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Jack Heinlen
07-21-2005, 09:09 PM
Every once in a while I think of Kathy, who has passed beyond.

When young, and young middle-aged, one doesn't give much to death. I hadn't seen my dear friend for two years when she died. I thought of her as a vibrant strawberry blond; her death was just plain strange. How could this be? Kathy was eternal, not a bit of dust.

But, dust she iz. The flow of her big hat in the sun, the movement of that large, voluptuous blondness, was just dust. Her voice, which was lush, gone.

We were a bit estranged when she died. I think, often, about that distance; know it had to be, but wish I could have said something special to her.

She wrote these books, bound them with thread, and gave them to dear ones. I have a few of them. I'll have to read them, again.

Salud, Kathy.

Katherine
07-21-2005, 09:26 PM
Jack, my condolences on the loss of your friend, but you need to get out more.

Jack Heinlen
07-21-2005, 09:44 PM
Kathy's been dead for a year and a half.

I met her in April. We were on a silent retreat, outside of DC, at Jacob's Pillow. That's not actually the name of the place, but that was the name that long weekend.

Strong, light. Whisking, neurotic. She caught me, and I'm not free yet. Strangely, I never was her lover. We found a meet that wasn't physical.

A totally impractical person, totally. Kept, she kept house for a man with good money. She painted, read, wrote. What a delightful person. Thank you Kathy.

Carlos, her man, is angry now. But I think he'll get over it.

Chris Coose
07-21-2005, 09:47 PM
Originally posted by Jack Heinlen:
But I think he'll get over it.Hope you do too. You're killin'us.

Katherine
07-21-2005, 09:54 PM
Jack, have you been writing lately, besides here? I'd like to read it if you have.

Jack Heinlen
07-21-2005, 10:12 PM
A few of her last words to me.

"As humans we are more fragile than we can bear to know, buffeted by war and earthquake, and also by the endless risings from within, by obsessions and longings, fear and anger. Yet at the same time, eternity presses itself upon us continually; it is near the way the hillside we stand on is near - forgotten, enormous, the source of nourishment and rest, thrusting up the spears where we lie down at ease."

John Tarrant

Rather good.

[ 07-22-2005, 12:29 AM: Message edited by: Jack Heinlen ]

Jack Heinlen
07-21-2005, 10:34 PM
Tarrant echos this.

1

I celebrate myself, and sing myself,
And what I assume you shall assume,
For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you.

I loafe and invite my soul,
I lean and loafe at my ease observing a spear of summer grass.

My tongue, every atom of my blood, form'd from this soil, this air,
Born here of parents born here from parents the same, and their
parents the same,
I, now thirty-seven years old in perfect health begin,
Hoping to cease not till death.

Creeds and schools in abeyance,
Retiring back a while sufficed at what they are, but never forgotten,
I harbor for good or bad, I permit to speak at every hazard,
Nature without check with original energy.

Domesticated_Mr. Know It All
07-21-2005, 10:35 PM
It seems to me that you have met some interesting people in your life Jack, but people come and go in our lives and we don't always have control over it. At some point we need to move on and build new memories to add to the old ones. May you find peace, new friendships and build new memories as good or better than the ones you already have.
your friend in Ohio,
~Kevin~

Wild Dingo
07-22-2005, 04:47 AM
Jack mate... yet again you slip into your memory and pass the point of depressed words I dont think you need to get out more mate just need to live more... life isnt just what you do right now or what you did once but its what you need to do and want to do... make those things happen and you will not so much forget the people from your past such as Kathy but you will salute their memory by celebrating life to the fullest.

Morbidity comes with a whisper... hard by it stands to your heart slowly eating upon your mind and soul... taking you down into its darkened depths slowly until morbitity is seen as a friend instead of the enemy within

How easy it be to just sit and ponder and wonder at the why of it all... the simplest of things to do is to sit and ponder lost love lost friendships and lost lives... yet the hardest to resolve

Leave them in the treasure of the past a wealthy storage facility of loved ones of your antiquity to bring forth with a smile a laugh and perhaps a small tear in quieter moments of solitude... then relegate them back to the dust and mould of eaons past and boldly look forward.

Mate its so easy to become morbid in our thoughts of lost friends (such as Kathy) and loved ones (such as Sheba) but mate does it honestly do their memory any favors to not move forward?

Your a good man I reckon Jack our "Ishmael" of old but you tend my friend to become bogged in memories and freinds now past... look forward Jack there is even in the midst of the foulest times a glimmer a hope and a sliver of joy love happiness a home and for you my friend a soul mate (and mate? ;) ) to find if we step forward into our future with boldness and confidence.

Best to you in your search Jack old friend may you find your answers

Hwyl
07-22-2005, 04:55 AM
Jack, I agree with everyone above. It's going to be a great weekend. Drag your Drascombe out onto the Penobscot. Have breakfast at the Belfast Cafe. I'm not ccepting any excuses, such as; my truck is getting old, I can't find the towball and etc. You can do it.

Dingo, I've said it before. You are the best writer on here. I love your philosophy too. Hope you are doing well and recovering from the floods.

Wild Dingo
07-22-2005, 07:10 AM
aahhh mate we kick a$$!!! :D nah not havin a win with the insurance mongrels yet but flamin eck life is great isnt it!! :cool:

I mean the sun was out for a few wonderous hours today Dan returned from his dads farm with the back of his panel van chockablock full of loverly old growth banksia and a promise to head up and get some old plum trees about 10in around along with some seriously big jarrah and such... the ducks were quackin heartily on the pond the galahs were goin bananas in the flame trees while the 28s were goin psychadelic in the old camphor laurel out the front the two dogs were bloody ragin goons all day chasin the horses around the next doors property and generally goin knuts

hoonberrys got home creating general mayhem and bedlam scramblin for sporting gear and rushin to get homework done fast enough to catch possum as she flys away to the first of many sporting events of the evening

I got a call from my old employer askin if I was available to head out to Norseman next week and with the way our finances have shrunk I screamed down the phone... "ready for work?? HELL YESS!!" so Im off again next week almost double pay and better trucks so am feelin its gonna be bedda!

Mate life is what we make it... I got down and depressed somethin shockin as did possumpoop and the hoonberrys for a time but hell how long you gonna let the bastards get you down eh? Not us mob we say "Phug em!" Jos got Yaz an her fella livin here now I can say with all confidence that young Aarons a full blown man now so Im able to say if my goin away to work is the best thing I can do to help get us on our feet again and she and the hoonberrys are safe have a bed a roof over their heads an tucker in their bellys I will go make the bacon while they sort this place out and deal with the mongrels over east

Life is full of adventures and journeys... seems we gets more than our share of troubles travails and toils but mate weve got a whole bunch of luv :D and thats upliftin and I mean how the buggary can one stay down if theyre surrounded by such a mad bunch of galahs as this mob eh? IMBLOODYPOSSIBLE!!! tongue.gif :D

Best writer here? NAH!!! Im just a tubby widdle curley white grey haired drongo from downunder who tends to write lengthy missives that drives most totally troppo and then wax all lyrical to our ol mate Ishmael up there when he gets to bein all morbid and lonely tongue.gif

[ 07-22-2005, 08:14 AM: Message edited by: Wild Dingo ]

Jack Heinlen
07-22-2005, 08:50 AM
I wrote a remembrance of my friend Kathy. I don't think it was particularly morose or maudlin, though when looking at death one is drawn to certain images.

She is free now. She suffered the tension of this life as much as anyone I've ever known, painted and wrote in it, but she's free now.

Why is it so difficult to swallow? I don't know, but it is.