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View Full Version : Katherine and I have had our best 'disagreement' since we've been married.



Paul Pless
04-06-2012, 07:28 AM
Its been going on for two full days now.

And I still have no idea what she's angry about.

Ian McColgin
04-06-2012, 07:29 AM
At last, my boy, you are a man.

Mrleft8
04-06-2012, 07:34 AM
Couldn't be that you're sitting on your fat butt all day cruising the internet for pictures of cars and airplanes instead of doing the stuff around the house that needs doing while she's out working her fingers to the bone trying to make enough money to pay your feed bill, could it, Slim? ;)

Paul Pless
04-06-2012, 07:37 AM
Couldn't be that you're sitting on your fat butt all day cruising the internet for pictures of cars and airplanes instead of doing the stuff around the house that needs doing while she's out working her fingers to the bone trying to make enough money to pay your feed bill, could it, Slim? ;)

No, if that were the case (and its not) I'm pretty sure I could have figured that out.

I even asked her last night why she was angry and even she couldn't articulate it, but it did seem to make her angrier.:D

S.V. Airlie
04-06-2012, 07:39 AM
The CAT!

Peerie Maa
04-06-2012, 07:45 AM
Its been going on for two full days now.

And I still have no idea what she's angry about.
Read this:
http://xa.yimg.com/kq/groups/21230179/1805388939/name/ladies.pdf

John Smith
04-06-2012, 07:48 AM
Hopefully she'll figur it out, and it may have nothing to do with you.

Peerie Maa
04-06-2012, 07:48 AM
Its been going on for two full days now.

And I still have no idea what she's angry about.
Read this:
http://xa.yimg.com/kq/groups/21230179/1805388939/name/ladies.pdf

At lease we now know why you are thinking of moving into your shop.;)

Bobby of Tulsa
04-06-2012, 07:48 AM
Dragging this into the forum is just BOUND to make her feel a lot more kindly towards you :) I thought this was the place they always settled their differences.:confused:

SMARTINSEN
04-06-2012, 07:57 AM
Just so everyone here knows, Leo is a cat, and as such he sucksThis may be a part of your problem.

Embrace your inner Ish, and love the cats.

But really you do not have to know what or why just--apologize profusely. Being sincere helps.

And promise never to do it again.

Meli
04-06-2012, 08:06 AM
New job.
have you asked her all about it?
Shown interest in her daily hurdles AND helped more than usual around the house?

Or just asked in the first few days, assumed that all was well and gone back into your usual routine as if nothing had changed for her?

Go out and beg steal or borrow a bunch of flowers NOW :D

Paul Pless
04-06-2012, 08:13 AM
We talk everyday. Okay okay , she talks, I grunt.

But we do it everyday.

Meli
04-06-2012, 08:19 AM
We talk everyday. Okay okay , she talks, I grunt.

But we do it everyday.

I'll take a stab and say it's a bit like the baby blues.
Horrid old job
Exiting new job, sense of achievment everyone makes a fuss then after a few days you're left alone all day with the nappy bucket and everyone else is out for lunch in the sun. you feel angry and resentful but you dont really know why. you have what you were looking forward to

I could be way off but that's what it sounds like.
Not you really but grunting doesnt help. nor does offering nookie :D

bamamick
04-06-2012, 08:20 AM
I am really sorry to hear that, Paul (and Katherine). An unhappy household is just such a miserable place. I pray that you figure it out and get it resolved TODAY!

Brenda and I have been married a long time. 30 years come November. In all of that time I can remember three fights. Three good fights. The last one happened about 23 years ago. We had just had our youngest child, got into a shouting match and she told me to 'get out'. I, of course, just laughed and said that I was the one paying for the house and I wasn't going anywhere, to which she immediately ran out the door, got into her car, and left. She left. I will never forget the feeling as I was standing at the kitchen sink washing the dishes with three little girls, one an infant, crying and crying and crying and me wondering 'well, what happens now?'.

About an hour later I heard her car drive up and park in the driveway. The girls were all asleep by then and I went out onto the screened-in back porch and found her with her head in her hands crying on the steps. I sat down beside her and told her I was sorry (neither one of us remembers what the argument was about), put my arms around her, and told her that I loved her. She just looked at me all snotty-nosed and red-eyed and burst out 'I didn't have anywhere to go'. And neither did I. Neither did I.

My wife and I belonged together from the first day we met, and through all the hard knocks and tortuous turns life can throw at you if you are as blessed as I have been you will get through this together. I pray that is the case for you guys. Just try and remember what's really important and the rest of it just fades away. Good luck, guys.

Mickey Lake

LeeG
04-06-2012, 08:58 AM
Its been going on for two full days now.

And I still have no idea what she's angry about.

why do you have to know?
Or maybe when you do know she'll still be angry, or maybe not.

Sometimes you don't know what you don't know and that's they way it is.

That'll be $.05

Chris Coose
04-06-2012, 09:01 AM
I thought this was the place they always settled their differences.:confused:

They met here. They dated here. Got engaged and married here. Why wouldn't they love, fight, separate, divorce and die here?

Chris Coose
04-06-2012, 09:05 AM
http://a5.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/s320x320/544882_278615715550523_100002062896377_663597_4752 41902_n.jpg

Uncle Duke
04-06-2012, 09:05 AM
Get some perspective on the problem... read "Things My Girlfriend And I Have Argued About (http://mil-millington.com/)".

Helpful example:

There are many arguments we have over arguments. 'Who started argument x', for example, is a old favourite that has not had its vigour dimmed by age nor its edge blunted through use. Another dependable companion is, 'I'm not arguing, I'm just talking - you're arguing,' along with its more stage-struck (in the sense that it relishes an audience - parties, visiting relatives, Parent's Evenings at school, in shops, etc.) sibling, 'Right, so we're going to get into this argument here are we?'

:D:D:D

Phillip Allen
04-06-2012, 09:19 AM
tell her that you can't read her mind... (cause you have trouble with the big words)

switters
04-06-2012, 09:22 AM
I can only offer advice on what not to do. But if you want a comprehensive list give me a week or so to get it all down.

Steve McMahon
04-06-2012, 10:07 AM
Assume that you are wrong and focus on restitution.

B_B
04-06-2012, 10:20 AM
Men typically like 'solving' things: what's the problem, let's fix it. Wimmins don't need their problems solved they just need to know that there's someone there who'll listen, day after day after folorn-everloving-day. They need comforting and quiet knowing acceptance of their feelings.

Try empathy, forget problem solving.

Chocolate is good - dark, low sugar, real chocolate. Massages too for releasing stress.

JimD
04-06-2012, 10:27 AM
...she talks, I grunt...That's understandable. There's only so many ways you can say 'Yes, dear' before it all starts to sound like grunting.

Paul Pless
04-06-2012, 10:27 AM
Chocolate is good - dark, low sugar, real chocolate. Massages too for releasing stress.I hope Kat is reading this. I like chocolate and massages.

Concordia 33
04-06-2012, 10:29 AM
Its been going on for two full days now.

And I still have no idea what she's angry about.

Just apologize. It might be nice to know what is wrong, but ultimately you will need to apologize anyway. Life is short, there will be a time when every day with her is important to you - don't waste any of them.

JimD
04-06-2012, 10:31 AM
Dragging this into the forum is just BOUND to make her feel a lot more kindly towards you :)Its ok. We're all qualified family therapists here.

Concordia 33
04-06-2012, 10:31 AM
http://a5.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/s320x320/544882_278615715550523_100002062896377_663597_4752 41902_n.jpg


That's good Chris!!!

Canoez
04-06-2012, 10:33 AM
Might I suggest the Man's Prayer from the Red Green Show? - "I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

If that fails - "Quando omni flunkus moritati"

JimD
04-06-2012, 10:35 AM
Just apologize. It might be nice to know what is wrong, but ultimately you will need to apologize anyway. Life is short, there will be a time when every day with her is important to you - don't waste any of them.
Yeah Paul. Just admit you're wrong when you don't even know what it is you're admitting to. And promise you'll never do it again. Which you almost certainly will because you don't know what it is you've promised not to do again. Life is too short to know what the hell is going on.

Phillip Allen
04-06-2012, 10:48 AM
http://a5.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/s320x320/544882_278615715550523_100002062896377_663597_4752 41902_n.jpg

isn't that called a wifeandrome?

BrianW
04-06-2012, 11:00 AM
Don't listen to these guys Paul. Stand your ground! She'll come around eventually.

Arizona Bay
04-06-2012, 11:02 AM
You do realize it's the Full moon tonight, doncha? Yer feminine side is wacked out. ;)

Be still and listen, don't resist or explain, and don't try to figure it out...

Ian McColgin
04-06-2012, 11:02 AM
Just a warning about apologies: If you don't know what it is, a non-specific apology might not do and a specific apology based on best guess as to what she's mad about might give away a here-to-fore unnoticed sin.

David G
04-06-2012, 11:07 AM
After 38 (mostly very good) years together... my sweetie can still surprise me with the things she can get upset about. Mostly, though, it's as was mentioned... she really just needs someone to hear what's bothering her. Since I walk around with expanded drawings of project parts and procedures in my head... it's fairly simple for me to work on some of that while I listen, nod, and make sympathetic noises. Ofttimes, afterward, she wants to snuggle. That I put the drawing away for :D

B_B
04-06-2012, 11:12 AM
I hope Kat is reading this. I like chocolate and massages.


That's what I meant - lord only knows (although I doubt even he could figger it out) what keeps wimmins happy.

Nanoose
04-06-2012, 11:15 AM
Sharing some of Kat's genetic predispositions (and even a couple genetic specificities!!), sometimes we really don't know what it is. Unless she tells you to go hide under a rock, just be with her - close by...and I suggest a good, long hug - wrap her up in your arms so she knows you are there, you will always be there, you will never leave, and it will be ok.

Concordia 33
04-06-2012, 11:16 AM
Yeah Paul. Just admit you're wrong when you don't even know what it is you're admitting to. And promise you'll never do it again. Which you almost certainly will because you don't know what it is you've promised not to do again. Life is too short to know what the hell is going on.

Or perpetuate a disagreement that both of you will forget ever happened 2 weeks from now. Pride is much more important that enjoying all your days together.

Ted Hoppe
04-06-2012, 11:23 AM
I might suggest a hike, a slow bike ride or a walk together. Take the time to brush her bangs from her eyes, look into them and smile.
What was bothering her either will become insignificant or she will talk about the issue.


Otherwise... start turning that dream shop into a cool, comfortable studio-shop-apartment as the honeymoon is over, your marriage is just beginning and she needs to know where you are when you are away.

Arizona Bay
04-06-2012, 11:27 AM
“The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears, or the sea”

Isak Dinesin

JimD
04-06-2012, 11:41 AM
Or perpetuate a disagreement that both of you will forget ever happened 2 weeks from now. Pride is much more important that enjoying all your days together.

I would not apologize for something without at least knowing what it is I'm expected to apologize for. I call that fair and principled, Margo.

pipefitter
04-06-2012, 11:42 AM
I think MrLeft8 has it about right in a nutshell. I don't know any women who would go for it, especially if they had been single for a long time prior. I'd be downright pissed if I had someone here not having somewhere productive to be every day while I was out busting it. It's happened before. . .the only difference is, they knew in short order why I was unhappy. But it would suck to be married to someone and actually have to come out and say why, because typically, it's something pretty obvious.

Concordia 33
04-06-2012, 11:47 AM
I would not apologize for something without at least knowing what it is I'm expected to apologize for. I call that fair and principled, Margo.

I'm not Margo.

Knowing does not always help. Suppose you know but don't agree. Should you just stand firm while the other one does also, or should someone just try to get past it all? Except for issues like infidelity, drugs etc the rest are usually pretty petty though they seem so important in the moment.

Paul Pless
04-06-2012, 11:51 AM
I think MrLeft8 has it about right in a nutshell. I don't know any women who would go for it, especially if they had been single for a long time prior. I'd be downright pissed if I had someone here not having somewhere productive to be every day while I was out busting it. It's happened before. . .the only difference is, they knew in short order why I was unhappy. But it would suck to be married to someone and actually have to come out and say why, because typically, it's something pretty obvious.

Dude, I have a job.

Nicholas Carey
04-06-2012, 11:52 AM
FWIW, I'd just like to point out that today, 6 April 2012, is the spring full moon. The moon will be full at 12:20:26 pm PDT/20:20:26 UTC. There's been a lot of oddness going on around here in the last few days.

Paul Pless
04-06-2012, 11:53 AM
There's been a lot of oddness going on around here in the last few days.I know, saltyboatr even posted a non gun related thread this morning!

Peter Kalshoven
04-06-2012, 12:00 PM
It took me years of marriage to ask, when my wife was upset, "Are you mad at ME?" If the answer was no, then the key is just to shut the hell up!

Otherwise, in the words of the comedian Blake Clark: "Say "Yes, dear!" "Yes, dear!""Yes, dear!" and "I'm Sorry, dear." and then repeat. Then you don't have to listen!"
:)

Bob Cleek
04-06-2012, 12:04 PM
This silent pouting anger seems to be a manipulative tactic characteristic of the female gender. You are not a mind-reader. Neither are you her emotional scratching post... to use a cat metaphor. First, ask yourself honestly if you owe her an apology for some specific transgression. If so, apologize and take your medicine. If not, perhaps you should tell her outright that it is not fair or civil to skulk around angry without telling the object of your anger why you feel that way. This will likely "lance the boil," and, although messy, ought to bring relief. She want's you to "say your sorry" so you will expose your vulnerable emotional flank, at which point she will press the attack. Every time you do that, you sacrifice a bit of yourself and, eventually, there'll be none of you left. Just a shell of a man going through the motions while she pulls the strings. (A condition women call "a happy marriage.") Repeat the mantra: "People that matter don't mind. People that mind don't matter." Be strong and remember, most of the time, it's ten percent you and ninety percent hormones.

Tall Boy
04-06-2012, 12:17 PM
I know, saltyboatr even posted a non gun related thread this morning!

Give it a page or two, he'll get there.

Canoez
04-06-2012, 12:18 PM
Usually, in my house, SWMBO is mad that I don't know what she's mad about.

spirit
04-06-2012, 12:19 PM
As far as I can tell ALL personal problems depend upon each person feeling loved and feeling safe.

What changed?

Canoeyawl
04-06-2012, 12:28 PM
I might suggest a hike,

Tread lightly here, that could quickly change to "Take a hike"

(I would keep any thoughts you might have about how comfortable your shop could be, to yourself, and remember Cats are people too).

Ted Hoppe
04-06-2012, 12:31 PM
I suggest you use those three little words more often...

"You're right dear."

Canoeyawl
04-06-2012, 12:35 PM
"I'm wrong dear" also works, but it is not as easy to say. ;)

Waddie
04-06-2012, 12:53 PM
Paul, one of the secrets to a good marriage is that her girl friends husbands turn out to be even bigger idiots than you - so you benefit from the girls comparing notes. It's worked well for me, and I've been married to the same woman for over 40 years.

So you don't have to be a really good husband, just stay one step ahead of the other guys. They'll invariably set the bar low...... :)

regards,
Waddie

Phillip Allen
04-06-2012, 02:02 PM
Waddie is funny

Durnik
04-06-2012, 02:07 PM
http://forum.woodenboat.com/images/misc/quote_icon.png Originally Posted by Paul Pless http://forum.woodenboat.com/images/buttons/viewpost-right.png (http://forum.woodenboat.com/showthread.php?p=3369507#post3369507)

Its been going on for two full days now.

And I still have no idea what she's angry about.




I hope Kat is reading this. I like chocolate and massages.



We now know what she's angry about.. ;-)



http://forum.woodenboat.com/images/misc/quote_icon.png Originally Posted by Concordia 33 http://forum.woodenboat.com/images/buttons/viewpost-right.png (http://forum.woodenboat.com/showthread.php?p=3369710#post3369710)
Just apologize. It might be nice to know what is wrong, but ultimately you will need to apologize anyway. Life is short, there will be a time when every day with her is important to you - don't waste any of them.



Bingo.

and while we're at it, the _full_ chocolate quote. ;-)


Men typically like 'solving' things: what's the problem, let's fix it. Wimmins don't need their problems solved they just need to know that there's someone there who'll listen, day after day after folorn-everloving-day. They need comforting and quiet knowing acceptance of their feelings.

Try empathy, forget problem solving.

Chocolate is good - dark, low sugar, real chocolate. Massages too for releasing stress.

and from our one & only dharma pirate, these words o' wisdom..


Be still and listen, don't resist or explain, and don't try to figure it out...

I've resolved more arguments simply by quietly standing near, touching (forehead to forehead is good for laughs) or holding her than by talking/asking/'splaining.. seldom did find out what the arguments were about, but who cares.. peace reigned! ;-)

enjoy
bobby

Arizona Bay
04-06-2012, 03:36 PM
I've resolved more arguments simply by quietly standing near, touching (forehead to forehead is good for laughs) or holding her than by talking/asking/'splaining.. seldom did find out what the arguments were about, but who cares.. peace reigned! ;-)

enjoy
bobby

Chilly Chocolate works wonders :D

Wait 'til you encounter "get out of my bubble, your energy feels like licking a TV right now" ;)
whole new level of not taking things personally to work through.

When it gets weird (mostly because of hormones), we go back to basics


. Be Impeccable With Your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don't Take Anything Personally: Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering. (Don't forget that the inverse is also true, what we say and do is about our own stuff. - G.H.)

3. Don't Make Assumptions: Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best: Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret."

-- Don Miguel Ruiz

Self work to remove the triggers... fun fun:cool:

Paul Pless
04-06-2012, 03:37 PM
Paul, one of the secrets to a good marriage is that her girl friends husbands turn out to be even bigger idiots than you - so you benefit from the girls comparing notes. It's worked well for me, and I've been married to the same woman for over 40 years.

So you don't have to be a really good husband, just stay one step ahead of the other guys. They'll invariably set the bar low...... :)

regards,
Waddie

Even better, Katherine has two sisters and both of their husbands are full on dorks. :d

Ted Hoppe
04-06-2012, 03:43 PM
Even better, Katherine has two sisters and both of their husbands are full on dorks. :d

Must be hard being a role model on line and off. :)

JimD
04-06-2012, 04:32 PM
I'm not Margo.

Knowing does not always help. Suppose you know but don't agree. Should you just stand firm while the other one does also, or should someone just try to get past it all? Except for issues like infidelity, drugs etc the rest are usually pretty petty though they seem so important in the moment.
My apology for confusing you with someone else. And that was easy for me to say. However, I would not apologize if I did not feel I owed one. I would agree to disagree and then move on.

Tom Montgomery
04-06-2012, 05:17 PM
They met here. They dated here. Got engaged and married here. Why wouldn't they love, fight, separate, divorce and die here?

Maybe it's just me...

But I cannot imagine discussing details of my marital relationship on an open Internet forum on which my spouse also participates.

Phillip Allen
04-06-2012, 05:26 PM
Maybe it's just me...

But I cannot imagine discussing details of my marital relationship on an open Internet forum on which my spouse also participates.

I suspect that is his purpose... :) (from the first post... it's like pool or billiards... sometimes the safest shot is a cushion shot)

Tom Montgomery
04-06-2012, 05:31 PM
I suspect that is his purpose... :) (from the first post... it's like pool or billiards... sometimes the safest shot is a cushion shot)

If so I think it is stunningly foolish.

Paul Pless
04-06-2012, 05:36 PM
Maybe it's just me...

But I cannot imagine discussing details of my marital relationship on an open Internet forum on which my spouse also participates.The argument had pretty much petered out by the time I began this thread and after breakfast together we were both in a good mood. It might also be mentioned that even during bad times Katherine and I manage pretty well.

After breakfast Katherine went shopping in one direction for clothing and I went in another direction to look at toys (cameras, tools, lumber, etc.) I returned with chocolate, flowers, and wine and we sat and sat and finally talked it out for a few minutes and now I think we're good.

I'd have probably not posted this thread if we were still in the middle of it so to speak. But it served a generally humorous purpose for my frineds in the bilge as well as between my wife and I.

mikefrommontana
04-06-2012, 05:36 PM
More than likely there is something at Katherine's new job that is not sitting well with her. I would agree that being understanding and neutral will get you much farther than trying to "fix" anything.

Oh and the silly threads about living in your shop probably aren't helping out either, even if just a tongue in cheek rejoinder.

Meli
04-06-2012, 05:38 PM
No it's not, it's sweet.
Pauls way of showing that he's confused and concerned without having to actually talk about it :rolleyes:
Like foreign diplomacy with interpreters

Prolly safer :D

Phillip Allen
04-06-2012, 05:39 PM
The argument had pretty much petered out by the time I began this thread and after breakfast together we were both in a good mood. It might also be mentioned that even during bad times Katherine and I manage pretty well.

After breakfast Katherine went shopping in one direction for clothing and I went in another direction to look at toys (cameras, tools, lumber, etc.) I returned with chocolate, flowers, and wine and we sat and sat and finally talked it out for a few minutes and now I think we're good.

I'd have probably not posted this thread if we were still in the middle of it so to speak. But it served a generally humorous purpose for my frineds in the bilge as well as between my wife and I.

BINGO! makes perfect sense to me

if it had been really bad, we wouldn't have heard a peep out of him... he would have other things to concentrate on besides entertaining us bilge rats

ChaseKenyon
04-06-2012, 06:09 PM
36 years and our total respect for each other grows every year.

Oh yeah, so does our undying love for each other.

I have posted much on my marriage and situation before.

Be happy (get the CD if you need to) Take every day with each other as a blessing.

Remember you could loose each other at any time.

In spite of that fact never never never play ownership on each other.
Real love of a person and ownership ARE mutually exclusive.

(don't ever even say my old man or my old lady even in a thought)

:D:DY>Y>:cool::cool:

Phillip Allen
04-06-2012, 06:12 PM
36 years and our total respect for each other grows every year.

Oh yeah, so does our undying love for each other.

I have posted much on my marriage and situation before.

Be happy (get the CD if you need to) Take every day with each other as a blessing.

Remember you could loose each other at any time.

In spite of that fact never never never play ownership on each other.
Real love of a person and ownership ARE mutually exclusive.

(don't ever even say my old man or my old lady even in a thought)

:D:DY>Y>:cool::cool:

good advice

ChaseKenyon
04-06-2012, 06:12 PM
Don't worry .........be happy!!!!!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=d-diB65scQU

George Jung
04-06-2012, 08:45 PM
On the face of it, Mr. Cleek, that appears to be incredibly poor advice - and that would be so unlike you that I'd wager 1) you're kidding, right? or 2) there's a story behind how you came to this position. Spill the beans, counselor!

AFA Paul airing this out, here, I'd venture that's in character for him. He's a talker, and likes to say what's on his mind. Haven't seen any evidence of a mean streak (which is good, given the space he displaces), lets us serve as a sounding board, and a place for purging the demons, so to speak. All in all, quite appropriate. Good to see there's already been resolution.

Meli
04-06-2012, 08:50 PM
I think he was fishing :D

George Jung
04-06-2012, 09:00 PM
I wondered about that... but would he really be so prosaic?

I don't tink so....

Meli
04-06-2012, 09:05 PM
I meant Bob Cleek :D

George Jung
04-06-2012, 09:17 PM
:p


Thought that was a given!

Meli
04-06-2012, 09:48 PM
ahhh read the last post :D

stumpbumper
04-06-2012, 10:59 PM
I learned long ago that the only response to the silent treatment was patience. When it's time to talk she will let it be known.

The only other advice that comes to mind is the old saying - In any disagreement one party is right, and the other party is the husband.

Tread lightly and good luck.

The Bigfella
04-07-2012, 12:31 AM
Sounds like you need a holiday Paul. I need a chaperone for the next bit of my trip to Laos... its the dangerous bit... I need to get through Thailand unscathed. Tell her you're off to Thailand for a month to keep Ian out of trouble. That should solve any argument problems.

... and in related developments, I'm off home for a month tomorrow, before tackling Thailand... My wife leaves Sydney for the USA in about half an hour. Nice co-ordination eh?

bobbys
04-07-2012, 01:06 AM
Me and my wife will find something to fight about only to have make up romance a bit spicier..

Now im blushing!

stevebaby
04-07-2012, 01:10 AM
I just go to the pub. The barmaids still talk to me. When they stop talking to me...there's plenty more pubs and barmaids.

Flying Orca
04-07-2012, 10:59 AM
Fart.








Oh, wait, that's probably the problem! :D

Paul Pless
04-07-2012, 11:52 AM
Paul, have you considered the possibility that maybe you're just a jerk?


I have a number of character flaws, they even get pointed out to me from time to time, jerk is not one of them. Honest!

Bobby of Tulsa
04-07-2012, 01:22 PM
Paul is not a jerk, hell how many people do you know that are nice enough to point out that snakes might be under your house. A little late but still.:)

Spin_Drift
04-07-2012, 01:22 PM
I think you, -Paul and Katherine, are very likable people and a great couple. BY:D

The brightness of your personalities and your sense of humor is wonderful and entertaining.



It's good to see you communicate and work things out. I hope your marriage will be happy and last a lifetime...

Gary E
04-07-2012, 05:53 PM
Its been going on for two full days now.

And I still have no idea what she's angry about.

Paul
You need to see "Defending the Caveman"

Here's a spinoff of the real one by Rob Becker...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ETTQNS1gNaM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXmXJtXCqkk

Here is a google search of a lot of them...
http://www.google.com/search?q=You+Tube+defending+the+caveman+&rls=com.microsoft:en-us:IE-SearchBox&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&sourceid=ie7&rlz=1I7ADBF

Maybe you can look at the long list of examples and pick out a couple to look at together??

Good luck..

Bob Cleek
04-07-2012, 08:27 PM
On the face of it, Mr. Cleek, that appears to be incredibly poor advice - and that would be so unlike you that I'd wager 1) you're kidding, right? or 2) there's a story behind how you came to this position. Spill the beans, counselor!

You mean this, George?

"This silent pouting anger seems to be a manipulative tactic characteristic of the female gender. You are not a mind-reader. Neither are you her emotional scratching post... to use a cat metaphor. First, ask yourself honestly if you owe her an apology for some specific transgression. If so, apologize and take your medicine. If not, perhaps you should tell her outright that it is not fair or civil to skulk around angry without telling the object of your anger why you feel that way. This will likely "lance the boil," and, although messy, ought to bring relief. She want's you to "say your sorry" so you will expose your vulnerable emotional flank, at which point she will press the attack. Every time you do that, you sacrifice a bit of yourself and, eventually, there'll be none of you left. Just a shell of a man going through the motions while she pulls the strings. (A condition women call "a happy marriage.") Repeat the mantra: "People that matter don't mind. People that mind don't matter." Be strong and remember, most of the time, it's ten percent you and ninety percent hormones. "

Of course I intended it to be somewhat humorous, but in every bit of humor there's a bit of truth, no? Taking a second enlightened look, I'd have to agree it wasn't advice of much value at all in the present circumstance, but is it true? Alan Alda I ain't, that's for sure. I've never understood the female psyche and haven't fared much better devising mechanisms for dodging its wrath. Men friends seem so much more easy going and low maintenance. (Ever had a guy get all sulky with you because you aren't paying enough attention to his "feelings?") I can say, however, that "shopping" was far more responsible for the successful outcome of this "bump in the road" than "chocolate and flowers." I've had "chocolate and flowers" thrown back in my face, but never, ever, shopping! Shopping does indeed soothe the savage beast!

As for how I came to this position? Well, two wives and three daughters might have caused it. I fell into a barrel of boobs and came up sucking my thumb.

Notice how Paul says "It just sort of petered out?" That's how it is most of the time, no? Truth be told, loyalty is what holds a marriage together above all else.

Bob Cleek
04-07-2012, 08:57 PM
Paul
You need to see "Defending the Caveman"

Here's a spinoff of the real one by Rob Becker...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ETTQNS1gNaM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXmXJtXCqkk

Here is a google search of a lot of them...
http://www.google.com/search?q=You+Tube+defending+the+caveman+&rls=com.microsoft:en-us:IE-SearchBox&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&sourceid=ie7&rlz=1I7ADBF

Maybe you can look at the long list of examples and pick out a couple to look at together??

Good luck..


Maybe this is a better answer to George's question. Rob Becker is married to my cousin. I'm not taking a smidgen of credit for Rob's unbelieveable success with that show, now the longest running and most profitable on Broadway show in history, I believe, but I can say there's a lot of our family in that show. When Rob married my cousin he was running a Toto's sandwich shop and trying to break into comedy in the local clubs at night. While he's one of the funniest guys I've ever met, he's quite quiet and unassuming. Notably, he always worked "clean" with no dirty jokes or crude language, which I'd say (unlike myself!) is pretty much how he is off stage. He refused to do a cable comedy special for HBO or Showtime, figuring, "Once I'm on TV, then everybody's heard it." Smart move, as it turned out. The nicest guy you'd ever want to meet. His success is much deserved.

None of the YouTube clips are of Rob doing the show. They are all other actors who performed it from time to time. This clip from a guy perfroming it in Ireland might have addressed Paul's situation directly.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=loWZ89oqVFU&feature=related

Willin'
04-07-2012, 09:11 PM
If it's the

"How many kids should we have?"
"I don't want any kids!"
" Yes but..."

conversation, I'd haul in a bunch of smoked oysters, a wheel of Jarlesberg, a case of triscuits and a lot of beer, 'cause you're under seige.

purri
04-08-2012, 03:01 AM
My perspective.

Wimmins like to talk around matters with much that is not subject specific while men like to follow a line of deductive/ empirical "logic" aka fixed path argument/conversation. Just let her talk and add reinforcing/ supportive comment very occasionally. You will learn a lot abt associative relationships and your respective selves.

Meli
04-08-2012, 03:14 AM
Hmmm not so far off the mark.

I don;t know how many of my girlfriends say their partners get mad at them when they wont follow a linier discussion.
It's not that we go off in all directions. more sort of a spiral.
We understand this type communication between each other, which is why we chat on the phone so long.
Men seldom do. I do not know the answer to this communication inpass.
tempers are usually lost because men can't follow and get angry, or women get angry at the constant interuptions to our thought train to keep us "on track"

That's why I usually understand Skippy, and you blokes don't :D

Flying Orca
04-08-2012, 10:37 AM
For anyone who really wants to understand the differences between men's and women's communicative styles, I recommend reading Deborah Tannen.

Paul Girouard
04-08-2012, 11:37 AM
That's why I usually understand Skippy, and you blokes don't :D



Or you where a bartender and can read drunk writing, IMO it's not worth the effort it takes to read her posts.

Bobby of Tulsa
04-08-2012, 12:05 PM
Or you where a bartender and can read drunk writing, IMO it's not worth the effort it takes to read her posts. I would think a swabby would have all that talk covered. :):)