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Tom Hoffman
11-16-2009, 07:58 PM
:D
What is Marriage as explained by a suffering husband.......


1. Marriage is not only a word-- it's also a sentence.. (a life sentence).

2. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.

3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and woman gets her masters.

4. Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffe--ring.

5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration:

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.

In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.

In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBORS listen..

6. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead...

7. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?

Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.

8. Love is one long sweet dream.. And marriage is the alarm clock!

9. They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage-- it is love.. After marriage it's self-defense!!

10 When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why??

12. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America , the rest cheat in Europe .

13. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin. They just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

14. It's not true that married men live longer than single men, it only seems longer.

15. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing - either the car is new or the wife is!!:D

Flying Orca
11-16-2009, 09:59 PM
I hate to rain on your parade, dude, but isn't this kind of stereotype a few decades out of date?

David G
11-16-2009, 10:39 PM
I am married, and I have to agree with The Levitated One. To the extent that this stuff is funny ('cause it's true) it's because of the dysfunction in our relationships.

Unfortunately, there are no classes in high school or college that teach all the youn'uns how to relate to the opposite sex. We have to kinda sort it out on our own. For some of us, it's a rocky road. It's the rare relationship that's without some difficulties. Living with anyone (parents, roomates, lovers, spouses) can be a trial. The ones with happy marriages seem to figure out how to communicate with each other, how to compromise gracefully, and how to negotiate openly and lovingly. Sometimes - folks just figure it out over time. Sometimes - folks figure it out with the help of their minister, a counselor, advise from their friends/relatives. Sometimes - it takes some serious therapy.

But - part of the process is setting aside the us vs. them mindset that is indicated in that initial post. I have no idea what the OP's marriage is like. It may be fine, and this post may be just a bit of jocular politically incorrect humor. Or it may be a symptom of the dysfuntion.

Even if you've become quite accomplished at the relationship dance... posting such stuff is a potential danger sign. If you have strong relationship skills, then I guess it depends on whether one wants to take a serious view or a lighthearted view. If you don't have strong relationship skills, I'd strongly suggest y'all work on that, instead of promoting more War Between The Sexes perversity.

Flying Orca
11-16-2009, 11:05 PM
you ain't married, are ya? ;)

Not currently. I have been, though. ;)

PatCox
11-16-2009, 11:55 PM
I swear, I am so amazed at how people who are fully conversant with natural selection, so often overlook one aspect of natual selection, which is "sexual selection."

Everyone is acutely aware that natural selection says that the animal which runs faster and brings home more bacon is more likely to survive.

But so much of "natural selection" is a specialized form of natural selection, called "sexual selection." Thats why peacocks have such amazing beautiful feathers, its not because those big frigging tails help them find more food or run faster from predators, its because the chick peahens dig the dudes with big tails, and are more likely to mate with them.

Now, what does this say about survival, mating, among animals? It says that its the female that decides who gets to mate, and competition among males for the approval and acceptance of the females, is as important in evolution as competition for food.

And thats why in so many mammals the male is bigger and stronger, its not to compete with other animals for survival, its to compete with others of his own species, competition for females. yes, so un-politically correct, but yes, the females control access to what the males want, and their decisions even have evolutionary effects, pronounced evolutionary effects.

What more proof do you need, then, of the truth of these old saws about the nature of marriage?

These old cliches are not sexist, outmoded views of the power struggle between the sexes, they are in fact, accurate assessments of the nature of life among animals that compete for mates.

The peahen wants nothing to do with the peacock that doesn't have a big huge beautiful tail. The female human, if you don't mow the lawn, and bring home a paycheck, she will find someone who will.

Because they got what the dudes want, and if you want it, you better be prepared to preen that tail, and make that big paycheck. If you try to buck the system by being abusive and controlling and a douche, well, thats a short term strategy, but from my observations, its the guys with the big tails, and big paychecks, that go home to the tall blonde slim sexy wives.

George Jung
11-17-2009, 12:14 AM
Funny one, Tom - thanks.

The rest of you yahoos - IT'S A JOKE! And of course, most jokes have some basis in reality - often the unpleasant, painful stuff. You PC'ers have taken away 'painful jokes' about nearly every topic - but marriage isn't a minority position, so.... it's still fair game.

Some others have noted not many bilge rats have/appreciate wooden boats. The responses to this thread are proof positive - anyone who's maintained wood learns to laugh at a whole variety of jokes.

Flying Orca
11-17-2009, 07:46 AM
George, I'm not particularly PC (I kind of detest the concept, actually), and I laugh at a wide variety of jokes. This just strikes me as belonging to the era of, say, The Honeymooners and Henny Youngman. I don't doubt that it was funny then, but I think things have changed enough that it's inaccurate (and therefore not very funny) now.

McMike
11-17-2009, 07:51 AM
George, I'm not particularly PC (I kind of detest the concept, actually), and I laugh at a wide variety of jokes. This just strikes me as belonging to the era of, say, The Honeymooners and Henny Youngman. I don't doubt that it was funny then, but I think things have changed enough that it's inaccurate (and therefore not very funny) now.


Was your girlfriend sitting behind you when you typed this?:D

Flying Orca
11-17-2009, 07:54 AM
Nah, she's out of town wiring her cottage.

Dale Genther
11-17-2009, 07:56 AM
Damn, now I'm feeling bad because I thought it was funny!!

McMike
11-17-2009, 08:01 AM
Nah, she's out of town wiring her cottage.

Wow, now that's a keeper!!! I do like a woman who's not afraid to get her hands dirty, my wife is handy not an electrician but handy. I figure, if I'm expected to do the laundry every now and again then she's got to mow the lawn sometimes too.;)

Rick-Mi
11-17-2009, 08:12 AM
I hate to rain on your parade, dude, but isn't this kind of stereotype a few decades out of date?

Come on FO, lighten up a little and don't be so PW, Tom's joke is pretty funny. :D

Quick completely off topic question for Flying Orca (sorry for the Hijack Tom). I'm looking to buy a medium/low cost beginner acoustic guitar for a teenager. About ready to pick up a Yamaha F345 because I've heard from several sources they have an easy action, stay in tune and sound pretty decent. A lot of experienced guitarists say they play as good or better than many instruments that cost twice as much. What do you think about that particular Yamaha and is there anything that jumps out at you as a recommendation for a good beginners guitar?


.

Flying Orca
11-17-2009, 10:59 AM
Come on FO, lighten up a little and don't be so PW, Tom's joke is pretty funny. :D

If that's your experience, I can see how it would be funny. Maybe I'm just lucky that it's not my experience. ;)


Quick completely off topic question for Flying Orca (sorry for the Hijack Tom). I'm looking to buy a medium/low cost beginner acoustic guitar for a teenager. About ready to pick up a Yamaha F345 because I've heard from several sources they have an easy action, stay in tune and sound pretty decent. A lot of experienced guitarists say they play as good or better than many instruments that cost twice as much. What do you think about that particular Yamaha and is there anything that jumps out at you as a recommendation for a good beginners guitar?

I don't know that specific Yamaha model, but they build decent guitars for the price. I've never noticed anything special about their sound.

Inexpensive acoustics are a topic that provokes endless discussion; a couple of brands that have impressed me lately and should be available near you are Aria and Blueridge. There are some great Canadian brands as well, but I hesitate to recommend one because they may not be available near you; if you're willing to travel to Windsor, you might want to check out Beaver Creek's line. Oystagirl has one and it's a remarkably good guitar for the dosh.

Kaa
11-17-2009, 11:05 AM
..but yes, the females control access to what the males want

That rather depends. Among primates, there is usually a more-or-less violent tournament to see who becomes an alpha male, and then the alpha male just screws all the in-heat females regardless of their consent.


...to the tall blonde slim sexy wives.

Trophy wives have their disadvantages :D

Kaa

Bruce Taylor
11-17-2009, 11:09 AM
Windsor, you might want to check out Beaver Creek's line. Oystagirl has one and it's a remarkably good guitar for the dosh.

In the low midrange, I've seen some really impressive guitars from Godin/Seagull.

Bruce Taylor
11-17-2009, 11:13 AM
That rather depends. Among primates, there is usually a more-or-less violent tournament to see who becomes an alpha male, and then the alpha male just screws all the in-heat females regardless of their consent.

Depends on the primate. Gorillas, yeah...but bonobos (http://songweaver.com/info/bonobos.html) are another story.


If a male bonobo tried to harass a female, all females would band together to chase him off.

Kaa
11-17-2009, 11:15 AM
Depends on the primate. Gorillas, yeah...but bonobos (http://songweaver.com/info/bonobos.html) are another story.

Yep. As I said, this rather depends. Females may be gatekeepers to sex and propagation of one's genes, or they may not -- depends on the species and with humans, depends on the culture.

Kaa

TomF
11-17-2009, 11:19 AM
A joke's funny because it takes something we experience as "true," and make the "true" part blow up into something ridiculous. Without some grain-of-sand of identification, the joke doesn't work.

I'm amazed that my marriage seems to be so different. We've got our share of problems, for sure, but there's never any question that we're on the same side ...

Jokes like this make me wonder how many people really find their marriages include some low-level constant competition, manouvering, jockeying for power. Makes me very sad, and very conscious of how lucky I am.

Flying Orca
11-17-2009, 11:43 AM
In the low midrange, I've seen some really impressive guitars from Godin/Seagull.

I agree - but I'm not sure whether they're available in the States.

Flying Orca
11-17-2009, 11:44 AM
We've got our share of problems, for sure, but there's never any question that we're on the same side ...

Jokes like this make me wonder how many people really find their marriages include some low-level constant competition, manouvering, jockeying for power. Makes me very sad, and very conscious of how lucky I am.

Amen, Brother Tom!

brad9798
11-17-2009, 01:51 PM
Perfection cannot be acheived in marriage ... that being said, the post is funny ... and VERY true!


I don't doubt that it was funny then, but I think things have changed enough that it's inaccurate (and therefore not very funny) now.

Sorry, you are incorrect, Orca ... it is VERY true!

In fact, it is good inspiration for us to STAY motivated in our marriages ...

There's a reason that there are 'old sayings' or 'cliches' ... they are nearly ALL true!

Kind of like the ancient Chinese proverb: She who puts man in doghouse will soon find him in cat house! :D

Katherine
11-17-2009, 02:00 PM
Paul was recently told that he has no experience with cats.

George Jung
11-17-2009, 02:26 PM
I would hope all here have had an excellent experience in their marriage; but then you get back to the 50% divorce rate...

Maybe that's the 'grain of truth' part. Again, ymmv.

brad9798
11-17-2009, 02:42 PM
Paul was recently told that he has no experience with cats.

ROTFLMAO!

:D

Oh, Kat, this is some GREAT stuff!

keith66
11-17-2009, 03:41 PM
I saw a recent defenition of marriage, can't remember who said it but it said "Meet a woman you can't stand & give her a house".

Kaa
11-17-2009, 03:42 PM
Paul was recently told that he has no experience with cats.

Are you looking to umm... fix that shortcoming? :D

Kaa

Tom Hoffman
11-17-2009, 07:39 PM
You PC'ers are really a sad lot. Have you forgotten that there is more than a 50% rate of divorce in this country. How many of you are divorced??? If you have never been divorced and are still married to the same woman, then you probably have some room to castigate the rest of us.

For the rest of us normal people, we can laugh at our selves and not get a corn cob stuck up cross ways where the sun don't shine at the drop of a NON-PC joke.

Flying Orca
11-17-2009, 11:06 PM
Speaking strictly for myself, Tom (Hoffman), it's got nothing to do with being "PC" - it's that relations between men and women just don't work like that in my experience. Maybe it's a generational thing, maybe it's the kind of people I hang out with, I don't know... but real life isn't like that, which makes the humour kind of pointless.

TomF
11-18-2009, 09:09 AM
Not about "PC" from my perspective either. I'd frankly hate being in a relationship with the undertones that generated the jokes above.

And yeah, my marriage is going on 20 years.

Kaa
11-18-2009, 10:37 AM
Maybe it's a generational thing, maybe it's the kind of people I hang out with, I don't know... but real life isn't like that, which makes the humour kind of pointless.

Yeah, it has nothing to do with political correctness, it's just that the joke in the original post has a pronounced 50s flavour.

Not to mention that it's been circulating through the intertubes for at least a couple of decades by now... :D

Kaa

Bruce Taylor
11-18-2009, 11:05 AM
Maybe it's a generational thing, maybe it's the kind of people I hang out with, I don't know...

Somebody out there must find this stuff hilarious, 'cause that depressing Lockhorns comic is still in syndication after forty years.

http://www.joshreads.com/images/0412/i041222lockhorns.jpg

Bruce Taylor
11-18-2009, 11:16 AM
Yeah, it has nothing to do with political correctness, it's just that the joke in the original post has a pronounced 50s flavour.

Maybe jokes about bad marriages got less funny when divorce became an acceptable option. I mean, geeze, if Red Skelton is trapped in a loveless marriage with a shopaholic shrew shouldn't he do something about it? If Fang is such a cold-hearted, abusive jerk then maybe Phyllis Diller should talk to a lawyer...

Flying Orca
11-18-2009, 11:31 AM
the joke in the original post has a pronounced 50s flavour.

Not to mention that it's been circulating through the intertubes for at least a couple of decades by now... :D

No kidding, and circulating via photocopies for a couple of decades before that. Who needs the Wayback Machine? :p

John Smith
11-18-2009, 12:02 PM
damn, now i'm feeling bad because i thought it was funny!!
it is funny

pipefitter
11-18-2009, 01:10 PM
A more recent example was the TV show, "Married With Children".

Show was funny as can be.