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Robmill0605
07-22-2009, 10:33 AM
You know you're a liberal if....



You Know You're a Liberal ....
If you think Rob Reiner had to stretch to play the liberal in "All in the Family"
If you think the answer to ANY crime, infraction, or injustice is counseling.
If you've spent no less than 30 years in the walls of academia and don't see how today could be too much different from the '60s.
If you think the criminal has more rights than the police who arrest this criminal.
If you use the term 'open-minded' and don't care that it can't be defined in absolute terms.
If you think only white people can be racist.
If you think that teenager's sexual behavior is uncontrollable, but hardened violent criminals should be released on parole after serving a cut sentence in a "correctional institution".
If you think Maxine Waters and Sheila Jackson Lee are articulate geniuses but Justice Clarence Thomas, Dr. Alan Keyes and Dr. Walter Williams are dolts.
If you think Rush Limbaugh and Michael Reagan are mean spirited racists and promote hate crime but Maxine Waters, John Conyers and Louis Farakahn aren't and don't.
If you think that the Constitution is a living document and should be changed but the writings of Karl Marx are "written in stone".
If you think burning the United States flag should be Constitutionally protected but burning a cross should be outlawed.
If you think that tax cuts hurt poor people and are uncompassionate but taking 30% from their paychecks is compassionate.
If your idea of hell is having to mind your own business and not meddle in other people's lives.
If you believe that posting the "Ten Commandments" in schools will hurt the children, but putting "Heather Has Two Mommies" or "Ask Alice" won't.
If you think that the American Dream could have only been accomplished in the '60s.
If you actually think the multicultural movement of the '90s works better than organized religion.
If you don't want the Christian Right imposing their morality on you, but you want to impose big government on everyone else because they won't do the right thing.
You're a liberal if you can't see the irony in your own beliefs.
If you think that the only acceptable hate crime is Christian bashing.
If you want to make the rich "pay their fair share" but leave Ted (more people have been killed in my car than in an American nuclear power plant) Kennedy and Dick Gebhardt out of the definition of the rich.
If your idea of compassion is giving a homeless person a shopping cart but expecting them to accept the responsibilities of life is mean spirited, racist, bigoted, etc. ad nauseum.
If you think Princess Diana was compassionate for hugging poor children and children with AIDS (while "forgetting" about her getting in her limo and driving away) but Mother Teresa makes you uncomfortable.
If you think that "dumbing down" America's school kids is compassionate but holding them to high educational standards is "mean spirited", racist, bigoted, etc. ad nauseum.
If you think that people need to be punished for good choices and rewarded for bad ones.
You're a liberal if you think what Hitler did to the Jews is horrible but the "Christian Right" is dangerous and needs to be done away with.
If you think that affirmative action is the only way to solve racial problems in America.
If you think the best way to care about a disease is to wear a ribbon.
If you think that pouring blood on a $1,500 fur coat is a sure-fire way to get your message across, but if anyone protests outside an abortion clinic, they're extremists!
If you voted for Mondale in 1984 thinking that raising your taxes was a good idea.
If you refer to listening to Jesse Jackson or Sam Donaldson as "equal time".
If you think all the attacks against Republicans are justified, but got outraged about the Willie Horton incident.
If you actually think Clinton 'only inhaled'.
If the last 'good old president' you remember was Carter.
If you actually think there IS a way that the Republicans can poison the water supply to certain people, and destroy the ozone layer.
If you believe any of the conspiracies such as that the AIDS virus was started by the government or that certain products cause sterility in black males, but thought "The X-files" was too far fetched.
If you believe VH-1 when they tell you that warning labels were put on by "Conservatives led by Tipper Gore".
If you use the words "right wing extremist" at least four times in any given day.
If you think that the four cops who beat Rodney King should have been thrown in jail forever, but the four thugs who beat Reginald Denny should have fair justice.
You called Vietnam Veterans "baby killers" but think that allowing a woman to suck her baby into a sink is a constitutionally protected right.
You think trees have feelings, animals can conceptualize and the fetus is a blob of protoplasm.
You wear a red ribbon to show your support for a cure for AIDS but oppose all animal experimentation needed to find that cure.
If you hear a news report of a man beat nearly to death because he is a minority or gay and you rally about punishing the bigot who committed the terrible act BUT, if you hear a news report of a man beat nearly to death for his money, and you start talking about the poor disadvantaged person who is forced to commit such acts to survive.
You thought Walt Disney was saccharine sweet and terminally cutesy-pie - until it made Pocahontas.
You think a moment of silent prayer at the beginning of the school day constitutes government indoctrination and an intrusion on parental authority, while sex education, condom distribution and multiculturalism are values-neutral.
You agonize over threats to the natural environment (acid rain, toxic waste) but are oblivious to threats to the social environment (pornography, promiscuity, and family dissolution).
You want to outlaw cigarrettes and legalize marijuana.
You want to legalize cocaine and outlaw handguns. You think cops are pigs and criminals are products of their environment.
You believe the National Rifle Association helps criminals while the American Civil Liberties Union protects the innocent.
You think Rush Limbaugh is responsible for the Oklahoma City bombing but are outraged by suggestions that Ted Kaczynski (the Unabomber) and Al Gore have nothing in common.
You just know that everything Rush Limbaugh says is a lie but you have never listened to him.
Jesse Jackson makes sense to you. Barbra Streisand makes even more sense.
You think Herblock cartoons are funny and Janet Reno is totally hot.
You think deficits are caused by tax loopholes.
You think AIDS is spread by insufficient funding.
You consider the Catholic bishops noble and idealistic when they oppose capital punishment and welfare cuts but dangerous fanatics trying to legislate their theology when they defend the right to life.
You are convinced that proponents of welfare reform hate the poor and opponents of affirmative action hate minorities, but AIDS activists who bash the Pope and People for the American Way types who go psycho over Protestant "fundamentalists" are guardians of democracy.
You attribute every minority problem to entrenched, institutional racism and the legacies of slavery and segregation.
You don't understand all of the whining about affirmative action and are more than willing to sacrifice someone else's employment or education opportunity to assuage your guilt.
You marched against American involvement in Vietnam, thought the Gulf war was unnecessary but believe 25,000 U.S. troops in Bosnia are vital to our national interests.
You see no correlation between welfare and the rise of illegitimacy, judicial leniency and surging crime rates, or addiction and an entertainment industry that glorifies drug abuse. But you believe Richard Nixon is responsible for everything horrible that's happened in the past quarter-century.
You think those child-abusing, religious fanatics at Waco had it coming but the illegal immigrants roughed up by California deputies - after leading them on a high-speed chase - are the victims of the decade.
You continually say that conservatives have no sense of humor, but after reading this page, you think that I am cold and mean-spirited.

(http://www.gargaro.com/liberalif.html)

elf
07-22-2009, 11:12 AM
just caught up in a need to be rude and monochromatic.

ccmanuals
07-22-2009, 11:12 AM
Jee, I thought I was a liberal but after reading this post I'm now thinking I must not be (according to this criteria). Or is the criteria kinda wacked :)

Flying Orca
07-22-2009, 11:14 AM
J.a.f.t.

pcford
07-22-2009, 11:15 AM
You know you are a cornservative if....

you are just plain stupid.

Ian McColgin
07-22-2009, 11:16 AM
Dang, and here I thought I was liberal. Guess I was wrong about that.

Andrew Craig-Bennett
07-22-2009, 11:17 AM
I know I'm a Liberal because I carry a membership card for the Liberal Democrat Party in my wallet. However, the parts of that list that I understand don't apply to me. :)

Ian McColgin
07-22-2009, 11:17 AM
But wait, the last point shows such delicious irony. The whole post must be self-reflective satire.

Captain Intrepid
07-22-2009, 11:18 AM
You know you're a conservative if...

you actually think that list is funny and/or true.

Tom Montgomery
07-22-2009, 11:18 AM
... you believe the federal government has a responsibility to "promote the general welfare"* of the citizenry.

* From the preamble to the U.S. Constitution.

Ian McColgin
07-22-2009, 11:22 AM
Very good Tom. Those neos have not read the penultimate item in the Preamble's list.

rbgarr
07-22-2009, 11:24 AM
you don't post thoughts of others without attribution.

Keith Wilson
07-22-2009, 11:25 AM
My. So if one has to believe, say, ten of those to be a liberal, there must be less than 50 liberals in the whole world. I'm certainly not one.

Chris Coose
07-22-2009, 11:30 AM
The drug addicted leader of the neo****birds thinks he knows what a liberal is too.
Liberals don't bother to write lists or wonder what neo****birds believe because they're out actually living the American vision. Besides, any list (pasted or composed) to codify a group turns out to be lame, embarrasing, and a bit foolish, indicating stupid.

Glen Longino
07-22-2009, 11:36 AM
This list proves that Liberals exist as only figments in the minds of Neo-Psychos!

SMARTINSEN
07-22-2009, 11:37 AM
Where did you dredge this up? It is quite old, judging from the context, and no mention of GWB or Cheney.

BTW I think that Maxine Waters is a wack job, and that Sheila Jackson Lee is even further off the scale. Alan Keyes is a wack job too, and Farrakhan probably in the most far out orbit of everyone that you mention.

And Rush IS a racist.

Walter Williams is funny, and I enjoy him. Clarence, I do not know enough about, because he never says anything and his writings seem to say "I agree with Scalia."

2MeterTroll
07-22-2009, 12:14 PM
hmm i must be a liberal cause it kept referring to folks i know nothing about. i had to look up the all in the family thing. did folks actually watch that crap? the judges and such, i knew the poli's i knew, the talking heads i didnt and from looking dont want to.

I dont think cops have any rights, they have functions.

oznabrag
07-22-2009, 12:17 PM
I dont think cops have any rights, they have functions.

Perfect!

C. Ross
07-22-2009, 01:48 PM
I love this list!

Precisely because it's unfair and annoying. The next time one of my liberal friends says "Well, because you're a conservative, you believe..." I may refer them to this list.

Woo hoo! Bigotry, stereotyping and schadenfruede for everyone!

Peter Malcolm Jardine
07-22-2009, 02:17 PM
You know you're a conservative when:


You still think that in America everyone gets an equal opportunity

You think the poor would be a lot better off if they would get off their ass and go to work

You think minorities that complain about rascism today are essentially whiners. After all, Lincoln freed the slaves, and a black man is president


You believe as a member of the middle or upper middle class, you have health care, two cars, a nice house, a good neighbourhood with good schools, Life is good. Everyone who is complaining are essentially whiners

You consider people who think the USA shouldn't be bombing the **** out of some country to be unpatriotic, and don't support the troops

Gays and lesbians kinda scare you... and you think they might teach your children to be fags

You still think that issues of safety, and personal conflicts, are best backed up with a gun.

You talk to your priest about matters of scientific history

You have a bumper sticker that says "My country right or wrong" or something equally delirious

You think the NRA has contributed positively to American life.

You think America is number one in almost any area compared to every other nation in the world.

You don't know where the countries are that are considered threats to the US, or what part of the world American troops are fighting


You think you may not be much, but you're all you ever think about.

Yeadon
07-22-2009, 02:21 PM
I dont think cops have any rights, they have functions.

Finally ... something worth tattoing on my body.

BrianW
07-22-2009, 02:32 PM
You're a liberal if you read the entire list. :D

Oh Chris, sorry about Petey making a list, and disproving your point about liberals not making lists. ;)

pefjr
07-22-2009, 03:07 PM
Finally ... something worth tattoing on my body.2mt, I think a cops function to protect me and my family earns some respect from me. Therefore I'll give them as many rights as you have. Does that make me a conservative? , ok with me. Tatoo that on your forehead.

C. Ross
07-22-2009, 03:23 PM
I'm trying to figure it out... do I have to conform to ALL of the statements, in order to be a liberal? Or just the majority? Or how about just a few?

(Scratching my head)

When I say I'm conservative, some liberals insist I must believe in some really crazy stuff. (e.g., see Mr. Jardine's list)

Even after I patiently describe why I don't.

Irritates the hell out of me.

Welcome to the club.

BarnacleGrim
07-22-2009, 03:44 PM
:confused:



(...)
If your idea of hell is having to mind your own business and not meddle in other people's lives.
(...)
If you don't want the Christian Right imposing their morality on you, but you want to impose big government on everyone else because they won't do the right thing.
(...)
If your idea of compassion is giving a homeless person a shopping cart but expecting them to accept the responsibilities of life is mean spirited, racist, bigoted, etc. ad nauseum.
(...)
If you think that affirmative action is the only way to solve racial problems in America.
But these are the complete opposite of liberalism! And the rest are pretty far off the mark as well.

John Smith
07-22-2009, 03:46 PM
you know you're a liberal if....



you know you're a liberal ....
If you think rob reiner had to stretch to play the liberal in "all in the family"
if you think the answer to any crime, infraction, or injustice is counseling.
If you've spent no less than 30 years in the walls of academia and don't see how today could be too much different from the '60s.
If you think the criminal has more rights than the police who arrest this criminal.
If you use the term 'open-minded' and don't care that it can't be defined in absolute terms.
If you think only white people can be racist.
If you think that teenager's sexual behavior is uncontrollable, but hardened violent criminals should be released on parole after serving a cut sentence in a "correctional institution".
If you think maxine waters and sheila jackson lee are articulate geniuses but justice clarence thomas, dr. Alan keyes and dr. Walter williams are dolts.
If you think rush limbaugh and michael reagan are mean spirited racists and promote hate crime but maxine waters, john conyers and louis farakahn aren't and don't.
If you think that the constitution is a living document and should be changed but the writings of karl marx are "written in stone".
If you think burning the united states flag should be constitutionally protected but burning a cross should be outlawed.
If you think that tax cuts hurt poor people and are uncompassionate but taking 30% from their paychecks is compassionate.
If your idea of hell is having to mind your own business and not meddle in other people's lives.
If you believe that posting the "ten commandments" in schools will hurt the children, but putting "heather has two mommies" or "ask alice" won't.
If you think that the american dream could have only been accomplished in the '60s.
If you actually think the multicultural movement of the '90s works better than organized religion.
If you don't want the christian right imposing their morality on you, but you want to impose big government on everyone else because they won't do the right thing.
You're a liberal if you can't see the irony in your own beliefs.
If you think that the only acceptable hate crime is christian bashing.
If you want to make the rich "pay their fair share" but leave ted (more people have been killed in my car than in an american nuclear power plant) kennedy and dick gebhardt out of the definition of the rich.
If your idea of compassion is giving a homeless person a shopping cart but expecting them to accept the responsibilities of life is mean spirited, racist, bigoted, etc. Ad nauseum.
If you think princess diana was compassionate for hugging poor children and children with aids (while "forgetting" about her getting in her limo and driving away) but mother teresa makes you uncomfortable.
If you think that "dumbing down" america's school kids is compassionate but holding them to high educational standards is "mean spirited", racist, bigoted, etc. Ad nauseum.
If you think that people need to be punished for good choices and rewarded for bad ones.
You're a liberal if you think what hitler did to the jews is horrible but the "christian right" is dangerous and needs to be done away with.
If you think that affirmative action is the only way to solve racial problems in america.
If you think the best way to care about a disease is to wear a ribbon.
If you think that pouring blood on a $1,500 fur coat is a sure-fire way to get your message across, but if anyone protests outside an abortion clinic, they're extremists!
If you voted for mondale in 1984 thinking that raising your taxes was a good idea.
If you refer to listening to jesse jackson or sam donaldson as "equal time".
If you think all the attacks against republicans are justified, but got outraged about the willie horton incident.
If you actually think clinton 'only inhaled'.
If the last 'good old president' you remember was carter.
If you actually think there is a way that the republicans can poison the water supply to certain people, and destroy the ozone layer.
If you believe any of the conspiracies such as that the aids virus was started by the government or that certain products cause sterility in black males, but thought "the x-files" was too far fetched.
If you believe vh-1 when they tell you that warning labels were put on by "conservatives led by tipper gore".
If you use the words "right wing extremist" at least four times in any given day.
If you think that the four cops who beat rodney king should have been thrown in jail forever, but the four thugs who beat reginald denny should have fair justice.
You called vietnam veterans "baby killers" but think that allowing a woman to suck her baby into a sink is a constitutionally protected right.
You think trees have feelings, animals can conceptualize and the fetus is a blob of protoplasm.
You wear a red ribbon to show your support for a cure for aids but oppose all animal experimentation needed to find that cure.
If you hear a news report of a man beat nearly to death because he is a minority or gay and you rally about punishing the bigot who committed the terrible act but, if you hear a news report of a man beat nearly to death for his money, and you start talking about the poor disadvantaged person who is forced to commit such acts to survive.
You thought walt disney was saccharine sweet and terminally cutesy-pie - until it made pocahontas.
You think a moment of silent prayer at the beginning of the school day constitutes government indoctrination and an intrusion on parental authority, while sex education, condom distribution and multiculturalism are values-neutral.
You agonize over threats to the natural environment (acid rain, toxic waste) but are oblivious to threats to the social environment (pornography, promiscuity, and family dissolution).
You want to outlaw cigarrettes and legalize marijuana.
You want to legalize cocaine and outlaw handguns. You think cops are pigs and criminals are products of their environment.
You believe the national rifle association helps criminals while the american civil liberties union protects the innocent.
You think rush limbaugh is responsible for the oklahoma city bombing but are outraged by suggestions that ted kaczynski (the unabomber) and al gore have nothing in common.
You just know that everything rush limbaugh says is a lie but you have never listened to him.
Jesse jackson makes sense to you. Barbra streisand makes even more sense.
You think herblock cartoons are funny and janet reno is totally hot.
You think deficits are caused by tax loopholes.
You think aids is spread by insufficient funding.
You consider the catholic bishops noble and idealistic when they oppose capital punishment and welfare cuts but dangerous fanatics trying to legislate their theology when they defend the right to life.
You are convinced that proponents of welfare reform hate the poor and opponents of affirmative action hate minorities, but aids activists who bash the pope and people for the american way types who go psycho over protestant "fundamentalists" are guardians of democracy.
You attribute every minority problem to entrenched, institutional racism and the legacies of slavery and segregation.
You don't understand all of the whining about affirmative action and are more than willing to sacrifice someone else's employment or education opportunity to assuage your guilt.
You marched against american involvement in vietnam, thought the gulf war was unnecessary but believe 25,000 u.s. Troops in bosnia are vital to our national interests.
You see no correlation between welfare and the rise of illegitimacy, judicial leniency and surging crime rates, or addiction and an entertainment industry that glorifies drug abuse. But you believe richard nixon is responsible for everything horrible that's happened in the past quarter-century.
You think those child-abusing, religious fanatics at waco had it coming but the illegal immigrants roughed up by california deputies - after leading them on a high-speed chase - are the victims of the decade.
You continually say that conservatives have no sense of humor, but after reading this page, you think that i am cold and mean-spirited.

(http://www.gargaro.com/liberalif.html)
horsefeathers!

2MeterTroll
07-22-2009, 03:56 PM
2mt, I think a cops function to protect me and my family earns some respect from me. Therefore I'll give them as many rights as you have. Does that make me a conservative? , ok with me. And I'll personally tatoo that on your f....... forehead.

the cops function is to do exactly what the laws say, nothing more. they have a job to do, that job gives them no rights beyond those of any other citizen when not in uniform.

the fact that the police are an overt threat removes any respect i might have had for them. the fact that i cannot deal with the overt threat they are in the manner that i would deal with other overt threats to me and mine because they are somehow protected by loop holes in the law makes them lower than scum.

that they get away with breaking the law makes them reprehensible.

dm_scott
07-22-2009, 03:57 PM
"And I'll personally tatoo that on your f....... forehead."

Not called for.

I respect cops, I respect those in the military, and when they perform their functions correctly, they have all the rights they need, it is inherent in the job itself.

Bad Cop and War Criminal are not that far apart, so by design all of the training and employment is supposed to cull folks out of the decision making positions who hold those views. Seems to work pretty well, as the % in the world seems to be pretty small, but it is there.

If they are not performing their functions correctly, then they have no "rights" to protect and should be dealt with accordingly.

donald branscom
07-22-2009, 03:59 PM
Counseling is available for you.

Keith Wilson
07-22-2009, 04:00 PM
Deliberately misunderstanding the ideas of those who disagree with you, for whatever purpose, contributes nothing and harms mostly the one who does it. Sun Tzu again:
If you know others and know yourself, you will not be imperiled in a hundred battles; if you do not know others but know yourself, you win one and lose one; if you do not know others and do not know yourself, you will be imperiled in every single battle.

pefjr
07-22-2009, 04:33 PM
the cops function is to do exactly what the laws say, nothing more. they have a job to do, that job gives them no rights beyond those of any other citizen when not in uniform.

the fact that the police are an overt threat removes any respect i might have had for them. the fact that i cannot deal with the overt threat they are in the manner that i would deal with other overt threats to me and mine because they are somehow protected by loop holes in the law makes them lower than scum.

that they get away with breaking the law makes them reprehensible.You must have had different experiences with cops than I have. I don't feel overtly threatened, and never have. I don't understand some one who makes these kinds of statements. Long ago I was a Fed law dog and I know its a very difficult job. Surely you know that you are making a blanket statement about people you know nothing of. No different than Germans hating Jews. Cops have jobs, hard jobs, robots have functions.

pefjr
07-22-2009, 04:35 PM
"And I'll personally tatoo that on your f....... forehead."

Not called for."DM Scott

Yes, deleted

boylesboats
07-22-2009, 04:42 PM
?huh? :confused:

2MeterTroll
07-22-2009, 04:50 PM
You must have had different experiences with cops than I have. I don't feel overtly threatened, and never have. I don't understand some one who makes these kinds of statements. Long ago I was a Fed law dog and I know its a very difficult job. Surely you know that you are making a blanket statement about people you know nothing of. No different than Germans hating Jews. Cops have jobs, hard jobs, robots have functions.

im am sure i have a diffrent experiance with cops than you have.