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Lew Barrett
04-15-2010, 08:32 PM
I try not to share too many of my "problems" here, but this is one I will discuss even if the imagery evoked is a bit unpleasant.

I am getting a colonoscopy tomorrow and I am now working my way through four liters of "Golytly."

I suppose they call it "Golytly" because (I hope) the results it provokes aren't too explosive.

I'll let you know! But Four liters? It's a chore!

Captain Intrepid
04-15-2010, 08:37 PM
I much prefer the kind of Golytly that wear little black dresses and enormous hats.

My most sincere condolences.

George Jung
04-15-2010, 08:41 PM
It's a euphemism, for crying out loud, Lew!

If they called it 'Volcano in a bottle', would you be so sanguine?

Hope you don't blow a gasket.

Tomorrow will be better.

skuthorp
04-15-2010, 08:42 PM
Funnily enough I didn't find the stuuf too bad. Lemon flavour. I did ask if they had beer flavour but sadly no. Best of luck, it's not fun.

Garret
04-15-2010, 08:43 PM
Been there, done that. I must say that while I got a whole lot of "reading" done the night before, the event itself was no where near as bad as I thought it would be.

In fact the "cleaning of the bilges" (from the purging, not the colonoscopy) left me feeling better for quite some time.

This is one of those "feels better when it's done" things I'm afraid. Best of luck to you!

Garret

Yeadon
04-15-2010, 08:47 PM
Wow Lew, you have more than 10,000 posts. Do you have a favorite? Try to think about that for a while as you drink, drink, drink to your bowels.

Paul Pless
04-15-2010, 08:50 PM
But Four liters? It's a chore!maybe try a beerbong

George Jung
04-15-2010, 08:51 PM
Everyone familiar with the Dave Barry story on colonoscopies? There's a few variants:

http://www.miamiherald.com/2009/02/11/427603/dave-barry-a-journey-into-my-colon.html


I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes -- and here I am being kind -- like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.
The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, ''a loose watery bowel movement may result.'' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.
MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.


Read more: http://www.miamiherald.com/2009/02/11/427603_p2/dave-barry-a-journey-into-my-colon.html#ixzz0lDwLkdVH

Yeadon
04-15-2010, 08:54 PM
Sign me up!

George Jung
04-15-2010, 08:55 PM
Perhaps we should have one of these sent your way; (or maybe WBF should 'start their own')


Which brings us to you, Mr. or Mrs. or Miss or Ms. Over-50-And-Hasn't-Had-a-Colonoscopy. Here's the deal: You either have colo-rectal cancer, or you don't. If you do, a colonoscopy will enable doctors to find it and do something about it. And if you don't have cancer, believe me, it's very reassuring to know you don't. There is no sane reason for you not to have it done.
I am so eager for you to do this that I am going to induce you with an Exclusive Limited Time Offer. If you, after reading this, get a colonoscopy, let me know by sending a self-addressed stamped envelope to Dave Barry Colonoscopy Inducement, The Miami Herald, 1 Herald Plaza, Miami, FL 33132. I will send you back a certificate, signed by me and suitable for framing if you don't mind framing a cheesy certificate, stating that you are a grown-up who got a colonoscopy. Accompanying this certificate will be a square of limited-edition custom-printed toilet paper with an image of Miss Paris Hilton on it. You may frame this also, or use it in whatever other way you deem fit.

Nanoose
04-15-2010, 08:55 PM
Ya....I love that Dave Barry gig! :D

Blessings on you, Lew. :(

Lew Barrett
04-15-2010, 08:55 PM
Mine is lemon flavored too. I'd rather just suck the lemon!

Lew Barrett
04-15-2010, 09:00 PM
Half way through now, no explosion yet.

I have a slight amount of anxiety because I had radiation therapy for prostate cancer three years ago. At the time, the urologist told me that I should make sure the guy who does the colonoscopy is a race car driver; they need to be careful because the radiation leaves scar tissue and easy stuff to break through "down thar'."

I hope the guy's any good tomorrow.....

Thanks all! George...will you come with me and hold my hand? :D

Oh! I have Lindy for that!

Peter Malcolm Jardine
04-15-2010, 09:05 PM
Get a big spliff to help you along :D

(Good luck)

rufustr
04-15-2010, 09:14 PM
Good luck Lew.

I'm sure everything will go well.

They knock you out here when they do it.

Do you have to have a short sleep?

skuthorp
04-15-2010, 09:15 PM
Half way through now, no explosion yet.

I have a slight amount of anxiety because I had radiation therapy for prostate cancer three years ago. At the time, the urologist told me that I should make sure the guy who does the colonoscopy is a race car driver; they need to be careful because the radiation leaves scar tissue and easy stuff to break through "down thar'."

I hope the guy's any good tomorrow.....

Thanks all! George...will you come with me and hold my hand? :D

Oh! I have Lindy for that!
Good that you are not by yourself, and you will need a driver afterwards. The bloke who did me was a Canadian, we'd talked briefly flyfishing and I've had a trip or two with him since. Moderate success.

Canoez
04-15-2010, 09:19 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wlCLHf76q_w

> :D

Lew Barrett
04-15-2010, 09:21 PM
They knock you out here too, and if I recall from the last one, it was a pleasant enough journey. I think I got to 98 going backwards from 100.

Big spliff.....makes you hungry. I'm working on a quart of chicken broth and that's about it for the day but I'm surprisingly not motivated to eat.

It is good to have a friend by one's side, isn't it Jeff?

Quite a good copy of WB, this issue. I'm getting quite familiar with it!

George Jung
04-15-2010, 09:22 PM
My experience with the 'balanced anesthesia/sedative' has been wonderful - slept like a baby;remembered nothing of the 'event' (though I have a vague, dream-like recall of someone calling 'thar she blows' - the possibilities are mindboggling...) and when I woke up, other than the nurses refusing to get too close (I have no idea why), I felt great! So great, in fact - I wanted to go out for a steak, and then go dancing - and I don't dance.

Party on, dude!

Keith Wilson
04-15-2010, 09:22 PM
I was awake, and very cheerful; damn, those are good drugs! Watching the progress of the inspection on the screen was interesting enough that it was almost worth the hassle - well - no, it wasn't, but it was interesting anyway.

Lew Barrett
04-15-2010, 09:28 PM
This gives new meaning to the word "hurry."

elf
04-15-2010, 09:53 PM
I don't know why they make you drink so much liquid. I could barely make it through the half the dosage, the stuff was so vile tasting.

Yet the result was no big deal and the colonoscopy itself was nothing much to discuss.

Lew Barrett
04-15-2010, 10:12 PM
Peach, I'm thinking you are getting a better deal than they are doling out at my HMO!

Michael D. Storey
04-15-2010, 10:35 PM
Actually, it was Ronald Reagan who saved thousands of lives by taking us off our headlong plunge into metricism. If it were not for him, we would know that when someone sez 'we're gonna slide this tiny probe just 60 cm's up your bum', we would know that that means that ' we're gonna shove a television 26 inches up your ass'. That would result in too many of us out of there before we had our pants on.

Lew Barrett
04-15-2010, 10:44 PM
Sorry, had to step away for a minute.....

Last glass down, finally. Thank God!

Now to bed, and visions of a happy ending!

C. Ross
04-15-2010, 10:57 PM
Happy ending?

Sweet dreams, Lew...

Canoeyawl
04-15-2010, 11:47 PM
Happy trails....

Captain Intrepid
04-16-2010, 01:02 AM
Good that you are not by yourself, and you will need a driver afterwards. The bloke who did me was a Canadian, we'd talked briefly flyfishing and I've had a trip or two with him since. Moderate success.

I suppose the least he could do after would be buy you dinner.

The Bigfella
04-16-2010, 01:53 AM
Phew... glad this thread didn't have photos.

I ended up in court after my first colonoscopy. A cab driver took me from the day surgery, got down the road a bit and told me he didn't want to go as far as my place and kicked me out. I told him I'd just had a surgical procedure and if he threw me out, I'd sue him.

He did, I did, he lost.

Good luck Lew.

paladin
04-16-2010, 05:43 AM
Hey, Lew...I didn't feel a thing....but had a wunnerful trip......

downthecreek
04-16-2010, 05:45 AM
My experience with the 'balanced anesthesia/sedative' has been wonderful - slept like a baby;


Having experienced something similar, albeit in different circumstances, I can concur. The worrying thing is, though, that I apparently conversed with the medical staff quite amiably all the way through. Can't remember a thing about it, but the consultant was kind enough to reassure me that I hadn't revealed any deep dark secrets or said anything...er....questionable. So that's OK. I don't think I have any deep, dark secrets to reveal. mind you..... :)

Mrleft8
04-16-2010, 08:09 AM
They gave me the stuff that killed Michael Jackson. They told me this as they were putting the IV in..... Then told me to count backward from 100...... "One hundered, ni...." :D

Paul Pless
04-16-2010, 08:30 AM
They gave me the stuff that killed Michael Jackson. propofol - pretty safe when properly administered

Lew Barrett
04-16-2010, 08:44 AM
6:30 Am here. I'm off to see the wizard!

Bob Adams
04-16-2010, 08:52 AM
My Doc used to just sedate me, (Demerol is a wonderful thing:cool:) it's amazing one can still laugh at a man cracking jokes whist he is stuffing a probe so far in you think you can feel it tickling your tonsils! Last year he started doing the sleep thing. I kinda miss watching the monitor.

BTW, no matter what flavor packet they give you, I think the stuff probably tastes better coming out than it did going in. Vile indeed!

Good Luck.

goodbasil
04-16-2010, 11:41 AM
I'll pray for you.

LeeG
04-16-2010, 11:45 AM
I have yet to make the appt.

TimH
04-16-2010, 11:51 AM
This is an aweful thread.

Russ Manheimer
04-16-2010, 12:28 PM
Here's to happy endings Lew!

Russ

Canoez
04-16-2010, 12:40 PM
Two more for ya Lew. I hope you can find 'em funny. I used to work for a company that made colonoscopes, among other things. Stuff like this went around at work, believe it or not.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QI1go72c5H8

(Caution on the language in the second one - it's Billy Connolly)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBMsPNI6EZE&feature=related

John of Phoenix
04-16-2010, 12:51 PM
The worst is the liquid diet for a day and that butt bomb concotion you have to drink. The procedure itself is a piece of cake. Hope the results are good.

Canoeyawl
04-16-2010, 12:52 PM
This is an offal thread.
Fixed that for ya!

Lew Barrett
04-16-2010, 01:14 PM
It was a happy ending. As everyone has said, the worst part is the prep the day before, and in retrospect, it's not that awful. Well, the unpleasant ocean of "Golytly" is pretty repulsive, but I've been through much worse.

Clean bill (quite clean) with a snip for a small polyp but nothing to get excited about. Yea. As I haven't done any diving, I have to wonder how a polyp got up there! I thought those were just found on reefs. :cool::D

It was fun sharing gang! You are all the best support anybody could have, as usual.

Paul Pless
04-16-2010, 01:18 PM
Glad everything came out okay

Rob Stokes, N. Vancouver
04-16-2010, 02:00 PM
I woke up in the middle of mine..sort of. I told the Dr. "a little to the left please". but I think he heard "Mfthtyrm..."

When we left I was still groggy and my wife drove me home - she thought it would be completely fine when I asked to go to the Woodworkers Store (Sumner). I think they're still laughing "with" me :)

Glad it went well Lew.

Lew Barrett
04-16-2010, 03:20 PM
Glad everything came out okay

All the You Tube links were good, but in the end this ranks as the most succinct and pointed post of the tread, everything considered, don't cha' think? :D

It really isn't a big deal and my main concern was interaction with my radiation scars, which as it turns out was a non-issue.

Norman, as a prostate cancer guy they reckon I'm on a five year schedule too, but no colon cancer in my history.

Thanks to all for keeping it apolitical :D I do have very comprehensive insurance although I suspect in one fell swoop I have taken care of (spent)my deductible with this one.

If you don't have health, you don't have much.

Since my retirement in February my BP is down to an average of about 120/75. Another benefit of not working in a high pressure environment. I do plan to do something after the boating season, don't know what yet, don't much care at the moment but I have a few germs of ideas.

Meanwhile, I wish you all health and happiness and it's nice to know we all have friends around the globe which is why I will always count this place as my true home on the net......

There are some posters here who don't think much of the community that has developed around this site...that all the interactions here are anonymous and that therefore they won't bother to put a real name to their posts because there is nothing real about these iteractions. We know differently.

Thank you again, friends.

C. Ross
04-16-2010, 03:31 PM
Thanks to all for keeping it apolitical :D

It's bipartisan. Republicans invented the scope that screws you, Democrats invented the purge that empties you out. (I think gastroenterologists are all Stalinists.)


Since my retirement in February my BP is down to an average of about 120/75. Another benefit of not working in a high pressure environment.

Now THAT'S terrific. Here's to your health, Mr. Barrett.

George Jung
04-18-2010, 01:48 PM
Not really related, but the 'no aftertaste' was too good to let 'slide'....


From Dung to Coffee Brew With No Aftertaste


Reaching a valley where coffee (http://www.nytimes.com/info/coffee/?inline=nyt-classifier) trees were growing abundantly, he scanned the undergrowth where he knew the animals would relax after picking the most delicious coffee cherries with their claws and feasting on them with their fangs. His eyes settled on a light, brownish clump atop a rock. He held it in his right palm and, gently slipping it into a little black pouch, whispered:
“Gold!”
Not quite. But Mr. Sibayan’s prize was the equivalent in the world of rarefied coffees: dung containing the world’s most expensive coffee beans.
Costing hundreds of dollars a pound, these beans are found in the droppings of the civet, a nocturnal, furry, long-tailed catlike animal that prowls Southeast Asia’s coffee-growing lands for the tastiest, ripest coffee cherries. The civet eventually excretes the hard, indigestible innards of the fruit — essentially, incipient coffee beans — though only after they have been fermented in the animal’s stomach acids and enzymes to produce a brew described as smooth, chocolaty and devoid of any bitter aftertaste.
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/18/world/asia/18civetcoffee.html?pagewanted=1&hp

hehe

MiddleAgesMan
04-18-2010, 09:23 PM
I was awake, and very cheerful; damn, those are good drugs! Watching the progress of the inspection on the screen was interesting enough that it was almost worth the hassle - well - no, it wasn't, but it was interesting anyway.

My experience prezactly.

I'm overdue for my second one but my Mayo oncologist and I agreed it could wait. The experimental drug I'm taking seems to work on just about any cancer so as long as I'm on the poison I'll put off the next colonoscopy...and keep on smoking them cigs. ;)

MiddleAgesMan
04-18-2010, 09:31 PM
... I'm off to see the wizard!

Funny you would use that phrase. :) I'm required to keep a blood pressure log which I turn in at the end of each 28 day cycle on the poison. There is a Comments section where I can describe symptoms and side effects. Most of mine relate to the chronic diarrhea which I have simply named the Big D.

At my last visit to the doctor he finally noticed what, for many months, I had been entering on the day I drive down to the Mayo in Jacksonville--"Off to see the wizards."

Ian Marchuk
04-18-2010, 09:42 PM
Glad it went well Lew, the apprehension and anxiety done with.
There are moments when the indignities of the mortal flesh can only be countered with laughter from the theater of the absurd.
Otherwise it's just a bum rap....

Garret
04-18-2010, 10:14 PM
Otherwise it's just a bum rap....

Load groan! :D

Lew Barrett
04-18-2010, 10:43 PM
Damn!!

I thought something seriously dark would be posted on this thread ... got me, Lew!!! ;)

Seriously dark...hehe. It usually is, but once every five or ten years they shine some light on it!

Ian Marchuk
04-18-2010, 10:47 PM
Well Garret, I'm sure our friend Lew muttered a few groans hisself.
But yanno , somehow sometimes tis a good thing that words fail.
Rappppp, bang, pow and kerblooooey were just too graphic, and besides they did not sound very smooth on the page....
May have fit the flow of this thread however.

Bob (oh, THAT Bob)
04-18-2010, 11:01 PM
Glad you're doing well Lew. I didn't catch this thread until it was all over.

Lew Barrett
04-19-2010, 12:05 AM
I did Ian...groan. Easy topic to do punishing work on.

Ian Marchuk
04-19-2010, 12:33 AM
When the silly potty humour has run (sorry) its course , the groans and eyerolling over, rest assured Lew that we are relieved that you and Lindy can set the matter behind .....

purri
04-19-2010, 01:19 AM
Lew,

you could always do an "installation" at MoMA