View Full Version : Life Is But A Dream

Osborne Russell
05-13-2016, 12:49 PM
Good day, so far, I guess. Started with a dream . . .

I took a long road trip to visit relatives. On the way back, I felt I couldn't face the remaining eight hours of driving so I stopped and got a room at a motel. After dinner I drove into town. I went to a big music festival in a football stadium. I was intrigued to see that "The Association" was going to play, and I wondered if it was the old guys, the ones that did "Along Comes Mary."

I went into the stadium. As I crossed the field, I saw several dozen marching band people and a troupe of hula dancers assembling. The band people were wearing Hawaiian shirts and straw lifeguard hats and the hula girls of course were wearing grass skirts. That can't be for the The Association, I thought, but it was. The marching band and the hula dancers had to get onstage by the front stairs, i.e. the side by the field, and so there was a big bottleneck, especially with the big white sousaphones. I was standing nearby, watching.

The band members were on stage getting ready. The keyboard player was looking for something and yellling out, "What happened to my . . . " but I couldn't hear what. There was a lot of stuff near where I was standing, cardboard boxes, shipping crates and such. Then I noticed that near the stage was a sort of formation of painted ceramic lawn figures, deer, rabbits, the dwarves from Snow White, etc. I figured it was some kind of band fetish or totem but I noticed something that looked like a power cord in between them, so I carefully fished it out. I held it up and yelled out to the keyboard player "Is this it?" and he said "Yeah! Bring it up here, quick! " So I did but by the time I got up there, the band had started playing, including the marching band doing their thing, and the hula dancers doing a hula, so I had to run across the stage threading a path between them, ducking the waving white sousaphones, and the slides from the trombones, around the swiveling hula dancers, to give the guy the cord.

I turned around to get back off the stage but I couldn't see the head of the stairs. I just headed in that direction, found some stairs and headed down them, but it turned out they went backstage.

Backstage there were more boxes and crates, piled up in groups, which I assumed corresponded to other groups that were going to play, or something. Forklifts driving back and forth and lots of workers. I found a place out of the way where I could kind of see back onto the stage, where sure enough, The Association was doing a hula/marching band version of "Along Comes Mary." And it worked!

When that was over, the forklifts and the workers started madly moving the boxes around so I just got my back against a wall and stayed out of the way. When they had done their thing, all the groups of boxes and crates had been re-arranged. In front of one group were two folding chairs, and sitting in one of them was Larry David. I was quite tired by now so I just walked up and sat down. "Boy, I'm glad they're done with that!" I said, and he said, "Tell me about it. I think it's safe now. Wanna go get a coffee?" "Sure", I said, and we took off.

Backstage hooked up with the entrance to a shopping mall. We went in there but couldn't find a coffee place. Now I'm really tired so I said, "Bag it?" and he said, "Yeah, let's bag it." So we headed toward the doors, and as we got there, a big entourage of Hollywood people were coming in, so we had to wait. As they went by, we saw that in the center of the entourage were two starlets riding like those handicapped electric go-carts, but these were all trimmed out in gold and white plastic fairings and upholstery and so forth. And they were three feet longer in the back, with a bed like a flatbed truck, on which was mounted a big sculpted porcelain thing, which I took to be a toilet, one of those big fancy elliptical ones. White fake fur carpeting. At the ends of the beds were two sort of whip antenna things, white, flying little gold satin pennants. Then, behind each vehicle was a chihuahua on a leash. I had to kind of crane my neck in to see, and I saw they were actually a really trick version of those Japanese robot dogs. They were wearing little doggie sweaters with their initials in sequins, but underneath you could see the torso was really just molded translucent tan-colored acrylic plastic. "Well, they did a good job on the color, anyway" I said to Larry, who looked at me askance. Then I looked again, and noticed that the legs were for some reason made out of translucent light blue acrylic. I turned to Larry and said, "The legs are blue because that shows that they are robots, and robot dogs are chic." Larry again looked at me askance.

Finally we got out of the place and Larry turned to me and said, "Did you see that? What the heck was that?" It took me a few moments to put it together, and I said, "The basic theme is a Hollywood personal luxury cart, with toilet, towing a robot chihuahua." "Very astute, my friend!" says Larry.

At that moment the dream abruptly ended because the cat had chased a bird into the bedroom, which flew towards the wall where the bed is. I was lying on my side. The cat leaped onto the bed and ran lickety split up the length of my body, gathered himself atop my ear, and launched off after the bird. Luckily, no claws. Luckily, he didn't pull down the curtains, like last time. Just a lot of scuffling, wing flapping, and cheeping.

My wife runs in and says, "What happened?" So I told her, and asked if the coffee was ready. Thankfully, it was. As I'm pouring the coffee, my wife captures the bird and determines that it's stunned but not injured, so she's sitting watching the news with the bird cupped in her hands.

I sat down with the coffee, the guy on the news is playing a recording of what is supposed to be Donald Trump pretending to be his own press agent, talking about how much money Trump is making and how many girlfriends Trump has. That's over, now they are talking about how Trump's butler wanted Obama and Hillary both to be hung, next to each other. The bird begins to cheep, which draws the cat.

My wife put the bird in a shoebox, no lid. I put the shoebox on top of the car and went back in for some more news. I went back out after about ten minutes and the bird was gone.

John of Phoenix
05-13-2016, 02:39 PM
At that moment the dream abruptly ended because...Without that, I would have thought the whole thing was a dream. :D

Larry David, eh? Cool dream. I seldom remember mine and never have stars.