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paladin
10-14-2009, 01:13 PM
I have a 6 year old dog. She has her bed and only tries to get in mine when there's a thunderstorm. When she needs to go outside, she comes to me and whines and runs to the door, or comes to the side of the bed, puts her paws next to my head and does the same. I fix her meals on a regular schedule. If I'm late she just waits by the door until I'm here, or she knows that Suzi or another lady will feed her. If someone else feeds her she stays by the door curled up on the carpet until I come home. If I sit down on the sofa, she knows it's o.k. to jump up beside me, then she sniffs my pocket because she knows somewhere there's a treat.....
#1 and #4 son never call for weeks, sometimes months. Both were given the best opportunities. Never worked (maybe a mistake) during high school, or the first couple of years in college. Grades, and advanced summer study were more important. In the case of number one, he was in and out of three different schools, daddy paid for all. Whyizzit that everytime they call, it's generally collect, and they need money. I guess Number one is worried that he's not in the will also...he's asked me a couple of times about it.....I think I'll leave everyone $50 and the rest to the dog and kat and name someone to take care of them.....sorta like the Helmsley lady.

Phillip Allen
10-14-2009, 01:25 PM
want me to give you a call...? :) (collect?)

paladin
10-14-2009, 01:41 PM
Naw, Thanks Phillip......
Just a rant.....I know that his mom is behind it....she must be on the outs with her latest husband. And I am in a bad mood because I gotta go in for surgery next Monday a.m. and they just told me....
Many thanks anyway...

Paul Pless
10-14-2009, 01:45 PM
I think I'll leave everyone $50 and the rest to the dog and kat and name someone to take care of them.....sorta like the Helmsley lady.I'm pretty sure this is my mom's plan... actually I'll be lucky to get $50.00.:eek:

Ian Marchuk
10-14-2009, 02:06 PM
Sorry to hear this Chuck. Nobody can hurt us like our own.
We wish you well, and look forward to hearing your stories about BIG NURSE.
Ian

David W Pratt
10-14-2009, 02:29 PM
Hope you get a good result from the surgery.
You might be interested in looking at hillsdale.edu

paladin
10-14-2009, 02:45 PM
OooooooHHH I forgot about the new nursey.......! She's been very attentive.....
single, school in U.K.Her dad was minor diplomat from Egypt......mom from Greece, makes Melina Mercouri look like a paper plate from last years picnic...built like the proverbial outhouse. Last week when I had my sketch pad in my lap and sketching with a pen with the right hand she got very interested and intimated that she would like to see more of my work sometime..........I'd like to show her my hot tub....if I had one. A glass of wine......Beof Au Poivre, Creme Brule.................nice piano music in the background...........

Tealsmith
10-14-2009, 03:28 PM
Cheer up Chuck, you've just been voted as my favorite writer in this place.:)

Ian Marchuk
10-14-2009, 04:09 PM
WHOA .... sailor.... reef down a tad .
Now lissen up junior, you keep that up and yer gonna have a wreck.
Ya gotta approach this very c a r e f u l l y , like when you were a young feller hunting for your dinner. Tactics, see...
Scratch the hot tub , at least at the early stages. Your menu is perfect. Classical piano background ..... absolutely. A lovely piano in the living room is a nice touch.
Some fresh cut flowers....
Think long term strategy.
A classy woman deserves a classy approach, trust me , my Queen is still at work refining her project.
Anything to help a friend.
Ian

Bob Triggs
10-14-2009, 04:42 PM
Some people do not appreciate what they have until they lose it. And some people can lose everything and still not get it. All you can do is love them Chuck.

Having said all of that; I want to come back as your dog in the next life.

oznabrag
10-14-2009, 09:16 PM
OooooooHHH I forgot about the new nursey.......!


Go, man! Go! ;)

bluedog225
10-14-2009, 10:04 PM
Whyizzit that everytime they call, it's generally collect, and they need money. I guess Number one is worried that he's not in the will also....[/quote]

Narcissistic Personality Disorder? Self absorbed? Judgmental? Abusive? Overly competitive? Distant? Alcoholic? Just plain mean? Wait...that's my dad. ;)

The modest family estate, built over generations and handed down, is mostly squandered. Not going to be an inheritance. Once that 's off the table, it's easier to focus on the real issues. Years ago, I routinely went for months without speaking to him when I still thought that might motivate him to talk about some problems in our relationship.

I tried for years but I've given up on trying to reconcile our differences. I've either forgiven him or given up on him. Now I call him once a week because it makes him happy. He's in his late 70s and doesn't need to know the difference.

Father son stuff is complex. You might consider an open invitation for them to tell you why they don't want to hang out with dad. Best of luck.

paladin
10-15-2009, 12:18 PM
Oh...I know why....They're hanging on to mom's coat tails...she takes every nickle they make, and then makes them go out for more....when they were 10-12 she would have them call me with a sob story...no food in the house, why haven't I sent the child support...etc...Child support was sent by the state....I paid the state, they paid her...they were getting more than double the max most kids get, but she got herself pregnant when I was overseas, moved out and filed for a divorce before I got home....had another kid by someone, then married a dude and had 2 more.....he moved out and took off with a neighbor gal and her 2 kids......left my ex with all the kids.....
Then started passing bad checks...kids would call crying that they were gonna put mommy in jail if I didn't send some money,'cause she wrote checks and didn't know that she didn't have money in the bank......then she maybe slipped and fell in a department store, they gave her 2K not to sue......and she fell in another.....and another......eventually she pulled it in a store where the manager was the previous manager at one of the first stores, recognized her....and she was back looking out from inside and it goes on...and on.....and on.......
Daughter wanted to go to a "Private college"....I said o.k......
she told me what the tuition was, books etc....I prepaid for her meals because she wanted to stay at the school, not at home......I paid her room.......
At the beginning of every term she came to see me, I handed her the money.
In the third semester I found that she claimed her mother as her "guardian" and no income etc....so she got a Grant for the full ride. She was collecting the cash from me and then going home and splitting it with her mother...
It gets worse...but I'm sure you get the picture.

Tristan
10-15-2009, 02:13 PM
Sounds like you made some mistakes with the kids (and with wife choice), I don't know quite what to suggest to rectify the problems but I'd say you need to think about it a bit, stop the easy hand-outs, and try to come up with some ways to form more rewarding (for you) father -child relationships. Meanwhile, I sure wish you good outcome on your surgery. I had a bit of my guts ripped out in June, third entry into the abdomen in 12 years, but only one huge scar, from above the navel to the pubic bone. They just cut into the old scar each time. It's looking better and better. Fixed the big ventral hernia this time, so I look much younger and more svelt. Kind of like a tummy tuck. Also dropped from 199 to 183, which weight I've maintained. Tough way to lose the damn pounds but I'll take it. Unfortunately they couldn't do anything to improve the face. Damn, I still look a bit over . . . well, let's say I just look old!

paladin
10-15-2009, 08:31 PM
My ex tried to sue me for back child support a dozen times.....when she needed money she figured that I would send her something to not have to go to court...I went to court....and I kept all the receipts plus the thousands of bucks that I sent the kids over the years. Finally a judge told her that if she filed such a frivolous suit again he would toss her in jail...her lawyer got the message. Once I asked why she didn't go after a couple of her ex's for money, she just said that don't have any and you do....damned good thing I only had two with her.

Ian Marchuk
10-15-2009, 11:52 PM
Let's refocus on the future shall we?
Perhaps on a certain health care professional who is brilliant, gorgeous, and as yet apparently unattached????
When are you gonna introduce her to your menagerie, and intrigue her with your refined tastes?

Larks
10-16-2009, 12:13 AM
Chuck, sorry to hear that this is distressing you mate, I find the idea of inheritances pretty troublesome to all involved one way or another and often "family splitting" and reckon everyone would be better off without them. I am a firm advocate of the SKIN principle - Spend Kids Inheritance Now. I'm trying to convince my mum to be a little less frugal and chomp into her savings, though I know she won't.

I love the story of the two guys talking at their mates wake:
Fred - "Old Bill eh, made millions working his butt off and had everything he ever wanted but died penniless, what a damn shame eh!"
Jack - "Shame nothin'!!!! I'd call that bloody good timing!!"

Ian Marchuk
10-16-2009, 12:48 AM
Sorry Chuck if I seemed dismissive....certainly did not mean to be.
There are elements in your experience that I have experienced as well.
I raised my eldest daughter from infancy by myself for the first eight years.
The courts awarded me permanent legal custody after a three year legal brawl in which legal aid paid all her bills. I remarried when my daughter was eight. From day one my daughter was used by her birth mother as a tool to get to me. Her life's project was to undermine me at every turn , in any way possible. Some ways I have never discussed with anyone with the exception of the wonderful woman who has /been and continues to be her actual mother. Daughter is now 28, healthily married,and a mother herself to a sparkling two year old. We remain close.
Somehow through it all one just continues to do the right thing , and much of the time it is agonizing.
This much I know for sure, and that is we can do no less than do what must and should be done , in the hope that it will be to their benefit , and the very real hope that at some time they will understand and grasp how deep a father's love really is.
Our very best wishes.... Ian

paladin
10-16-2009, 11:21 AM
Thanks, Ian....sometimes I just get a bit torqued off when this happens. The kids know they are being manipulated and willingly go along with it because they learned over the last 2-3 decades that dad will always come through. When my daughter remarried I was invited but not her mom...first, she knew he mother couldn't afford to fly to California and spend a week or two on her own expense, and when I got there she expected me to pay for things and give her a new wedding present as if it was her first marriage, I told her it was between her and her husband the second time around.....so I leave the wedding and drive to Milpitas, that night I get a phone call saying she thought I was VERY inconsiderate and then dismisses me out of hand and I was invited never to visit....I haven't...never a birthday card, Christmas...nothing......