View Full Version : Joke of the day

09-30-2009, 11:39 PM
A man boarded an aircraft at London's Heathrow Airport for New
York, and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful
boarding the plane. He realised she was heading straight toward
his seat and bingo - she took the seat right beside him.

'Hello', he blurted out, 'Business trip or vacation?'

She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, 'Business. I'm going to
the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States.'

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever
seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, 'What's your
business role at this convention?' 'Lecturer,' she responded.'I use
my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.'

'Really', he smiled, 'what myths are those?'

'Well,' she explained, 'one popular myth is that African-American
men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American
Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is
that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of
Greek descent. We have also found that the best potential lovers in all
categories are the Irish.'

Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. 'I'm sorry,'
she said 'I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even
know your name!'

'Tonto,' the man said. 'Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy.'

10-01-2009, 06:45 AM

P.I. Stazzer-Newt
10-01-2009, 06:57 AM
Here is a video of Terry Darlington, author of Narrow Dog to Carcassonne (http://www.meettheauthor.co.uk/bookbites/1089.html).

Goodness only knows if the Americans will get it.

Domesticated_Mr. Know It All
10-01-2009, 11:15 AM
A crusty old biker out on a long summer ride in the country pulls up to a tavern in the middle of nowhere, parks his bike and walks inside.

As he passes through the swinging doors, he sees a sign hanging over the bar:

COLD BEER: $2.00




HAND JOB: $50.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the old
biker walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive
female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled

She glides down behind the bar to the old biker.

“Yes?” she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, “may I help you?”

The old biker leans over the bar, “I was wondering young lady,” he
whispers, “are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?”

She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs “Why yes,
yes, I sure am”.

The old biker leans closer and into her left ear whispers softly,
“Well, wash your hands real good, cause I want a cheeseburger”.

10-08-2009, 02:28 AM
Here is a joke.A Story With A Moral

A teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story

with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all

the regular type stuff, spilled milk and pennies saved.

Then teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Ernie was left. "Ernie, do you have a

story to share?"

"Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen. She was a pilot in Desert Storm and

her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of

whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle

wouldn't break and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She

shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the

knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last enemy with her bare hands."

"Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher. "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from

this horrible story?"

"Stay the hell away from Aunt Karen when she's drinking."