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Duncan Gibbs
07-30-2010, 04:14 AM
...but apparently she was a little unhinged and his thread about it got poofed, so I'm helping him out. There was some good advice and some crappy advice and here's where you can repost it.

We're here to help Doug! Y:o

The Bigfella
07-30-2010, 04:40 AM
Yeah - Scot threw the baby out with the bathwater again.

botebum
07-30-2010, 06:24 AM
...

We're here to help Doug! Y:oSounds a little like "Here, tie this rope around your neck and we'll pull you up."

Doug

Jim Ledger
07-30-2010, 06:43 AM
Poor Botebum, it's just not fair.

Duncan Gibbs
07-30-2010, 06:47 AM
Sounds a little like "Here, tie this rope around your neck and we'll pull you up."

Doug

Nothing of the sort! I'm against capital punishment, so I'm no fan of lynchings. I've only had a recent détente with a certain resident of a southern US town, but we generally avoid each other round these necks of the inter-tubes.

This is a 'no strings attached' thread - pardon the puns. I was enjoying your original thread, so I thought I'd help bring it back, in a manner of speaking. It may also help you obtain a better quality of advice.

Duncan Gibbs
07-30-2010, 06:51 AM
Plus I wanna hear more of the date's sordid details, what kind of diagnosis you might apply to her mental condition... That sort of thing.

botebum
07-30-2010, 06:55 AM
Sorry Dunc, I've installed a mental block for that particular woman. Just take me at my word when I say it was pretty bad. She's got more baggage than the lost and found at O'hare.

Doug

Jim Ledger
07-30-2010, 07:03 AM
How bad could it have been? The worse it gets the better the material. Not like you to be so reticent.

BTW, are you gonna learn how to bake? "Oh looky here sugar, I just happen to have some balsamic vinagrette, lemme sprinkle some of this **** on there. You like a little fresh basil with that. Here, lemme freshen up that Tequila for you?"

Pugwash
07-30-2010, 07:14 AM
Sounds a little like "Here, tie this rope around your neck and we'll pull you up."

Doug

And it's pretty.

http://i.imgur.com/07may.jpg

Duncan Gibbs
07-30-2010, 07:18 AM
She's got more baggage than the lost and found at O'hare.

Cargo huh?

Jim Ledger
07-30-2010, 07:20 AM
Junk in the trunk, more like...which would explain the lack of photos.

Black-Jack
07-30-2010, 11:35 AM
Sorry Dunc, I've installed a mental block for that particular woman. Just take me at my word when I say it was pretty bad. She's got more baggage than the lost and found at O'hare.

Doug

Gots junk in the trunk eh?

like I was saying....


tequila

http://i264.photobucket.com/albums/ii187/mvhobot/whytequilaisdangerous.jpg

Landrith
07-30-2010, 11:38 AM
I thought Botebum was rejecting out of hand really good advice on the previous thread. Taking a date out for a sail is a good idea. I moved up (beyond my non existent means) from a Windmill to a Thistle, never even learned how to set the spinnaker and lost it all over a woman who was just faking it. About enjoying sailing in small boats, that is.

Kaa
07-30-2010, 11:41 AM
This thread needs to either get a lot of limericks in it, or morph into a HotOrNot thread with pictures :D

Kaa

switters
07-30-2010, 11:55 AM
as a photographer of interesting subjects why don't you get us started?

Kaa
07-30-2010, 11:58 AM
as a photographer of interesting subjects why don't you get us started?

'cause it's a "went on a date" thread :-)

Not to mention that "interesting subjects" of this kind tend to be Scotable :D

Kaa

Black-Jack
07-30-2010, 02:04 PM
http://blueeyedbride.com/2010/07/29/for-hudson-from-southern-living/

scroll on down to 15 ways to charm her.

I don't believe they included " not farting at the dinner table" , so I will recommend that as an addition

bob winter
07-30-2010, 02:10 PM
I never fart until I leave the dinner table. Normally save it for later on in the evening.

switters
07-30-2010, 02:32 PM
15 reasons southern women are so annoying.

1. Sit down already and stop talking to your friends long enough to acknowledge there is a hungry man waiting for you to sit down so he can eat.

2. They think the SEC is worthwhile enough to be a litmus test for a man.

3. We will kill the bug, when you stop screaming in our ear. You also need to bait your own hook after we show you second time. Learning to clean a fish would go a long way also.

4. Carry the groceries and all the little stupid knick knacks you just bought with roosters on them and then we need to hold the door, get real.

5. they want us to build stuff but not the stuff we want to build, we want to build boats, replicating the gone with the wind front porch on our 800SQft bungalow is not at the top of the things to do list.

6. They like boots but not in the house, not in their car, only dancing, dancing in boots make our feet sore. Dancing makes our feet sore.

7. They want us to take our hat off inside, I can kinda live that one. 6 years of military beat that one into me.

8. When we grill we expect you to do the salad, which we wont eat, the potato salad like our mom makes, not how your mom makes, and get the table set. then it is a deal.

9. We would call more often if we know the line wouldn't be busy all the time with women talking to their friends about how men never call.

10. They pee a lot and think we should interrupt a good meal everytime they leave. Are we eating or doing calisthenics here?

11. The chair thing, that's fine, but not everytime you have to get up in the middle of dinner.

12. They think we should pay the tab all time. My f-150 needs new breaks, my outboard needs a new carb and you want me to pay for everything when we go out. Fine, we are going to carquest.

13. appearance, men dont care what your dress looks like and what shade of blonde your hair color is, only your girlfriends do. We care what you look like naked, and we expect the same from you.

14. Bar fights; What is he looking at? Why I oughtta...

15. Mixing drinks. If her favorite drink is a cold bud then we have no problems, what the hell is in vermouth anyway, is that french?

P.L.Lenihan
07-30-2010, 03:49 PM
BTW, are you gonna learn how to bake? "Oh looky here sugar, I just happen to have some balsamic vinagrette, lemme sprinkle some of this **** on there. You like a little fresh basil with that. Here, lemme freshen up that Tequila for you?"


That ain't bakin' Mr.Ledger!That's slavin' away on a hope. And if it isn't that, then I would say that's one of the worst cases of arse lickin' for droppings and pickings I seen in a good long while.

Remember, Doug ain't lookin' for quick fun,quick release or quick anything. He just wants a nice woman to spend quality time with as they de-construct obscure bits literature way into the twilight.

I'm of two minds whether to suggest he hustle his trim self down to the local library to wisk some book worm off her feet or to just ask the mail girl,fertheloveofgod. If I wasn't so far away, I'd do it for him in two different languages just to get her more worked up thinking about that hunk-o-heat,Doug Botebum! Grow some Doug....besides, you've heard "sorry,no thanks" before haven't you?


Rooting for your success along with the rest here!!!


Cheers!


Peter

Captain Blight
07-30-2010, 04:16 PM
Dating advice 101: Be nice. Be funny, but don't try too hard. Don't make a big deal about things.

nw_noob
07-30-2010, 04:22 PM
This thread needs to either get a lot of limericks in it, or morph into a HotOrNot thread with pictures :D

Kaa

There lived a horrid little man in Ash,
He didn't have a whole lot of cash,
Yet he saved for a date,
and hoped it'd be great,
But the chick was nuts so he left in a flash.

botebum
07-30-2010, 05:54 PM
There lived a horrid little man in Ash,
He didn't have a whole lot of cash,
Yet he saved for a date,
and hoped it'd be great,
But the chick was nuts so he left in a flash.That's about the size of it except I'd have settled for nice. I know nice doesn't rhyme with date but I'd have settled for it.
Who the hell decided that rhyme needed to be spelled that way anyway? Donn?

Doug

botebum
07-30-2010, 06:12 PM
I wasn't asked, nor, apparently, was Mr. Coleridge.Does that mean you accept and/or agree with his spelling or would you bust him if he posted 'rime' to the forum(if he was alive).

Doug

Garret
07-30-2010, 06:15 PM
Does that mean you accept and/or agree with his spelling or would you bust him if he posted 'rime' to the forum(if he was alive).

Doug

Doesn't "rime" involve frozen water?

Mrleft8
07-30-2010, 06:15 PM
So.......

botebum
07-30-2010, 06:24 PM
BTW..it's "if he were alive."You remind me of my mother sometimes:p

Doug

Mrleft8
07-30-2010, 06:28 PM
You remind me of my mother sometimes:p

Doug

Me too..... And mine's dead. ;)

Michael D. Storey
07-30-2010, 06:31 PM
Dating advice 101: Be nice. Be funny, but don't try too hard. Don't make a big deal about things.

Truer words was never spoke

botebum
07-30-2010, 06:37 PM
Me too..... And mine's dead. So's mine but that's not at all what I meant. It was actually more of a compliment.
Mom had a Master's in English and was a stickler for some of the same stuff as Donn. It sometimes became almost a game for Mom and me, trying to trip each other up or catching mistakes. She almost always won on most matters of English ... like Donn.

Doug

paladin
07-30-2010, 08:17 PM
Truer words was never spoke

spoken.....


sorry, just getting into the spirit of things.....

Rich VanValkenburg
07-30-2010, 08:36 PM
I'm glad I'll never have to date with a purpose again, I'd slit my throat. There was one that I considered 'perfect' and I tried to be the same. I failed. She still single and lives with her sister and her mom. She's 61 now. How do you explain that?

One thing's certain, Doug, the harder we try the more we fail. Let one trip over you. Quit looking so hard.

SMARTINSEN
07-30-2010, 08:58 PM
There lived a horrid little man in Ash,
He didn't have a whole lot of cash,
Yet he saved for a date,
and was hoping for nice,
But the chick was so nuts that he left in a trice.


...

davidagage
07-30-2010, 09:18 PM
Date cuz you want to. Not cuz you have to
(its how me and the missus got started, aint looked back since)

paladin
07-30-2010, 09:18 PM
Get outta the house Dougie, have a cuppa somewhere during the day, visit a library for an hour or two...attend some fire station breakfasts and I guarantee you will meet someone that will work at it. Dog parks are good.....Hell, feller...If I can find someone without looking, then you should be able to do so on purpose.

Glen Longino
07-30-2010, 09:22 PM
A man without a woman is like an armadillo without a surfboard.

Ed Harrow
07-30-2010, 09:53 PM
....
Mom had a Master's in English and was a stickler ...

Doug

Yup, The Committee knows that; you can fake a persona on the 'net, but when one' Mum has a Master's in English it's hard to hide in person.

Oh, and I'd say 'were' to go along with Chuck's 'spoken' - I'd check with Mum but right now she's dozing. ;)

purri
07-30-2010, 10:45 PM
spake!

stevebaby
07-30-2010, 11:47 PM
Get a cute puppy and walk it regularly.
Tried and tested.

Duncan Gibbs
07-31-2010, 12:09 AM
How's the quality this time around Doug?

Is the online family coming through with the goods?

What is your ideal date at this point in time?

nautiguy
07-31-2010, 02:12 AM
Forget the puppy! I have one that's a real chick magnet but the magnetism doesn't transfer.

Andrew Craig-Bennett
07-31-2010, 05:56 AM
A man without a woman is like an armadillo without a surfboard.

For the avoidance of doubt, I have a Masters in English but the law of the excluded middle does not apply and I am not Doug's mother.

I do have some armadillo like characteristics, I am quite capable of presenting an armour plated exterior to things.

Four weeks ago my wife of a couple of decades announced that she no longer loved me and walked out, leaving me with two boys and a cat. I can shop, cook, wash, iron, clean, help with the homework and everything else. I enjoy having intelligent conversations with my children, organising things my way and hearing myself think, so right now I don't need a surfboard.;)

paladin
07-31-2010, 07:59 AM
Doggonnit, Andrew....whatizzit with Philipino wimmin's? But you made it twice as long as meself.

Andrew Craig-Bennett
07-31-2010, 08:05 AM
I can do all those things and a full time job so, were I female, (note the tense, folks!;)) I would be a superwoman! :)

Duncan Gibbs
07-31-2010, 09:55 AM
Bloody hell Andrew! That's quite some news!! From the sounds of it you don't seem to miffed?

Paul Pless
07-31-2010, 10:25 AM
Bloody hell Andrew! my thoughts exactly

P.L.Lenihan
07-31-2010, 10:48 AM
Peace does not always arrive by the front door.


Old Cave man expression.




Cheers!


Peter

Domesticated_Mr. Know It All
07-31-2010, 10:57 AM
Don't do this.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-xBgbfj7dI

C. Ross
07-31-2010, 11:26 AM
Condolences, Andrew, and best wishes for you and your boys.

Andrew Craig-Bennett
07-31-2010, 11:49 AM
I really didn't mean to hijack Botebum's thread!

It's just that Glen's one liner struck a chord!

Anyway, I reckon the best advice on the old thread was Vardero's - keep the place immaculate, and take women out to lunch, not dinner. Very well thought through, that.

Captain Blight
07-31-2010, 01:19 PM
Totally uncalled-for, Mike. Not cool.

P.I. Stazzer-Newt
07-31-2010, 01:24 PM
Condolences, Andrew, and best wishes for you and your boys.

What he said.

SamSam
07-31-2010, 01:43 PM
Well I can understand why Botebum's wife walked out because all he did was lay around on his butt and drink all day but you seem to be a pretty good chap. Maybe you just got a little too complacent.
Maybe sometimes it's not a bad thing when people leave.

pipefitter
07-31-2010, 02:23 PM
I dunno about the keeping the place immaculate thing. Most women I have known, that notion seemed to raise somewhat of a red flag, unless perhaps they were into anal retentive, metro-sexual men, or a momma's boy. They seemed to appreciate the fact that it was indeed the inclusion of a woman who perpetuated domestic perfection. I have an 11lb. Largemouth Bass trophy mount on my living room wall. I know that someday it will not be the decor focal point and will be glad to move it to my guy space. As it stands now, I know my girlfriend is somewhat horrified but at the same time, she can tell I really need her. LOL

Andrew Craig-Bennett
07-31-2010, 05:22 PM
I hope MM was trying to be humorous!

stevebaby
07-31-2010, 05:50 PM
For the avoidance of doubt, I have a Masters in English but the law of the excluded middle does not apply and I am not Doug's mother.

I do have some armadillo like characteristics, I am quite capable of presenting an armour plated exterior to things.

Four weeks ago my wife of a couple of decades announced that she no longer loved me and walked out, leaving me with two boys and a cat. I can shop, cook, wash, iron, clean, help with the homework and everything else. I enjoy having intelligent conversations with my children, organising things my way and hearing myself think, so right now I don't need a surfboard.;)I had to do all that with my daughter,starting when she was 5 years old. In retrospect,it was the best and most rewarding time of my life.
Best of luck Andrew. It's not easy but it's worth every minute.

JBreeze
07-31-2010, 06:33 PM
Watch out for women like this one:

An 80-year-old Frenchman was recovering in a state of shock in hospital on Saturday after being freed from a year locked in a laundry room by a wife half his age and her alleged lover.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20100731/wl_afp/francecrimekidnap_20100731195744

Duncan Gibbs
07-31-2010, 07:14 PM
Yes! The moral of the story is don't marry in Arrou: The wimmins there is CRAZY!! :D

Duncan Gibbs
07-31-2010, 08:17 PM
Cool it fellas, or take it elsewhere.... I know: I'll start a thread!

skipper68
07-31-2010, 09:44 PM
Whats the worst of the 3..a dry drunk who thinks he is the almighty, or a reformed smoker,that thinks their almighty,or somebody with a spell check??Somebody is welcome to put up a thread with a poll...AARRGGG

skipper68
07-31-2010, 11:12 PM
Well Duncan,THAT HIT THE BRAKES!

Glen Longino
07-31-2010, 11:30 PM
Mike and Doug are conjoined twins who were separated in a 92 hour TV show.
Don't you remember?
Doug was the one with the big head and mustache who the doctors had to keep stuffing towels in his mouth to keep him from eating their fingers.
Mike was the one who jumped off the table at the instant of separation and said, "B-B-B-B-Bad To The Bone!"
Can't anybody keep anything straight around here?;)

Duncan Gibbs
08-01-2010, 12:12 AM
Well I've started a thread where some inter-tube pugilism can take place unfettered but neither protagonist has landed a punch yet. I note that betting has started.... Well one bet has been placed. And Doug is odds on fave at this stage!! :)

huisjen
08-01-2010, 12:22 AM
He ain't worth it Doug.

Dan

skipper68
08-01-2010, 12:23 AM
:DY>:!:arg:D;)

Glen Longino
08-01-2010, 12:24 AM
You're little more than an opportunist, Duncan, betting upon which separated twin will survive.
What if both the no account bastids survive?
Then what?

huisjen
08-01-2010, 12:25 AM
It's okay Glen. We'll just poison one of them.

Dan

Duncan Gibbs
08-01-2010, 12:29 AM
Then what?

It can go to the orphans! That way everyone feels good. Although Dan has a cunning plan! Hmmmmmm......

Glen Longino
08-01-2010, 12:30 AM
Good idea, Dan.
Which one?
You know as well as I do that both of them deserve poison.
I'll leave it up to you!

skipper68
08-01-2010, 12:30 AM
So the host will survive? What kinda poison ya looking at? Need any input on that!?

huisjen
08-01-2010, 12:32 AM
Put the bottles in front of 'em and see who drinks.

Dan

Duncan Gibbs
08-01-2010, 12:46 AM
http://g-ecx.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/videogames/blog/princess_vizzini.jpg

I think I'm gonna live my life by The Princess Bride code!