View Full Version : Letter To Iraq From BIA (Bureau of Indian Affairs)

Greg H
04-22-2003, 06:25 PM
Yes, yes, It's cut and paste.

Letter To Iraq From BIA (Bureau of Indian Affairs)
Saturday, 12 April 2003, 10:25 pm
Opinion: Bureau of Indian Affairs

BUREAU OF IRAQI AFFAIRS (Formed March 20, 2003)

Dear People of Iraq,

Now that you have been liberated from your oppressors, we at the Bureau of Indian Affairs (BIA)
look forward to our future relationship with you. As one of the oldest of American governmental
agencies, we have a good deal of experience in assimilating people of other cultures to the American
way of life. Further, in order to follow-up on our promise that, following the war, Iraq and Iraqi oil
will belong to the Iraqi people, we will appoint an "interim government", in order to get the oil
flowing - for your benefit of course. Meanwhile, below you will find a list of what to expect from
the Office of the BIA, based on our vast experience managing the affairs of American Indians:

1. Henceforth, English will be the spoken language of all government and associated offices. If you
do not speak English, a translator fluent in German will be provided.

2. All Iraqi people will apply to be entered on a citizen (tribal) roll. Citizenship will be open to those
people who can prove that they are Iraqi back four generations with documents issued by the United
States. Christian church records may also be given in support of proof of your origins.

3. All hospitals designated to serve you will be issued a standard "medical kit". The kit will contain
gauze, band-aids, burn cream, iodine, tweezers, and duct tape.

4. Your oil is to be held in trust for you. We will appoint an American-approved government lawyer
who has a background in the oil industry to represent your interests. Never mind that he may also
work for an energy company that he will eventually cut a deal with. However, not to fear - this close
relationship will guarantee you more money for your oil.

5. Each Iraqi citizen will be allotted one hundred acres of prime Iraqi desert. You will be issued a
plow, a hoe, seed corn and the King James version of the Christian Bible. Following the distribution
of land, any land left over will be open to settlement by Israelis.

6. Each Citizen is entitled to draw a ration of milk, sugar, flour and lard. If, for health or religious
reasons, you feel cannot use the rations, you may file a complaint with your BIA appointed liaison,
General Foods Corporation. Those Iraqis showing signs of diabetes, heart disease, or glaucoma will
be issued double rations, as, (we are sure you will agree), our own medical system will be too alien
for your use.

7. We will manage your trust monies, stipulating that any five year-old American citizen,
demonstrating minimal computer skills, may hack into the system that controls your accounts, and
set up their own account. Records of your accounts will be kept, but you must receive express
written permission from the head of the BIA in order to examine them

8. In keeping with the separation of Church and State supported by the US constitution, Christian
missionaries will be sponsored through government funding to provide your local educational and
social services. Of course, only Iraqis who convert to Christianity will be allowed to hold jobs
within the government.

9. For the purposes of future treaty making, any single Iraqi will be found competent to sign
land-session treaties on behalf of all other Iraqis.

10. Welcome to the Free World and have a nice day!


- originally from Dr. George Wasson, a Coquille/Coos Indian.

Copyright (c) Scoop Media

From the Website:

That was satire ;)

[ 04-22-2003, 08:00 PM: Message edited by: Greg H ]

Roger Stouff
04-22-2003, 07:44 PM

My dad tells the story about how a goverment guy came to the Rez one day and knocked on our door.

"Yes?" Dad asked when he answered the door.

"I'm here to help you," the man said.

"Why?" Dad asked.

"I'm with the BIA," the man replied.

"Make up your mind," dad said.

Steve McMahon
04-23-2003, 08:45 AM
:D :D :D
I have no opinion on this.
:D :D :D

Wild Dingo
04-23-2003, 10:30 AM
:D :D :D :D :D
I do have an opinion but Im keepin it to meself!
;) :D tongue.gif

Bruce Hooke
04-23-2003, 10:42 AM
:D :D