View Full Version : Senior discount

07-22-2009, 04:12 PM
$5.37. That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bueno said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Emo hairdo said the harshest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."

I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68" he said cheerfully. I stood there stupefied. I am 48, not even 50 yet a mere child! Senior citizen?

I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Emo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me?

I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.

Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler?

"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?" I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind. "Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!"

I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing. That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror.

Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.

Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle. Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.

I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Emo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?" All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here?" At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.

Emo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake." I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.

She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."

All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.

As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blanky.

The good news was I had successfully found my way home.

07-22-2009, 08:02 PM
As the doctor was checking me in Monday she asked me what day it was...I said if I'm here it must be monday...not good enough...she wanted the date.....I had to think....I really didn't care...but it got worse...she was asking me how old I was with my chart in front of her, so I answered all the questions so she decided I wasn't senile....then they started hooking me up to check blood pressure....and then the sugar levels...etc....I said to her that the machine on the other side of the room was going to either alarm or fail....she looked around and smiled...about 30 seconds later the alarms went off and it blew it's mind....I think it was still on her mind as they were checking the surgeons work when I said that the machine that they had just replaced was going to break again....she did a quick take, then looked at me and shook her head......and the same thing happened....they called a tech....they talked....he came to talk to me and asked me how I knew the machine was going down.....I told him I was a bit psychic...I got a blank stare as he walked away....
The Philipina nurse asked me how I knew.....I told her I saw the tech plug the machine into the wrong outlet without a ground fault interuptor (which was marked on the outlet) and I could hear the electric crackling in my little cd player through the headphones, and then the tech that replaced the machine used the same outlet....I told her to tell the doctor later...let her stew a bit...

Domesticated_Mr. Know It All
07-22-2009, 08:37 PM
You're too old to be eating Taco Bell.
That stuff will kill you.
The original Taco Bell Dog "Lizard" died today.


I heard it was the Cheesy Chalupa.

07-22-2009, 10:17 PM
A few years ago when Frank, Harry and I were supervising our Scout troop’s first Philmont Scout Ranch expedition we were told that we needed to be checked by the Philmont doctor before being cleared to go backpacking with the Scouts. This seemed to make sense because Frank and myself were getting a little gray around the muzzle, and Harry, although once a Green Beret, hadn’t been showing up at the gym lately to get into training for the hike. So any one of us near-senior citizens could have a stroke and have to be eaten as protein or buried beside the trail.
Harry went into the Doctor’s office first. He was gone for a few minutes, then came out with a kinda silly expression on his face. I was next.
I went in, and discovered that the Doctor was a young lady of some charm. The Doctor told me to sit down in a professional tone, then proceeded to clamp my arm under hers, practically enveloping my right hand under her bust while she attached a blood pressure cuff, and all but climbed into my lap. Several fantasies passed through my mind, but before I could act on any of these the Doctor said, “Pass… Thank you…” and I was ushered out into the New Mexico sunshine.
Later the three of us reviewed our experiences with the Doctor’s exam. Interesting though the experience might have been, it was difficult to see the medical value of the encounter. Suddenly Frank slapped himself on the forehead: “Ohmygawd,” he said, “The test didn’t have anything to do with any of us having a heart attack… They just wanted to know if it was okay to send us out onto the trail with a troop of adolescent boys…!”
Harry added, “Well… I guess we passed... and the Doctor was in a position to know…”

07-23-2009, 10:54 AM
Two phrases I use ALOT,
- "Do you have a seniors discount" or if that doesn't work
- "Do you have a military discount"

I have discovered that alot of business do in fact have this but do not advertise them. i.e. I have received the military discount at both Lowes and Home Depot.

In time you learn to embrace this. :)