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Wild Dingo
01-07-2010, 11:02 AM
A man and a woman got married... sigh... life is nothing if not interesting and full of surprises eh? some great, some not so great, some good, some not so good, some bad and some worse and some absolute shytehouse... but still its interesting none the less

yeah today was our wedding anniversary... sorta strange feeling... this is the first time since she told me she was leaving that Ive been able to even consider the day the last two times I simply lost the plot totally when it came around... but this time its strange... empty you know? weird really

Were actually getting along a little better since the "incident" of new years... well at present we seem to be able to stand being near each other for more than 2.5 nano seconds without wanting to rip each others heads of and feed them to each other!!... but still its strange to think that on this day 27 years ago I waited at the end of the aisle in Christ Church Claremont and watched the beautiful vision that became my wife and the mother or our children walk toward me... and yet now I stand alone 2000+ miles away from her... never in my worst nightmare would I have dreamt that such would be the case but such it is

interesting feelings even saying that.

She is a stranger now... I truely can say I honestly dont know her now she has changed so much in the last few years... do I pine for her now? no since returning from my "east coast tour" in the states and moving here I have thought of her but 4 times in an upset manner for the most part when she enters my thoughts I shrug it off and move forward and its becoming easier... my life has changed mostly for the better... Im happy again, enjoying life laughter and friends I feel free for the first time in 27 years... in some ways related to the kids for the worse but even that will get better with time I believe as they adjust.

Its simply what is now... but its an curiously interesting feeling

If one thing can be learnt from this its that marriage is a joining of two people and ONLY with communication of each others needs wants desires of simply talking through eaches day with the other can it work... when that communication stops eventually either sooner or later it will come to an end.

So those of you married or in a relationship if I can give one piece of advice? Communicate with them and dont allow the other to not communicate with you... talk about everything that affects you with them and get them to talk about everything thats affecting them!! for gods sake dont either of you hold back from saying something due to mistaken foolish pride or some sence of shame, discomfort or fear just talk to each other honestly and fullly about things that affect you and for gods sake LISTEN and take it in!! then do something about it! dont listen then do nothing to help them or fix it do something to solve it fix it remedy it!! IF YOU LOVE THEM DO IT FOR THEM and for yourself.

I would not wish what Ive experienced on anyone.

Just thought Id share that

Mrleft8
01-07-2010, 11:52 AM
Why would anyone get married in the dead of winter?..... Oh, wait..... You guys are bass ackwards......Nevermind! Carry on! ;)

nedL
01-07-2010, 12:56 PM
Shane, I'm sorry that life has ended up taking this turn for you & Jodi, may the passing of time make it easier for you and all of your family. -- Get out there & enjoy !

Excellent advice for all on avoiding similar situations - Thanks.

Glen Longino
01-07-2010, 01:35 PM
You do seem to be making progress, even if it is slow progress.
This beats the hell out of watching you slip steadily backwards like you did for many months back there.
A clue, you and Jo no longer need to get along.
You don't owe Jo the sweat off your cojones.
You'll get better at handling days like today as time goes by.
For what it's worth, many of us are proud of you for keeping yourself alive through this and thinking of your kids.
Happy Anniversary and Best Wishes!

bamamick
01-07-2010, 01:40 PM
Shane, you have shared a lot of this over the recent past and every time I hurt for you, buddy.

For my wife and I it'll be 27 years come November 6th, and I can't imagine my life without her in it. She has been my anchor through so many rough times, and she says the same of me. According to my kids one of the problems they have finding lasting relationships with men is that they can't find anyone who they can be with the way my wife and I are when we are together.

My greatest blessing, and I mean this quite sincerely, is that I was in another marriage before I met my wife. Met her at a bar when I was 18. Married at 19. Divorced at 20. To me, being married at 19 didn't mean that I needed to change anything about the way I lived my life other than the fact that she was at home waiting when I got there. I traveled the country sailing, never missed a yacht club meeting, ran the roads with my buddies, and did everything with women that I'd meet on the road except actually sleep with them. One night a very friendly barmaid brought me home after a Thursday night yacht club meeting, very drunk and not really knowing where I was, and the next day when I got home the apartment was wiped out and she was gone.

If it hadn't been for my first wife I wouldn't be who I am or where I am today. Because of her and the pain I put her through I began to grow into a man, began to learn what that meant, and I learned a whole lot about what not to do in a relationship with a person who really cares about you. What happened was all my fault. 100% of it, and I told her that a few years later when we ran into each other one evening. For some reason, even with the pain that I put her and several other young women through while I was doing my own thing, I was blessed enough to have met and married my beautiful Brenda, and our story has gone on together ever since.

I wish I knew some way to ease your pain, Shane.

Mickey Lake

Wild Dingo
01-08-2010, 12:32 AM
Mickey mate no pain here Im feeling bloody brilliant actually... life has turned and will keep on turning as long as I stay focused on the future that is.

There is nothing between us now and she is still incredibly angry about something toward me which she wont tell me what it is of course so nothing can be done about it and so its her problem not mine.

I take PRECISELY 50% of the blame for what happened in the marriage to lead us to this point and PRECISELY 50% of the blame for whats been said done and put into effect since she walked out. And although she continually tries to lay blame and guilt on me I simply refuse to accept it.

I no longer even bother to try to explain things to her in an effort to clarify things nor do I ask questions of "why?" or even bother to make attempts to "try" to sort things out with her.

There is nothing whatever I am prepared to do as there is simply no "us" any more and I am actually fine with that.

Today is the anniversary of our marriage vows... vows SHE reneged on then set out to destroy them utterly and has now achieved success... no problem anymore.

Seriously? I wish her no ill will and would prefer to remain friends and be on talking terms with her but I doubt that is even possible now. Although this morning I thought it was the contact today between us dictates otherwise as she continues to try to make me feel guilty or to blame for things I have no knowledge of or part of... just everything that happens to them is my fault or so it seems to her... for my part there is no problem as its her problem not mine.

You are dead right Glen... Jo and I dont have to get along and as shes determined that thats how its to be Im quite happy to have it that way no problems whatever!

Its just simply a strange feeling thats all... a lot better than last year I can tell you a right royal mess I was on Jan 8 last year!! But this year its simply weird and strange emptiness not hollow or painful nor hurtful just quietly empty.

Josh and I did some talking this morning about our being so far away from everyone and how that will affect our relationships with the other kids and grandies and him with his mother... but where we live is where we are happy so we wont be moving closer he is her son and their brother and uncle that wont change maybe things will be a bit "distant" toward him after a fair few months but hes okay with that I think... at any roads he doesnt intend or want to move back down there so hes happy with things as they are for him... hes very aware of how things are between me and his mum and has accepted that its over and I will find someone new sooner or later and as he says "Your happier here dad down there you would just be the whipping boy again for everyones problems and you wouldnt be happy so this is our home lets go to the beach!" yep exactly those words!... out of the mouths of babes eh! ;)

Im not expecting to go down there again before next Christmas and other than a visit in June from Tiff and Ben and the nippers doubt any of the others will come this far to see me... Im happy to be mistaken with that but somehow doubt it.

Finally its a strange feeling this feeling of almost complete freedom, for other than my responsibilities to Josh, I am totally free for the first time in 27 years longer actually as we lived together for a year before we married... but the freedom is quite amazing

Yes I worried about her when the incident happened on New Years Eve day but the moment I saw her and spoke to her I knew she will swollow everything she feels about it and just carry on as though nothing has happened... and that is what she is doing... other than strangely blaming me for her predicument which blew me away but then thats Jody so her problem not mine and if she refuses to aknowledge her problems then again thats her problem.

Just a weird sort of day thats all... mmm thinking I might just have to head to the beach have a blast with Josh for a few hours then cook up a storm down there and with glass of vodka and tonic water in hand toast the future!! yes that sounds a bloody good plan in my book! :cool:

For my part 2010 IS GOING TO BE A GREAT YEAR!!! :cool:


PS... yes Dad the dead of winter FOR YOU but the height of summer for us down here!!... present temp here is 42C (107F) with 100% humidity bit of cloud cover and ooooohh sooo nice!!! :cool: Gonna head to the beach in a bit and spend a half hour checking for the irriganji and stingers then go for a swim!... should be right with them as they tend to hit the town beach (where I live) first then take the current around Gantheume Point to Cable beach missing Gantheume Point bay altogether! making it the perfect swimming place!
mmm question... do you EVER have summer? seems to me you have 12 months of bloody winter!! rain snow miserable overcast days phissin down rainin nights... where the blazes is the sun up there????.. oooh right that was summer when I was there huh!! :D