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Meli
12-27-2012, 05:20 AM
My ex just emailed wanting to borrow my cordless drill and my jigsaw to do some repairs for his mum.

I said, he could borrow them if he paid a $200 deposit:d
you guys talk about me. Letting go of the relationship?:rolleyes:

Meli
12-27-2012, 05:52 AM
Yeah I know, Im trying to play a reasonable position, so I ignore the crazy stuff and try to respond to what would be normal reasonable requests in a civilized normal way.

Its not possible is it? :o

obscured by clouds
12-27-2012, 05:53 AM
chances are you'll never see them again. let him buy his own.

Meli
12-27-2012, 05:58 AM
Yep.
but hes unemployed and broke.
I HAVE TO STOP THIS BEING HIS BEST MATE REASONABLE THING he's just playing on it. Some sort of controling game.. Right?

Ive never been ungenerous or un accommodating to anyone in my whole freeking life.
ever.

Bob Adams
12-27-2012, 06:01 AM
After the crap he put you through? He has balls to say the least.

Peerie Maa
12-27-2012, 06:09 AM
Do you have a good relationship with your kids grandmother? If yes offer to do the repairs for her.

Meli
12-27-2012, 06:18 AM
You're rationalizing. The crazy stuff is thinking you can have a reasonable exchange over borrowing tools while dissolving community property. You're simply f*cking with him from a position of power. Sorry, it's not cute or fun. This consultation is free, the next cost $.02.
what?? He could have the freeking things if i didnt need them. Hes had 4 freeking years of free storage for about 10 cubic metres of his crap.
I cant use my workshop because its full of his **** that he refuses to remove.and I cant legally dispose of it
ME F&cking with him from a position of power?
CERIST you just dont get it do you. CUTE or fun? No its freeking not you dick head.

actually I replied perfectly politely and said no, he couldnt borrow them because im useing them to fix the house and restore Liams boat.
he replieid
I'll be over to get them tomorrow.
then I said he can pay a deposit

you just dont get it

Meli
12-27-2012, 06:20 AM
Do you have a good relationship with your kids grandmother? If yes offer to do the repairs for her.
e wont allow me near the place.

Meli
12-27-2012, 06:42 AM
Fair enough.
Lee, I have court orders specifying my contact with him re the kids school and medical conditions.
Its a bloody fine line i walk.
I rang the police station near his flat.
he is known
they told me they would provide his address to the courts for a restraining order.
right after new year when the courts are not busy with the really violent, I'm applying for restraining orders.

Chris Coose
12-27-2012, 06:52 AM
You're gonna have a medical condition if you ignore the court order. It's called, jail.

One of you has to play adult here.

LeeG
12-27-2012, 06:55 AM
Fair enough.
Lee, I have court orders specifying my contact with him re the kids school and medical conditions.
Its a bloody fine line i walk.

As a dickhead I'm easily confused. Do the court orders require you to respond to requests to borrow tools?

Meli
12-27-2012, 06:59 AM
Sorry about that, I get mad.
heres the very latest in his response
how would you deal with it?

Melanie


Get over yourself. The jigsaw is mine. You have used it in your business for years and I only want to borrow it for a couple of days


The drill is yours but would be useful and help me help my mother


You are not Coates Hire. You are just someone I know who I am asking a favor of


For the jigsaw - which you have used in your business - for around ten years. I want it back


For the drill, I was hoping for some goodwill.


Now is not the time for you to provoke needless arguments over trivialities. Particularly when Liam's future is involved.


I'll come around t/row. What time is good for you?

Meli
12-27-2012, 07:19 AM
Yeah, I dont know the rules either.
I ve told him no.
the kids are home when he comes around.
having a fight about trivia upsets them, but if i let him in, he steals small things, starts conversations re property etc.and makes scenes
Im at my wits end.

Meli
12-27-2012, 07:30 AM
Heres the latest..


Go and get treatment. Reasonable behavior is beyond you and is IMHO symptomatic of your diagnosed psychotic condition


Please do that before you destroy your life and that of the children


Regards








On 27/12/2012, at


[Hide Quoted Text]
> The answer is no.
> You may not borrow my tools.
> Given your behaviour the chance of me gettingthem back is zero.

what am I supposed to do with this sort of crap?
this is but one relatively mild example of what I have put up with on a daily basis.

I trynto be reasonable.

Paul Pless
12-27-2012, 07:36 AM
I'd have replied with something like, "Yeah, umm. . . . . . . . .I don't think so, mate."

I always throw that 'mate' thing in there, when I'm trying to impersonate Aussie speak. I think it makes it seem more real. YMMV!;)

Meli
12-27-2012, 07:39 AM
You are such a dag paul. :d
Another good aussie word

John Smith
12-27-2012, 07:41 AM
I wish there was an easy answer. As to the tools, a simple "no" might suffice, but who is that hurting?

Meli
12-27-2012, 07:45 AM
I said a simple no, and explained that i am using them to fix the house. Its open for inspection in about 3 weeks.
Id never get them back.and i need them.

John Smith
12-27-2012, 07:52 AM
I don't know if it helps for others to share their woes, but I have a 39 year old live in daughter and her daughter. In her efforts to better herself she's been taking an online course from Thomas Edison College. She has printed out, on my computer, a significant number of reports, had us all look them over and make suggestions, then retyped and printed them out again. I went to print something the other day and was out of ink.

It's a running argument in this house over what this daugher does not contribute. She's offered to buy no ink or paper.

Some time back my wife and I had the biggest argument we ever had. It was about our daughter's lack of contributing. I had sent my daughter a very nice email advising her that her mother and I are on fixed incomes and would be self sustaining if we only had to support ourselves. Daughter gets upset and asks for a number.

My wife and I talk. I tell her she can't pull a number out of her butt, and it can't be a stagnant, never changing number. I suggested we take the taxes and home insurance out of the equation, as they would be the same. Then figure 30% of the rest of the family bills: public service, food, etc. Wife did the arithmetic and came up with $600. She then told my daugher $250. We are on an unsustainable path.

And I can't change that.

Andrew Craig-Bennett
12-27-2012, 08:03 AM
John, that really puts the "Bank of Mum and Dad" into perspective for me. I really cannot imagine such behaviour.

Meli
12-27-2012, 08:06 AM
Well 250 is better than zip.
stop feeding her, eat out for a week, no food in fridge. Cut off the phone and use your mobiles only.
she might get the message.

I get what you are saying btw. its hard when you are being manipulated, know it and theres not muchyou can do if you want to keep your soul in tact.

LeeG
12-27-2012, 08:22 AM
She has printed out, on my computer, a significant number of reports, had us all look them over and make suggestions, then retyped and printed them out again. I went to print something the other day and was out of ink.

It's a running argument in this house over what this daugher does not contribute. She's offered to buy no ink or paper.

Some time back my wife and I had the biggest argument we ever had. It was about our daughter's lack of contributing. I had sent my daughter a very nice email advising her that her mother and I are on fixed incomes and would be self sustaining if we only had to support ourselves. Daughter gets upset and asks for a number.

We are on an unsustainable path.

.

We got a new printer on sale because it only cost $20 more than the $60 ink cartridges , why do cartridges cost so much?

Bram V
12-27-2012, 08:24 AM
If you don't want to lend stuff (space, tools, money) do not feel pressured to do so. If you need it you should never have to explain yourself, if you are not currently using it, explaining might educate the person you don't want to lend stuff to so you might have less reservations in the future.

If between you and the borrowing party there is strife, let not your tools become bargaining chips.

Bram V
12-27-2012, 08:26 AM
Well 250 is better than zip.
stop feeding her, eat out for a week, no food in fridge. Cut off the phone and use your mobiles only.
she might get the message.

I get what you are saying btw. its hard when you are being manipulated, know it and theres not muchyou can do if you want to keep your soul in tact.

She asked for a number (which is what I would have done) John and his wife provided one, but it was lower than it should have been, that part is not their daughter's fault.

Mrleft8
12-27-2012, 08:33 AM
The first mistake was responding to the request at all. The second was to say "no", and the third was to say "Yes" with conditions. Once you engage him, he has the power.

TomF
12-27-2012, 09:45 AM
e wont allow me near the place.Then there's your answer, in case it hadn't been provided by anything else. Your tools shouldn't be borrowed to go somewhere that the borrower will forbid to see them.

Let him rent his own damned tools, if he's got a $200 deposit. This is not much more than a play to weasel his way back in where he oughtn't be welcome.

Keith Wilson
12-27-2012, 09:48 AM
I think a better answer might have been just "No!", but yours was fine. The fellow has to understand that he needs to go away.

S.V. Airlie
12-27-2012, 09:51 AM
Your ex seems REALLY Thick Meli. He has TO REALIZE your separation WAS NOT THAT FRIENDLY. doesn't he have any friends, EITHER GENDER, he could borrow a bloody DRILL etc.?

hanleyclifford
12-27-2012, 09:53 AM
What's a dag?

Chris Coose
12-27-2012, 10:15 AM
I'll come around t/row. What time is good for you?

In my town and you have a protection order, you make a time for him and the cops to be there at the same time. You are absent.

He goes to jail.

That, or you leave the tools out for him to pick up. You change the rules.
When you remove the fight there is no fight and lots of people don't next know how to proceed.

I've seen the latter intervention work most effectively most every time and having experienced it myself and watched a bunch of people walk from the fight (happens to a lot to people just sobering up) to their new lives is best.

Arizona Bay
12-27-2012, 10:18 AM
What's a dag?
The back end of a sheep, just below the tail..

No is the only answer. Not responding would have been better though.

Keith Wilson
12-27-2012, 03:00 PM
I hope she has a wooden leg; if he want to use a jigsaw on his mother, he's even worse than we thought!

purri
12-27-2012, 03:19 PM
He's a narcissist, therefore the universe revolves around him.
Your ex seems REALLY Thick Meli. He has TO REALIZE your separation WAS NOT THAT FRIENDLY. doesn't he have any friends, EITHER GENDER, he could borrow a bloody DRILL etc.?

Mrleft8
12-27-2012, 03:52 PM
I hope she has a wooden leg; if he want to use a jigsaw on his mother, he's even worse than we thought!

Did you watch "Fargo"? :D

beernd
12-27-2012, 03:56 PM
We got a new printer on sale because it only cost $20 more than the $60 ink cartridges , why do cartridges cost so much?

Now that's a good question, why indeed ?

Tom Wilkinson
12-27-2012, 09:40 PM
Now that's a good question, why indeed ?

Cartridges that come with the new printer have less ink than replacement cartridges. They are just starters. So I have been told. I use a laser printer since I rarely need color and toner lasts forever.

Tom Wilkinson
12-27-2012, 09:44 PM
I ave a working relationship with my ex. We loan tools and help each other out often. It's not typical though and sounds nothing like what is going on here.

Meli
12-27-2012, 09:49 PM
I used to.even up to a year or so ago
I borrowed the work van to help him move stuff in his wharehouse.
took him sushi and books when he was in hospital.
given him money when he was broke.
all I got was bitten. No more

Chip-skiff
12-27-2012, 09:52 PM
You are such a dag paul. :d
Another good aussie word

Alternate meanings: A devilish fun sort, a cutup. Or the sh*t that clots in the wool around a sheep's bum.

Meli
12-27-2012, 11:46 PM
An endearingly dopy clown.
or the tatty bits of ****ty wool round a sheeps bum:D





Ron Weasley is a dag

Mrleft8
12-28-2012, 09:30 AM
Why did you feel the overwhelming need to share this episode with the world, Meli?..... Just curious.

Lew Barrett
12-28-2012, 03:39 PM
I am trying to keep to a rule I learned many years ago. If somebody asks for a favor and I can't or don't want to comply, I say "no." I try to say it as nicely but firmly as I can.

Remembering the rule that "no good deed will go unpunished" often makes "no" a lot easier. I don't offer you much advice, Meli, but I get that you are conflicted about this. If so and you can resolve your own feelings, the rest will come much easier. It takes many years (as a rule) for exes to get back on an even keel even in the best of circumstances. If you ever do achieve parody in your relationship, lending tools will not be so hard. Until then, the answer is always "no." If it is indeed his jig saw, you should give it back to him without delay. Keeping it is a complication.

Paul Pless
12-28-2012, 03:40 PM
Lew, mind if I borrow that new Multitool, err... I mean Multistrada of yours?

Lew Barrett
12-28-2012, 03:42 PM
Lew, mind if I borrow that new Multitool, err... I mean Multistrada of yours?

No, I don't mind a bit, but no, you can't borrow it. See how easy that was? :D

Or, I could say sure....come on over! Either way the outcome will be the same! In this case it's like inviting a person to lunch who you know is going to be busy that day. (If you can/will get here, you bet you can ride it)! That's for real. It's just a bike. I've had many.