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Tom Hoffman
01-12-2010, 06:36 PM
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral
director to play at a grave side service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery
in South East Oklahoma back-country.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost; and being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late.... and saw the funeral guy was evidently gone, and the hearse was nowhere in sight.

There were only the diggers and crew left.... and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down. The vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man. And as I played 'Amazing Grace', the workers began to weep. They wept; I
wept; we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car.

Though my head hung low, my heart was full. As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "Sweet, I never seen nothin' like that before.... and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years..":D

sailboy3
01-12-2010, 06:46 PM
The big :D next to "Homeless Man's Funeral" is an interesting title for a thread. Great story:D:D :D

Larks
01-12-2010, 08:40 PM
Lovely story Tom, and worth passing on. Well done!

Mrleft8
01-12-2010, 09:35 PM
SEPTIC TANK?



I hope yer kidding. If yer not I hope yer banned for life, because that's a horrible insult, and you should be ashamed for even thinking of posting it!

wizbang 13
01-12-2010, 10:04 PM
It was a sewercide

Larks
01-12-2010, 10:08 PM
SEPTIC TANK?



I hope yer kidding. If yer not I hope yer banned for life, because that's a horrible insult, and you should be ashamed for even thinking of posting it!

You seem to be the sort of guy that looks for the worst in everyone. Did you not see the evocative image of this guy playing the pipes and the effect that it had on the workers?

And mate, if you want to PM me, next time make it something worth while and not some Troll B.S!

Tom Hoffman
01-12-2010, 10:20 PM
SEPTIC TANK?



I hope yer kidding. If yer not I hope yer banned for life, because that's a horrible insult, and you should be ashamed for even thinking of posting it!

:DAre you a complete imbicile? Can't you recognize a JOKE? What is the matter with you? Get a life...:D

Read it again, you are so driven to find fault, that you can't see the obvious.

It was a joke, it was a joke, it was a joke, it was a joke, it was a joke.

Now do you understand?

Go away.....

goodbasil
01-12-2010, 11:08 PM
If its a Tom Hoffman post, its a joke. Everyone here knows that.

Wild Dingo
01-13-2010, 07:33 AM
mmm okay Im gonna come to the old mans defence here...

See hes not long spent awhile in the company of a mad Aussie who has this tendancy to speak Aussie not English... and see to Aussies in general a septic tank is Aussie for yank ala an American... see I think the old man just had this vision of yer ol mate that being me saying some such so he took umbridge thinking you were havin a go at the poor dead fellas nationality

The bloke played Amazing Grace over the graveside? now THATS BEUOOODIFUL!! :cool: ...the workers and him bawled their eyes out to the sounds of a bag of cats scratching their eyes out? ARE YOU FREEKIN INSANE???!!! :eek: and the final incrediblity of this tale is he played so mournfully the grave diggers FORGOT they were also septic tanks!!! :confused: see it doesnt make any sence... well to an Aussie anyways... why would you mob bury your homeless in a septic tank? thats just really uncool dudes :rolleyes: I mean the poor bloke deserved better!!! For shame!!!

Tis a truely sad day that you send a poor homeless dude who croaked and is bein buried in a septic tank and yous mob laugh??? god sometimes dudes sometimes yous mob worry the hell outta me!! I mean our government looks up to yours... in fact one could almost say our government looks right up yours arses but best to be civil there might be government officials hiding out here eh Ian? ;) But still... burying the poor bastard in a septic tank? Man thats harsh!! remind me never to die broke over in the states eh!! :p


on second thoughts remind me to NEVER DIE period!!

Bruce Taylor
01-13-2010, 07:36 AM
:DAre you a complete imbicile? Can't you recognize a JOKE?

Actually, Lefty was joking too. "Septic tank" is Aussie rhyming slang for "Yank." See? It was a joke, it was a joke, etc. :rolleyes:

Tom Hoffman
01-13-2010, 07:47 AM
Well, the punch line of the story is that the Bagpiper, got lost and never found the cemetary.

:D As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost; and being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late.... and saw the funeral guy was evidently gone, and the hearse was nowhere in sight. :D

He thought he had and so seeing an excavation and believing he was in the right place proceeded to carry out his assignment.

Is there really that much of a language barrier between Aussies and US????

Sheeeeesssshhhhh, it was a simple story I thought... I guess that is what I get for thinking....:D

Chris Coose
01-13-2010, 08:29 AM
I guess that is what I get for thinking....:D


Hint: Begin thinking as soon as you begin typing.
It is best to source a paste-up.

Tom Hoffman
01-13-2010, 08:40 AM
Chris, it was just a joke, not meant to be a treatise on WORLD PEACE!!!

Phillip Allen
01-13-2010, 08:43 AM
Chris, it was just a joke, not meant to be a treatise on WORLD PEACE!!!

don't worry abaout it Tom...these guys habitually pile on as soon as the first one bites...they don'e even look to see what it that they are biting (sorta like a union, if one swings a pick handle they ALL swing pick handles)

Bruce Taylor
01-13-2010, 09:17 AM
don't worry abaout it Tom...these guys habitually pile on as soon as the first one bites...they don'e even look to see what it that they are biting (sorta like a union, if one swings a pick handle they ALL swing pick handles)

Oy.

Lefty wasn't "biting," he was joking. Dingo and I weren't "piling on," we were just explaining Lefty's joke.

The joke Tom posted was pretty funny, I thought, but calling Lefty an "imbicile" wasn't.

Bruce Taylor
01-13-2010, 09:24 AM
Is there really that much of a language barrier between Aussies and US????

Looks like it.

Dingo got your joke, I believe, but you seem to have missed his. :)

Tom Hoffman
01-13-2010, 09:31 AM
Probably did...

Interesting.

bamamick
01-13-2010, 09:32 AM
Damn! You got me. It was a heck of a story, though.

Mickey Lake

Tom Hoffman
01-13-2010, 09:34 AM
Oy. The joke Tom posted was pretty funny, I thought, but calling Lefty an "imbicile" wasn't.

My apologies Lefty, I did not notice the country of origin. My mistake.

Tom...;)

Bruce Taylor
01-13-2010, 09:44 AM
My apologies Lefty, I did not notice the country of origin. My mistake.

Tom...;)

Good man. :)

Lefty's "country of origin" is the steaming heart of Seppoland, but, as Shane points out, he's been hanging with certain "mad Aussies" lately. ;)

Stiletto
01-13-2010, 04:04 PM
Thanks Tom, I got a laugh out of that.

WX
01-13-2010, 04:42 PM
Had me sucked till the last line, good joke.:D

Concordia...41
01-13-2010, 05:29 PM
You got me too. :D Great joke!

Phillip Allen
01-13-2010, 05:46 PM
Oy.

Lefty wasn't "biting," he was joking. Dingo and I weren't "piling on," we were just explaining Lefty's joke.

The joke Tom posted was pretty funny, I thought, but calling Lefty an "imbicile" wasn't.

In that case, the joke didn't work on me and I just went back and looked again...still don'e work...silly me

George Jung
01-13-2010, 06:03 PM
Sent it to my FIL - he does cemetery work. I suspect he'll 'get it'!

Phillip Allen
01-13-2010, 06:18 PM
I was talking about lefty's joke...

Bruce Taylor
01-13-2010, 06:46 PM
In that case, the joke didn't work on me and I just went back and looked again...still don'e work...silly me

Dingo's explanation was more entertaining than mine:


See hes not long spent awhile in the company of a mad Aussie who has this tendancy to speak Aussie not English... and see to Aussies in general a septic tank is Aussie for yank ala an American... see I think the old man just had this vision of yer ol mate that being me saying some such so he took umbridge thinking you were havin a go at the poor dead fellas nationality

In other words, Doug was pretending (in a humorous way) to be offended by a slur against Yanks (Septic Tanks, or Seppos, in Aussie rhyming slang) that is frequently used by a recent houseguest of his (Dingo).

Lots of paranoia in the bilge, lately. Cheer up, spring will come ... earlier there, than here. :)

I, Rowboat
01-13-2010, 06:58 PM
Well, I thought it was pretty funny.

Larks
01-13-2010, 07:12 PM
Bruce you are being generous mate, if Lefty thought it was a joke and was reciprocating -.... well al I can say is that I simply don't understand his P.M. to me which indicated otherwise.

As for me? Well I'm just a bit slow some times, I didn't get past the image of the pipes - which I'm quite fond of, so took it as a nice story. How silly of me eh!!