View Full Version : A tree-hugger's delight

Phillip Allen
12-11-2004, 08:25 PM
A little something I wrote for fun.

Come to Arkansas and I'll introduce you to Bubba's Free Range Christmas Trees. There, for less than the price of your daily cup of coffee, you can "adopt a tree". Thirty dollars/month and he'll send you a picture of your "child" setting with tree gruel smeared on its little face and a big twiggy smile. Sally Struthers (fresh from a nice soak in the tub) will appear in the foreground and plead for your support in the form of a twenty dollar cup of water to pour at its little roots to make it happy ('nother big twiggy smile and the equivalent of big round tree eyes). At the endowment level you will be sent a series of photos showing a bunch of crippled/stunted trees with broken limbs and oozing knots with particularly sad expressions (having had their Mum and Da sawn up and made into marine plywood for use on Hunter boats), Sally Struthers will show up (with her wet hair in a towel) and place a tree bandage into the hands of someone who will, in turn place it on the most pitiful tree in sight (more twiggy smiles...missing a few twigs). At the patron level, you will be sent a certificate showing that a tree has been transplanted (at your expense) from a national forest, where it was "at risk" to a special home for displaced saplings. There it will be cared for in perpetuity with regular applications of "medication" to stave off pine-bark beetles and cedar-apple rust and have regular drinks of twenty dollars a cup water (your annual maintenance contribution will cover this). A recording (on cassette or CD as you direct) will allow you to hear your tree rustle appreciatively.

Leon m
12-11-2004, 11:39 PM
The tree which moves some to tears of joy is in the eyes of others only a
green thing that stands in the way. Some see Nature all ridicule and
deformity, and some scarce see Nature at all. But to the eyes of the
man of imagination, Nature is Imagination itself.

Captain Pre-Capsize
12-11-2004, 11:47 PM
Phillip: I love it.... :D :D

Leon m
12-12-2004, 12:10 AM
Leave it to a Flatlander to find that funny. ;) tongue.gif

12-12-2004, 03:00 PM
When you enter a grove peopled with ancient trees, higher than
the ordinary, and shutting out the sky with their thickly inter-twined
branches, do not the stately shadows of the wood, the stillness of
the place, and the awful gloom of this doomed cavern then strike
you with the presence of a deity?
- Seneca
Trees (http://www.gardendigest.com/trees.htm)

Phillip Allen
12-12-2004, 03:13 PM
I love trees...the irreverence is intended for people, lest we should gravitate towards taking ourselves too seriously.