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Phillip Allen
11-13-2010, 04:17 PM
the local airport is terraced

Breakaway
11-13-2010, 04:23 PM
...you take your cousin to the prom.


Kevin

Peerie Maa
11-13-2010, 04:25 PM
The speed limit signs are back to back.

Phillip Allen
11-13-2010, 04:26 PM
you dial the wrong number and talk for 15 minutes anyway

TerryLL
11-13-2010, 04:54 PM
You find a letter in your P.O. box addressed to:

"Terry and Kristie"
Sandpoint, ID

Bruce Taylor
11-13-2010, 05:02 PM
...a night on the town takes ten minutes.

pumpkin
11-13-2010, 06:14 PM
You go to the store/deli for Ranch Dressing and leave with a free milkshake cup full because they are out in the "store".

Our airport has a football field on 1 end. The goal post marks the end of the runway. The Mayor is the janitor at the school, the water and sewer chief and the building/plumbing inspector (he installed my water meter and put the inspection sticker on it) and also runs the snowblower to clean sidewalks "downtown". The only cell phone service is by the cemetary, on a good day. You call the propane guy at 10 pm because of a leak and he says "Meet me at the shop in 5 minutes."

Matthew

Bob Triggs
11-13-2010, 06:26 PM
People at the downtown coffee shop know more about your divorce than you do.

ChaseKenyon
11-13-2010, 06:26 PM
You have to ring up all your purchases at the IGA (small grocery store) yourself, because all 5 of the employees are in the volunteer Fire Department or ambulance crew and they have all gone to a car crash scene up on the highway just out of town.

ChaseKenyon
11-13-2010, 06:29 PM
and or

Or even just the IGA , run by third generation of the same family, often works on the honor system as no one is on the register.:D:D:D

After all the town is only 1800 in the summer and about 800(up 250 or more in the last 15 years) in the winter time.
:):):)

Tristan
11-13-2010, 06:34 PM
There's one barber shop, one movie theater, one butcher shop/grocery and the mayor is the butcher, one doctor (who's an alcoholic), one feed store, one hardware store/department store, one lumber yard . . . . it's where I lived when my parents moved to Hialeah Florida in 1943.

pumpkin
11-13-2010, 06:52 PM
1800 is huge 800 is still booming. A few years ago we had a couple of fugatives end up here after going on a murder spree in several states. After the fifty fed, state and local police caught them they were asked why they didn't hurt anyone here and they said that the people here were just so nice that they wouldn't think of hurting anyone. Normally our police service is 8 hours per day. That week it felt like a police state and yet people still refused to lock their doors.

capnharv
11-13-2010, 07:04 PM
when...

Rush hour traffic consists of 2 cars and a tractor at the stop sign

ChaseKenyon
11-13-2010, 07:26 PM
Fact: or at least it was when I went to CSU in the early 70s

The town of No Name, Colorado does have it's own exit off the interstate highway.

TerryLL
11-13-2010, 07:33 PM
When your family of 5 moves away they change the sign from:

Roy
Population 103

to:

Roy
Population 98

Gerarddm
11-13-2010, 07:38 PM
...you cain't always git what yer want.

Joe Dupere
11-13-2010, 07:41 PM
When you go to vote, the town clerk says "I don't need to see your ID, I know who you are". The fire chief is the cook at the local diner. The post office closes for an hour at lunch. Your dog is allowed into the hardware store and gets a treat from the owners. If you're behind more than two cars on the road, it's a funeral.

Joe, FFPoP

Stiletto
11-13-2010, 07:43 PM
I remember living in a very small town and how amazed my brother from the city was when I introduced him to everybody we met on our walk, and knew the names of their dogs, along with waving at both cars that went past.

sailboy3
11-13-2010, 07:46 PM
you have the only wooden boat in the harbor.

Shang
11-13-2010, 08:07 PM
All of the above.

Additionally, the natives cannot pronounce the name of the town correctly ( for example, "My-emm- eye" OK, or "Pair-iz" TX.

...And in the course of a telephone call to Italy the person on the other end of the call corrects your pronunciation of the town's name because he was a prisoner of war in the "detention barracks" that existed on the edge of town during WW II.

pumpkin
11-13-2010, 08:25 PM
They close the school for the first day of deer hunting season.

skuthorp
11-13-2010, 08:29 PM
You know where the key to the pub's back door is kept and so does half the district, and there's a blackout when the single streetlight bulb blows. (all of it true).

Bobcat
11-13-2010, 09:34 PM
You mess up bad and it takes two generations before people forget about it

David G
11-13-2010, 11:49 PM
when...

the directions to your house include, "...after you leave the paved road..."

David G
11-13-2010, 11:50 PM
when...

The nicest house in town has beer bottle caps hammered into the door jamb & casing... for 'decoration'.

David G
11-13-2010, 11:52 PM
when...

the local cop stops a car-full of drunken teenagers and knows each of their names, addresses, and what time their parents go to bed and get up for work.

john welsford
11-14-2010, 01:53 AM
the local airport is terraced

When its raining like hell and the next door neighbour but one, knowing that you are out in the far paddock moving cattle comes over and drives your car across the ford so you'll be able to get to work in the mornimg. Been there and done that. Yes of course the car had its keys in it, where else would you put them.

John Welsford

purri
11-14-2010, 02:07 AM
When a letter is addressed to; (true story)

Angelo Gabrielo
Never Never Creek
The Promised Land
via Bellingen NSW

Robbie 2
11-14-2010, 02:24 AM
The movie theater is the local hall.........the chairs are stacked at one end and you pick up a chair as you pay and place it wherever you want.
You always bring your own cushion to sit on and in winter a blanket to wrap yourself in to keep warm.
You take a cake to share with the tea/coffee served during the intermission as there is only one projector and the projectionist wants to rewind the reel straight away.
Someone always takes the projectionist some cake and a drink too.
When the film is finished the National Anthem is played and everyone stands.
Everyone puts their chair away and the floor is swept etc as the final reel is rewound so everyone can go home at the same time.

skuthorp
11-14-2010, 05:31 AM
when...

the directions to your house include, "...after you leave the paved road..."

That's us!

andrewe
11-14-2010, 06:24 AM
When the telephone exchange is manual and a caller is told, by the operater, to call later as the lady is in the bath. (She had just taken another call and mentioned it to them)

paladin
11-14-2010, 07:20 AM
When gramma calls a neighbor (2 miles away) and tells them that the boys are still out and a storm is coming, and the neighbor makes a thermos of coffee and sandwiches and rides bareback to an abandoned house about a mile away, knowing in a storm that locals will take shelter there...more than a couple of times.

downthecreek
11-14-2010, 08:12 AM
You notice an unfamiliar signature on your account with the local chandlery. You realise it's the local boatbuilder, who was doing a bit of work on your nice little clinker gaffer, needed some paint, couldn't get hold of you, so bought what he needed on your account.

He knows it's OK, they know it's OK and you know it's OK.

Phillip Allen
11-14-2010, 08:22 AM
ain't life grand? :)

Phillip Allen
11-14-2010, 08:26 AM
when you move into a new house (rented) and the next day just as you returned from the grocery, a little girl knocks on the door to return the vanilla her mother sent her to borrow while you were out...(she went in through the window and was amazed that we had accidentally locked the door)

downthecreek
11-14-2010, 08:43 AM
The post office holds a communal cat carrier for the use of people who need to get their cats to the vet in the local town and don't have one of their own.

You arrange for building works to be done over a malt whisky at 10 p.m. and never shop around or ask for an estimate because you know the work will be done with skill and integrity and at a lower cost than you would ever have guessed.

You pop across the square for the papers and return an hour later, having met and chatted with five people on the way there and back.

Your neighbour's little boy is diagnosed with leukemia and a "support group" of local women materialises as if my magic to help drive the young mother to and from the hospital and sit with the other two young boys (one only a few months old) in the afternoon to let her get a bit of rest.

Yes, Phillip, life is grand. :)

RFNK
11-14-2010, 08:51 AM
When you're in Mallabula

Rick

pingree8
11-14-2010, 09:14 AM
"Dead skunk in the middle of the road" is a direction to somewhere.

The street light comes on at 4:30 pm.

IGA is open at about 5:30 am, but you need to leave cash.

botebum
11-14-2010, 10:36 AM
There's one store. The Post Office is in the back. Work boots are on the shelf next to the potted meat. Ammunition is behind the counter but you have to get it yourself because George is asleep at the register again. When there's a town meeting they have to pull both firetrucks outside to make room. The circuit judge pumps septic tanks for a living.

Doug

Captain Blight
11-14-2010, 10:48 AM
...Entertainment consists of going up to the lake to watch the FISHTABS** put in and take out their boats.



**Frickin' Illinois Sh!t Heads Towing A Boat

Tom from Rubicon
11-14-2010, 11:08 AM
Ya gotta be from Wisconsin to call'm "FISH"
Two bars.one church, and a cheese factory.
Rubicon,WI

paladin
11-14-2010, 11:45 AM
Now I ain't agonna tell ya how big Bowlegs was (and is) but......the local 2 pump gas station was also the general store, the Post Office was a closet near the front of the store, and the local telephone exchange/operator had her desk in the back right hand corner. The school at Letha was a 2 room clapboard building, 2 each 20 x 20 rooms with a 8 foot corridor between them, a large cast iron stove in the corridor and buckets of coal to load the stove....2 each 3 hole outhouses out back. Mom and dad went to the school, my sister and brother went to that school.

Phillip Allen
11-14-2010, 11:48 AM
Now I ain't agonna tell ya how big Bowlegs was (and is) but......the local 2 pump gas station was also the general store, the Post Office was a closet near the front of the store, and the local telephone exchange/operator had her desk in the back right hand corner. The school at Letha was a 2 room clapboard building, 2 each 20 x 20 rooms with a 8 foot corridor between them, a large cast iron stove in the corridor and buckets of coal to load the stove....2 each 3 hole outhouses out back. Mom and dad went to the school, my sister and brother went to that school.

Ya know, Chuck...sometimes I think the rest of the world just don't know...at least it seems thataway

paladin
11-14-2010, 12:30 PM
Naw, I think they wuz all raised in Gnu Yawk City.....
but then, I listened to similar stories of granddad growing up, and his father and how much things have changed. Both granddads guns were made in 1914, the Colt single action and the Winchester, and I have a pair of presentation 1862 Colt New Police, unfired, that were given to him as a match pair when he retired. He never mentioned it as something he knew, but a corner of the felt lining was lifting after Hazel gave me the box and I was going to repair it, and underneath was the price those guns sold for as a boxed set in 1921.........$43.50. I still have his knives, straight razor etc, and that razor is really neat to shave with. I betcha 95% of the folks on this forum would cut their own throats trying to use it.....He chopped wood, or broke coal, and drew water from the well right up to before he passed away. He couldn't see any sense in moving. The house was warm, Hazel had a plentiful garden, when he needed meat he knew I would be there on the weekends.....they had chikkin's and eggs and fat bunnies close by the henhouse. Hazels daughter would visit and we would can apples and peaches and garden stuff....about the only thing store bought was flour and sugar...and coffee/tea....and no one went hungry.

Rich Jones
11-14-2010, 12:36 PM
when...

the directions to your house include, "...after you leave the paved road..."

Hey! You've been to my place in Vermont!

Rich Jones
11-14-2010, 12:40 PM
When the town hall is the size of a two car garage and the people inside actually talk to you.

Canoeyawl
11-14-2010, 01:09 PM
True story somewhere in eastern Oregon...

Looking for headlight bulbs I pulled my Peterbilt into a Mom and Pop store with a single gasoline pump out front.
Do you have any headlight bulbs? "No sir." Anything at all would do, I can hardly see my way down the highway. "If you want to wait here, I've think I have some at home". OK, I'll wait.
Meanwhile two customers have come by to fill up and I'm left to tend the cash register. A little shy about this I made a fresh cup of coffee and invited them to wait with me.
I love small towns.

Andrew Craig-Bennett
11-14-2010, 01:48 PM
Here we have two nations divided by a common language. The States does not go in for villages, so what would be a village or a hamlet in England would be a small town in the States.

However we English do ourselves no favours by having no rule to define a town. Clearly, if a town has a Town Council, as opposed to a Parish Council, it's a town. But another definition is older and says that if a place holds a Charter entitling it to hold a market, it is a town (a "market town"). King John, being perennially skint, dished out loads of market charters, but not everywhere that got one, from him or another King, managed to make it to become a town so we have many villages that hold market charters which they obtained in the Middle Ages but which failed to achieve "lift off", so to speak, and never became market towns. Kersey, proverbially the prettiest village in Suffolk, is one such:

http://www.beenthere-donethat.org.uk/images/kersey02.jpg

and according to wooden boat owning and Woodenboat reading friends who live in one of the houses in that picture almost everything written about small towns in this thread applies to it.

I like the "market town" definition because if you lived in a village you would travel to a town to go to market, but you would have no reason to travel to another mere village.

I see I live in quite a metropolis, with a population just over ten thousand, with ten pubs, eight of which are respectable - the Seal, the Cherry Tree, the Anchor, the Cross Keys, the Red Lion, the Seckford Tap, the Old Mariners, the King's Head, the Angel, the Steelyard, plus the Crown and the Bull which were coaching inns and are really hotels. Oh, and we do have a cinema, and a railway station, with real trains, several times a day; we have Upper Middle and Evangelical Anglican churches with an almost full set of the rest (no Quaker Meeting House, now, and the Peculiar People have merged back into the United Reformed) plus two bakers and two butchers. We are right out of candlestick makers, but the remnants of the antiques trade which flourished when we had a USAF base next door can supply pre-owned examples...

I see that today's Daily Telegraph has just decided that nearby Framlingham, population 3,000, is "the best small town in England". Poor old Fram. Lost the railway under Beeching, and now this...

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/property/3351904/Little-marvels-Britains-top-10-small-towns.html

Personally I much prefer Saxmundham (population 2,712) - it has neither the castle nor the public school nor the parish-church-with-notably-good-recitals that Fram boasts but it does still have a railway and an air of honest slightly scruffy market town about it.

But I do have a soft spot for England's smallest town, Manningtree, just over the border in Essex, population 700, which has not merely a railway station but an actual junction, and which was home to Matthew Hopkins, the Witchfinder General, and to Margaret Thatcher when she worked at the nearby plastics factory (must be something in the water?)

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/e/ee/Manningtree_High_Street.JPG/240px-Manningtree_High_Street.JPG

Todd D
11-14-2010, 03:55 PM
You city guys are a real laugh. The village I live in doesn't have any retail outlets in the winter unless you count the post office, which is closed for lunch. During the "season" we have two restaurants and a campground. Theaters, bars, stores - get real.

purri
11-14-2010, 04:21 PM
When each side on the only road doesn't speak to the other (It's a cemetery: Come by Chance, NSW Oz.)

pumpkin
11-14-2010, 05:20 PM
You bring a girl you fancy home to meet your parents and your dad takes you aside and says:

"Son.......


if you really like her you better kiss her quick.........


because when you find out she's your cousin it's gonna get awkward real quick."

purri
11-14-2010, 05:29 PM
^ So you've been to Tasmania's west coast then?

capnharv
11-14-2010, 05:45 PM
Downtown consists of a a grocery store, a tavern, and a church-and they can't keep a minister there.

Rich Jones
11-14-2010, 06:09 PM
The little town I'm moving to next year, Belmont Vermont, has only one store; the General Store, which has been in operation since 1835. The U.S. Post office is in one corner. They also boost the only traffic signal within 20 miles; a yellow blinker up by the main road. Can't wait to retire there for some true peace and quiet. Best thing: mountain lakes too small for a lot of powerboats; canoe heaven!

Gonzalo
11-14-2010, 06:37 PM
After the Saturday night movie, the screen rolls up to reveal the pool tables, the bar behind the screen opens for business, and audience members grab cues and start playing pool. (Bayfield, WI, at least back in the early 80s.)

paladin
11-14-2010, 07:53 PM
Bowlegs, pop. 371 in year 2000, was 5-6 miles from Seminole, pop 7000, which had 3 theaters, a real railway station and a paved main street. Managed to get there an average of twice a month for an ice cream.

DanBurrill
11-15-2010, 03:25 AM
Our airfield isn't terraced (not much need for that in East Anglia), but it is a grass strip used mostly by microlights.

I live in Ludham, pop. 3000 - one school, two churches (Anglican and Methodist), two pubs, two general stores (one only open in tourist season), one butcher, one hairdresser, two cafes, six boatyards (two of which have heritage vessels - Hunter's Yard and the Norfolk Wherry Trust, another two specialise in wooden boat construction or repairs), one outboard engine shop (next door to my house), and a boat brokerage. :)

Robbie 2
11-15-2010, 03:36 AM
One Cafe in town..........owned by an old couple known to one and all as Ma and Pa.
Ma was 5 ft 8 and at least 15 stone while Pa was barely 5 ft and 8 stone soaking wet.
The sign at the door simply said Beef, Pork, Chicken or Fish.
You asked for one of the above not knowing if the beef would be roast,stew,casserole etc. The food was ample always.
You ate at the one long table and rinsed your dishes and cutlery before placing them in the racks provided.
You paid for your meal by putting the money, collecting change etc in the old shoebox at the end of the table.

Phillip Allen
11-15-2010, 06:40 AM
One Cafe in town..........owned by an old couple known to one and all as Ma and Pa.
Ma was 5 ft 8 and at least 15 stone while Pa was barely 5 ft and 8 stone soaking wet.
The sign at the door simply said Beef, Pork, Chicken or Fish.
You asked for one of the above not knowing if the beef would be roast,stew,casserole etc. The food was ample always.
You ate at the one long table and rinsed your dishes and cutlery before placing them in the racks provided.
You paid for your meal by putting the money, collecting change etc in the old shoebox at the end of the table.

Thae BEST one so far! I LOVE IT!

Chris Smith porter maine
11-15-2010, 02:08 PM
The lady from the town office calls you to tell you the registration is up on your jeep and she would not want you to get a ticket
you have to go two towns into New Hampshire to find a street light and it only flashes
the ladies still quilt at the grange and your lady is one of them
no restaurant but in the summer there is a dairy bar
Your town store was an IGA but they dropped us cause the store was to small
The closest police barracks is over an hour away, the state police cover your town the first 2 weeks of the month, and the county Sheriff the second 2 weeks
You share a fire department and station with 3 other towns
there's a baked bean supper most every week
your local paper is called the shopping guide and the only news last week was so and so got his/her first deer with pic and mom took out the add
in the same paper there are more people selling fire wood than pizza
when you go to vote there is no waiting and they have free baked goods
not enough people on your road to have cable tv or internet
Chris S
Paradise Porter Maine

downthecreek
11-15-2010, 04:18 PM
The lady from the town office calls you to tell you the registration is up on your jeep and she would not want you to get a ticket


Reminds me of a little incident in the not so small town of Chelmsford ("County town" of my county - the wonderful and much maligned County of Essex)

My car was parked in a multi story car park in the centre of town. I had forgotten to renew the disc that the cars of all but scofflaws have in their windscreens to show they have paid their annual road tax. It was a day out of date.

When I returned to the car, I noticed that someone had placed a sprig of rosemary across the disc, tucked in to the wiper.

Remember Ophelia? Rosemary for remembrance..................

Canoez
11-15-2010, 04:23 PM
When you're on the phone talking with your mother and several other voices chime in to agree with her. :rolleyes:

Tom Montgomery
11-15-2010, 04:57 PM
When the local cop has you dead to rights on a traffic violation but, upon recognizing your family name on your driver's license, sends you on your way with a warning.

Captain Blight
11-15-2010, 05:25 PM
When the local cop has you dead to rights on a traffic violation but, upon recognizing your family name on your driver's license, sends you on your way with a warning.Yep, been there!

paladin
11-15-2010, 05:39 PM
or your '51 chevy sorta breaks down in a gully near the only bootlegger in the county and the local depitty, pulls you outta the ditch with the cop car and sends you on your way after chastising you for buying booze for some of your high school friends...with a warning..."Charles, I know you don't drink, but don't let me catch you here again or your dad will find out"....3 years later same depitty dawg catches you going out the back door of the girls dorm with a couple bras and pairs of panties.......and just shakes his head....

paul oman
11-15-2010, 07:27 PM
you spend your evenings here in the bilge

mommicked
11-15-2010, 10:10 PM
You can spot an outsider at half a glance. You can tell from things in folks yards that the seasons are about to change (hunting/fishing/farming, not just holiday decorations). The fire department is the community center, along with the (one) church. You ask neighbors if they need anything because you are 'going to town'. If so and so catches more fish than they can use, you can figure that they'll likely bring you some. Folks share home grown produce, and wild game dishes frequent community dinners.

JimConlin
11-15-2010, 10:30 PM
Drivers don't use turn signals because everyone knows where you're going.

Ed Harrow
11-15-2010, 10:46 PM
You blinked and you missed it.

pumpkin
11-15-2010, 11:33 PM
I chuckle the most at the unemployed 45 to 50 year old men, never married, still living with their parents, strutting around in their high school letter jacket with the same tough guy/schoolyard bully/ wanna-be prom king attitude. The comedy really starts on bar nights which in reality can be every night. Watching them cruise town with “We will rock you” blaring from the stereo of their 15 year old car, hair slicked back and arm hanging out the window is comedy gold. Ah, small towns at their best. Don't mess with them because it's their town! :ycool:

If I just described you, I'm sorry. :D