View Full Version : Homeland Security???

Rich Jones
08-25-2010, 08:05 PM
True story. Last night, I'm waiting in an almost empty arrival area in New York's Laguardia airport for my daughter to arrive on a flight. I notice a small package about 5"x5"x5" in size under my seat. No one else around. So, what do they pound into our heads about such things? Notify Security!! So, I go over to this security desk with this Homeland Security guy sitting there. He's not the brightest looking guy I've ever seen, but I tell him about the package. His reaction? He sends a cleaning lady over, who picks it up, throws it in her rolling trash can, and wanders off. God help us all...

The Bigfella
08-25-2010, 08:21 PM
Mission Accomplished? The Homeland is Secure?

08-25-2010, 08:41 PM
about 1970, Vietnam, road from Quibhob to Saigon........convoy had just passed........had a small argument with some folks on both sides of highway, disopute lasted about 45 minutes.....50 or so casualties, mostly from the guys that started it......they cleared the road for traffic........

One of my guys is driving, I'm in passenger side of jeep, we have a couple of idiots to transport to Saigon to ship home...one is a not too bright guy they hired as a inventory clerk/material supervisor.......no one is sight.....we are driving along about 45 mph.....what appears to be a case of beer in the road, we drive around it and continue on....supply guy starts jumping up and down to stop the jeep...we stop..he's gonna jump out and "recover the beer the convoy dropped by accident"....my other guy tackles him...he's fighting with us...it's his beer....he's gonna get it.....(the guy was a lush, that's why he was going home)...he's starting to get violent.......we're about 45-50 yards away...I pull out my pistol and fire...he's screaming bloody murder...I hit it with second shot...makes big boom, hole in road, knocked almost everyone down from blast...
I told him I was on step away of letting him get the damn "beer" but didn't want to fill out the paperwork and have his wife collect the insurance.

08-25-2010, 08:46 PM
Second shot? I'm disappointed. ;)

I'm going to try out the bow this time home!!!

08-25-2010, 08:48 PM
I had a similar experience at the courthouse several years ago. Someone had left a back-pack outside near the bicycle rack. It was sitting there when I went in and was there when I came out about a half-hour later. I went back in and reported it to security and they were not interested.

08-25-2010, 09:04 PM
Brian, I hit it with the first shot, but not where it needed to make an impression.

Dan McCosh
08-25-2010, 09:10 PM
A suspicious suitcase left unattended in Paris DeGaul airport. The solution--send the people waiting to check in (including me) over to one side. Then they blow up the suitcase with a small charge. Underpants and socks drift down to the floor. Then back to checking in.

Bill R
08-25-2010, 09:46 PM
Homeland Security at the airport? Please... most of those morons are the ones left over that not even McDonalds wanted. An important sounding name and cutsie matching shirts with a badge embroidered on does not create ANY security. Even for security theatre, it does not rise to the level of some small town high school drama club.

Flying Orca
08-26-2010, 07:05 AM
"Security theatre" is more about the latter than the former.

08-26-2010, 10:41 AM
It is my understanding that the original name for the clowns was homeless security?

08-26-2010, 12:47 PM
In 2006, after delivering a project, I was returning from NY on an evening flight out of La Guardia. I had one suitcase and a carry on bag as I went through security, then checked the suitcase and boarded the flight. A short while later the plane backs away from the terminal and one of the engines wouldn’t start so, after a half hour of trying, they towed the plane back to the terminal and departed the passengers.

They’d estimated an hour before another plane would be available to take the passengers to Florida so I went back through the security checkpoint and headed outside to smoke while I called my wife to inform her of the delay. On my way back in, a TSA lady looked in my carry on which contained a book, some writing materials and a partial bottle of water. She gave me a dirty look as she informed me that I wasn’t allowed to bring the water bottle into the airport. I seldom fly and wasn’t aware of the restriction.

At that point I informed her I’d taken it through security an hour earlier earlier and boarded the plane with it, the one that was delayed . . . She asked where I brought it in and I pointed to a nearby conveyor/ex-ray machine where five of her co-workers were standing around. It was a weeknight and the airport was practically deserted so they were fighting off boredom, understandably. I pulled the bottle from my bag and removed the cap, at which point she took a few steps back all wide eyed, as I drank the remainder of the water before tossing the empty in the trash. She grunted something about me being a smart ass and directed me to the conveyor. I said, “Yea, fat lot of good that will do now. I feel anything but safe with you folks watching the gate.”

Like Richard said, “true story” and I’m sure just one among many similar tales.

Peter Eikenberry
08-26-2010, 09:08 PM
Many years ago (1980) I had just the opposite experience. I was stationed in Salt Lake City and my office was next door to the Army, Navy, Marine and Air Force recruiting offices and across from the Post Office. The upper floors were all court rooms including the Federal court. We had already had a couple of bomb threats and the Puerto Rican Liberation Front had made threats against Coast Guard Offices. On my way to men's room I noticed a small suitcase in the hall. As I came back it was still there. Being a good alert Coastie I told the security guard (Federal Protective Service) and pointed it out. He alerted the rest of the security force. They ran around to all the offices and asked if anyone had left it there. After about 15 minutes they decide to evacute the building including all the trials going on. So everyone started leaving the building. Some guy came rushing out of the Navy recruting office, grabbed the case and headed for the door. It was his typewrite (remember those?). Needless to say the Navy didn't recruit him and he got charged with a bunch of stuff. What an idiot. But everyone did their job like clock work and I gave my crew of 2 the afternoon off.

But I might add that was before Homeland Security!