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Wild Dingo
12-05-2009, 12:36 AM
Not a good place

Ive seen a constant stream of negativity and derogitory comments flow from people over there with rarely a good word said... people using the foulest language children swearing and cussing with words they would never dream of using in their homes just denigrating every and anyone.

The negativity of some of the people there is incredible what sad shallow and lonely lives they must lead... if all they can do is post negative comments.

The swearing is whats doing me in I think... seems to me most young people have this huge capacity to use the word F*** in every sentance no matter how small it is F*** is included... thing is most of the young ones whose comments I see are children I know or are in fact my own and I KNOW without doubt that when not on Facebook they rarely use the word in everyday conversation and NEVER to their parents or within their parents hearing!

Recently Ive seen an increase in abuse happening there, with children telling parents or their elders to "F*** off" or telling them to "Grow the F*** up" things they would definantly NOT say to their faces but on facebook its okay?? hurtful negative and cursing word usage

What makes it okay for this sort of behavior seemingly right and okay on Facebook?...

Strangely one of the more common types of comment over there is the denigration of men... yes men... "men are ****s" "men arent worth crap" "men are bastards" I dont recall seeing one comment over there denigrating women... theyre there I suppose just seems more common for the other way round... of course always prolifically interspersed by the F word...

Its a strange environment thats for sure

For me Facebook offers a window into how my children are doing in their lives... albeit only a small glimpse... but given my children rarely contact me now even skype being tossed aside its about the only contact I have with many of them while a couple do occasionally text message me by phone facebook is about my only contact on a daily basis with them if I didnt go there I would have none with quite a few of my kids... so not going there would I think increase my own sense of loss toward them and deleting them isnt an option

Its the negativity and particularily the use of foul word usage by people who I know know better thats driving me insane...

Is life REALLY that bad for the people on Facebook? and does anyone else notice this or is it just me?

BrianW
12-05-2009, 12:39 AM
My wife seems to enjoy her page. I glance over her shoulder from time to time. No f-bombs there.

ripley699
12-05-2009, 12:41 AM
You are accurate ...

rip

htom
12-05-2009, 12:47 AM
It's mostly a time-waster; the only real use for it I've found is chat with some family and long-ago friends.

Michael s/v Sannyasin
12-05-2009, 01:00 AM
You know Shane, you always want the world to be what you think it should be. It's not, sorry.

Maybe that's who your kids really are, but when around you, they pretend to be someone they are not, because they don't want to set you off... that's kind of sad (for you). Just love them, whatever they say, on or off FB.

Be glad that you have at least that mode of communication. Maybe try posting less than 50 status updates a day, one would do, and would probably be more effective. Maybe they will listen more to what you're saying. Be a dad. Let them know that you don't feel their language is appropriate. They will still make up their own minds... but maybe they'll try to see it your way.

Happily accept whatever comes your way, regarding your family. As you will be poorer without them.

Wild Dingo
12-05-2009, 01:13 AM
Michael I do mate... just sometimes it seems the negativity is way beyond what it could possibly be

My children I love regardless... its just a fact that they talk on there as they would never talk in life or to an adults face... I just wonder why they think its okay to do so on Facebook thats all

mmm yes today I did post 12 profiles way too many perhaps but I wanted to get Desaterata up there so they and others can see there is a beautiful life to be had... dont think many took any notice except a few who took me to task calling me a "rabid christian F***wit" and other interesting things within seconds of me posting them... ah some people will never see the sunshine or the beauty of life around them in all its glory I guess... Ive since deleted the Desaterata posts :( Which is a pity as its a beautiful piece of positive writing

Is silence really a better option? to simply read but not say anything? to not post a nice word? a gentle word of encouragement? a smile? a joke? really for some people it seems whatever one writes is taken as a personal attack against them... sometimes one cannot help them to see

But to ignore them? my children? not a chance! My ex chooses to do such and rarely says a word... any word!... but then they live near her so she does not need to... I dont and I feel the need in MY life to encourage and be a part of theirs even in such a negative environment as Facebook... to try to reach out and touch their lives in some small way... but of late the negativity has become such that its fast becoming pointless

what a sad place facebook is

Nicholas Carey
12-05-2009, 02:02 AM
Not a good place

Ive seen a constant stream of negativity and derogitory comments flow from people over there with rarely a good word said... people using the foulest language children swearing and cussing with words they would never dream of using in their homes just denigrating every and anyone.

The negativity of some of the people there is incredible what sad shallow and lonely lives they must lead... if all they can do is post negative comments.Unlike the Bilge :p ;) :D

Seriously, I think it's what one makes of it. Myself, I'm not that into the whole "social networking" thang. I prefer my social networking to be non-virtual...preferably over a pint of bitter or a glass of wine. But that's just me.

Upnorth1
12-05-2009, 02:09 AM
Facebook is a walk in the park compared to the bilge. Of course facebook is only as good as the company you keep, like most of the internet.

elf
12-05-2009, 05:34 AM
Hmm. The closest I get to the F bomb in WTF. And I chat with Shane a bunch on Facebook. I hope he's not including me.

Concordia...41
12-05-2009, 07:12 AM
As I've said before, Facebook originally seemed to have some value as far as connecting with folks - old friends from high school etc - but (on my page at least) 90% is folks with imaginary farms, islands, poker games and what not. Shane's posts = 8%; Emily and another friend's pictures, and the occasional - like once a day update from other folks = 2% :(

martin schulz
12-05-2009, 07:40 AM
You guys are actually making the use of bad language a big issue.
And now even some TV channels in Germany are starting to put beeps over foull language. This way it is quite understandable that kids their vain struggle to rebel against the adult world, use whatever pi**es their parents/adults off.

I don't ever pay attention to cussing and I believe that surpressing such language is not hitting the problem but just dealing with the symptoms.

BTW: Those I know who are the worst in that regard are either english or american.

Paul Pless
12-05-2009, 08:08 AM
What's wrong with the occasional fbomb... I actually think it might be my favorite word.:o:p

CharlieCobra
12-05-2009, 10:49 AM
I don't see this on FB either. Must be the company ya keep Shane.

capt jake
12-05-2009, 10:56 AM
Is life REALLY that bad for the people on Facebook? and does anyone else notice this or is it just me?
I don't see this in the circle of friends I keep over there. I see your frustrations over there at times in your posts, though I don't see the back story to understand it. I always enjoy your writings and pictures.

As far as the farmville and other things, I just flat ignore them.

elf
12-05-2009, 09:04 PM
As I've said before, Facebook originally seemed to have some value as far as connecting with folks - old friends from high school etc - but (on my page at least) 90% is folks with imaginary farms, islands, poker games and what not. Shane's posts = 8%; Emily and another friend's pictures, and the occasional - like once a day update from other folks = 2% :(

You Hide those games and you don't have to see that 90% of the people have so little to do that they're playing them.

It is possible to derail that kind of thing - mostly by posting once a day with real news and letting them choose what matters more to them - real news or the games.

I now have 3 or 4 sets of friends, from different communities in my 65 years, and it's been a great pleasure to see what the folks in those disparate groups post. Just as they are finding out things about me that we would never have known about with just irregular face-to-face contact, I'm enjoying finding out what they entrust to Facebook of themselves.

bobbys
12-05-2009, 10:43 PM
I would like to be your face book friend you F#$@^%g peace of $#%^ and one more F$%#&^$g thing you rotten son of a B#$@%H Please do something with your F$#^%$&Gg hairdo!!!!:D

Michael s/v Sannyasin
12-05-2009, 11:32 PM
Michael I do mate... just sometimes it seems the negativity is way beyond what it could possibly be

I agree... negativity is a big problem online and on FB. I HATE negativity! :D


My children I love regardless... its just a fact that they talk on there as they would never talk in life or to an adults face... I just wonder why they think its okay to do so on Facebook thats all

Well, that's where I disagree... if they are talking that way on FB... that's who they really are. In other circumstances... they are reining themselves in. They are not being 'bad' on FB... they are being real. They are playing 'good' in other circumstances. As a parent, I'd want to make sure that they knew I was OK with whomever they really are... give me your best/worst, and let's be done with it.


mmm yes today I did post 12 profiles way too many perhaps but I wanted to get Desaterata up there so they and others can see there is a beautiful life to be had... dont think many took any notice except a few who took me to task calling me a "rabid christian F***wit" and other interesting things within seconds of me posting them... ah some people will never see the sunshine or the beauty of life around them in all its glory I guess... Ive since deleted the Desaterata posts :( Which is a pity as its a beautiful piece of positive writing

You know, I love what you write... it is very inspiring! But when I see too many posts from you, I don't even read them... I just page down [I've thought of just ex-friending you because you consume my entire wall of updates, so that I never hear news about any of my other friends, but again, I like your posts], so, I haven't... yet!

So, it is counter-productive from your standpoint. Repeat after me... one and only one FB status update per day, not two, not three, but one, just one FB status update per day (and make it the best jewel you have for the day). People will read that... and they will begin to take notice, and look forward to it.


Is silence really a better option? to simply read but not say anything? to not post a nice word? a gentle word of encouragement? a smile? a joke? really for some people it seems whatever one writes is taken as a personal attack against them... sometimes one cannot help them to see.

Sometimes [no, often], silence is a better option. Sometimes, speaking out is a better option. Today, I'm speaking out, because I like you mate. I see you struggling, when all you need is a slight adjustment in perspective! A nice word, gentle encouragement, loads of humor... those should be distributed as much and as often as possible... you can't give too much of that. Sometimes, the other guy just can't take a joke, don't take it personally... it's his loss.


I dont and I feel the need in MY life to encourage and be a part of theirs even in such a negative environment as Facebook... to try to reach out and touch their lives in some small way... but of late the negativity has become such that its fast becoming pointless. What a sad place facebook is

FB isn't the problem. FB just facilitates communication between different groups of people. People will 'talk' different in different communities. If you are seeing a different side of people, it is because they are complex. Your kids are both the person posting on FB, as well as the person you know face to face, as well as possibly someone you yet have no clue what they are on about. It is a chance for you to maybe learn more about them on a deeper level... requires some work from your end, though... and you can't cancel your FB account.

When it comes to your kids, I think that a silent watcher is the best approach. If they comment on something surprising, and you want to interject, and show them that you're cool with that, so much the better. But as I said, don't hassle them. You'll just alienate them, and they will un-friend you (or block you, or whatever FB has). Better (for you) to be connected to their lives without commenting, than pissing them off.

Oh, interject with your sage wisdom from time to time, just to keep them on their toes. And for the humor factor...

Just one opinion... your milage may vary!

Anyway, cheers mate!
Michael

L.W. Baxter
12-05-2009, 11:54 PM
... if they are talking that way on FB... that's who they really are. In other circumstances... they are reining themselves in. They are not being 'bad' on FB... they are being real.

I disagree utterly. It takes a very mature person of self assurance and strong character to "be who they really are" on the internet. Very few adults manage to do it with any consistency; just look at the juvenile baiting and brawling on the WBF as an example. As far as kids on the internet? Fuggedaboudit! Facebook is where kids go to show other kids that they are cool, into edgy music, and "grown up", with all the knowing innuendo to prove it. Not much real or genuine there that I have seen.

If you want to know who kids really are you have to get them away from their peers. Go camping or something. When they are laughing unselfconsciously at something real that happened to them, that's the clearest window you can have into who they really are.

Michael s/v Sannyasin
12-06-2009, 12:05 AM
Well, I don't disagree with the camping, or something, idea... yes, you'll learn a lot more face-to-face, no question.

But I stand by my statement that even in their 'posing', people are showing a side of themselves that you might not otherwise see. Like it or not, that is part of who they are. They just might not show it in 'polite' company.

George Jung
12-06-2009, 12:18 AM
BTW: Those I know who are the worst in that regard are either english or american. - Martin Schulz

Funny - The folks I know who are most linguistically challenged in that way, are foreign - a guy from Thailand, a girl from England, and a German!

Perhaps it's just a reflection of the friends we choose.

martin schulz
12-07-2009, 05:58 AM
Funny - The folks I know who are most linguistically challenged in that way, are foreign - a guy from Thailand, a girl from England, and a German!

Perhaps it's just a reflection of the friends we choose.

Or perhaps the inner drive to use foul language is different. The american and the english chaps I know sort of enjoy the ability to swear/cuss or to experience that in TV without any sanctions (as if they were suddenly let free).
I am sure the German Guys you know do swear a lot, but perhaps this is just because nobody takes offense over here and swearing is more or less a natural part of language. I made the same mistake myself when I was in the States. I cussed a lot until I realised that this was considered rude, more so than in Germany.