stan v
04-15-2003, 06:17 AM
During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving
down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck
in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel. "Your
jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside
"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him
the keys, "Yours is."
****************************
Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new
colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked
on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel
quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then
said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this
afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime,
thank you for your good wishes, sir." Feeling as though he
had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he
asked, "What do you want?"
"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here
to hook up your telephone."
*********************
On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field
and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the
control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a
call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference.
If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air
Force plane, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6
bells. If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and
the little hand is on the 3.
**********************
Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try
it again! Do you have change for a dollar, maggot?"
Soldier: "SIR, No SIR!"
********************************
Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.
Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.
Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.
****************************
A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop.
They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when
the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.
The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife
will think I've been in a whorehouse!" The chief turned to his
barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't
know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."
****************************
"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered
Seaman. "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy,
you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss
on my grave." "Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I
get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!"
down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck
in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel. "Your
jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside
"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him
the keys, "Yours is."
****************************
Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new
colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked
on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel
quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then
said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this
afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime,
thank you for your good wishes, sir." Feeling as though he
had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he
asked, "What do you want?"
"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here
to hook up your telephone."
*********************
On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field
and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the
control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a
call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference.
If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air
Force plane, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6
bells. If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and
the little hand is on the 3.
**********************
Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try
it again! Do you have change for a dollar, maggot?"
Soldier: "SIR, No SIR!"
********************************
Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.
Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.
Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.
****************************
A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop.
They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when
the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.
The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife
will think I've been in a whorehouse!" The chief turned to his
barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't
know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."
****************************
"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered
Seaman. "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy,
you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss
on my grave." "Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I
get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!"