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Joe (SoCal)
10-07-2009, 03:34 PM
Where do I start ? You know that feeling when you hear something that truly affects you. You body physically reacts to it. You get that taste of copper pennies in your mouth and you feel as though someone just slammed a baseball bat into your gut, you feel woozy and disorientated, the room looks brighter and things glow, you feel faint. It's almost like you can't prevent you body from absorbing the shock. Then you just slack and let it wash over you and you sink deep into it. I'm at the tail end of that now. Ya see Tabitha just told me "Yes I met someone that I like " it went on bla bla bla about being friends and all, but those seven little words is what caused the physical reaction.

Yea I know the whole thing was doomed when she moved to VA and I even started dating others myself. But I have to say in open forum I NEVER LOVED A WOMAN LIKE I LOVED HER. FWIW no other woman I've been with past or present has come even remotely close to what we had and what she was. I never so fully clicked with anyone in all aspects as I did with her, my heart is truly broken.

To add she was a fine sailor a quick study and lover of woodenboats she will be deeply and forever missed. I always thought we would end up together in the end.

I'm an idiot for sharing this with you all, I know not to post personal ****e but some of you are my friends and I have howled many a time in my wretched life on this forum and some have been true friends. Besides who else am I gonna moan about this too, all my analog friends are tired of hearing about it for the last few years now.

Katherine
10-07-2009, 03:40 PM
Not an idiot, just human. I am sorry for your loss, but wish you both the best.

LeeG
10-07-2009, 03:41 PM
Yeah, you're an idiot. Join the club. Now go for a bike ride.

Paul Pless
10-07-2009, 03:42 PM
I'm an idiot for sharing this with you all.probably

bamamick
10-07-2009, 03:43 PM
Katherine said it very well.

Mickey Lake

Joe (SoCal)
10-07-2009, 03:44 PM
I'm sure it's no consolation to say that I know how you feel, Joe.... but I do.

Life does go on. Saying that won't make it easier... but it's worth remembering.

Thanks Norm, and I would have said that with just about any other break up. But I almost curse the fact that I have always been, well how do you say it ? "Lucky with the ladies" :rolleyes: So I've been around the block more than a few times. Trust me women like this come along ONCE in a lifetime. That's it, after that you just have to settle for something less.

bob winter
10-07-2009, 03:45 PM
Maybe you are an idiot but it is not for sharing this. If she meant that much to you, you should have gone to Virginia or whatever.

Canoez
10-07-2009, 03:48 PM
Sorry to hear that, Joe. While it's sad, perhaps it's better for the both of you in the long run, tho'.

TimH
10-07-2009, 03:48 PM
Trust me women like this come along ONCE in a lifetime. That's it, after that you just have to settle for something less.

Not true. Plenty more where she came from. Women are one of the worlds few truely renewable resources.

Not being unfeeling. Ive been where you are. Once the shock wears off you will have the opportunity to find someone better that isnt hundreds of miles away.

LeeG
10-07-2009, 03:51 PM
Trust me women like this come along ONCE in a lifetime. That's it, after that you just have to settle for something less.

you're not dead yet, who knows, you might settle for something that works.

Joe (SoCal)
10-07-2009, 03:53 PM
Maybe you are an idiot but it is not for sharing this. If she meant that much to you, you should have gone to Virginia or whatever.

Bob with all due respect, we both have young children and had to behave like adults.

I could not abandon my daughter here & she could not abandon her children there. There were many other issues but those were primary.

I asked for a plan or anything to hope for a future and we could never come up with a suitable one.

Please this is just a vent thread don't try to dissect it and come up with assumptions and whouda couda shoulda because you will never know the whole story and I don't want to get into it.

I just miss her terribly and feel like a part of me is dead.

peter radclyffe
10-07-2009, 04:02 PM
good luck joe

bob winter
10-07-2009, 04:05 PM
Joe, I realze you situation. Just couldn't resist the chance to say "whatever".

I have been through this stuff more than once. Whoever said that women are a renewable resource above is bang on. just a matter of connecting and it will happen some day when everthing will work out. Twenty five or thirty years ago I broke up with a woman I was very, very fond of. Guess what, the present wife is light years ahead of her except for the fact she won't do carpentry.

paladin
10-07-2009, 04:08 PM
Crap, Joe! I met a woman and went over half way around the world to be with her....twice.....and my kids ended up with better educations for it...

TimH
10-07-2009, 04:12 PM
I met a woman and went over half way around the world to be with her....twice.....and my kids ended up with better educations for it...

And so did you Chuck!;)

Joe (SoCal)
10-07-2009, 04:17 PM
Crap, Joe! I met a woman and went over half way around the world to be with her....twice.....and my kids ended up with better educations for it...

Trust me times are different and maybe, alas, I'm not the man that men were :( I read Sterling Hayden "Wanderer" and trust me I had fantasies about sailing away with all our kids to Tahiti, but that would never be possible. Like I said different time and different men :( :(

Russ Manheimer
10-07-2009, 04:24 PM
Sorry Joe. Julia and I liked Tabitha.

John of Phoenix
10-07-2009, 04:25 PM
I know what you mean about your daughter. I went through something similar except my ex packed up for Florida in the middle of the night and took my daughter with her. She was ten at the time and it was tough making a long distance relationship work but we did it. For 23 years we've done it and we're closer than ever.

My goal was to raise her to take care of herself and set the example by doing the same for myself. Neither of us regret the final product though it had its moments along the way.

The distance isn't all that great. The timing will never be better. Give it some thought. Good luck.

Bruce Hooke
10-07-2009, 04:29 PM
I'm so sorry Joe. Sometimes life just kind of sucks...

Robmill0605
10-07-2009, 05:08 PM
I think your feelings about this are valid Joe. Sometimes things do not happen the way we want them, or wish them to. All the "what if's" do little to comfort the feelings of loss.
I had a relationship like this 15 years ago. I moved to Florida from Maine because I couldn't cope with it.. She met someone else and married him. It haunted me for years. What could have been, should have been etc. It really tore me up emotionally for a long time. I even went to counseling thinking that the love of my life was gone forever and that a part of me went with her.
The severe feelings of loss are normal.
I found a book that helped me understand my feelings more than the counseling did .Perhaps it will help you sort it out and give you some peace of mind.
The book is:

Rebuilding when your relationship ends by Fisher.
http://www.amazon.com/Rebuilding-Relationship-Books-Divorce-Beyond/dp/188623017X

I wish you well.

Saltiguy
10-07-2009, 05:12 PM
One door closes........................and another door opens!

It's true!

Take it from an old man who's been in the dark hallway between the doors - a number of times.

Right now, I'm happier than I EVER thought possible. You will be too - just make yourself available.

LeeG
10-07-2009, 05:12 PM
Damned shame, Joe. :(

Just curious, What would you do if Lisa met someone, and wanted to move to California, and take Tess with her?

oof, that's a topic I started and deleted.

bobbys
10-07-2009, 05:15 PM
Sorry to here of this Joe, I dont know the cast of characters.

I wont venture to offer any advice as im still clueless bout woman.

TomF
10-07-2009, 05:29 PM
Joe, I'm so sorry.

I'm glad that you've both taken choices on behalf of your respective kids - it is the grownup thing to do. It may be, though, that there are other grownup ways of finangling the distance, if you still want to fight for this. As, from here, it looks like you do.

Especially as an ex-cubical man, you've got mobility options that could put you in both locations during the week. Just saying.

Glen Longino
10-07-2009, 05:46 PM
Dammit Joe, I knew you should have calf-roped Tabitha and tied her up securely when you had the chance, but I couldn't tell you and sound like a stalker or pervert or voyeur.
Trust me, you'll never get over her.
I've never gotten over four women who I could not live without, but I'm now living happily without them.
Give it time! Focus on your blessings and let her go.
DON'T GET DRUNK! As tempting as it may be.
Some wonderful woman will come along and change your life.
Meanwhile, you'll suffer, and we'll all suffer with you.
Best wishes!

LeeG
10-07-2009, 05:59 PM
Yeah, guess it sounds insensitive. But, my parents split when I was 10 years old. My father went to Jamaica, my mother took us to Chicago. All things considered, I would have preferred going with my Dad.

when Joe talked about hit to the gut I thought of a series of them, the ex remarrying was it because the last delusion we shared was that we valued each other as parents and would try to not move anymore since the girls had nearly 7 homes on two years. That we'd ensure to keep the kids schools a stable place. Not that she was remarrying but that she was marrying someone my kids had known for six weeks right when her adjustable mortgage jumped up a huge amount, alimony ended, and she quit work to start a doctoral program. Basically she had shifted her entire cash flow to him and she would go where he would because he'd taken on a huge overhead marrying her. Then two months later I got the "we need to talk" phone call. Yep,they were moving.

You have strong abs Joe. It's only reality.

Glen Longino
10-07-2009, 06:10 PM
I think your feelings about this are valid Joe. Sometimes things do not happen the way we want them, or wish them to. All the "what if's" do little to comfort the feelings of loss.
I had a relationship like this 15 years ago. I moved to Florida from Maine because I couldn't cope with it.. She met someone else and married him. It haunted me for years. What could have been, should have been etc. It really tore me up emotionally for a long time. I even went to counseling thinking that the love of my life was gone forever and that a part of me went with her.
The severe feelings of loss are normal.
I found a book that helped me understand my feelings more than the counseling did .Perhaps it will help you sort it out and give you some peace of mind.
The book is:

Rebuilding when your relationship ends by Fisher.
http://www.amazon.com/Rebuilding-Relationship-Books-Divorce-Beyond/dp/188623017X

I wish you well.

"It haunted me for years"
"It really tore me up emotionally for years"
"She met someone else and married him"

Dangit, Rob, we're trying to encourage Joe, not make him blow his brains out!:eek:;):)

schlaboatnic
10-07-2009, 06:10 PM
Joe, I have read with great interest of your maritial and single life trials and tribulations since I may not be that far from being in the same boat. Your description of the gut shot is right on. My first reaction was to start drinking, but figured I may not stop. Maybe re-posting your earlier post of what you did this summer may help forget about it.

Bob Adams
10-07-2009, 06:13 PM
Sorry Joe. Go on as best you can and remember....you are both not dead, so anything's possible. We never know what the future might bring.

goodbasil
10-07-2009, 06:19 PM
Keep your daughter in first place. You've got your priorities right. For that you are commended.
Didn't you talk to Dingo while he was there? He seems to be back on the right tack and as daft as ever.

Hughman
10-07-2009, 06:24 PM
Sorry to hear this Joe.

Time to build a boat.

Bruce Taylor
10-07-2009, 06:28 PM
Vent all you need to, Joe, if it helps with the pain. I'm truly sorry that things aren't working out, and truly certain that you'll make it through, and be better than ever.

johnw
10-07-2009, 06:30 PM
Been there, regretted that. If you two couldn't come up with a plan for your lives to work together, this is what was eventually going to happen. Yeah, I know you still hoped...a guy I know who's a psychotherapist once told me that hope is the most destructive of emotions.

Go sailing, and take care of yourself so you can take care of those you love.

Phil Heffernan
10-07-2009, 06:34 PM
She is a good egg Joe...You never know how these things turn out. It ain't over 'til the lady sings after all...

PH

Tom Montgomery
10-07-2009, 06:35 PM
Please this is just a vent thread don't try to dissect it and come up with assumptions and whouda couda shoulda because you will never know the whole story and I don't want to get into it.

I just miss her terribly and feel like a part of me is dead.

OK. No unnecessary advice from me. I just want you to know that I feel your pain. I have been there myself. Heartbreak hurts, dammit! But I am also here to tell you: This, too, shall pass.

pefjr
10-07-2009, 07:03 PM
Yeah, gut shot. You shot yourself. You said you didn't feel anything until you heard the seven words. What did you expect? you were seeing others. You wanted her to sit on stand-by? Forgetaboutit. More hungry fish in the sea, easy to catch, quit crying and get with it.

Joe (SoCal)
10-07-2009, 07:04 PM
a psychotherapist once told me that hope is the most destructive of emotions.

What a great truth.
Yea I just got back from the local pub, tried the happy hour, aint nothing happy about it :(. Still feeling the effects of a cold so dont have it in me to cry me a river of booze.

I'm mad as hell, that someone else is loving the woman I love. I guess this is why there are love songs and the blues cause every song reminds me of her.

Oh well tomorrow is another day and I will probably toss this thread and just do what I usually do I deal

oznabrag
10-07-2009, 07:42 PM
I gotta say that there have been about 15 responses to this thread that were so totally spot on that it is sorta scary!

I had a girl when I was 28, and the emotional and sexual and philosophical connection was beyond intense. It was transcendental.

We were to be married, but a pickup truck slammed the life out of her.

I never saw her body, and that is something you must do, in that situation. It forces you to accept the death.

I grieved her death for nigh on to 18 years, Joe.

I finally decided that I must move on or kill myself, and I chose life.

The woman I share my bed with today is the most joyous, kind, thoughtful, sweet and caring human being one could ever hope to meet.

I find myself grateful that Suzie is gone, and I am not the least bit guilty.

Suck it up, man. Don't let this turn in the path consume you.

Greater pleasures await! :)

Joe (SoCal)
10-07-2009, 07:48 PM
oznabrag (http://www.woodenboat.com/forum/member.php?u=23078) that was profound, thank you sincerely for sharing

JimD
10-07-2009, 07:58 PM
Sorry you're hurting, but...gut shot? I bet if you were to ask just about anyone who's ever been gut shot if they wouldn't have preferred a Dear John letter instead the great majority would have said yes.

Glen Longino
10-07-2009, 08:08 PM
You're so pragmatic, JimD!:)

Paul Girouard
10-07-2009, 08:23 PM
What happened to "WHATEVER" ? You over that so quickly?

Hwyl
10-07-2009, 08:24 PM
Joe, i never talk about my kids on here, but I gave up quite a bit to be as close to my kids as possible, they were 8 and 10 when their mother decided she no longer loved this former sailor who she had emasculated. They're 18 and 20 now and I have a great relationship with them, and their younger half brother.

Lots of pride swallowed along the way,many scores of thousands of miles driven for the slightest reason, and sometimes no reason. I'm here to say I'd do it ten times over if I had to and the results are well worth it.

I don't agree with the "plenty of fish" idea by the way. You're one of a kind (thank god) and so s Tabitha. Good luck to both.

JimD
10-07-2009, 08:26 PM
What happened to "WHATEVER" ? You over that so quickly?

IAAJ takes precedence over WHATEVER.

Joe (SoCal)
10-07-2009, 08:30 PM
Thank you Gareth will you be around Maine weekend after this one ? I may be up visiting Steven I owe you a pint

Hwyl
10-07-2009, 08:36 PM
Thank you Gareth will you be around Maine weekend after this one ? I may be up visiting Steven I owe you a pint


I was planning on being at this launching http://www.woodenboat.com/forum/showthread.php?t=103203 even though it's a Herreshoff

It's in York which is mile 6 on the turnpike, Portland is mile 45.

Joe (SoCal)
10-07-2009, 08:40 PM
I was planning on being at this launching http://www.woodenboat.com/forum/showthread.php?t=103203 even though it's a Herreshoff

It's in York which is mile 6 on the turnpike, Portland is mile 45.

Great minds think alike, I was heading up for that too ;)

Paul Girouard
10-07-2009, 08:57 PM
IAAJ takes precedence over WHATEVER.




He may need to check his med's , this chronic roller coaster life needs something!

Joe (SoCal)
10-07-2009, 09:04 PM
He may need to check his med's , this chronic roller coaster life needs something!

Ya know Paul if you took time to HONESTLY post the GOOD & the BAD of your years I'm sure you , like MOST, would have what read like a roller coaster life. But noooooo its much better to cast stones than post a mirror eh ;)

Captain Blight
10-07-2009, 09:12 PM
Oh dear god. Oh, Joe. I'm so sorry for you brother.




They call it heartbreak for a reason.

oznabrag
10-07-2009, 09:22 PM
Oh dear god. Oh, Joe. I'm so sorry for you brother.




They call it heartbreak for a reason.

Truly.

Your brain registers emotional pain in the same place as physical pain.

Also, your heart suffers from emotional pain!

Once again the 'old wives' were right!

BrianW
10-07-2009, 09:28 PM
Sorry to hear about the split Joe.

coelacanth2
10-07-2009, 09:34 PM
Hurts like crazy, Joe - been there, done that. I'd agree with the more positive posts above, you will survive this. All my best.

PatCox
10-07-2009, 09:36 PM
Joe, nothing anyone can say will heal that pain. Does she, truly, know how you feel?

boylesboats
10-07-2009, 09:41 PM
Dang Joe... That truely sad.. I thought youse both are "strong" couple..
Shame to see her pulled the anchor on ya...
You deserves better... Just keep your head up high on your shoulder, walk proudly..

J. Dillon
10-07-2009, 09:44 PM
Joe Plenty of good advice up above. I can only add to take care of your health, physical that is. At a down time like this you're vulnerable to what ever is in the air. Good luck.

JD

ripley699
10-07-2009, 09:46 PM
wrong post

Glen Longino
10-07-2009, 09:58 PM
..."her pulled the anchor on ya"...

By God , Joe, if that doesn't make you feel better, nothing will!
Larry, you're a poet and a genius and a saint!

oznabrag
10-07-2009, 10:02 PM
...
Larry, you're a poet and a genius and a saint!

Shhhh, Glen! Erraboddih knows that! If you keep on, you'll give him the big head and spoil it! :D

Glen Longino
10-07-2009, 10:11 PM
Ooops! :):)

Domesticated_Mr. Know It All
10-07-2009, 10:42 PM
Damn, I know that feeling.
When it rains it pours.
There's hope for you Joe.
You still have a wooden boat, Tess and Lucky.
There's still joy in your life.

Paul Girouard
10-07-2009, 11:00 PM
Ya know Paul if you took time to HONESTLY post the GOOD & the BAD of your years I'm sure you , like MOST, would have what read like a roller coaster life. But noooooo its much better to cast stones than post a mirror eh ;)



Maybe , but life's been mostly good , maybe some what boring by your standards I guess. But mostly good, and I'm not as "open" as you, thats for sure.

Just pullin yer chain Joe. You should have seen what I DIDN'T post :D

Bob (oh, THAT Bob)
10-08-2009, 12:28 AM
I've been there, and was truly devastated for almost a year. BUT...that was then, in the days when I would perhaps meet a woman to date every few years. These days, in the internet age, I am exposed to literally, 1000 times more women than I ever could have met before. It hasn't totally made up for the loss, don't get me wrong, but I snapped out of it when I got back on my feet and started going out again. Haven't found Miss Right yet, but getting closer and closer, and have had some warm times along the way, sometimes it took a few months to realize some incompatibilities, but each encounter has left me better. Not trying to minimize things. But, just like before you met this woman, you didn't know she existed, there are other great women out there, whom you may find fantastic, that you have yet to know exist yet. So start exploring. You're hilarious and personable (once you get past the slight abrasiveness :)), you have a cool boat, and the right shape head. (Women love a properly shaped shaved head, alas, mine is too square. No, really.)

Wait, one more thing. I was also between jobs when that other one kicked me in the gut and left. (double kick in the gut). Like I said, I moped around for a year, and when I still hadn't found work, I went on the road to travel. (Cheap traveling; car camping and brought a bike.) That began me snapping out of things, and then later I began to date again. Since you are between jobs, you might also consider whether that is possible. (Don't know your arrangement with your child, whether it's full time, whether she can stay with a relative, etc.) But the change of scenery really did me good, and one of the places was so cool, I vowed to return, which I did.

Anyway, I hope some of this helps, I am 100% certain I was as least as low as you are now, probably lower, and this stuff really helped.

All the best.

Robbie 2
10-08-2009, 02:43 AM
Best wishes Joe..........keep on smiling as the sun will rise tomorrow and so will you.
Regards
Robbie

martin schulz
10-08-2009, 02:51 AM
Trust me women like this come along ONCE in a lifetime. That's it, after that you just have to settle for something less.

I guess we all have experienced this situation and the moment I read your post I could actually feel this twisted stomach.

The last time I went through this it took me 7 years to get over with it. And when my Ex showed up at my wedding showing me pics of us as a happy couple in days past I was close to ripping her apart (which shows that I am still not 100% recovered).

A remedy?

I don't know if there is any, except time.
But then people here say saltwater heals any wound, so go sailing...

huisjen
10-08-2009, 06:55 AM
I'm pulling for you Joe. I wish there was a way.

Dan

huisjen
10-08-2009, 06:58 AM
Thank you Gareth will you be around Maine weekend after this one ? I may be up visiting Steven I owe you a pint

Will you be making it up to this neck of the woods?

Dan

Mrleft8
10-08-2009, 07:03 AM
Posted by the guy who just spent the weekend on Fire Island with whom? :rolleyes:

mobjack68
10-08-2009, 07:27 AM
Gotta tell ya, Virginia is not so bad. If you don't mind being a little mobile, you can have the best of 3 worlds......the coast, the mountains and Tabitha. Plenty of wooden boat heritage on the Chesapeake Bay (not to mention GREAT fresh seafood) Some folks think we are a little to close to that foreign country aka Wash DC, If you want to try VA out for a day or two, come visit....you might find a couple of reasons to stay...

Saltiguy
10-08-2009, 08:12 AM
Yesterday, I posted a positive "keep your chin up" sort of comment.
Last night, I thought about it and wondered .... if he loves this woman so much, why isn't he on his way to Virginia right now to stake his claim?

Canoez
10-08-2009, 08:22 AM
Yesterday, I posted a positive "keep your chin up" sort of comment.
Last night, I thought about it and wondered .... if he loves this woman so much, why isn't he on his way to Virginia right now to stake his claim?

http://www.woodenboat.com/forum/showpost.php?p=2343828&postcount=12

Mrleft8
10-08-2009, 08:25 AM
http://www.woodenboat.com/forum/showpost.php?p=2343828&postcount=12

....And then there was the Chinchilla farm....:rolleyes:

Canoez
10-08-2009, 08:28 AM
....And then there was the Chinchilla farm....:rolleyes:

Careful. PETA will turn on him...

TomF
10-08-2009, 08:31 AM
Careful. PETA will turn on him...Yeah. Might have him accosted by naked supermodels.

JimD
10-08-2009, 08:55 AM
....And then there was the Chinchilla farm....:rolleyes:

I was once busted flat in Baton Rouge.

Mrleft8
10-08-2009, 09:03 AM
I was once busted flat in Baton Rouge. Waiting for a train?

LeeG
10-08-2009, 09:07 AM
Posted by the guy who just spent the weekend on Fire Island with whom? :rolleyes:

not me

Tom Montgomery
10-08-2009, 09:12 AM
Yesterday, I posted a positive "keep your chin up" sort of comment.
Last night, I thought about it and wondered .... if he loves this woman so much, why isn't he on his way to Virginia right now to stake his claim?
I take Joe at his word:


Please this is just a vent thread don't try to dissect it and come up with assumptions and whouda couda shoulda because you will never know the whole story and I don't want to get into it.

JimD
10-08-2009, 09:18 AM
Waiting for a train?

Freedom can be a lonely place.

Popeye
10-08-2009, 09:24 AM
Why so pale and wan, fond lover?
Prithee, why so pale?--
Will, when looking well can't move her,
Looking ail prevail?
Prithee, why so pale?

Why so dull and mute, young sinner?
Prithee, why so mute?--
Will, when speaking well can't win her,
Saying nothing do't?
Prithee, why so mute?

Quit, quit, for shame! this will not move,
This cannot take her--
If of herself she will not love,
Nothing can make her:
The Devil take her!

Sir John Suckling

Domesticated_Mr. Know It All
10-08-2009, 09:33 AM
You told me, baby
Once upon a time
If I'd be yours
Little girl, you'd be mine
And that's alright

I know you love some other man
But that's alright
Well now then, I wonder
Who's lovin' you tonight

You told me, baby
Your love for me was strong
But I woke up this morning
Your big words was gone
But that's alright

I know you love some other man
But that's alright
Well now then, I wonder
Who's lovin' you tonight

When I was lovin' you
Just couldn't understand
Now you've gone and left me
For some other man
That's alright

I know you love some other man
But that's alright
Well now then, I wonder
Who's lovin' you tonight

"That's Alright" by Junior Parker

Popeye
10-08-2009, 09:35 AM
what light thru yonder pub window breaks
it 'twas the yeast and i am a mess

Popeye
10-08-2009, 09:45 AM
big yellow taxi (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTC6m-a3U9w)

halflin
10-08-2009, 09:49 AM
Hey Joe, Sorry to hear about Tabitha, I've enjoyed following your posts all along. Now try to think back... She hasn't been going around singing "D.I.N.G.O" has she?
keep your chin up.

hokiefan
10-08-2009, 10:01 AM
Sorry Joe. There's been a lot of good advice and kind thoughts on this thread that I can't add a whole lot to. Except this. I recommend the book The Road Less Traveled by Scott Peck. The first sentence of the first chapter is, "Life is difficult." He starts with that great truth and explores adult human relationships. Not an easy read, but a very good one.

The only thing that will heal pain like this is time. Time spent snockered doesn't count. Ask me how I know.

One last thought. You have a choice to make. Take one last all out shot at making it work with Tabitha, whatever that means. Or start the grieving process, because thats what it is. Not trying to be cruel, just spelling it out as I see it from afar.

Best wishes,

Bobby

pefjr
10-08-2009, 10:21 AM
I had a girl when I was 28, and the emotional and sexual and philosophical connection was beyond intense. It was transcendental.

We were to be married, but a pickup truck slammed the life out of her.

I never saw her body, and that is something you must do, in that situation. It forces you to accept the death.

I grieved her death for nigh on to 18 years, Joe.

I finally decided that I must move on or kill myself, and I chose life.

:)
Now, that is gut shot.

I had two Aunts that had to face that fate, and never fully recovered.
Sudden death of an endeared is truly "gut shot".
May happiness surround you.

Wayne Jeffers
10-08-2009, 10:46 AM
Sorry to hear this, Joe.

Here's to better times ahead for you!

Wayne

goodbasil
10-08-2009, 11:07 AM
Joe, you strike me as a guy who is self-righting, so you'll survive this knockdown.
And you don't strike me as one who is codependant, which means you'll recover faster than you think you will.

Tristan
10-08-2009, 11:14 AM
I've been there too. I struggled with lost love for two years. It was a perfect love. I knew I'd never find another such love. Then, over a period of two more years I eased into another relationship, one that grew and grew and grew. We've been together for 30 years. She's the love of my life, the mother of my children. The one I lost? I now realize it was a big mistake. As for your experience, no one can say, but I know how you feel, and I predict that, one way or another, the sun will shine again. For now, take care of yourself and your daughter. Lie low and let the wounds heal. The sun WILL shine again.

Joe (SoCal)
10-08-2009, 11:34 AM
Joe, you strike me as a guy who is self-righting, so you'll survive this knockdown.
And you don't strike me as one who is codependant, which means you'll recover faster than you think you will.

Well that was a difficult night sleep, or lack there of. Man :o its amazing how your mind will mess you up, ooooh yea you go down ALL roads and some of them aint pretty, especially the ones when your trying to sleeping alone and you start to imagine she's not, OUCH that's one is a killer . :(

But as goodbasil posted I'm pretty resilient, and at the end of the heartbreak I love her enough to want her to find happiness again and I deserve to be happy as well. FWIW the last year 1/2 was horrible trying to jump start a romance with a few hours together after months of nothing is just awkward. And to be honest me not being the best monk in the monastery the last few months didn't help. I'm sure she had many of her own sleepless tormented nights.

As it is its a sunny breezy day Ill take Tidbit out for a spin Wind From WNW 17 mph :D

Honestly thank you all for your posts and support. Additionally thank you all for sharing your own heartaches I hope this was cathartic for all. I know it was for me.

Paul Pless
10-08-2009, 11:39 AM
. . . at the end of the heartbreak I love her enough to want her to find happiness again and I deserve to be happy as well.> http://www.woodenboat.com/forum/images/icons/icon14.gif

Popeye
10-08-2009, 11:41 AM
it's all about letting go , it's good to let go , i'm always letting go , i'm letting go right now

Mrleft8
10-08-2009, 11:42 AM
Hell..... I thought you and miss Tabby split up a year or more ago. Why this sudden revisiting of times long gone? Just because she found someone else so now you know she won't be calling you up for a midnight phone booty call?

Joe (SoCal)
10-08-2009, 11:53 AM
Hell..... I thought you and miss Tabby split up a year or more ago. Why this sudden revisiting of times long gone? Just because she found someone else so now you know she won't be calling you up for a midnight phone booty call?


As been said before Hope can be the most destructive of all emotions.
Up until now I had hope, that somehow we would end up together.

Mrleft8
10-08-2009, 12:06 PM
As been said before Hope can be the most destructive of all emotions.
Up until now I had hope, that somehow we would end up together. What makes you think she won't toss this current guy to the curb after a year or so?

Joe (SoCal)
10-08-2009, 12:12 PM
What makes you think she won't toss this current guy to the curb after a year or so?

I let it out there that should she decide to want us to be together I would drop everything and be with her again. She said "I Know"

But I can't keep thinking her with someone and wishing it to fail so she will return that's not fair to her or myself.

Ok enough of this time to go sailing, salt heals ( OK silty briny river water heals :D )

Mrleft8
10-08-2009, 12:24 PM
Or gives you impetago

JimD
10-08-2009, 12:33 PM
Ok enough of this time to go sailing, salt heals ( OK silty briny river water heals :D )

That's good to hear. :)

PS - I took a quick look at your blog. What I saw was narcissistically (sp) nauseatingly banal and mundane navel gazing even for you. Are you eventually going to make it about something or is it really just to be AAJ, no matter how irrelevant ;)?

johnw
10-08-2009, 12:51 PM
Yeah, Joe, post your Dutch sailing pix on the blog.

Popeye
10-08-2009, 01:51 PM
streets of london (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ctb-SrwL884)

bobbys
10-08-2009, 02:55 PM
I woke up this morn worrying about JOEs love life.

Now it official.

I have no life.

oznabrag
10-08-2009, 06:33 PM
...
May happiness surround you.

Your wish has been granted! :D

Thanks, Peffy.

JimD
10-08-2009, 07:00 PM
I woke up this morn worrying about JOEs love life.

Now it official.

I have no life.

That's why he has a blog now. Its for people like you, bobbys :D

bobbys
10-08-2009, 07:18 PM
That's why he has a blog now. Its for people like you, bobbys :D.

I wuz on there but JOE removed my last 50 posts!!!:D

JimD
10-08-2009, 07:52 PM
.

I wuz on there but JOE removed my last 50 posts!!!:D

That must have left you feeling mighty angry and disappointed. But enough to say .... WHATEVER?

Hwyl
10-08-2009, 08:15 PM
Jim, you're not being your usual empathetic self. What would Paris think?

JimD
10-10-2009, 08:33 AM
Jim, you're not being your usual empathetic self. What would Paris think?

It took a jail sentence to reduce Paris to tears.

Joe (SoCal)
10-10-2009, 08:40 AM
It took a jail sentence to reduce Paris to tears.

I never cried when I had to do my time. ;)

JimD
10-10-2009, 08:57 AM
I never cried when I had to do my time. ;)

I only ever spent one day in jail for public drunkeness and I was too hung over to care. :D

Joe (SoCal)
10-10-2009, 09:09 AM
As I heard from a cell mate in Kearny Correctional Facility, Kearny NJ, just before the State took it over for gross mismanagement and abuse.

"County time don't make you a man." :D

JimD
10-10-2009, 12:57 PM
Joe, I can't believe you actually used the phrase 'Gut Shot' on you blog. Its sooo Unwarranted and MellowDramatic. Heart Broken would have done. Or Achy Breaky Joe, or any number of other alternatives.

Joe (SoCal)
10-10-2009, 01:02 PM
Joe, I can't believe you actually used the phrase 'Gut Shot' on you blog. Its sooo Unwarranted and MellowDramatic. Heart Broken would have done. Or Achy Breaky Joe, or any number of other alternatives.

I might change it, I might not, it's my blog and represents my personality. ;)

But here is a suggestion for you so that you don't have to be constantly so upset with my blog. ;)
http://www.startingablog.com/

JimD
10-10-2009, 01:12 PM
I might change it, I might not, it's my blog and represents my personality. ;)

But here is a suggestion for you so that you don't have to be constantly so upset with my blog. ;)
http://www.startingablog.com/

A personal blog could be a fun winter project. But I think nobody but me would ever read it. I'm the kinda guy who threw parties that no one ever came to.

Joe (SoCal)
10-10-2009, 01:16 PM
But I think nobody but me would ever read it. I'm the kinda guy who threw parties that no one ever came to.

..... and I should be taking blog advice from you because ????? ... ;)

Everybody comes to my parties ;)

Paul Pless
10-10-2009, 01:35 PM
what's this blog thing thingy, whenever i google it i get wrong bald dude
http://hd.se/kultur/blogg/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/800px-samuel_joseph_wurzelbacher.jpg

JimD
10-10-2009, 01:36 PM
..... and I should be taking blog advice from you because ????? ... ;)

Everybody comes to my parties ;)

I like to think there are other measures of a man. F'rinstance, did this guy ever throw a party?

http://www.teachnet.ie/fwilliams/2006/images/Gandhi1.jpg

Eh, eh?

Milo Christensen
10-10-2009, 01:37 PM
I'm thinkin' Joe should buy hisself a monkey.

JimD
10-10-2009, 01:38 PM
I'm thinkin' Joe should buy hisself a monkey.

Don't encourage him. You know he will do anything for an audience.

Joe (SoCal)
10-10-2009, 01:38 PM
I'm no Ben Kingsley now that man can party ;)

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_LwGsO6bakww/SJmHuB2_KiI/AAAAAAAAAOw/a5zwuyax2GY/s400/Sexy-Beast-Ben-Kingsley_l.jpg

JimD
10-10-2009, 01:42 PM
I'm no Ben Kingsley now that man can party ;)

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_LwGsO6bakww/SJmHuB2_KiI/AAAAAAAAAOw/a5zwuyax2GY/s400/Sexy-Beast-Ben-Kingsley_l.jpg

Then why does he look so Gut Shot?

Joe (SoCal)
10-10-2009, 01:43 PM
Then why does he look so Gut Shot?

You ever see the movie "Sexy Beast " ;)

JimD
10-10-2009, 01:45 PM
You ever see the movie "Sexy Beast " ;)

Did I see it??? I was the stunt double for all the really sexy beasty scenes. That's what I do when I'm not working in a hardware store.

Joe (SoCal)
10-10-2009, 01:46 PM
Good freakin movie ;)

Joe (SoCal)
10-14-2009, 04:48 PM
The Facebook relationship status update is a killer - Ouch :(:(:(

Rigadog
10-14-2009, 07:34 PM
Sometimes you just have to swim in the feeling called the blues

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T2fsG6de6P8&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11Y987Uf1wY&feature=related

It makes no difference...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJXc0NRCmRQ&feature=related

JimD
10-14-2009, 08:00 PM
Jim, you're not being your usual empathetic self. What would Paris think?

She'd probably think it was time to hit the clubs.

Keith Wilson
10-14-2009, 09:56 PM
Damn, Joe, I'm sorry to hear that. That's really tough. Other people have given plenty of good advice, so I won't try.

Joe (SoCal)
10-14-2009, 10:10 PM
Somethings fishy :(

Went from :
To hell with MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
September 12 at 11:22pm

To : being "single" to "in a relationship."
October 14

Me thinks this has been in the works for some time.

Oh well such is life :(

Paul Girouard
10-14-2009, 10:13 PM
Somethings fishy :(

Went from :
To hell with MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
September 12 at 11:22pm





So you decided to go straight eh !:D

bluedog225
10-14-2009, 10:31 PM
I grieved her death for nigh on to 18 years, Joe.


Thanks for sharing that John. That's not something many are willing to discuss. I lost the woman I was going to marry 5 years ago. She was overmedicated on prednisone, became psychotic, and attempted suicide. I thought I had her "fixed" and let her go back to work a few weeks later. I was waiting for her to come home when they called to tell me she had killed herself.

Her name was Nansun. She was an engineer born in Shanghai and a wonderful, thoughtful person who deserved better. I think about her constantly.

Maybe we will have something to discuss if we end up having that cup of coffee one day.

Tom

skuthorp
10-15-2009, 12:46 AM
The Facebook relationship status update is a killer - Ouch :(:(:(

You have my sympathies Joe, but why anyone would want anything to do with facebook is beyond me.

Chris Coose
10-15-2009, 07:48 AM
Having practiced a friend's suggestion, I began to pray for her happiness early on in the seperation. Through the grapevine, I'd heard she'd found a new date. In a small way I was liberated and that liberation grew over time to a grand new life. I am always glad I am not stuck with the daily living with her defects.
All that's left are the fond memories of the incredible sex which I find to be more erotic than any porn I could ever come across.

Mrleft8
10-15-2009, 07:55 AM
Stalking appears to be a 2 way street these days... :rolleyes:

Chris Coose
10-15-2009, 08:06 AM
Hey, please call when/if you are in town. Maybe I could haul you and Steven down to S. Bristol for a couple hours to pull Victoria's stick.

Joe (SoCal)
10-15-2009, 08:30 AM
Stalking appears to be a 2 way street these days... :rolleyes:

Not stalking as a mater of fact I have kept my eyes off her page just to spare the pain. The problem is with facebook anytime you change anything it alerts all your friends. I now have her on ignore.

Still stings real freaking bad :(. And I still don't get the fact that we were still kinda working on it last month and in three weeks all of a sudden she's in a relationship :confused::confused::confused:

Hey like I said, I was not the best monk in the monastery, so I get what I deserve. It just doesn't make it feel any better. But thanks for this place to vent. Honestly it helps better here than doing something foolish.

Tom Montgomery
10-15-2009, 10:16 AM
Once there was a friend of mine
Who died a thousand deaths
His life was filled with parasites
And countless idle threats
He trusted in a woman
And on her he made his bet
Once there was a friend if mine
Who died a thousand deaths

JimD
10-15-2009, 11:06 AM
...I still don't get the fact that we were still kinda working on it last month and in three weeks all of a sudden she's in a relationship :confused::confused::confused:

...I now have her on ignore....



Glad to see you're making some progress.

bobbys
10-15-2009, 11:37 AM
They used to tell me there wuz a million fish in the sea but it never made me feel any better!

oznabrag
10-15-2009, 12:48 PM
Thanks for sharing that John....

Maybe we will have something to discuss if we end up having that cup of coffee one day.

Tom

Damn, Tom.

So very sorry to learn of this.

5 years ago is only yesterday.

You have my phone #, man.

bobbys
10-15-2009, 06:14 PM
Having practiced a friend's suggestion, I began to pray for her happiness early on in the seperation. Through the grapevine, I'd heard she'd found a new date. In a small way I was liberated and that liberation grew over time to a grand new life. I am always glad I am not stuck with the daily living with her defects.
All that's left are the fond memories of the incredible sex which I find to be more erotic than any porn I could ever come across..

Sex is something I really don't understand too hot. You never know where the hell you are. I keep making up these sex rules for myself, and then I break them right away. Last year I made a rule that I was going to quit horsing around with girls that, deep down, gave me a pain in the ass. I broke it, though, the same week I made it - the same night, as a matter of fact.
The Catcher in the Rye
Holden Caulfield in Chapter 9