float a loan as well as the pontoons float.Then I would take the money and...

Church of the Holey Wooden Boat
11-11-2001, 08:52 PM
..buy a suit of finely churfled potato skins, braid my beard, put on that nice black eyeliner, and my best black turban....

11-11-2001, 09:56 PM
...and be accidently shot as an Afghan...

11-11-2001, 09:57 PM
And buy the loudest, fastest jet ski around...Fulfilling a lifelong fantesy...

John B
11-11-2001, 11:02 PM
..to be loved and admired by all around him.

He stopped. He paused, squinting into the sun and then bringing his steely gaze to bear upon his hapless victim..
“Now listen ‘ere you squab. You might be thinkin you’re safe way over there, but I gotta tell you that I’m a member of that elite group of people who can spell their names backwards and still have it come out the same. There be only Two of us here, but we can rustle up a marshmallow conflagration what’ll reach out and grab you before you can dive into that barrel full of boobs you’ve got stacked in the corner. It’ll take more than mothers milk to save you, I can tell ya.”

He reached for his biggest clamp and…

Mike Field
11-11-2001, 11:11 PM
,,,,added, "or me name's not Bob Kleec."

Taking the clamp, in his left hand, he,,,,

11-11-2001, 11:28 PM
slapped the end up hard on his gronicles and began to slowly twist the screw, wishing all the time....

11-12-2001, 12:29 AM
he had gone back to Faux Teak because the CPES and the epoxy are so itchy, but ohhh for only Lulu who...

Bob Cleek
11-12-2001, 01:48 AM
...but I used Martha's little hot glue gun to cement little two inch square plywood pads on the clamp pads so they wouldn't leave dents...

11-12-2001, 02:23 AM
on the gronicles because we all know what dents in ones gronicles does for ones.....

Church of the Holey Wooden Boat
11-12-2001, 06:45 AM

11-12-2001, 06:20 PM
...compensated for by one's gaining the ability to sing in a falsetto...


[This message has been edited by Shang (edited 11-12-2001).]

Greg H
11-12-2001, 06:36 PM
ah... for a night at the opera, he thought as he offered up the clamp...

jack grebe
11-12-2001, 08:35 PM
onto Martha's alter, as he

Ed Harrow
11-12-2001, 08:40 PM

jack grebe
11-12-2001, 08:48 PM
and me without my dictionary http://media5.hypernet.com/~dick/ubb/frown.gif

Church of the Holey Wooden Boat
11-12-2001, 08:52 PM
...seductivly slathered slippery stuff into the silver threads of the clamp before slowly sliding the shaft....

11-12-2001, 09:07 PM
Into a hot pot of expoxy. "shrimp" he shouts..."I knew I should have added fewer microballons to the pot, that would have given me an extra 3 minutes to..."

11-12-2001, 09:28 PM
...feed Martha's port head before the starboard head woke up and started complaining about the phone calls that had come in while Bob's attention was elsewhere.

It seems that our heros's efforts had borne fruit. There was exciting news of.....

John B
11-12-2001, 11:21 PM
a breakthrough in the treatment of multiple personality disorders. Carefully he unwrapped the package and drew out what seemed to be an adze. Printed in small letters on the side were the instructions." In case of multple personality... cut off one of the heads"
He .....

Mike Field
11-12-2001, 11:48 PM
ll, no," he thought. "They're not going to catch me with that hoary old Greek trick. Cut off one head, and what happens? You get,,,,"

Bill Dodson
11-13-2001, 08:39 AM
A dozen Marthas, who would have Cleek as their first sight in this world... forever imprinting him as their mother.

11-13-2001, 12:19 PM

"...Holy Echinda and Typhon!" Cleek mythologized, "I'm going to have to labor
like Hercules to smite these Marthas..."

[This message has been edited by Shang (edited 11-13-2001).]

[This message has been edited by Shang (edited 11-13-2001).]

Mike Field
11-14-2001, 06:19 AM
"No, I'm not," he continued, "I forgot I'm not an Aussie -- echidnas are out. What I'll do instead is mix up a bit of epoxy and glue her two mouths together."

Just then, Bimouth Martha,,,,

Wild Dingo
02-25-2004, 06:09 AM
{Time to arc this back up again always bought a smile so lets see how we get on? ;) }

... Was bein takin to the hoosgow by the local boys in blue winkin and smilin at the startled eyebrows of Bob while sashayin along wearin...

[ 02-25-2004, 06:13 AM: Message edited by: Wild Dingo ]

Nora Lee
02-25-2004, 07:04 AM
A Wild Dingo from downunder...

ken mcclure
02-25-2004, 07:40 AM
Which everyone assumed was only a fur stole. Suddenly it came alive and began to speak, saying ...

02-25-2004, 08:40 AM
Aye mateys it do be a worryin thing when one tops the nother year older bridge... but tady aye be a nutha year olda an deepa in det as the song gos

Spellin is buggad cause Im getin in a praktaz for when thay tak me ta tha ol pharts home ....oohhh woe but ta be a youngun once again!! ooohhh
woe does I but hav ta continue agin getin olda one year at a time?? will it neva end??? oooohhh woe

On tuther and gots some fine pressies!!! ...Im in a singin mood I am... Oh I do like the pressies in the mornin I do like them pressies on me birfdy I
shurely dos!!!

Greg H
02-25-2004, 09:42 AM
:D :D :D