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Paul Pless
07-31-2009, 10:32 AM
I like it!


The Enforcer

We've now got about a hundred “new rules” submissions, and they are awesome, so keep them coming. This one from “Matt”
Having done just enough sailing in big fleets to know that "stuffing it in there" at mark roundings is rarely met with any kind of penalty, I would like to add the following to our wonderful sport:
MANDATORY "ENFORCER" CREW POSITION:
-All participating vessels in a regatta must identify one crew member as their vessel's "Enforcer" on the event registration form.
-Event organizers must distribute an "Enforcer" T-shirt, all of the same color (I suggest pink), to each registered vessel's "Enforcer."
-The "Enforcer" must weigh in within 10lbs of the regatta's specified "Enforcer" weight.
-The "Enforcer" must be wearing their identifying T-shirt at the Warning signal of the first race of the day and may not remove it until the bar is shut down at the end of the night.
1 MINUTE BOARDING RULE:
-Upon entering the three boat length circle at any mark, a boat may choose to send their "Enforcer" to board any boat it perceives to be wrongfully taking a favorable position between herself and the mark they are attempting to round.
-The boarding "Enforcer" is allowed by the rules to be aboard the offending boat for no more than 60 seconds at which time he/she must re-board their own vessel, or swim.
-Failure to comply with the 60 second time limit will result in the boarding "Enforcer's" vessel being awarded a 720 penalty.
-During the allotted 60 second "Boarding Time" the boarding "Enforcer" shall not engage with any other crew member of the vessel he/she has boarded other than the registered boarded boat's "Enforcer", nor shall the boarding "Enforcer" engage in any activity that might possibly cause any damage whatsoever to the boarded vessel.
-Eye pokes and groin shots are illegal.
-Foil on the knuckles is not.
I doubt very much that I need to defend these rule amendments, but on the off chance that anyone is skeptical, let's point out some of the obvious benefits:
First: Like in Ice Hockey, the "Enforcer's" greatest power will be that of a deterring entity. Assholes who like to "put it where it don't belong" will inevitably need think twice. Our extensive research shows a significant drop (maybe even 60%) in barging incidents all together. This is good news for everybody.
Second: These amendments will eliminate the need for inane namby-pamby, "he said/she said" protest hearings back at the club after a long hot day on the water. This too is good for everyone.
Lastly: Again like in Ice Hockey, Sailing will finally have a highly entertaining element to it's sport that can be easily televised and understood by the vast majority of the non-participating public, thereby boosting the sport's media ratings, which will in turn result in more sponsors, which will result in more money. This, too, will be good.....for everyone.


ripped from S/A

Ian McColgin
07-31-2009, 10:39 AM
Dang. They took this from the old Great South Bay Narrasketuk fleet. At least back in the '60's when some of the original Tuck folk were still alive my friend Lew and I trailored our Tuck down for a race. We were on starboard when a port tack boat rammed us - slid right up over the rail and came to rest athaward us, which if you know the Tuck is perfectly understandable.

I, all of 17, was calmly and respectfully moving to push them off when this geezer in his sixties (which I am now so I get his enthusiasm a little better than I did 45 years ago when this really shocked me) swarmed over his bow swearing like the real sailor he was, slugged me, shoved his boat off scrambling aboard as his bow slid away, and sailed on to win.

We didn't dare protest.

switters
07-31-2009, 10:40 AM
good stuff, now the guys that cant quite make it in the UFC can stay busy as grinders.

mast cams for everyone.

rbgarr
07-31-2009, 10:52 AM
Tase 'em Bro.

Concordia...41
07-31-2009, 07:53 PM
Tasers :D Ingenious! :)

CAPNBIL
08-02-2009, 02:06 PM
Sounds great! That rule ought to be adapted to highway driving. Just yesterday came to an interstate fork, signaled a lane change to starboard, and a little sport car on my starboard quarter floored it to try to pass me to cut me off, blowing his horn to beat the band. He then dropped back and swung across my stern to take the LEFT fork. Some people seem to instinctively want to cut a person off even if it's against their own best interest.

Captain Blight
08-02-2009, 02:23 PM
I see a great way for me to combine two of my passions: Boating and beating the tar out of smug jerks. This is great, they should totally adopt this rule.

mmd
08-02-2009, 03:23 PM
All forestays should be fastened to the bow with a pelican hook. If you are close enough to a competitor's boat to have your forestay pelican hook tripped by the opposing crewmembers, you deserve to be dismasted...

rbgarr
08-02-2009, 06:02 PM
Crossbows loaded with toilet plungers are good for warning shots.

Paul Girouard
08-02-2009, 06:07 PM
I see a great way for me to combine two of my passions:

Boating and beating the tar out of smug jerks.



So of course you get to decide who the "smug jerks" are that you beat up. And some how you'd never be considered as said "smug jerk", at least in your reality?

BarnacleGrim
08-02-2009, 07:16 PM
http://www.jkhp.it/marathon/immagini/enforcer.gif