" ketch construction " should this thread be deleted ??

[headonz]

I think this reflects badly on the Wooden Boat Forum .Any one coming here will think that this is the way all ketches should be constructed and go away and hurt themselves !!

Also I am going to start a poll about "polls" ...... do they have any place here on Wooden Boat Forum !!!?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ??????

I also vote that certain people be permanently restrained to the bilge.

[Thad Van Gilder]

ok... I'll delete it...

cripes!!!!!!

[headonz]

dammit Thad you made me soil my nappy for nothing ! Where'd that thread go ??:d

[Thad Van Gilder]

WTF I didn't want anyone building a ketch to think the end was near

[outofthenorm]

Oh poo, Thad. It got deleted? I was looking forward to seeing how many NA dudes you were going to hire.

[Thad Van Gilder]

I hired 6 NA dudes to design the 96 foot amphibious ketch that will be powered by enslaved Amishmen.
It will be built in just 17 weeks and made completely of popsicle sticks and poo.

I was thinking of making the masts out of recycled drinking straws and ducktape. I read in one of my 1,967 books that bamboo has the structure of drinking straws bundled together.

One of my buddies is giving me a great deal on depleted uranium so I am going to use that as ballast. I read that its denser than lead, and I need all the ballast I can get to keep the draft under 12 inches so that I can sail in shallow water to escape the Kraken.

I am looking for a good source for used tires for use on land to cut down on the cost to transport the amphibious ketch to the water. It seems that the landing gear from the space shuttle have the right specs according to the 6 NA's. Anyone have a lead on some cheap landing gear from the space shuttle?

[Thad Van Gilder]

I am considering using a zeppelin as a life raft in case the 96 foot amphibious ketch sinks. Does anyone know where I can score a zeppelin?

[Garth Jones]

I've got a black ops buddy with nothing to do this weekend and a super secret government time machine. He'd be happy to take you back to 1930s Germany and help you steal a zeppelin. You'll have to be ready to fight off hoards of Nazis though....

[Thad Van Gilder]

Dude I am a 73rd level wizard in dungeons and dragons. I will just set a spell on the nazis.

[sailboy3]

Airship: http://www.lindstrandtech.com/airships.html

[Thad Van Gilder]

I can't use their airships. I own that company and it would be a conflict of interest.

[BBSebens]

I hired 6 NA dudes to design the 96 foot amphibious ketch that will be powered by enslaved Amishmen.
It will be built in just 17 weeks and made completely of popsicle sticks and poo.

I was thinking of making the masts out of recycled drinking straws and ducktape. I read in one of my 1,967 books that bamboo has the structure of drinking straws bundled together.

One of my buddies is giving me a great deal on depleted uranium so I am going to use that as ballast. I read that its denser than lead, and I need all the ballast I can get to keep the draft under 12 inches so that I can sail in shallow water to escape the Kraken.

I am looking for a good source for used tires for use on land to cut down on the cost to transport the amphibious ketch to the water. It seems that the landing gear from the space shuttle have the right specs according to the 6 NA's. Anyone have a lead on some cheap landing gear from the space shuttle?


Hilarious. :D

Technically, this should be in the Bilge, but then I wouldn't have seen this. Really made my day.

[chuckt]

HAW!

[Rich Jones]

Should the Re: "ketch construction" should this thread be deleted?? thread be deleted?
Sheesh, guys, it's a little humorous, but let's keep the upper decks uncluttered.

[John How]

I guess the other thread has been deleted or it seems to be so now this one should perhaps follow suit or should move down to the depths as well. It does seem lately that crap floats pretty high around here.

[headonz]

Thad ,you obviously have no idea what you are doing but lucky for you I have spent 83 years siting in yacht clubs and walking the piers and have no end of opinions about everything,some of which is on subjects pertaining to NA that I have not even heard about yet.

Firstly you have to get rid of this ridiculous assumption this project in anyway will be enjoyable.Several forum experts will set you right there.Especially the humor impaired, poor souls!

Are you sure a ketch is the way to go,why stop at two masts when you can have three.Gaff tops'le three master ,simplifies the rig and lowers the Cof E to compliment you narrow beam of 7 feet.I know where you I can get street light poles cheep and striped curtain drapes,same material as used in the Americas Cup but sold out of car boots if you know where to go,;) that will last a life time.

And a really good angle grinder or chainsaw ,your choice,can put any mishaps in construction right in minutes.Failing that a box of matches can make just about anything disappear.

Dont forget to pray.

[Woxbox]

That's crazy talk. All you need to to is buy a decent used one, like the one I found here on Ebay, (http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/PEARSON-COUNTESS-44-6-JOHN-ALDEN-DESIGN-/160756231133?pt=Sailboats&hash=item256dd16bdd#ht_720wt_1165) and stretch it out a bit. I'd just slice it through the middle with a sawzall, pull the ends apart, and fill in the space between with some glass and goop. A 50-foot long U-shaped section would take care of it in no time. You'd have a sweet boat cheap. And it'd be an Alden!

[Thad Van Gilder]

The problem with that Alden, is that it does not come with a flex capaciter. It will be impossible to travel back in time to rescue the last magical liupluridon without a functional flex capaciter.

[Woxbox]

You've got me there. But it would be a total babe magnet. That's got to count for something.

[outofthenorm]

I read in one of my 1,967 books that bamboo has the structure of drinking straws bundled together.



Sorry, but if we don't see a picture of the books, it didn't happen.

[Vernon]

you need a flux capacitor to go back in time I think, a flex capacitor will only make the PPK (popcicle poo ketch) a little more bendy.

[P.L.Lenihan]

No,no,no... as my uncle twice removed Thor Heyerdahl discovered,much to his dismay(I hope you have an autographed edition in your library) flex is a pretty good thing to have in the middle of the ocean. It also is a bonus if you build your ketch way the hell up some godforsaken path miles from the ocean(rent is cheaper that way and the money saved can be used to buy lots of flux for the compositing head).With flex, nothing breaks when the boat moves. Surely at least one of those NAs must know something about engineering. Trust me, I've seen folks who weren't even engineers or NAs assemble something that floats.Some called it a blight on the water others called it a yacht. I'm still waiting for Webster to invent the proper word for it..........


Cheers!


Peter

[Tall Boy]

I think I need to advise that your choice of lumber may be suspect. While popsicle sticks would work fine for most things, your choice of bonding material would lead one to believe fudgesicle sticks would be a better option.

[Thad Van Gilder]

Fudgesicle sticks may work - I will have to see what the boat dudes say.

[outofthenorm]

I was informed in another thread that I am indeed an awesome boat dude (I'm so proud), so I feel qualified to say that the fudgesicle sticks could work, and are strangely appropriate - but careful, cuz they'll rot out quicker than a New York cabbie can blow his horn. Be okay if you're just planning one short voyage though. Boat doesn't have to last forever, right?

[Uncle Duke]

Fudgesicle or popsicle sticks will work, of course, but you should never lay them edge to edge. The correct procedure would be to steam them (or boil them) and weave them into a mat. That mat should then be draped over a "form" and the mat left to dry and set in shape. 2 layers of mat with a layer of 5200 between them will give you all you need.

Fairing the hull into smoothness is a common mistake, according to my aeronautical engineer, since the unsmooth hull will break surface tension at the boundary layer of the water.

[outofthenorm]

That mat should then be draped over a "form" and the mat left to dry and set in shape.

Good idea Uncle Duke and very innovative. Would it be OK if you built the form with an angelique backbone, some steamed white oak ribs - oops, I meant frames, Dude - and cedar planking, maybe bronze fastened? Or is the bronze too much?

[Tall Boy]

Good idea Uncle Duke and very innovative. Would it be OK if you built the form with an angelique backbone, some steamed white oak ribs - oops, I meant frames, Dude - and cedar planking, maybe bronze fastened? Or is the bronze too much?

Hmm, not sure bronze or any metal would be wise, I have been told that poo is very corrosive.

[Uncle Duke]

Good idea Uncle Duke and very innovative. Would it be OK if you built the form with an angelique backbone, some steamed white oak ribs - oops, I meant frames, Dude - and cedar planking, maybe bronze fastened? Or is the bronze too much?
You should never build a backbone out of any wood whose common name starts with a vowel. All my books say that it is bad luck.
And it is sufficient that the fasteners (nails, whatever) be bronze-colored. Actual bronze is overkill, although the self-proclaimed "experts" who have never "built outside the box" will deny that.

[Tall Boy]

Fudgesicle sticks may work - I will have to see what the boat dudes say.

I got thrown out of a bar just the other night. As I got up, there was a group of ninjas sharpening their popsicle sticks on the curb. Thinking that they would shortly be going for me (must have been the turtle soup T shirt), I whipped the martini olive pick out of my mouth and laid a couple of really cool and scary moves on them. They took the wise path and ran. Just about that time a really hot chick got thrown out of the same bar, we jumped on my really cool chopper and head off to the 7-11 for a few things.

[Uncle Duke]

I got thrown out of a bar just the other night. As I got up, there was a group of ninjas sharpening their popsicle sticks on the curb. Thinking that they would shortly be going for me (must have been the turtle soup T shirt), I whipped the martini olive pick out of my mouth and laid a couple of really cool and scary moves on them. They took the wise path and ran. Just about that time a really hot chick got thrown out of the same bar, we jumped on my really cool chopper and head off to the 7-11 for a few things.
If you're picking up chicks, then you probably need this (http://www.amazon.com/Passion-Natural-Water-Based-Lubricant-Gallon/dp/B005MR3IVO). Read the user comments to see all the uses.
I go through one every few months, but then I'm the kind of guy that hot chicks pick up. You will probably not need as much.

[Tall Boy]

If you're picking up chicks, then you probably need this (http://www.amazon.com/Passion-Natural-Water-Based-Lubricant-Gallon/dp/B005MR3IVO). Read the user comments to see all the uses.
I go through one every few months, but then I'm the kind of guy that hot chicks pick up. You will probably not need as much.

I did not pick her up, she was delivered. No need for that but, if anyone knows how to hide the marks made where people have been touching her with 12' poles, I could leave the lights on.

[headonz]

Where is this thread going ?? I leave for 5 minutes and it goes all to hell !!! Fudgesicle is inappropriate on the is forum,I think you will find that Fudgesicled is the correct term.

dont make me go all wikipedia on ya !!

http://forum.woodenboat.com/images/misc/quote_icon.png Originally Posted by Uncle Duke http://forum.woodenboat.com/images/buttons/viewpost-right.png (http://forum.woodenboat.com/showthread.php?p=3335906#post3335906)
If you're picking up chicks, then you probably need this (http://www.amazon.com/Passion-Natural-Water-Based-Lubricant-Gallon/dp/B005MR3IVO).

$2000.00 for a drum !!!! .... I'm waiting till 'used' comes up,way cheeper.Just as good.

[Thad Van Gilder]

Fudgesicled is the queen's English. In Amerka its Fudgesicle and as a user of said Fudgesicle sticks, I would be a Fudgecyclist while building the amphibious PPK (popsicle poo ketch).

Although I have 6 Phd's defended in 4 different countries, 2 of them are in English Language. usage. The dictionary writers are constantly quoting me. I see words I use in dictionaries all the time.

[Canoeyawl]

You must have one of these (http://www.instructables.com/id/How-to-Make-Bi-Directional-Flex-Sensors/) to test the flex capacitor.

http://www.instructables.com/files/deriv/FFS/NCS8/FXK6A3MK/FFSNCS8FXK6A3MK.MEDIUM.jpg

[JoshuaIII]

Popsicle work well and it'S already done look :
http://morningpaper.typepad.com/morning_paper/images/2008/04/08/1.jpeg
http://morningpaper.typepad.com/morning_paper/2008/04/the-good-ship-l.html

The trick if you need to don't clean them too much, when the sugar start to be sticky just clamp them hard together!
People can say what they want, but I have excellent result mixing 2 part of flour with 1 part of water for a strong long lasting adhesive.

[outofthenorm]

I'm no expert but I don't think that's a ketch, so it clearly doesn't count. Thad's masterpiece will be the first of it's kind if he can sort out this flex/flux issue. I've never had a problem with flex personally, but I've fluxed a few times. Nasty.

[headonz]

You must have one of these (http://www.instructables.com/id/How-to-Make-Bi-Directional-Flex-Sensors/) to test the flex capacitor.

http://www.instructables.com/files/deriv/FFS/NCS8/FXK6A3MK/FFSNCS8FXK6A3MK.MEDIUM.jpg

" A few of the sensors can be incorporated onto a glove to make virtual reality glove."

.......... I guess it brings us back to this (http://www.amazon.com/Passion-Natural-Water-Based-Lubricant-Gallon/dp/B005MR3IVO) then ... ?

[headonz]

Fudgesicled is the queen's English. In Amerka its Fudgesicle and as a user of said Fudgesicle sticks, I would be a Fudgecyclist while building the amphibious PPK (popsicle poo ketch).

Although I have 6 Phd's defended in 4 different countries, 2 of them are in English Language. usage. The dictionary writers are constantly quoting me. I see words I use in dictionaries all the time.

Well OK then fare enough but I hope you mean Fudgerecyclist .There is enough deforestation going already mate !

[Woxbox]

Here's the problem. Those sticks are sourced from this forest, and it's not a sustainable resource. In fact, I read in a blog someplace that they chop these popsicle trees down illegally in a protected forest someplace very cold -- Antarctica I suppose -- and smuggle them north to unsuspecting boatbuilders who, the smugglers know for fact, always pay way too much for everything they buy. And I'll bet it cuts into the penguin food supply, too.

http://www.google.com/url?source=imglanding&ct=img&q=http://www.velocitybranding.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/forestX2560-560x260.jpg&sa=X&ei=r1JZT7-3DsXq0gG37cjkDw&ved=0CAsQ8wc&usg=AFQjCNFFatmLkGt6rAw8KGcNFn2r6iT2IQ

[boattruck]

Gents, You do realize that you will not be 'refunded' the time out of your life you spend lampooning this sad case? Some of it is a little funny though, but this guy was his own punch line! You lot may never manage to fully attain the twisted 'ketch/ schooner' point 'o' view...Cheers, BT

[Philip Maynard]

I think the idea of the woman "being delivered" is just too funny, where delusion is wrapped around an axle.

[headonz]

Yeah ,right on Phil,so funny.... and the axle !! who would have got that :d

Keep making your appointments and you'll be fineY>.

Good Luck.

[headonz]

http://www.google.com/url?source=imglanding&ct=img&q=http://www.velocitybranding.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/forestX2560-560x260.jpg&sa=X&ei=r1JZT7-3DsXq0gG37cjkDw&ved=0CAsQ8wc&usg=AFQjCNFFatmLkGt6rAw8KGcNFn2r6iT2IQ[/IMG]

Well that true ,but flying Popsicles !!?? You're really out there Woxbox !

[Lucky Luke]

Hi gents,
I just had a (quick) look at this thread, sort of "whatzit??".
If you want to further spoil that once great forum, you can carry on down this way.

[Woxbox]

Well, this dog was sleeping for four days, but now it's been kicked awake. Arrfff!

[MN Dave]

Good idea Uncle Duke and very innovative. Would it be OK if you built the form with an angelique backbone, some steamed white oak ribs - oops, I meant frames, Dude - and cedar planking, maybe bronze fastened? Or is the bronze too much?

I don't know about angelique backbones, but an angelic backside on my boat? I'd be OK with that. Bronzed isn't too much.

[jak3b]

Nah, Forget the popsicle sticks,After going to the tailor in Bangkok Ill have plenty of crocadile bone,tough,rot proof,chicks dig it,and it smells good.Ill be on my ketch in a couple weeks with my wife and 6 mistrisses and a couple of ladyboys for crew.I am having a custom made pirate slashing katana made by the Japanese secret police.Ive just got a great deal on a catapiler industrial deisel from some old bull doser from a strip mine in Jakarta.The over paid Indonesian cooly tried to charge me $150 for it but I only paid $75, hey Im no dummy.They really respect me in the 3rd world.Im a king there and I never let anyone forget that.Tomorrow Im off to talk business with the head of a Colombian death squad,Hey its the kind of dudes I run with.I have a reaaly cool dremel tool to build the ketch with.Im not going to let The Amish kids touch it though.over and out, 10-4 and roger that.

[chuckt]

Thad--I dont think you have any fudge sickle sticks or poo. It is obvious from your questions and remarks that you do not know anything about how to build a fudgesickle-stick/poo ketch and are simply trying to cause dissension and waste time on this forum. I have contacted the designer and he confirms that, while others have expressed interest in the fudgesickle-stick/poo ketch design, he has sold only one set of plans and it wasn't to you. If you are really building the fudgsicklestick/poo ketch then post a picture of the plans, or of your stacks of fudgesickle sticks or piles of poo, or a picture of your bank statement showing you have the funds to do this build. TROLL ALERT!!!!

[headonz]

Nah, Forget the popsicle sticks,After going to the tailor in Bangkok Ill have plenty of crocadile bone,tough,rot proof,chicks dig it,and it smells good.Ill be on my ketch in a couple weeks with my wife and 6 mistrisses and a couple of ladyboys for crew.I am having a custom made pirate slashing katana made by the Japanese secret police.Ive just got a great deal on a catapiler industrial deisel from some old bull doser from a strip mine in Jakarta.The over paid Indonesian cooly tried to charge me $150 for it but I only paid $75, hey Im no dummy.They really respect me in the 3rd world.Im a king there and I never let anyone forget that.Tomorrow Im off to talk business with the head of a Colombian death squad,Hey its the kind of dudes I run with.I have a reaaly cool dremel tool to build the ketch with.Im not going to let The Amish kids touch it though.over and out, 10-4 and roger that.

roger that jak3b,I'm hearing ya.The GOD complex is always a good look,the longer you hang there the easier it will come to ya.Something Thad can look forward too when he moves the build over there.There is no telling what length he will be able to stretch it to , lets face it, length is what is all about,ya got me ;), when the most basic workers health and safety practices of the over abundant impoverished local work force can be ignored, the advantages over the unionized over paid bludgers from the homeland are $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ that much .

over roger ten 4 and that.

[Thad Van Gilder]

Oh ye of little faith.... I will not be discouraged in the construction of the ppk!!!!! Read the entire thread!!!! Have you been huffing Jenkem?

[Woxbox]

I'm starting to think it's all a ruse to woo some unsuspecting nymph to cast off with you and sail away on a thousand-day voyage to nowhere.

[outofthenorm]

If that's what this is - then all in favor say "aye.

[Tall Boy]

Oh ye of little faith.... I will not be discouraged in the construction of the ppk!!!!! Read the entire thread!!!! Have you been huffing Jenkem?

Hmm, speaking of huffing, some thought should be given to limiting the internal ventilation and perhaps capturing the methane the adhesive puts out to power the engine and electrical systems, with additional watertight bulkheads you could recycle one compartment at a time and open one or two up to outside air to cook and sleep in...............

[P.L.Lenihan]

If that's what this is - then all in favor say "aye.


AYE!

[Cogeniac]

you need a flux capacitor to go back in time I think, a flex capacitor will only make the PPK (popcicle poo ketch) a little more bendy.

isn't a "flex capaciter" just a fancy name for a spring?

[Cogeniac]

Maybe we need a new locale for threads like this. Not building threads, but not Bilge bile either.. How about "the Bulge"? or the "AfterDeck"?

Seems a shame to delete humorous, non ideological threads...

[Cogeniac]

Hmm, speaking of huffing, some thought should be given to limiting the internal ventilation and perhaps capturing the methane the adhesive puts out to power the engine and electrical systems, with additional watertight bulkheads you could recycle one compartment at a time and open one or two up to outside air to cook and sleep in...............

I suspect that "adhesive", unless that is the name of the cook, is not the major source of methane on the boat....