Wild Dingo
12-23-2005, 08:51 AM
I dont do shopping... SPECIALLY NOT Chrissy shoppin!! NO FLAMIN WAY!! Well thats my general rule... I dont do shoppin...
But actually got up the where withall and I went with her highness tonight... almost paniced when I realized it was THAT close to Chrissy and tried to get out of the car... before we left the carport!! But she planted her foot throwin me head through the headrest rebounding it of the back seat into the windscreen and while I tried to prise my eyeballs of the dash and stop the flow of blood she swore like Gungus kahn musta the crux of which was "IF you dare try that again busta yer dead meat!" so I meakly whimpered and sobbed in me corner as she drove like some demented chook to Bunbury
Cars to the left of me bikes to the right trucks in front and buses behind cabs at every corner pushbikes and mopeds scootin all over the damned place... I knew then and there that I was up the proverbial creek without a flamin paddle and attempted my best man whine... but by then it was too late she was in that "woman shopping zone" eyes glazed purse on lap as she zigged and zagged scooted and cut off every one in sight
"HEY!! Possum Im cool baby Im cool slow DOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWNNN!!"
She glared across at me with a look that could and would have withered an hour old lettuce that Donn had just picked
"SHUT UP!! stop yer winin an whingin WERE goin shoppin!"
OOhhh believe me I shut right up!! shes a right royal shecat on heat when she gets into that zone... been a fair few years since Ive seen it cause as I said I dont do "shoppin"
Anyway I felt the car stop and the motor shut down and gingerly slid one eyelid open and breathed a sigh of disbelief... "comeon!!!" slam ping doors locked and shes bolted... Im still in the car
At which point I pondered the eternal question... do I get out and run after her highness or do I just stay put and stay safe???
I dont do shopping
Then as I was twiddlin me thumbs tryin to decide... theres this terrible screaching scratching sound at the window... I look up... theres possumpoop!!! gawd shyte I mean sheeeeeeeeetttttttt!!! the doors wrenched open me arms almost torn out of its socket and suddenly Im running full belt after this tiny blonde rocket
Straight toward...
A FLAMIN MESS OF HUMANITY!!! I mean were talking AFL final US Rosebowl AND the Kentuky Derby all at once!!...
I dont do shopping!!
Suddenly she's pushin tearin spittin hissin swearin cursin punchin kickin at all and sundry while Im apologizin like a frenzied rooster on viagra!
And that was just to get through the bloody doorways!!! Once through she was hotfooting it all over the ruddy place in one shop out into another shop out into another all the time tossin boxes and emptyin me wallet... once that started to fall apart she got stuck into the cards! :eek:
Lucky for me
I ran full pelt into one of the blokes from work... who looked at me with what musta been the same stunned mullet look then recognition hit I KNOW YOU!!... actually we had only met each other once about a month ago said gidday and that was it... BUT WE KNEW EACH OTHER... we were men!! we were brothers!!! we hugged we cried we searched over each others shoulders for the nearest pub tavern bar whatever sold BEER!!!
And blessed release he saw it... "COLD ALE" above the doorway he turned me around "there... run!" I didnt need tellin twice I RAN!!
whew... we were safe... mans sanctury... we knew we were safe cause the place was totally jam packed... with blokes arms stacked high with parcels faces slowly starting to look normal again as the fear and terror of "shopping" was being infused with gods own necter... beer!
We had a couple thrust into our hands "drink up mates" oooooooooooooooooohhh bliss
We noticed about half an hour later that there were blokes names bein broadcast over the pa every couple of minutes and some poor sod would hang his head pick up what he thought could be possibly his parcels and disappeared out the door... but we reckoned we were safe for a good half hour yet so into the necter of the gods we got... aahhh bliss
Then there they were our names... the barman looked around and saw our expressions change... "well mates thats it for you see yer next year eh? happy chrissy and safe new year" and slowly like doomed men we reached for the bundle of parcels at our feet and when sufficently loaded we slowly walked that green mile... eerrr carpet to the door and out into "the light"...
There they were... runnin full pelt toward us... neither of us had any idea what they were sayin their mouths were goin a mile a minute arms wavin expressions goin from anger to eager rush to maniacal grining all the while their arms were winding around pointing to all the shops that were within a eyesight... I looked at the bloke he looked at me and with a huge mansigh we said "next year mate? yeah" and each was firmly taken by the arm by his "bride" and marched off into the frenzied madding crowd of crazed females with zombie like men in their wake
We finally arrived home... still with some clothes in one peice... I actually had some poor woman try to take my jacket off at the mens clothing section screaming "Bernie this mans taken my jacket!!! BERRRRRRRNIE!!!"... just cause Id walked in wearin it just cause its about 10 years old frayed and the arms worn didnt matter a gnats poop to this peanut head she saw it and by gawd she intended to have it... but thus was the possumpoop in full flight and right in the zone as she was that suddenly there appeared before this peanut head a demented banshee the likes of which would terrify a pahrana! I kept my jacket... mainly cause Bernie had found the tavern and was now where to be found
We made it home in one peice... and Ive firmly put my foot down this time and as we walked in the door all the hoons and their partners there I got down on one knee and pleaded "I DONT DO SHOPPING!!"
She just glared
"PLEEEEEEEEAAAAAASSSSSSSSSEEE??????????????"
She huffed as women just out of the zone will do...
So I gave her my finest manwhine
Darrrrls swwwwwwweeeeeeeeety PLEASE... I dont do shopping!! I will wash the dishes all year I will cook every flamin meal I will cut your toe nails scrub your back WHATEVER it takes!! Just PLEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE I DONT DO SHOPPING... EVER!!!"
she glaced down at me patted me curly noggin and smiled...
"oooh pooor bubby... go play in your shed and I will think about it... we will see... next year"
I stomped out to me shed mutterin an cursin and promptly drew a design for a sign Im gonna make tomorrow for her Chrissy pressy as a reminder
"MEN DONT DO SHOPPING! YOU MARRIED A MAN!! I AM THAT MAN!!! I DONT DO SHOPPING!!!... eerr right?"
But actually got up the where withall and I went with her highness tonight... almost paniced when I realized it was THAT close to Chrissy and tried to get out of the car... before we left the carport!! But she planted her foot throwin me head through the headrest rebounding it of the back seat into the windscreen and while I tried to prise my eyeballs of the dash and stop the flow of blood she swore like Gungus kahn musta the crux of which was "IF you dare try that again busta yer dead meat!" so I meakly whimpered and sobbed in me corner as she drove like some demented chook to Bunbury
Cars to the left of me bikes to the right trucks in front and buses behind cabs at every corner pushbikes and mopeds scootin all over the damned place... I knew then and there that I was up the proverbial creek without a flamin paddle and attempted my best man whine... but by then it was too late she was in that "woman shopping zone" eyes glazed purse on lap as she zigged and zagged scooted and cut off every one in sight
"HEY!! Possum Im cool baby Im cool slow DOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWNNN!!"
She glared across at me with a look that could and would have withered an hour old lettuce that Donn had just picked
"SHUT UP!! stop yer winin an whingin WERE goin shoppin!"
OOhhh believe me I shut right up!! shes a right royal shecat on heat when she gets into that zone... been a fair few years since Ive seen it cause as I said I dont do "shoppin"
Anyway I felt the car stop and the motor shut down and gingerly slid one eyelid open and breathed a sigh of disbelief... "comeon!!!" slam ping doors locked and shes bolted... Im still in the car
At which point I pondered the eternal question... do I get out and run after her highness or do I just stay put and stay safe???
I dont do shopping
Then as I was twiddlin me thumbs tryin to decide... theres this terrible screaching scratching sound at the window... I look up... theres possumpoop!!! gawd shyte I mean sheeeeeeeeetttttttt!!! the doors wrenched open me arms almost torn out of its socket and suddenly Im running full belt after this tiny blonde rocket
Straight toward...
A FLAMIN MESS OF HUMANITY!!! I mean were talking AFL final US Rosebowl AND the Kentuky Derby all at once!!...
I dont do shopping!!
Suddenly she's pushin tearin spittin hissin swearin cursin punchin kickin at all and sundry while Im apologizin like a frenzied rooster on viagra!
And that was just to get through the bloody doorways!!! Once through she was hotfooting it all over the ruddy place in one shop out into another shop out into another all the time tossin boxes and emptyin me wallet... once that started to fall apart she got stuck into the cards! :eek:
Lucky for me
I ran full pelt into one of the blokes from work... who looked at me with what musta been the same stunned mullet look then recognition hit I KNOW YOU!!... actually we had only met each other once about a month ago said gidday and that was it... BUT WE KNEW EACH OTHER... we were men!! we were brothers!!! we hugged we cried we searched over each others shoulders for the nearest pub tavern bar whatever sold BEER!!!
And blessed release he saw it... "COLD ALE" above the doorway he turned me around "there... run!" I didnt need tellin twice I RAN!!
whew... we were safe... mans sanctury... we knew we were safe cause the place was totally jam packed... with blokes arms stacked high with parcels faces slowly starting to look normal again as the fear and terror of "shopping" was being infused with gods own necter... beer!
We had a couple thrust into our hands "drink up mates" oooooooooooooooooohhh bliss
We noticed about half an hour later that there were blokes names bein broadcast over the pa every couple of minutes and some poor sod would hang his head pick up what he thought could be possibly his parcels and disappeared out the door... but we reckoned we were safe for a good half hour yet so into the necter of the gods we got... aahhh bliss
Then there they were our names... the barman looked around and saw our expressions change... "well mates thats it for you see yer next year eh? happy chrissy and safe new year" and slowly like doomed men we reached for the bundle of parcels at our feet and when sufficently loaded we slowly walked that green mile... eerrr carpet to the door and out into "the light"...
There they were... runnin full pelt toward us... neither of us had any idea what they were sayin their mouths were goin a mile a minute arms wavin expressions goin from anger to eager rush to maniacal grining all the while their arms were winding around pointing to all the shops that were within a eyesight... I looked at the bloke he looked at me and with a huge mansigh we said "next year mate? yeah" and each was firmly taken by the arm by his "bride" and marched off into the frenzied madding crowd of crazed females with zombie like men in their wake
We finally arrived home... still with some clothes in one peice... I actually had some poor woman try to take my jacket off at the mens clothing section screaming "Bernie this mans taken my jacket!!! BERRRRRRRNIE!!!"... just cause Id walked in wearin it just cause its about 10 years old frayed and the arms worn didnt matter a gnats poop to this peanut head she saw it and by gawd she intended to have it... but thus was the possumpoop in full flight and right in the zone as she was that suddenly there appeared before this peanut head a demented banshee the likes of which would terrify a pahrana! I kept my jacket... mainly cause Bernie had found the tavern and was now where to be found
We made it home in one peice... and Ive firmly put my foot down this time and as we walked in the door all the hoons and their partners there I got down on one knee and pleaded "I DONT DO SHOPPING!!"
She just glared
"PLEEEEEEEEAAAAAASSSSSSSSSEEE??????????????"
She huffed as women just out of the zone will do...
So I gave her my finest manwhine
Darrrrls swwwwwwweeeeeeeeety PLEASE... I dont do shopping!! I will wash the dishes all year I will cook every flamin meal I will cut your toe nails scrub your back WHATEVER it takes!! Just PLEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE I DONT DO SHOPPING... EVER!!!"
she glaced down at me patted me curly noggin and smiled...
"oooh pooor bubby... go play in your shed and I will think about it... we will see... next year"
I stomped out to me shed mutterin an cursin and promptly drew a design for a sign Im gonna make tomorrow for her Chrissy pressy as a reminder
"MEN DONT DO SHOPPING! YOU MARRIED A MAN!! I AM THAT MAN!!! I DONT DO SHOPPING!!!... eerr right?"