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coelacanth2
12-10-2009, 07:17 AM
Fellow goes to his dentist to get is mouth restored. After much treatment is accomplished, his finale is a removable partial denture which, after a few adjustments, settles in nicely and gives him good service. 6 months later , he's back for a checkup and the partial looks terrible - the metal framework is discolored, pitted and flaking - terribly eroded, while the plastic base is stained and peeling up from the metal. "Good Heavens", expostulates the dentist, "This can't be happening! This is only 6 or 8 months old." "It was great up till about 3 months ago", replies the patient, "Then I started getting this strong, metallic taste in my mouth every time I used it, then it started to discolor and now it is as you see it." "How are you cleaning it", asks the dentist, suspecting harsh chemicals. "Just like you told me to, regular brush, maybe a dab of toothpaste." "What are you soaking it in?" "Just plain water, just like you said to." The dentist quizzed the guy on a whole list of possible problems and finally asks,"Have you changed your diet at all?" "Well, about 4 months ago, my wife found a great receipe for Hollendaise sauce. It's low cal, really tasty and we're slathering it over everything. But it's very lemony - you have to juice 10 or 12 lemons for even a small batch." "That's the problem", says the dentist,"The acid in the Hollendaise is attacking the metal of the partial. We'll have to make a new denture in chrome-cobalt alloy, to resist the atack of the Hollendaise." "A chrome denture?" asks the patient.
"Sure", replies the dentist, "There's No Plate Like Chrome, for the Hollendaise." (The last line is best sung using your Bing Crosby voice)

paladin
12-10-2009, 11:09 AM
Now that's just bad....!

Willin'
12-10-2009, 11:39 AM
Grooooan!

Ian Marchuk
12-10-2009, 11:41 AM
Delicious!

jonboy
12-10-2009, 12:33 PM
There was a rake of those some time ago but for those of you who missed them here's one

A famous native chief had plenty of wealth...hundreds of goats, more wives than he could count, a laptop with wikipaedia, and being a smart sort of chap he read up on other monarchs and potentates and their life styles.... and comes to realise the only thing he really would like is a throne.... so he sells off the mineral rights to the village and orders a big gold jewel encrusted throne... absolutely the business, thrilled to bits, but soon...... he gets the the collector's bug and thinks he better have another for number one son,... then a couple more for the favourite wives... soon he can't fit them in his big longhouse and starts to store them round the village in various huts... all his wealth fast going on thrones of all shapes and sizes.....
But one day tragedy strikes and a terrible bush fire sweeps through the savannah......he loses everything ..totally destroyed and is reduced to penury, and a king without wealth isn't a king......

The moral to this sad tale..?
People in grass houses shouldn't store thrones

Tealsmith
12-11-2009, 12:26 PM
The big chess tournament was taking place at the Plaza in New York. After the first day's competition, many of the winners were sitting around in the foyer of the hotel talking about their matches and bragging about their wonderful play. After a few drinks they started getting louder and louder until finally, the desk clerk couldn't take any more and kicked them out.

The next morning the Manager called the clerk into his office and told him there had been many complaints about his being so rude to the hotel guests....instead of kicking them out, he should have just asked them to be less noisy. The clerk responded, "I'm sorry, but if there's one thing I can't stand, it's chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

Last line sung in your best Nat King Cole voice.

Hey, you started it.

paladin
12-11-2009, 01:44 PM
OHMIGAWD! Scot...oh SCOT....a little help here please.....they're getting worse....

coelacanth2
12-11-2009, 07:45 PM
Suck it up, cupcake, and deal with it. Bring out YOUR best groaner. Just don't bring a pencil to a gunfight...:D

JBreeze
12-11-2009, 08:16 PM
I have a groaner, but it isn't seasonally approprite, nor dental in nature.....most have probably heard it anyway.....it ends in "So that's the beer that made Milt Famee walk us":eek:

BarnacleGrim
12-11-2009, 08:26 PM
I guessed corrosive food by the second sentence.

JBreeze
12-11-2009, 08:26 PM
I have a joke that's seasonally wood related, though....you are going to have to fill in some blanks yourself.....

Family is gathered round the dinner table, and son asks his dad how many types of ______ there are.

Dad respnds: Three types - the young ones are like firm, round melons. As they get older, they droop a little, but still attractive, like pears. Finally, they end up like onions.

Son asks: Why are they like onions?

Dad replies: 'Cause when you see them, they make you cry.

Now daughter and Mom are pissed. Daughter asks "How many types of ____ are there:

Mom replies: Three types. The young ones are always firm and hard like an oak. Later, they can become like a willow, sometimes springy, but generally dependable. Finally, the old ones end up like Christmas trees.

Daughter asks: Why like Christmas Trees?

Mom: 'Cause they are dead from the roots up, and the balls are there just for decoration.