View Full Version : The most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet

12-06-2012, 04:00 PM
Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses 500 euros on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table.

Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up.

Michael O'Connor looks around and asks, 'Oh, me boys, someone got's to tell Paddy's wife.. Who will it be?'

They draw straws.

Paul Gallagher picks the short one..

They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.

'Discreet??? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me.'

Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door.

Mrs. Murphy answers, and asks what he wants.

Gallagher declares, 'Your husband just lost 2500 Euros, and is afraid to come home'

'Tell him to drop dead!', says Murphy's wife...

'I'll go tell him.' says Gallagher.

12-06-2012, 07:04 PM
Bad! Bad! :D

Ian McColgin
12-06-2012, 07:06 PM
Then there's the Irish hangman.

He's the one that's there to hang you.

He'll be borrowing your rope for the job.

And he'll have you thanking him for it.

12-06-2012, 07:07 PM
:) :) :)

Osborne Russell
12-07-2012, 01:33 PM
"Say, Maggie, I heard your husband died."

"Yes, he went on tour of the Guinness Brewery and fell into a vat of beer."

"Well, at least he died peacefully."

"Oh, no, he had to climb out six times to pee."

Andrew Craig-Bennett
12-07-2012, 01:46 PM
Sick Norn Iron version:

Two men knock on a door

"Is this the widow Murphy's house?"

"I'm Mrs Murphy..."

"You'd best come and see what me and the boys have got in the van..."

Tom Montgomery
12-07-2012, 02:49 PM
Dear Da,

I arrived safely in Boston and immediately found employment as a hod carrier.

It is a fine job! I carry bricks up five flights of stairs and then the bricklayer does all the work!


landlocked sailor
12-07-2012, 10:42 PM
May those who love us, love us.
May those who don't, may God turn their hearts.
If he can't turn their hearts, may he turn their ankles,
So we'll know them by their limpin'

slainte, Rick

12-07-2012, 10:55 PM
What Irishman only comes out in spring time?

Patio Furniture


Irish Foreplay: " Prepare yourself, Brigid."


Bob Cleek
12-07-2012, 11:06 PM
So it's closing time at the pub, but the boys are having a good time and decide to retire to Mike's house, since he's got a few in the fridge. On the way, Mike explains to Pat, Terry and Sean that his young son was born without ears and the boy is, of course, quite sensitive about it, so they shouldn't say anything about his missing ears when he introduces them.

Once at Mike's house he introduces his son to his mates. Pat shakes the boy's hand and says, "My, what a strong grip you've got. I'll bet you'll grow up to be a great athlete!" Terry shakes the boy's hand and says, "What a handsome smile you've got! I'll bet your going to be a real hit with the girls." Then Sean, who was a bit in the bag, shakes the boy's hand and says, "What beautiful blue eyes you have! But 'tis a shame, if you ever need glasses you'll surely be fooked!"

Chris Woodward
12-07-2012, 11:15 PM
Oh, the wheelbarrow tis a marvelous invention.
It taught the Irish to walk upright...