A very sombre morning

[Wild Dingo]

No nothing dramatic or such just a sombre day of rememberance for us

Well 2 years to the day have passed since mum decided she could no longer put up with the increasing never ending pain and went where pain ends

Seems as the day has come upon us each day brings new memories thoughts and wonderings about what we as her kids could have done to have made her life easier in those years that led to her choice... if we had known what was to come oh the changes we would have made... but we didnt only a slight twitch of "its possible" but never an honest firm belief that she would ever do it

So to the day she passed we continued on... without saying "I love you" often enough her letters and papers left behind some written the night she died tell us she wasnt sure of our care and love for her... although if given time... maybe ah well its an unknown so best not thought about

I guess the only thing that I know from all this is that I can do... not for her but for myself and family... is to simply make it known without any doubt or uncertanty that I love them and that they mean the world to me

The people closest to you your wife (husband or partner) your children along with your sisters brothers nephews and neices are the most precious people in the world... just tell them you love them... yeah your going to feel like a real idiot saying it to some of them... I know I did with my brother and nephew but now without any doubt they know that I love them..

Your closest friends need to know really know how you feel about them not just assume but know... so tell them

But mostly if your mum or dad is still around... go give them a hug and say "I love you" they will know but the feeling of having you say the words will mean so much to them... yes we all have times when were angry with them or they us and times when were not talking or distance puts them apart from our lives...

But think on this... if they were to suddenly pass would you have told them you love them in the days hours before? would they know with no trace of uncertainty that you their son or daughter loved them and nothing matters but that they know that?

I never knew what mum was planning and plan it she did even to getting Nitschke involved but I was unaware and in my ignorance didnt for a moment truely suspect her to do what she did so in the months leading to her death never said "Mum I love you" no just as usual my life my family my work rarely about her as well to me it was always about the pain loneliness and isolation she felt and I guess I didnt want to hear it

Now there is no chance to do it no chance to just listen to her no chance to offer help or support no chance to be there for her and no chance to say I love you mum

Its okay now that she did what she did... I can understand it 30+ years of increasing pain the steady decline in her ability to be independant the ever increasing levels of morphine and other medications the lessening of times of lucidity due to the medications the loss of interest in life... yes I can understand it

But I didnt say "I love you mum" and that even now 2 years on tears the guts right out of me

So if you can go see your parents and tell them cause you may not be aware of what they are planning... maybe just maybe your voicing the words will make them pause... but if nothing else it will make them love and be proud of you even more than they are

This evening at 6pm we lift our glasses in love and respect me here in Brunswick my sisters in Broome and my brother in Kalgoorlie thousands of miles apart but united in love for our mother

at peace now Verna Eyre 6 June 1937 - 5 November 2003

[ 11-04-2005, 08:55 PM: Message edited by: Wild Dingo ]

[ishmael]

It's the ten year anniversary of my mum's passing too. Give or take a day. March, 1919 to November 1995. Hoist a cup to Verna Eyre, and Bonnie June.

[Kim Whitmyre]

Well said, and taken to the heart.

[Wild Dingo]

Well another year past...at exactly 6pm with beer in hand I my eldest son eldest daughter her partner and my nephew gathered around the barbie and together raised a cheer as the sun set knowing that my elder and younger sister and their partners in Broome and my brother in Kalgoorlie along with my second eldest daughter and his eldest son were all doing the same at that exact moment

The setting sun the orange sky a wonderous sight the laughter of the kookaburras the squawking in the pine of the black cockatoos the children running and playing made the sombre day smile...

Life goes on... but we will remember

PS... I made a toast to Bonnie June Jack regardless of how utterly insane this mob thought I was at the time... After some time with mum I called a new toast "to a mates mum whos also walking where no pain can reside to Bonnie June" I explained that she was a mates mum who had passed on and they were cool with it... then a toast to Ian "a mate recently gone beyond the horizon" and they were cool with it... then a toast to Norm "another mate thats also gone beyond the horizon" no worries they were cool with it... then a new stubby all round and another toast "to Dave yes another fine mate now waiting over the horizon" and with new beers in hand we upped the salute and drank to him... a few seconds later and another toast "To lamess and before you ask another mate gone but not forgotten" and they were cool with it... a minute or so and another round another toast "To Das yeah another mate now sailing the endless fair tide" no worries up went the salute... a new beer a new toast and a group sigh a few hiccups and "To mates gone but not forgotten" no worries we were into it by this time the salute went up even louder... a new salute went up "To parents may they know their hoons love them even to they day they die" silence from all... no not from me but from Aaron as he raised his stubby and looked his dad in the eye... silence a tear a nod and then the salute went up loud and long

To parents!! :cool:

Theyre still outside gathered around the fire laughing and singing my eldest my children my life

Ooops whats that? Another shout and Im missin it!! You can see wher this is gonna end dontcha? thank gawd its Sunday tomorrow is all I can say!! :D

[ishmael]

Thanks, Shane, for the toast. Bonnie heard it. We never called her Bonnie, it was always June, but I've always liked her given name, Bonnie June.

It's a bitch: loss, pain, fear. But I reckon we better get used to it, eh?

I'm coming to think it really don't mean a thing, and that everything is okay.

[Wild Dingo]

Nah mate its not bloody okay! I mean how friggin dare they just up and croak it like that? eh? bloody hell you would think they would have more consideration than to flamin well die wouldnt you?!... Just joking mate ;)

Death is a part of life the circle thing... not mystical not mythical not even spiritual just a part of the cycle of life... we all hope that were all gonna grow old and slowly fade away then one day we wont be there anymore and others will mourn our passing... a part of life

Its a weird sensation to try to anylize it... I mean one KNOWS one will die one day it will happen no avoiding it one day we will all drop of the perch...

But the thoughts begin of what next? anything? nothing?...

Then the thoughts realy arc up... have we loved and lived life as we should have could have... what have I missed in life? have I left a legacy that people can smile and be proud of...

Then it comes... the doosy!!

Does it matter?

We go round along our lifes walk then we walk through the door of death and what then? what purpose was life in the first place? we live we love we procreate we laugh we cry we share we die... thats it?

Then it gets worse... does everything we have done said been thought spoken of created matter? or were we just some sort of wasted time wasted energy...

gawd it gets bloody depressing just writing it!!

[ishmael]

Does it matter? Well there were the sunny imaginings between Bonnie June and William Henry that spawned the like of me, so I guess it bloody well matters. smile.gif

But not in the huge images humans contemplate, no I don't think it do.

[bamamick]

Thanks for that, Shane. My dad and I have gone from having a strained relationship when I was a kid, to a non-existent relationship as a teen and young adult, to a lukewarm and getting warmer realtionship as I was in my late twenties and thirties, up to now, when I am closer to him than I have ever been. Of course, now he is in his 70's and has been diagnosed with cancer.

The biggest reason that I haven't posted here much lately is that I have kind of been adrift as far as my life goes. Spent most of the summer in Germany. Came home to a world turned upside down by hurricanes. My work life stinks because I work for a 'global' company, which in today's parlance means 'a company that is sooner or later moving to Asia so you better just plan for that'. In the meantime, while we prepare for the hammer to fall on our jobs, we have to continually do 'process improvement analysis', and adapt the 'team concept', both of which basically mean get rid of everyone you can, and then a few more. Miserable.

Anyway, my dear old dad has had some surgeries. On Monday he's going in for 'routine' surgery to remove a part of one of his lungs. Well, my mother-in-law passed away on the operating table having something similiar done. 'Routine'. I am sure that it'll be fine, but I am scared as hell. And what's worse, HE'S scared as hell. He's never been scared of anything in his life, but he's scared now.

Anyway, bless you old son. Bless all the moms and dads out there, and their kids to boot. Thanks for that heart touching ode to all of our moms and dads, Shane. Thank you.

Mickey Lake

[ 11-08-2005, 03:48 PM: Message edited by: bamamick ]

[Alan D. Hyde]

Mickey, is there any way you can set up some part of what you do as an individual or small enterprise of your own, and possibly lessen the stress that comes with lack of control, while perhaps enhancing your income and lowering your income-tax liability???

Alan

[bamamick]

Appreciate the thought, Alan, but I work in manufacturing (chemicals). I am a shift supervisor and troubleshooter, and sometimes consultant in other plants. I have worked in this industry for 24 years and enjoyed it for the most part. Challenging work. I like the job, I am just being ground down by the company.

For the first time in my adult life I have been giving thoughts to finding other work. Of course, the fact that I have three kids in college will make that highly unlikely, but I have thought about it.

Anyway, we all have stress in our lives, it just breaks through the cracks in my life every now and again.

Thanks for the concern.

Mickey Lake

[Bayboat]

[ 11-26-2005, 09:16 PM: Message edited by: Bayboat ]

[Bayboat]

My Dad sez: "Amen, Not-So-Wild Dingo. We all have things we regret. The trick is to remember without letting the regrets get the upper hand. All the best to you and the mob in Oz." John.

[ 11-26-2005, 09:08 PM: Message edited by: Bayboat ]

[Meerkat]

And a thought too, please, for Eleanore May LeBlanc (nee: Roberts) who passed away at age 59 of breast cancer. It's going on 20 years and it still cuts like a knife. I miss her more than I can say.