I guess I'll take it with me when I go

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  • Phillip Allen
    new member
    • May 2002
    • 63618

    I guess I'll take it with me when I go

    I don't even wish to take it with me. I want to leave it behind but I seem doomed to take all my disappointments along like an unwanted burden. How can I lay it down?

    I decided to force myself to write something. It's a ramble but it's all I can achieve. I won't even get very far...

    Why does everything have to be so disconnected? I still sing but now I sing out of tune. If I don’t sing out of tune then I choke up. It’s the only way I can get through the song. I have to make a joke out of it. It’s tiresome but I can’t stop, I don’t want to stop.

    Every time I think I might share my thoughts, I let it slip away. I am afraid to write it down. I am afraid because I know it won’t mean as much to others as it means to me and I’m afraid of yet another disappointment. It would be tragic theater and no one wants to hear it anyway, not even my own kids. Still, I sometimes wish I knew how to write it down. Maybe just so I could see it all again. Just to renew the ache for a while so I won’t have to feel nothing for a while. It’s like touching a sore to see if it still hurts and feeling reassured by the pain.

    I know where I went wrong. Well, at least I know some of those places. There’s no use in turning back the clock even if I could. I’d be just as stupid next time around; I guess that makes me a fatalist.



    now I have to try and get some sleep and get up and walk in the morning
    Last edited by Phillip Allen; 04-26-2012, 12:17 AM.
    The doctrine of nonresistance against arbitrary power, and oppression, is absurd, slavish, and destructive of the good and happiness of mankind.
    Personal failures are too important to be trusted to others.
  • seanz
    Resilient?
    • Nov 2006
    • 23662

    #2
    Re: I guess I'll take it with me when I go

    You can't live in the past Phillip, you can only live in the moment.

    Hope you get a good nights sleep.
    We don't know how lucky we are....

    Comment

    • hokiefan
      Senior Member
      • Feb 2002
      • 9221

      #3
      Re: I guess I'll take it with me when I go

      The way to write it down is simply to pick up a pen and a pad and start writing it down. Think a thought, write if down. Circle back later to edit, rephrase, etc. Don't be subtle, just write it down. Once you've begun whatever you have to say will come out.

      I'm not a creative writer. I am a decent technical writer and the same rules apply. Just start. Once there is something on paper you can begin to shape it.

      Best wishes.

      Bobby

      Comment

      • bobbys
        Senior Member
        • Jun 2009
        • 30711

        #4
        Re: I guess I'll take it with me when I go

        Only me and Glenn are perfect and im not sure about him sometimes...

        Comment

        • skipper68
          Banned
          • May 2010
          • 5700

          #5
          Re: I guess I'll take it with me when I go

          UGHH. Get a notary to confirm. Please tell them -read this in ten years.

          Comment

          • skuthorp
            Senior Member
            • Jan 2002
            • 73594

            #6
            Re: I guess I'll take it with me when I go

            G'day Phillip, First of all you didn't 'get it wrong'. You just made another choice and OK maybe it wasn't the best one in retrospect but we don't live our lives in slow motion or re-run. There's a phrase attributed to Lennon. "Life is what happens to you whilst you are trying to decide what to do with it". Writing is a good idea, I write out stuff all the time, and I reckon longhand is better still. All those spelling errors, crossed out bits, blotted out paragraphs and torn up sheets are part of the thinking process, part of getting it straight in your head. It's sort of like having a discussion with yourself, or even an argument, and when you get it sort of straightened out and a week or three you read it again and think, "what is this rubbish?" you can start a fire with it and BBQ a good steak. And you don't have to 'know how to write', it doesn't matter, it doesn't have to be sequential or logical, arrows up and down are part of your internal discussion.
            Just grab a big fat pad and have at it Phillip. A little alchohol may help, a little I said. And sing while you do it, out of tune is normal for me but I know a lot of songs.
            Now, Fatalism. I had my little bit of a revelation a few years back whilst solo sailing. Nothing religious mind you, a male voice said clearly to me "Fatalism is the art of managing change", and managing change and getting the best out of it is what changed my attitude to life.
            Hope this helps a bit philip, we attack each other far to often when we are rattling the keyboard, we're only here for a short while and it's a pity to waste it on acrimony.

            Comment

            • Chris Coose
              Senior Member
              • Sep 2001
              • 12283

              #7
              Re: I guess I'll take it with me when I go

              There are practices, traditions, rituals etc.that allow a person to let down the load they have been accumulating. Doesn't sound like you are too successful doing that on your own. Seek some direction outside yourself. I've watched older men get crushed into a pile by the load.
              Study Peace

              Comment

              • Mrleft8
                Banned
                • Feb 2000
                • 31864

                #8
                Re: I guess I'll take it with me when I go

                Despite your protestations, I'm quite sure that what you say and do does indeed have an important effect on those you care about.
                The energy and care that you put into doing things with your grand daughters makes a great impression on them. They may not show it right now, at least not to you, but it does make an impact.
                And there's no way you can "take it with you" and not leave any behind, because, like it or not, you have had an effect on most of the people that have met you..... (Even Joe (csoh) )

                Comment

                • Phillip Allen
                  new member
                  • May 2002
                  • 63618

                  #9
                  Re: I guess I'll take it with me when I go

                  good morning

                  well, I'm surprised by the responses. NOt bad at all, I am encouraged (I even forced myself out of bed at first light and walked for about 25 minutes). The successful walk is a good start... did you know the flowers are in bloom all over? what a heady, whiffy smell
                  The doctrine of nonresistance against arbitrary power, and oppression, is absurd, slavish, and destructive of the good and happiness of mankind.
                  Personal failures are too important to be trusted to others.

                  Comment

                  • Mrleft8
                    Banned
                    • Feb 2000
                    • 31864

                    #10
                    Re: I guess I'll take it with me when I go

                    Originally posted by Phillip Allen
                    good morning

                    well, I'm surprised by the responses. NOt bad at all, I am encouraged (I even forced myself out of bed at first light and walked for about 25 minutes). The successful walk is a good start... did you know the flowers are in bloom all over? what a heady, whiffy smell
                    Flowers? Is that what that smell is? I thought it was the neighbor's septic tank overflowing..... It's too cold for flowers here....31f this morning.

                    Comment

                    • Phillip Allen
                      new member
                      • May 2002
                      • 63618

                      #11
                      Re: I guess I'll take it with me when I go

                      67 degrees here I'm sittin under the fan after walking and a shower... still trying to cool off
                      The doctrine of nonresistance against arbitrary power, and oppression, is absurd, slavish, and destructive of the good and happiness of mankind.
                      Personal failures are too important to be trusted to others.

                      Comment

                      • Paul Pless
                        pinko commie tree hugger
                        • Oct 2003
                        • 124804

                        #12
                        Re: I guess I'll take it with me when I go

                        Originally posted by Phillip Allen
                        did you know the flowers are in bloom all over? what a heady, whiffy smell
                        Flowers? Not your typical manifesto fare. . .
                        Simpler is better, except when complicated looks really cool.

                        Comment

                        • Mrleft8
                          Banned
                          • Feb 2000
                          • 31864

                          #13
                          Re: I guess I'll take it with me when I go

                          Originally posted by Phillip Allen
                          67 degrees here I'm sittin under the fan after walking and a shower... still trying to cool off
                          Tell ya what...... I'll trade you some of this cold weather for some of your fat. I need the fat, and you need the cold.... Fair trade?

                          Comment

                          • Phillip Allen
                            new member
                            • May 2002
                            • 63618

                            #14
                            Re: I guess I'll take it with me when I go

                            Originally posted by Mrleft8
                            Tell ya what...... I'll trade you some of this cold weather for some of your fat. I need the fat, and you need the cold.... Fair trade?
                            I could give you all my fat and you'd still have to stand twice to make a shadow
                            The doctrine of nonresistance against arbitrary power, and oppression, is absurd, slavish, and destructive of the good and happiness of mankind.
                            Personal failures are too important to be trusted to others.

                            Comment

                            • John Smith
                              Senior Member
                              • Mar 2009
                              • 48675

                              #15
                              Re: I guess I'll take it with me when I go

                              Feelings can be the most difficult thing to express. Very hard sometimes to put into words.

                              Our lives are the sum total of decisions we make within a framework that we are born into. We are told we can be anything we want, but that's no really true. Some things require skills or size that we simply don't have. We may have health issues that we have not chosen.

                              Life within that framework is an endless stream of decisions, some more important than others. Some small decisions at the time are more important than we think. The other thread on Hitler's book be published reminds me of how close he came to getting into art school and how different history might have been had he gone to art school.

                              I expect we all can look back at our lives and wonder about making diffeent decisions, but we can't know what they would have led to.

                              I wish you luck in your efforts and hope you find the words you are looking for.
                              "Banning books in spite of the 1st amendment, but refusing to regulate guns in spite of "well regulated militia' being in the 2nd amendment makes no sense. Can't think of anyone ever shot by a book

                              Comment

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