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View Full Version : why women love cats and why men need to act like felines.



Ted Hoppe
06-18-2018, 10:21 AM
I have a crazy theory about men and women in relationships. And why men need to act like cats.

Here it is - women love cats and men need to act like felines more often so they can get what they want or need.

Katherine
06-18-2018, 10:25 AM
So Paul needs to claw the woodwork and pee on the bed when he is mad at me?

mmd
06-18-2018, 10:26 AM
You mean I gotta puke up a furball on the couch so I can get to hang the picture I want in the living room?

Ted Hoppe
06-18-2018, 10:30 AM
So Paul needs to claw the woodwork and pee on the bed when he is mad at me?

without that which annoys you as women and have little to fix or replace... the relationship is boring. It goes beyond that - when men come for affection - it means only two things - hunger or physical touch. That is easy to understand and then there is little to neuter when it all works out for the house.

Ted Hoppe
06-18-2018, 10:37 AM
You mean I gotta puke up a furball on the couch so I can get to hang the picture I want in the living room?

Pretty much a fine metaphor about getting your frames on the wall. Every cat needs a scratching post otherwise the curtains are thrashed.

Old Dryfoot
06-18-2018, 10:40 AM
Where does the litter box come in?

amish rob
06-18-2018, 10:41 AM
I have never understood the marital discord thing. Nor the spouse as combatant or enemy thing.

Straight up, my wife is number one. I want her, and to be with her more than anything else.

The rest of life is bullpoop. Cars and boats and castles and trips? Garbage used as a proxy for true contentment.

What is a finer joy than being around loved ones? No vista, no superyacht, no THING could ever bring the same satisfaction as a kindred soul.

Peace,
The Single Luckiest Man Alive

Flying Orca
06-18-2018, 10:58 AM
Peace,
The Single Luckiest Man Alive

Oh, there's more than one of us. ;)

CWSmith
06-18-2018, 11:08 AM
So Paul needs to claw the woodwork and pee on the bed when he is mad at me?

You mean he doesn't already?

downthecreek
06-18-2018, 11:08 AM
I have never understood the marital discord thing. Nor the spouse as combatant or enemy thing.



100% agreed, Amish Rob. But both men and women seem to have a set of memes about the other gender that are part of the common currency of peer group discourse. But none of them really seem to match up with my actual experience.

When it comes to cats:

Seven years of my life (the least enjoyable seven years in my working life) were spent working in a university, where I shared an office for a time with a psychology lecturer. She was often off sick and occasionally I had to run her classes. Now, I have a good working knowledge of academic psychology (including Jung!) but am not a psychologist.

Occasionally I had to do an intro to behavioural psychology. For the want of a better method, I used to ask the students who had lived with cats. About half would put up their hands. I would ask them to pair off with someone who wasn't familiar with cats and explain to them how cats train humans.

They enjoyed it, it got me off the hook and it was really quite effective as a first step. |:)

Ted Hoppe
06-18-2018, 11:11 AM
Oh, there's more than one of us. ;)

ditto! I am may be one of the luckiest ones on this forum. I am also one of the most loving of husbands and fathers which goes a long way. I am more dog than cat. Loyal enough to play ball all day, first one to jump up meet at the door wagging my tail and alert enough to protect the home at night.

The little games we play are fun. We all do them. Knowing when and that aren’t harmful gives us great stories, a wider understanding and chance to reconnect when things are having a stale moment.

JimD
06-18-2018, 11:20 AM
https://techcrunch.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/tiger-roar.jpg

Iif you insist

amish rob
06-18-2018, 11:23 AM
https://techcrunch.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/tiger-roar.jpg

Iif you insist
The Chinese Zodiac says thatís what I am...

Peace,
Robert

oznabrag
06-18-2018, 11:34 AM
Oh, there's more than one of us. ;)

Many more!

:D

downthecreek
06-18-2018, 11:41 AM
The little games we play are fun. We all do them. Knowing when and that aren’t harmful gives us great stories, a wider understanding and chance to reconnect when things are having a stale moment.
Indeed so. This forum is generally pretty "grown up" about these things and most posters, like you, clearly love and respect their partners. But I know at least one other boat based forum that is very different. I never post there, but if I did I would sometimes be tempted to post "next time, grow up a bit and then try marrying another grown-up!"

Personally, I like cats AND dogs (and most men |;))

Oysterhouse
06-18-2018, 11:41 AM
Seriously?
A thread extolling the virtues of males acting like pussies.
Pitiful.

David W Pratt
06-18-2018, 11:53 AM
Our cat goes to my wife and lies in her lap to get petted. He periodically rouses himself and comes over to butt or paw me until I get up and go give him a couple of scallops; then he goes back to my wife

isla
06-18-2018, 12:02 PM
I have never understood the marital discord thing. Nor the spouse as combatant or enemy thing.

Straight up, my wife is number one. I want her, and to be with her more than anything else.

The rest of life is bullpoop. Cars and boats and castles and trips? Garbage used as a proxy for true contentment.

What is a finer joy than being around loved ones? No vista, no superyacht, no THING could ever bring the same satisfaction as a kindred soul.

Peace,
The Single Luckiest Man Alive

Absolutely agree with all of that, except I am the single luckiest man alive (there can be only one) |;)

Osborne Russell
06-18-2018, 12:03 PM
I would ask them to pair off with someone who wasn't familiar with cats and explain to them how cats train humans.

Maybe not a whole movie, but you could write a couple of great scenes around that.

amish rob
06-18-2018, 12:11 PM
Absolutely agree with all of that, except I am the single luckiest man alive (there can be only one) |;)
We shall see, Highlander...

Hahahahaha.

Peace,
Robert

P.S. I should be abundantly clear Iíve NO idea why my wife stays. Goodness knows though I endeavor, I always fall short. Iím certainly more like a pet lizard or hamster than a cat. ;)

Keith Wilson
06-18-2018, 12:13 PM
I have never understood the marital discord thing. Nor the spouse as combatant or enemy thing. Straight up, my wife is number one. I want her, and to be with her more than anything else. The rest of life is bullpoop. Cars and boats and castles and trips? Garbage used as a proxy for true contentment. What is a finer joy than being around loved ones? No vista, no superyacht, no THING could ever bring the same satisfaction as a kindred soul.

Peace, The Single Luckiest Man AliveExactly. I got lucky too. And we both like cats.

amish rob
06-18-2018, 12:15 PM
Maybe not a whole movie, but you could write a couple of great scenes around that.

INT. DAYTIME. KITCHEN.
There is a small, twin dish bowl in the floor and a fluffy white cat anxiously circling it. Enter MAN.

Man: Is you hungry, Sweetums?

This thing just writes itself! Hahaha.


Peace,
A Bit Rusty

Flying Orca
06-18-2018, 12:16 PM
OK, I might be even luckier, because Oystagirl didn't really know about cats until we (somewhat trepidatiously, on her part) adopted our first rescue boy. She's totally converted now, but imagine if it had gone wrong? I shudder to think.

amish rob
06-18-2018, 12:21 PM
Exactly. I got lucky too. And we both like cats.
We have one 20 year old, deaf tabby. She naps a lot, but remains an effective mouser.

We also have this enormous block of a grey tom, and he is a vicious killer of rodentia. I have seen him front leg-pit (armpit?) deep in a gopher hole, and drag the little buzzard out with his claws. Sometimes the dumb dog gets in on the killing of the rodents, too. This grey cat, though. Heís a beast. No rat, mouse, or squirrel are safe in the yard.

Peace,
Robert

Keith Wilson
06-18-2018, 12:23 PM
Ah, yes, the delights of spring; the time when one finds headless baby rabbits left as a gift on the doorstep.

amish rob
06-18-2018, 12:27 PM
Ah, yes, the delights of spring; the time when one finds headless baby rabbits left as a gift on the doorstep.
The pure joy of reaching to pick up a rat tail file that isnít...

Peace,
Robert

P.S. The twenty year old cat brought a living pigeon into the bedroom when my wife was napping while pregnant with our oldest. Needless to say, the sudden flapping about of an injured bird on the bed waking her almost gave us a preemie. ;)
This remains one of her favorite stories. Mine, too.

oznabrag
06-18-2018, 12:31 PM
We have one 20 year old, deaf tabby. She naps a lot, but remains an effective mouser.

We also have this enormous block of a grey tom, and he is a vicious killer of rodentia. I have seen him front leg-pit (armpit?) deep in a gopher hole, and drag the little buzzard out with his claws. Sometimes the dumb dog gets in on the killing of the rodents, too. This grey cat, though. He’s a beast. No rat, mouse, or squirrel are safe in the yard.

Peace,
Robert

One fine October afternoon my friend Barry fired up the oven and was greeted by the smell of mouse urine.

In those days, folks didn't use the oven between May and October.

He pulled the range away from the wall and contemplated this new horror.

Right on schedule, Killer, the neighborhood Tom, yowled at the door for a scrap of food, so Barry just opened the back door and let him in.

Within a minute, Killer had killed 5 mice. He would pin their heads to the floor and rip their bodies off.

So, within 5 minutes of Barry becoming aware that he had a mouse nest in his range, they were all dead.

He said he felt as though it was gonna be a good day.

Keith Wilson
06-18-2018, 12:31 PM
Live bats. A live frog once too, which we rescued uninjured. http://www.reduser.net/forum/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif They're remarkably vicious animals if you're three inches long.

Paul Pless
06-18-2018, 12:33 PM
i recall fondly one particular day after i had been complaining about the cats and katherine was telling me to bugger off, that she awoke with her gorgeous precious tomcat sleeping and kneading her chest, and rolled over to find a decapitated and eviscerated baby chipmunk on her pillow mere inches from her face

is there anything in the world more cute and more innocent than a frolicing baby chipmunk. . . :)


The pure joy of reaching to pick up a rat tail file that isnít...

Peace,
Robert

P.S. The twenty year old cat brought a living pigeon into the bedroom when my wife was napping while pregnant with our oldest. Needless to say, the sudden flapping about of an injured bird on the bed waking her almost gave us a preemie. ;)
This remains one of her favorite stories. Mine, too.

Flying Orca
06-18-2018, 12:33 PM
In our neighbourhood, one does not let cats outside if one cares for their health and safety. However, we are currently working to rescue a stray who has taken up residence by our back porch, although we won't be in a position to adopt him ourselves.

amish rob
06-18-2018, 12:35 PM
One fine October afternoon my friend Barry fired up the oven and was greeted by the smell of mouse urine.

In those days, folks didn't use the oven between May and October.

He pulled the range away from the wall and contemplated this new horror.

Right on schedule, Killer, the neighborhood Tom, yowled at the door for a scrap of food, so Barry just opened the back door and let him in.

Within a minute, Killer had killed 5 mice. He would pin their heads to the floor and rip their bodies off.

So, within 5 minutes of Barry becoming aware that he had a mouse nest in his range, they were all dead.

He said he felt as though it was gonna be a good day.

The 20 year old female cat we have is named Killer.

Peace,
Great Minds, And All

Ted Hoppe
06-18-2018, 12:41 PM
The 20 year old female cat we have is named Killer.

Peace,
Great Minds, And All

i would expect nothing less than a great mouser at your family compound and personal inventiontorium

George Jung
06-18-2018, 12:45 PM
So Paul needs to claw the woodwork and pee on the bed when he is mad at me?

generally less of a problem, once you have them neutered. Paul certainly seems to have 'shaped up'...

Rum_Pirate
06-18-2018, 12:46 PM
Hmm,


The Catís DiaryDay 983 of My Captivity
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ďgood little hunterĒ I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ďallergies.Ē I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ..
.

Rum_Pirate
06-18-2018, 12:48 PM
The Dog's diary on the other hand:


The Dog’s Diary

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!

7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

George Jung
06-18-2018, 12:51 PM
Those are good!

Rum_Pirate
06-18-2018, 12:54 PM
Those are good!
Forgot to add 'Not my authorship', but wish it was. :D

Paul Pless
06-18-2018, 01:12 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKffm2uI4dk

willmarsh3
06-18-2018, 01:20 PM
There's the joy of waking up at 3am to squeaking sounds. I went to investigate and saw that one of my cats was taking care of it. I went back to bed. The squeaking sounds turned to chewing sounds. Then I fell asleep. There was nothing to clean up the next morning.

Osborne Russell
06-18-2018, 02:44 PM
INT. DAYTIME. KITCHEN.
There is a small, twin dish bowl in the floor and a fluffy white cat anxiously circling it. Enter MAN.

Man: Is you hungry, Sweetums?

This thing just writes itself! Hahaha.


Peace,
A Bit Rusty

|;)

A 12 pound mammal with a brain the size of a hazel nut not only understands conditioned reflex but learns how to work it.

Non-cat people beware.

JimD
06-18-2018, 02:49 PM
Max is in charge of quality control

https://uniim1.shutterfly.com/ng/services/mediarender/THISLIFE/001088755806/media/70386791004/medium/1194811564/enhance

Teddy inspects

https://uniim1.shutterfly.com/ng/services/mediarender/THISLIFE/001088755806/media/70386791001/medium/1194811559/enhance

and looks down on things


https://uniim1.shutterfly.com/ng/services/mediarender/THISLIFE/001088755806/media/70386790996/medium/1194811555/enhance

Occasionally they would work as a team

https://uniim1.shutterfly.com/ng/services/mediarender/THISLIFE/001088755806/media/70386791014/medium/1194812167/enhance

JimD
06-18-2018, 02:55 PM
Nothing like a bar of soap and a soak after hard day's work

https://uniim1.shutterfly.com/ng/services/mediarender/THISLIFE/001088755806/media/70386791059/medium/1194811631/enhance

What's in the basket? Max wants to know.

https://uniim1.shutterfly.com/ng/services/mediarender/THISLIFE/001088755806/media/70386791204/medium/1194811724/enhance

New family member Chester

https://uniim1.shutterfly.com/ng/services/mediarender/THISLIFE/001088755806/media/70386791207/medium/1194811725/enhance

https://uniim1.shutterfly.com/ng/services/mediarender/THISLIFE/001088755806/media/70386791197/medium/1194811722/enhance

Osborne Russell
06-18-2018, 02:57 PM
Live bats. A live frog once too, which we rescued uninjured. http://www.reduser.net/forum/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif They're remarkably vicious animals if you're three inches long.

A live rabbit and a live possum. Once, a 24 inch (44 inches with tail) iguana. They didn't kill it, but they had it trapped in a corner. Belonged to a guy two streets away, from whom I learned she weighed 20 pounds and was named Martha.

OTOH, one night we left the screen door open and they let a skunk just walk in and eat their food. I heard a bunch of noise and went and saw. Three cats sat and watched. I thought, I can't do anything in the nude. And it's going to have to be long pants, long sleeve shirt. Gloves. For the face, how about mask and snorkel? Shush him out with the broom.

Then, get smart, dude. I went back to bed. Think like a cat.

CWSmith
06-18-2018, 02:58 PM
I know that look! It says, "You can pet me, but I will not change my mind!"




https://uniim1.shutterfly.com/ng/services/mediarender/THISLIFE/001088755806/media/70386791059/medium/1194811631/enhance

Phil Y
06-18-2018, 05:51 PM
Cats are completely self obsessed, dishonest, calculating, vicious feral animals. Just buy the Porsche.

Keith Wilson
06-18-2018, 06:31 PM
Hey, not one of my cats has ever lied to me! ;) The big one just came up on my lap to get his excess hair removed. We have a cooperative arrangement; I suspect 2/3 of his food goes to hair production, but if I comb him regularly he doesn't barf on the carpet, and he purrs thunderously the whole time.

Paul Pless
06-18-2018, 06:52 PM
its ninety degrees eff with ninety percent humidity here in hell today
i'd almost rather kat's cat barf on the rug than have all his hair stuck to me right now, never mind his thunderous purring. . .

JimD
06-18-2018, 08:03 PM
The heat I get but don't understand how it can be so humid in Hell

The Bigfella
06-18-2018, 08:22 PM
Don't know any men who can lick their own.....

https://photos.smugmug.com/Hate-Photobucket-2/i-NBV2TC7/0/1597abdd/X3/224frsdtuttgt-X3.jpg

Rum_Pirate
06-18-2018, 08:58 PM
Don't know any men who can lick their own.....


I have a Golden retriever & I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn' t because I' d ended up in the hospital last time, but that I' d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I 'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned.
I told her "No; it was because I 'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me".

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door...

downthecreek
06-19-2018, 05:09 AM
Hey, not one of my cats has ever lied to me! ;)

I should think not! Far from being dishonest, cats are as honest as the day is long. There is not an iota of pretence about them. Dogs are pack animals, of course, and rely on the support of the pack leader, so they make damn sure they retain that support.

Cats are self reliant, so if they choose to spend time with us, that's a bonus. They are certainly capable of affection - you should see my two (brothers from the same litter) competing to groom each other. And if one of them sounds to be upset or anxious, the other will wake from his slumbers and go to his side. Often the same affectionate signals are directed to the staff (me) My nose gets a good licking (a good face washing shortly follows!)

Enigmatic creatures, spanning the divide between the wild and the domestic. It's wonderful what attributes we humans project on to them. That's always been both their fortune and their misfortune.

18002

Katherine
06-19-2018, 07:11 AM
its ninety degrees eff with ninety percent humidity here in hell today
i'd almost rather kat's cat barf on the rug than have all his hair stuck to me right now, never mind his thunderous purring. . .
I notice Leo is always my cat when he is doing something you don't like. When he's being cute and cuddly he's yours.