rbgarr
08-24-2003, 06:20 AM
My wife's cousin lives next door and we love him to death. Let's call him Jonesy. He's a lifelong bachelor who turned seventy this year. He lives a quiet, settled life with his pet cat and seagull, morning newspaper at breakfast in a nearby eatery with other early-risers, gouty knee and daily walks to the local post office where we think he carries a torch for the local postmistress. Jonesy was a night security guard for the Federal Reserve in Boston before retiring to the small house his uncle left him here on the shore of Boothbay Harbor. She's an unabashed hippy who has decked out the post office within an inch of the Federal limits on decorations. Pastoral scenes painted on lobsterpot buoys hanging from the ramp railings, dreamcatchers spinning in the windows, driftood fairy houses on the side tables,Ravi Shankar on the tape deck... you get the picture. We're pretty sure he regards her as exotic. During our winters in the south, she sends us our stamp orders and includes photos of our house when it's snowed in here and looking chilly but beautiful. He checks on everything for us and calls every once in a while to tell us the local winter news and about the wildlife he's seen in the harbor. In the fall, Monarch butterflies migrate south... some swans spent the winter once... there are minks and foxes along the shore, and loons in the spring. His longest drive is a once-a-week trip is to the next town where he drops off his laundry with a lady who washes and folds it just the way he likes. She did the same for his (also bachelor uncle) starting in the 60's, so why mess with a good thing?
This summer, however, Jonesy's come out with some hilarious malapropisms (?) that have entertained us no end. The first was when we were discussing the new sewer system we jointly installed last fall. There was a warning light going off that signalled a low water level and cycling pump. There's a macerator (like a kitchen sink garbage disposall) in the bottom of the tank, but whenever he talks to my 85 year old mother-in-law (his aunt) about it he refers to it as the 'emasculator'. It's all any of us can do to keep from bursting into laughter.
Then, he was listening to a conversation I was having a few weeks ago with my nephew about vasectomies. The nephew and his wife are relatively strapped teachers with four children who have found that they are pregnant with a fifth. They are happy, strong and still young, but a sixth is something they want to avoid, so we were talking about alternatives. Jonesy was listening in on this conversation, but misheard the term we were using and has since been referring to 'vastectomies'. THAT sounds like a much more serious operation, doesn't it? :eek:
Finally, yesterday he was entertaing his niece and nephew who have come for a visit with their two young children. They were all fishing for mackeral off the dock when I rowed in from the Saturday afternoon sailboat race, after mooring and snugging down the sailboat (a Shields class sloop). As I was unloading my gear from the rowboat the oldest fofthe children asked what kind of sailboat mine was. I explained that it was a sloop, which satisfied him, but Jonesy thought he wanted to know what class it was, so he volunteered that it was a 'Sheath'. The boys parents had to turn away and cover their mouths to hide their laughter.
I fervently hope this will continue... can't wait to hear what comes next.
[ 08-24-2003, 06:27 AM: Message edited by: rbgarr ]
This summer, however, Jonesy's come out with some hilarious malapropisms (?) that have entertained us no end. The first was when we were discussing the new sewer system we jointly installed last fall. There was a warning light going off that signalled a low water level and cycling pump. There's a macerator (like a kitchen sink garbage disposall) in the bottom of the tank, but whenever he talks to my 85 year old mother-in-law (his aunt) about it he refers to it as the 'emasculator'. It's all any of us can do to keep from bursting into laughter.
Then, he was listening to a conversation I was having a few weeks ago with my nephew about vasectomies. The nephew and his wife are relatively strapped teachers with four children who have found that they are pregnant with a fifth. They are happy, strong and still young, but a sixth is something they want to avoid, so we were talking about alternatives. Jonesy was listening in on this conversation, but misheard the term we were using and has since been referring to 'vastectomies'. THAT sounds like a much more serious operation, doesn't it? :eek:
Finally, yesterday he was entertaing his niece and nephew who have come for a visit with their two young children. They were all fishing for mackeral off the dock when I rowed in from the Saturday afternoon sailboat race, after mooring and snugging down the sailboat (a Shields class sloop). As I was unloading my gear from the rowboat the oldest fofthe children asked what kind of sailboat mine was. I explained that it was a sloop, which satisfied him, but Jonesy thought he wanted to know what class it was, so he volunteered that it was a 'Sheath'. The boys parents had to turn away and cover their mouths to hide their laughter.
I fervently hope this will continue... can't wait to hear what comes next.
[ 08-24-2003, 06:27 AM: Message edited by: rbgarr ]