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Pelican
12-03-2002, 11:23 AM
FOURTEEN THINGS THAT TOOK MANY YEARS TO LEARN
By Dave Barry

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a
laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human
race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word
would be .... "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost
never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and
compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely
suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby
emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people
to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age,
gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down
inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a
nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember
that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built
the Titanic.

imported_Conrad
12-03-2002, 01:01 PM
Ouch!! Number three seems to apply..... :D